You May NOT Be Wife/Husband Material – But That’s Just TODAY

If there’s ONE topic that is constantly discussed in the Sex & Relationships blogosphere, it is the ideal of what constitutes wife or husband material and what someone MUST or MUST NOT do in order to properly fit the mould. But there’s TWO things that we constantly overlook when we have these discussions: First, is the fact that wife/husband material is an EXTREMELY subjective reality (we all have different standards in what we require for a life partner) and two, the fact that wife/husband material is an EXTREMELY FLUID reality. As much as you may be TOLD or FEEL that you are NOT marriage material, the truth is that’s just TODAY’S “MAYBE” – because even if you’re NOT, it doesn’t mean you will NEVER be.

If there is one issue that many single men and women deal with as they get older, it’s questioning our viability as a serious long-term partner. We don’t want to admit this, because most of us fear that it will make us look WEAK, or DESPERATE or PATHETIC, when the reality is it just makes us introspectively human. But there is one troubling mistake that we often make in these moments of thoughtful personal-reflection, and it’s assuming that our condition is somehow a long-term AFFLICTION, when the truth is, many of us are just NOT READY to embody the FULL wife/husband material that we can truly be – TODAY.

Many grown-ass men I’ve talked to have told me about where they got depressed about their long-term dating potential because they have been through hell and back trying to find love. I know dudes who are on the brink of giving up finding love, because they have issues with being loyal, dependable, honest and NOT taking their current woman for granted, and as much as the knee-jerk reaction is to tell a dude like that he is DOOMED to be alone for the rest of his life, that is simply not true, because he just isn’t ready TODAY. Everyday presents a new opportunity to become a better man, so he definitely CAN change. But also, he doesn’t need to set the ideology of some stereotypical man as his goal – he just needs to remember as he improves HIMSELF, he may fit the exact mould of some woman out there.

Many grown-ass women I’ve talked to are MORE than fed-up with relationships, and the reality is they are TOO hard on their current selves, because they FORGET that being single-today is not some disease that will keep her lonely and frowsy for the rest of her life. A LOT of women I know needed to take stock of where they were at in their lives and truly assess if a MAN was what they needed TODAY. Some women are (correctly) too busy with work, or too busy being selfishly involved in their own lives, or simply not in the right head space to meet the type of men she really SHOULD be hollering at. These women are NOT doomed to a life of cobweb-nani and knitting Members Only Jackets for their houseful of cats – they are just not where they need to be PERSONALLY today.

Never forget folks, the labelling of NOT being wife/husband material is NOT a lifetime scar.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

24 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/26/2012 at 5:49 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Believe Wife/Husband Material Is Truly Subjective? Also, Do You Think It's Fluid Or Do You Think There Are Some People Who Simply Will NEVER Be Long-Term Potential?!

  2. petersburgh

    07/26/2012 at 6:26 AM

    CO-Sign. I wrote this http://petersburgh.wordpress.com/2012/07/24/can-a… two days ago and I strongly believe in it. I also have been involved with a woman who will be wife material as soon as she gets ready to concentrate on a relationship rather than building her business. The only way anyone will be never be long-term potential is if they choose not to be. ANYONE can change even your nani chasing friends. A conscious decision must be made and then all's well

  3. NurseJilly

    07/26/2012 at 10:28 AM

    I do think husband/ wife material is extremely subjective. I can gauge that based on what I want and need in a partner vs what my sisters/ girls are looking for in partners. Its crazy how different we all see relationships.

    I can say with certainty that I am not wife material right now. I have so much going on right now that fitting someone else into that equation would be unfair. I think in a way I overcommitted myself to so many things this summer because I was worried about being single and feeling lonely.

  4. Paul B.

    07/26/2012 at 2:27 PM

    Some things are subjective about what is husband/wife material, but some thing are pretty close to being a consensus about what's not. Having a terrible outlook of the gender you want, but seem to hate them so much is pretty much universally looked at as being not husband/wife material. Consistently making poor relationship choices in partners and not learning the lessons behind them and blaming everybody else for them is nearly universal too. Need I continue?

  5. Adonis

    07/26/2012 at 2:45 PM

    The more things change, the more things stay the same.

    Men to be marriage material, you AT BARE minimum need some RESOURCES (ie. Money, Land, access to food). Swag definitely helps.

    Women to be marriage material, you AT BARE minimum need to have YOUTH. Beauty & a Low body count definitely helps.

    Note: The best of anything will also get you a ring.

    The best sl*t, baby mamma, cougar, ugly girl, fattie will win despite their flaws

    Same with the top broke, lazy, corny, nerdy guys

  6. NurseJilly

    07/26/2012 at 3:15 PM

    "Swag definitely helps"… LMAO

  7. Aboriginal

    07/26/2012 at 9:57 PM

    Many people are getting married for all the wrong reasons, it's turned into a farce. I'm going to two weddings in the next two months (my older brother and my brother from another mother), you'd never think these two guys would get down on bended knee but there are women out there who can make a guy retire his player card, so I'd like to think marriage material may not even start from within, you can meet someone who just blows your mind and view of your life before you met her.

    On another note, I like to believe there is no such thing as marriage material to begin with, life is very mysterious, as much control people like to think they have over their own lives, something will always happen and you can't do anything about it except give in and let it run its course.

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