When It Comes To Unfair Spousal Support, We Need To Start Blaming THE COURTS [By: MistaHarsh]

In the wake of the Linc’s article about Chris Bosh’s legal battles with his daughter’s mother and the head scratching case of $2600/month, I came across a more interesting story about child support and legal obligation. 

Enter The Star’s article: http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/1220096–deadbeat-dad-flees-to-philippines-leaving-four-kids-without-support

This dad decided to strategically up and leave the country for the Philippines where the Family Responsibility Office has no legal jurisdiction. Catch me if you can, b*tches. Let me break down some of the details:

• The couple was married for 22 years split in 2005 and produced 4 kids, 3 of which require some sort of medical treatment
• In 2008 they both came to an agreement that the man would pay child support and she would get sole custody of the kids and no more spousal support in exchange for their home valued at 1.2 million after buying him out of his rights for $175k
• The house also includes property that is rented out and brings in $2000/month
• In the next few years there was feuding due to her inability to work and the children’s medical issues (cancer, addiction etc.)
• The woman asked for spousal support and in 2011 she was awarded $2235/month for child support and $1537 in spousal support(based on a $100k salary and Bosh makes 18 mil hmmmmmm….) plus retro pay and payment for her legal fees
• Upon hearing this the man sold his other home cashed his pension, paid his bills and left the country with his new wife and sent a douchey email for a goodbye
• More than 120, 000 parents are in arrears in Ontario from spousal and child support owing more than 1.8 billion to ex-wives and children

This is a fiery subject as we’ve seen from the responses on Linc’s article and the almost 300+ responses from the Star’s story. There’s more than enough finger pointing at the “deadbeat” dad or the “playing the victim” mom that people forget the real tragedy here: The children lost their father and their financial support. On top of that they are put in a position where they have to take sides between the 2 most important people in their lives. The 11 year old already calls his dad a “deadbeat dad”…where do you think he learned that from?

The second tragedy (and the one I want to stress) is that the court system creates divisions and wedges between families who are already in a volatile and fragile state. The man even admits that skipping out on child support and his kid’s lives was wrong but he’s adamant not to pay a dime in spousal support and vows never to return to Canada. Did the woman’s lawyer advise her that this could happen? I bet not. Now not only does she not get the spousal support she requested she’s not going to get the child support the father was willing to give in the first place.

I refuse to point fingers at this couple or at Bosh and Allison especially when the stories never seem to explain why these relationships failed. My beef is with the court system. The lawyers who use clients as pawns to joust with their colleagues. Judges who don’t take into account how the payer’s quality of life is affected. It’s unfair. It’s unreasonable. It will lead to more outlandish stories like this one. And through it all the court will always get their money even if the children don’t. One commenter summed it up for me: “How do you expect the father to pay for two households with one income?”

There has to be a better way…for everyone.

If you enjoyed reading this piece please make sure to SUBSCRIBE to all NEW ThisIsYourConscience.com posts by entering your e-mail address in the box in the upper right hand corner. Your continued support is greatly appreciated!

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

44 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/04/2012 at 2:33 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think The LEGAL SYSTEM Needs To Be Adequately Blamed For The Unfair Rulings In These Cases?

    Also, Do You Think Hans Miller Was DEAD WRONG For Leaving The Country To Avoid Paying Child/Spousal Support, Or Do You Think He Was Justified For Doing What He Did?

    • petersburgh

      07/04/2012 at 6:05 AM

      I said all I had to say on the Bosh issue in this week's podcast but since you stated the lawyer's announcement, I have no more issues with that.

      In this case I never support a man who runs from the responsibility of his children but the spousal support issue is something else. She got sole custody, the home, all child support paid by the ex-husband and $2000 a month from the rental of that property. Why does she need spousal support when it was agreed she wouldn't get it previously? She became unable to work so I must pay for that? This may set precedent that any divorced person who lost their job under these or similar conditions can claim or increase spousal support. If the court had decided to up the child support due to the cancer issue well fine but not the spousal support when she gets $2000 a month.

      I hate the fact he will no longer support his children especially with their medical condition and that's it. I really wish he would still send money for the kids( yeah I know she may take some and use on herself but at least the children will get something).

