You May NOT Be Wife/Husband Material – But That’s Just TODAY

If there’s ONE topic that is constantly discussed in the Sex & Relationships blogosphere, it is the ideal of what constitutes wife or husband material and what someone MUST or MUST NOT do in order to properly fit the mould. But there’s TWO things that we constantly overlook when we have these discussions: First, is the fact that wife/husband material is an EXTREMELY subjective reality (we all have different standards in what we require for a life partner) and two, the fact that wife/husband material is an EXTREMELY FLUID reality. As much as you may be TOLD or FEEL that you are NOT marriage material, the truth is that’s just TODAY’S “MAYBE” – because even if you’re NOT, it doesn’t mean you will NEVER be.

If there is one issue that many single men and women deal with as they get older, it’s questioning our viability as a serious long-term partner. We don’t want to admit this, because most of us fear that it will make us look WEAK, or DESPERATE or PATHETIC, when the reality is it just makes us introspectively human. But there is one troubling mistake that we often make in these moments of thoughtful personal-reflection, and it’s assuming that our condition is somehow a long-term AFFLICTION, when the truth is, many of us are just NOT READY to embody the FULL wife/husband material that we can truly be – TODAY.

Many grown-ass men I’ve talked to have told me about where they got depressed about their long-term dating potential because they have been through hell and back trying to find love. I know dudes who are on the brink of giving up finding love, because they have issues with being loyal, dependable, honest and NOT taking their current woman for granted, and as much as the knee-jerk reaction is to tell a dude like that he is DOOMED to be alone for the rest of his life, that is simply not true, because he just isn’t ready TODAY. Everyday presents a new opportunity to become a better man, so he definitely CAN change. But also, he doesn’t need to set the ideology of some stereotypical man as his goal – he just needs to remember as he improves HIMSELF, he may fit the exact mould of some woman out there.

Many grown-ass women I’ve talked to are MORE than fed-up with relationships, and the reality is they are TOO hard on their current selves, because they FORGET that being single-today is not some disease that will keep her lonely and frowsy for the rest of her life. A LOT of women I know needed to take stock of where they were at in their lives and truly assess if a MAN was what they needed TODAY. Some women are (correctly) too busy with work, or too busy being selfishly involved in their own lives, or simply not in the right head space to meet the type of men she really SHOULD be hollering at. These women are NOT doomed to a life of cobweb-nani and knitting Members Only Jackets for their houseful of cats – they are just not where they need to be PERSONALLY today.

Never forget folks, the labelling of NOT being wife/husband material is NOT a lifetime scar.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

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