You May NOT Be Wife/Husband Material – But That’s Just TODAY

If there’s ONE topic that is constantly discussed in the Sex & Relationships blogosphere, it is the ideal of what constitutes wife or husband material and what someone MUST or MUST NOT do in order to properly fit the mould. But there’s TWO things that we constantly overlook when we have these discussions: First, is the fact that wife/husband material is an EXTREMELY subjective reality (we all have different standards in what we require for a life partner) and two, the fact that wife/husband material is an EXTREMELY FLUID reality. As much as you may be TOLD or FEEL that you are NOT marriage material, the truth is that’s just TODAY’S “MAYBE” – because even if you’re NOT, it doesn’t mean you will NEVER be.

If there is one issue that many single men and women deal with as they get older, it’s questioning our viability as a serious long-term partner. We don’t want to admit this, because most of us fear that it will make us look WEAK, or DESPERATE or PATHETIC, when the reality is it just makes us introspectively human. But there is one troubling mistake that we often make in these moments of thoughtful personal-reflection, and it’s assuming that our condition is somehow a long-term AFFLICTION, when the truth is, many of us are just NOT READY to embody the FULL wife/husband material that we can truly be – TODAY.

Many grown-ass men I’ve talked to have told me about where they got depressed about their long-term dating potential because they have been through hell and back trying to find love. I know dudes who are on the brink of giving up finding love, because they have issues with being loyal, dependable, honest and NOT taking their current woman for granted, and as much as the knee-jerk reaction is to tell a dude like that he is DOOMED to be alone for the rest of his life, that is simply not true, because he just isn’t ready TODAY. Everyday presents a new opportunity to become a better man, so he definitely CAN change. But also, he doesn’t need to set the ideology of some stereotypical man as his goal – he just needs to remember as he improves HIMSELF, he may fit the exact mould of some woman out there.

Many grown-ass women I’ve talked to are MORE than fed-up with relationships, and the reality is they are TOO hard on their current selves, because they FORGET that being single-today is not some disease that will keep her lonely and frowsy for the rest of her life. A LOT of women I know needed to take stock of where they were at in their lives and truly assess if a MAN was what they needed TODAY. Some women are (correctly) too busy with work, or too busy being selfishly involved in their own lives, or simply not in the right head space to meet the type of men she really SHOULD be hollering at. These women are NOT doomed to a life of cobweb-nani and knitting Members Only Jackets for their houseful of cats – they are just not where they need to be PERSONALLY today.

Never forget folks, the labelling of NOT being wife/husband material is NOT a lifetime scar.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

24 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/26/2012 at 5:49 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Believe Wife/Husband Material Is Truly Subjective? Also, Do You Think It's Fluid Or Do You Think There Are Some People Who Simply Will NEVER Be Long-Term Potential?!

    • ChloeRayne516

      07/26/2012 at 12:14 PM

      "Do You Believe Wife/Husband Material Is Truly Subjective?"

      Yes it's purely subjective IMO based on what each individual is looking for in a partner, yes at the end of the day ALL women want a man who is a strong provider but it goes deeper than that for most women and for some it gets even deeper. Men — yes they all want a beautiful wife and loving mother for their children but that as well can mean different things depending on that particular man.

      I also believe EVERYONE wasn't meant to be wife or husband material there are some individuals who are just meant to be eternal bachelors/bachelorettes at heart but try to fit into the wife/husband material mold which is why down the line they end up back on the market again.

      • ChloeRayne516

        07/26/2012 at 12:16 PM

        Cont'd……

        I got marriage at a very young age and now that I am single again I can honestly say I no longer consider myself marriage material RIGHT NOW because I am too busy enjoying being selfish and living the way I want to, but I know when I am ready to take that plunge again — my AwesomeWife Corset and Cape is waiting for me in the back of my closet all I have to do is DUST IT OFF and maybe make a couple of alterations to it. :)

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          07/26/2012 at 1:35 PM

          See I Feel You On That. I Think Some People Who've Never Been Married Can Get Into A Mind State Of Believing That Because Things Haven't Happened Now, They NEVER Will.

          • ChloeRayne516

            07/26/2012 at 3:31 PM

            Usually this tends to happen to individuals who had a pre meditated timeline mapped out for their path in life so when XYZ doesn't happen in that timeframe that they mentally set they become discouraged/bitter/jaded and angry.

            I have a GF who is a little on the discouraged and jaded side because she thought by the age she is now she would have had a husband with a kid or two and a house under her belt so every year around her birthday she gets a little depressed.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        07/26/2012 at 1:33 PM

        Agree 100%

  2. petersburgh

    07/26/2012 at 6:26 AM

    CO-Sign. I wrote this http://petersburgh.wordpress.com/2012/07/24/can-a… two days ago and I strongly believe in it. I also have been involved with a woman who will be wife material as soon as she gets ready to concentrate on a relationship rather than building her business. The only way anyone will be never be long-term potential is if they choose not to be. ANYONE can change even your nani chasing friends. A conscious decision must be made and then all's well

    • NurseJilly

      07/26/2012 at 10:10 AM

      I read your post and think it was great!!