      • NurseJilly

        07/04/2012 at 9:31 AM

        I absolutely agree with you. If he is so heartbroken about leaving his kids and had every intention of paying the support that his kids need then he should continue to do that. I actually read this article yesterday and the wife is dead wrong for going after him for more support. Sell the 1.2 million lake front home and get a condo or something for goodness sake. While she is completly in the wrong for her part in this he could and should be sending the money for his kids from there. I bet if he did send his kids some money instead of a package of dried banana chips and a card for his sons birthday they would have a different opinion of him and so would I…

        • The_Mad_HATER

          07/04/2012 at 2:57 PM

          that witch is wrong as hell!! that man is trying to get married and start a new life and even though he left her with all those assets she is just bitter and trying to ruin his future happiness!! I'm glad that man ran!!

      • The_Mad_HATER

        07/04/2012 at 2:56 PM

        i support this man 100 percent!!! he left her and the kids in the condition he told her he was going to and they both agreed on it!! he didnt screw them kids she did!!!

    • GrandCentral

      07/04/2012 at 4:37 PM

      I hope and pray that this story garners enough attention to earn this asshole a special extradition back to Canada, so he can be dealt with.

      • The_Mad_HATER

        07/04/2012 at 4:48 PM

        dealt with how??? by forcing him to give more than what they both agreed upon?? smh!

        • GrandCentral

          07/04/2012 at 4:56 PM

          Forcing him to be a responsible adult, a human being, and take care of his kids and his ex-wife. Regardless of how you feel or he feels, his ex-wife should be valued and not treated like this. This is the person he has to trust will put the safety and well-bring of his children, above her own, at all times.

          Why can't you see that?

          • mena

            07/04/2012 at 5:48 PM

            I guess this is my problem with your statement: the only person/people he is responsible for is his children and himself, not his ex wife. I really have a problem with spousal support and feel that there should be a cap on the years someone is obligated to pay it.

          • The_Mad_HATER

            07/04/2012 at 7:55 PM

            i especially hate it when he made all those provisions to make sure she was taken care of!! and her greedy ass still went for spousal support!! in my mind shes a filthy gold digger!!

          • MistaHarsh

            07/04/2012 at 6:07 PM

            you make a point and even he agrees with you he should take care of his kids but let me give you this angle.

            Do you think he should have any say on how the support money is spent or who his ex wife should date?

            If he was more controlling and involved people would say he has no right to be and he should move on but he has. He remarried and relocated. Yet the mother has not moved on. At $3772 a month deducted from his NET income that's more than half(considering he still makes 100k which I doubt he does now) given to someone who will have most of that harvested free from tax.

            How do you suggest this guy move on? He would have to earn more. Why is that expected of him but not of the EX wife? And if he has kids with the new wife do you expect them to suffer because half of daddy's money is reserved for others and they are nothing but "second rate" kids? Would you say to the new wife that she'd have to work?

            sheits not reasonable.

          • The_Mad_HATER

            07/04/2012 at 7:57 PM

            exactly!! i feel sorry for the kids and the father but not that gold digging ex!!

          • The_Mad_HATER

            07/04/2012 at 7:55 PM

            how was she treated bad??? he gave her the house the kids a 2000 rental income and child support!!! all he simply asked was that she not take him to court for spousal support and the miserable greedy bitch went and did that!! she is the reason he was forced to leave because she couldn't contain her greedy ass self!!

          • Kevin Weinert

            08/12/2013 at 12:57 AM

            I was divorced and paid child support and alimony. Actually went above and beyond with the child support. Never once did I stop loving my kids. At the age of 62 I lost my job ( kids are now 22) and because I live in FL I pay permanent alimony even though my income is zilch. I offered my ex half of what I have now and she refused . So half of what I have now would have essentially given her 3/4's of my assets. Job prospects are non existent at my age other than part time help at big retailers ( by the way I am not opposed to having one of those jobs ) I did go for a reduction and the judge gave me nothing to ease the financial burden. Ironically she was a divorced mother of two children. In hindsight my lawyer was a pussycat. Big waste of my money.
            Since there seems to be no relief in sight leaving the country is an option because I'm not leaving her high and dry. Paid for 600k house plus cash and all of the possessions. 2 cars , art work etc. I feel no guilt or shame because the legal decisions are made by judges without concrete guidelines. Screw the payor. I worked 30 years and gave my family everything. Now its my turn. And my ex wife, who is 11 years my junior, can find a job to pay the lawn guy herself. Essentially I have no rights whatsoever thanks to a court system that's flawed. I am not opposed to alimony but when I support someone else's retirement and bankruptcy is my future well we all suffer

    • robert

      01/19/2013 at 1:30 AM

      I agree he seems to have done in my opinion more then enough to support his children and gave the ex-wife more then she deserved. When she got greedy after being taken care of so well be her ex-husbands money he ran, i get it i my self Im a father of two a 9 year old girl and a 8 year old boy love them to death.