      • petersburgh

        07/26/2012 at 10:14 AM

        Thanks for the comment and for visiting my blog. Greatly appreciatedSent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from LIME.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          07/26/2012 at 1:37 PM

          Good Post! And A Funny Ass Comment To That Post Too!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/26/2012 at 1:37 PM

      Co-Sign CHOOSING To Be Wife/Husband Material.

  3. NurseJilly

    07/26/2012 at 10:28 AM

    I do think husband/ wife material is extremely subjective. I can gauge that based on what I want and need in a partner vs what my sisters/ girls are looking for in partners. Its crazy how different we all see relationships.

    I can say with certainty that I am not wife material right now. I have so much going on right now that fitting someone else into that equation would be unfair. I think in a way I overcommitted myself to so many things this summer because I was worried about being single and feeling lonely.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/26/2012 at 1:39 PM

      I Feel You On That. I Think It's Mature To Look At Yourself And Say You're Not Exactly Where You Want YOURSELF To Be Yet. Some Women Are Completely Overextended And STILL Complaining They Can't Find A Man – When They Probably Don't Have Any Room For One.

      • ChloeRayne516

        07/26/2012 at 3:58 PM

        RIgghttt because we all know how many times a man has told a woman either "You too busy for me or you're always busy or you got too much going on" which I find to be so unfair..

        Men can have alot going on with them but yet we as women are expected to understand, accept it and even wait for ya'll to clear your schedules a little but if a woman is doing the same she's deemed "Not Readily Available/Having Too Much Going On, Too Busy/Too Complicated etc." Don't get me wrong I understand why… but I still thinks it's unfair.

  4. Paul B.

    07/26/2012 at 2:27 PM

    Some things are subjective about what is husband/wife material, but some thing are pretty close to being a consensus about what's not. Having a terrible outlook of the gender you want, but seem to hate them so much is pretty much universally looked at as being not husband/wife material. Consistently making poor relationship choices in partners and not learning the lessons behind them and blaming everybody else for them is nearly universal too. Need I continue?

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      07/26/2012 at 3:34 PM

      I Completely Agree, That's Why I State That There Even IS Such A Thing As Wife/Husband Material. Some People Believe It's SO Subjective That There Are NO Standards Whatsoever And I Think That's Complete BS.

  5. Adonis

    07/26/2012 at 2:45 PM

    The more things change, the more things stay the same.

    Men to be marriage material, you AT BARE minimum need some RESOURCES (ie. Money, Land, access to food). Swag definitely helps.

    Women to be marriage material, you AT BARE minimum need to have YOUTH. Beauty & a Low body count definitely helps.

    Note: The best of anything will also get you a ring.

    The best sl*t, baby mamma, cougar, ugly girl, fattie will win despite their flaws

    Same with the top broke, lazy, corny, nerdy guys

    • ChloeRayne516

      07/26/2012 at 3:40 PM

      I was with you up until this……. top broke or top LAZY…. say what now??!! these two things will NOT– I repeat WILL NOT make you husband material.

      • ChloeRayne516

        07/26/2012 at 3:44 PM

        Wait.. *thinksback….scratchesout TOP BROKE* my badd — Adonis is right if a dude is broke HE STILL can become husband material but here's the pinch though, he's only a good candidate IF and ONLY IF he has potental and ambitions to BE GREAT and during the time you met he was ALREADY working torwards his greatness.

        Don't get the two interpretations of BROKE confused ladies.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          07/26/2012 at 4:10 PM

          Like Obama When Michelle Was Supporting Him.

        • Adonis

          07/26/2012 at 5:20 PM

          Straight Men are lazy for two reason, they are getting the p*ssy they want, or they gave up on p*ssy altogether…

          However, being a broke & lazy man can get you to the altar, but the marriage is destined to fail.

          And you keep forgetting that women be IN DENYLE… So if she is in love with a broke or lazy dude, she would still say yes if he asked for her hand in marriage.

  6. NurseJilly

    07/26/2012 at 3:15 PM

    "Swag definitely helps"… LMAO

    • bornscorpion

      07/27/2012 at 12:30 AM

      As much as I loathe that word smh lol…"swag" is like the seasoning on an otherwise perfect dish. Without it things are just bland.

  7. Aboriginal

    07/26/2012 at 9:57 PM

    Many people are getting married for all the wrong reasons, it's turned into a farce. I'm going to two weddings in the next two months (my older brother and my brother from another mother), you'd never think these two guys would get down on bended knee but there are women out there who can make a guy retire his player card, so I'd like to think marriage material may not even start from within, you can meet someone who just blows your mind and view of your life before you met her.

    On another note, I like to believe there is no such thing as marriage material to begin with, life is very mysterious, as much control people like to think they have over their own lives, something will always happen and you can't do anything about it except give in and let it run its course.

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