      My children are my i only get to see then once every few weeks my ex on the other hand is a walking cancer i only make $1400 dollars a month working at Wal-mart and she got $938.27 last month in child support and still asks me for money for all sorts of stuff and she makes over $50.000 a year at a manufacturing job doesn't need my money but she has a shopping addiction by the time my money gets to her she has already long since spent it on frivolous things off of T.V. and the internet not my children. I am 34 years old have a basic cell phone and a 15 year old car and live with my father and have no money if it weren't for him id be living on the street because i can even afford to rent an apartment of any sort.

      i can't do anything cant get a date as soon as a woman finds out about my financial situation I'm immediately off her radar no woman wants to take care of a man financially, they want to be taken care of by a man. In 10 YEARS when my youngest is 18 ill be free from her finally but at that point what life do i have ill still be all alone and my children will probably still hate me because there mother can give them all the things i can't my 9 year old girl last week was given a galaxy note 2 smart phone just to insult me i cant cant compete with that stay out of Minnesota its a woman's state not an equal rights state women here have all the power men here are at the mercy the women here.

      In the end if i were him having the financials he did i would set up a trust fund for the children to be looked after by someone other then there mother and that the mother has no access to for her own means and when they turn 18 they would get it all to pay for college or what ever else they might need leaving the country was a smart choice for him hope he think the same way i do about setting up something for his kids.

      Id like responses if anyone cares to comment especially women

  2. J. A. Johnson

    07/04/2012 at 4:09 AM

    Before I comment, let me state: Bosh's lawyer made a public statement. Bosh pays for the child's medical bills, school bills, extra schooling bills, set up a college fund, and takes care of the rest of the child's bills. And not to mention…he gave the child's mother $250k in 2010. So before people comment and bash Bosh….let's get some things straight.

    Secondly, I agree with you completely. Although I don't plan on divorcing (most people don't) and will do whatever it takes for my future marriage to work, I will have a pre-nup (for insurance). Although they are not always iron-clad these days…there must be something done to make break ups better and easier. Especially for the kids. That father did a horrible thing…but that much money every month (and we don't know what else he was doing for the kids) is a bit much. I see why he ran…but he's still wrong for doing it.

    Lastly, his ex wife is wrong. She has a space to rent, child support, and money for spousal support? I really think she did this out of spite. Understandable that the kids have medical problems, but there are other ways to fix that problem.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/04/2012 at 4:42 AM

      Good Point About Bosh's Lawyer…I'm Glad To Know The Man Is Taking Care Of His Responsibilities. And It Now It Makes Allison's Lawyer Look Like A Real BEEYOTCH.

      So What Do You Think That Man Should've Done Instead Of Running?

      • J. A. Johnson

        07/04/2012 at 5:08 AM

        Honestly….all he could do is bite the bullet. He went to the court and the judge ruled. He could try and go back to court, but not much will probably change. Sometimes the people you loved the most can screw you over the worst.

        One thing we aren't doing though…getting on the new wife. So she's cool with her husband leaving his kids in the dust? What does she think would happen if they divorced after having kids? I will never understand women that go with guys that treat other women (or their children) wrong.

        • NurseJilly

          07/04/2012 at 9:45 AM

          His new wife is a former caregiver he met during his frequent business trips to southeast Asia. I highly doubt she has any idea of the mess he left behind in Canada.

          • The_Mad_HATER

            07/04/2012 at 2:59 PM

            no she knew but she was right to not give a damn!!! his ex got what she deserved!

          • GrandCentral

            07/04/2012 at 4:34 PM

            You are pretty sick and heartless! Do you have children? Do you even understand the seriousness of this situation. Should a child's life really have a price tag placed on it?

          • The_Mad_HATER

            07/04/2012 at 4:50 PM

            what are you even talking about??? we gave her more than enough to support the kids and herself without even having to work a day again!!! and then she still decided to screw him for spousal support!!! dont just use the kids as a scapegoat and explain how its fine for her to put a price tag on his life??? hes trying to get his shit together and move on with his new wife but she is holding him back and wants to financially strap him!!!

          • GrandCentral

            07/04/2012 at 4:58 PM

            She is not holding him back. Asking him to help her is not her screwing him over. Had he had a mindful relationship with her, it wouldn't have even gotten to the courts. He should have maintained the type of relationship with her, that would have allowed him to know exactly what was going on, so he could help her fill in the gaps, without the courts. That is the mother of his children for god sakes!

          • MistaHarsh

            07/04/2012 at 6:17 PM

            you've ignoring to points:
            1. He's not heartless. He was driven to these actions. he was helping her by paying child support and more. She wanted spousal support 3yrs removed from the marriage.

            2. If THEY had a mindful relationship there would be no need for the court system and probably no need for divorce.

          • The_Mad_HATER

            07/04/2012 at 7:58 PM

            he already helped her!!! he gave her the house and the kids and a rental agreement that gives her 2000 a month!! she is not asking for support she is trying to bankrupt him so she doesnt ever have to work again!!

          • MistaHarsh

            07/04/2012 at 3:53 PM

            I think she did. She sponsored him for the Visa to the Phillipines. Typically in a relationship between a foriegn caregiver and a Canadian making 100k its the Canadian doing the sponsoring. Its possible he had to explain it to her. Plus I think they were involved for awhile since he split from the first wife in '05. Thats just my hunch

        • The_Mad_HATER

          07/04/2012 at 2:59 PM

          i would be cool with him doing that if i was his new wife!! the little assets he had left were to go to them and their new life and his ex was threatening to fuck him over!! thats nobodies fault but her own!!

    • The_Mad_HATER

      07/04/2012 at 2:58 PM

      how is he wrong for running>?? he left her exactly what he said he would and what they agreed on!! hes just running away from being raped!!!

      • GrandCentral

        07/04/2012 at 4:35 PM

        So taking care of your children and the woman you entrusted to help you ensure their well being, is rape?

        • The_Mad_HATER

          07/04/2012 at 4:51 PM

          if me and you make a million dollar deal and we agree on it and then you come back later and try to screw me for more money then yes you are raping me!!!

    • MistaHarsh

      07/04/2012 at 3:21 PM

      "Bosh pays for the child's medical bills, school bills, extra schooling bills, set up a college fund, and takes care of the rest of the child's bills. And not to mention…he gave the child's mother $250k in 2010. "

      I figured he did I couldn't figure how the mother's medical plan would be better than the NBA's plan and it would be no sweat off Bosh's back to have her on it. What saddens me about that is I never heard of all that until now. Why is negativity and ignorance so much louder than positivity and reason?

      • mena

        07/04/2012 at 5:53 PM

        Bc people jump too quickly to make accusations and take sides. When the whole Bosh thing was posted on this site, only a few suggested that he was probably paying more than what we knew. I remember one person going in on him and calling him a deadbeat dad.

        For some reason, when it comes to these battles, women are seen as the victims and men are seen as the aggressors. This has worked in women's favor when it comes to custody and child support cases. Whether good or bad, it has worked.

  3. GrandCentral

    07/04/2012 at 4:33 PM

    I'm actually quite offended by the actions of Hans Miller. My own father did the same back in 1999 and it was a huge blow to my family. My father who then had dual citizenship between the United States and Guyana, left his high paying job and went back to his country. He then proceeded to start a new family and has 5 additional kids today. My mother struggled to take care of myself and my sister and has been in financial ruin until this day. Reading this actually got me upset all over again and brought back some old feelings of anger. Even though I have done pretty well for myself as an adult, there a gaps in my life today that would exist, had my father put the well being of me and my sister, over his own selfishness and greed. I really would like to see all the bickering on this topic come to an end. Take care of your fucking children – that's the bottom line. Stop being so obsessed and concern with what the mother is doing with the mother. Take an active role in your child or children's life if it bothers you so much. This guy is a scumbag and anyone who can say they agree with his actions is a scumbag as well. There are so many things that children need that the monthly support accounts for. There are school trips, co-pays for medical, monumental events (prom, homecoming), the list goes on. I am telling you all, because I lived it, this is not something to commend anyone for. It's heartless and I pray for this mother and her children, because I know exactly what they are going through.

    • The_Mad_HATER

      07/04/2012 at 4:52 PM

      i bet you this story is nothing like what happened to you except for one or two things!!

      • GrandCentral

        07/04/2012 at 5:02 PM

        Actually, it's exactly what happened to me. The numbers are off quite a bit with the property values, but everything else, numbers wise is within the range of each other.

        • The_Mad_HATER

          07/04/2012 at 7:59 PM

          so your mother made an agreement with your father and then reneged on it because she wanted to be greedy and milk him for more money than they originally settled on??

          • GrandCentral

            07/04/2012 at 8:26 PM

            I don't care to delve into the specifics, but yes, she agreed to that arrangement, but later realized that the arrangement wasn't cutting it. So no she wasn't greedy or any other characteristic of malice that you would like to conjure up. Most of these child support arrangements never take into consideration the basic understanding that, as children get older, it costs more to take care of them.

            Men need to stop seeing their ex-wives or children's mother as the demon. That's my only point. Your children should mean more to you than any of that other bullshit. I don't have children, but I already know, when I do have children, I would rather go hungry than to have anything excessive that would result in my children to not have.

          • The_Mad_HATER

            07/04/2012 at 9:51 PM

            i agree with your points about the kid!! but not all baby mothers are created equal!! this one is no good!! good ones deserve respect!!

    • MistaHarsh

      07/04/2012 at 6:40 PM

      I respect what you've said and I could never discredit your experience. I have a son and I know in my heart I'd never run out on him under any circumstances. But if the law says I have to pay child support AND spousal support after I've given up probably my greatest financial asset while I watch my ex date the good for nothing losers that she pleases while my son stays by his grandma's so she can have a late night. And I take ttc back to my basement appt because I cant afford anything more with all the garnishment my spirit will be broken. I'd still do it but I'd be broken. There are men out there who will chose their spirit.

      Whether its right or wrong I don't think its my place to judge.

  4. Adonis

    07/04/2012 at 6:11 PM

    MistaHarsh you did a MASTERFUL job breaking this topic down… Lincoln you have a winner

    • MistaHarsh

      07/04/2012 at 7:20 PM

      Thanks! Just trying to show light

  5. mena

    07/04/2012 at 6:16 PM

    Dead wrong or justified, I don't know. If we look at the facts, both settled on the terms and conditions. He would not pay spousal support but would pay child support, gave her the million dollar home, and a rental income of 2k. She signed the document and all was said and done. Then, a few years later bc she was unable to work (why?) the court orders this guy to not only pay spousal support but to retro pay her as well as her legal fees? That's ridiculous. Here's the thing, the courts need to stop looking at women as weak individuals but as actual adults. You already signed a document that had everything laid out legally and yet, bc you paraded your sick kids in front of the courts and you can't or won't work you now want more. Stop. When you fought for sole custody, that's what you got. When you wanted child support, you got that too. Oh, and the million dollar home that you could have sold and moved to a smaller less expensive property, you have that as well. Should this man take care of his kids (not including the 19 yrs old since he is an adult) sure. But where do we draw the line of supporting your children vs. paying for your exes lifestyle arrangements? Spousal support was introduced bc women were getting screwed when their husbands left them back in the day bc they were stay at home wives and moms. Women can now work outside of the home and bring home more income than their husbands. When courts rule in these cases, they are sort of treating women like little children that need to be nurtured and protected. It's sad. I honestly don't blame the guy. It's messed up as all get out but who is to say that she wouldn't come for him a third or fourth time. Obviously the courts didn't "protect" him by giving a fair ruling so why shouldn't he leave? The children will suffer for this and that's the sad part. Crap like this breeds resentment between both of the exes. This seems to be bordering on the line of hatred for each other.

    • MistaHarsh

      07/04/2012 at 7:19 PM

      cosign esp the last 2 sentences.

      Also do you know where the 2 lawyers are right now? At the local lawyer bar hang out with one saying to the other

      "Remember that case about the million dollar house agreement?"
      "The cancer kid?"
      "Yeah! You got me on that extra spousal support I didn't see that coming son ova gun! what are you drinking, I'm buying"

      I'm not even joking the man you pay to represent YOUR interest is buddies with the man who is paid to make your life a living hell. Can you say conflict of interest…

    • The_Mad_HATER

      07/04/2012 at 8:01 PM

      real talk!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>