FYI Ladies: Strong Men NEED To Feel Wanted Too

Me and one of my homegirls were having a very interesting conversation this weekend in regards to the breakup our mutual friend [let’s call her Mona Lisa] is going through. Mona Lisa has been in a tumultuous, drama-filled and frequently ratchet and rocky relationship with the same dude for about 3 years and it seems they have reached the point where they simply don’t give a flying-F*^K about each other anymore – yet are having a hard-time just giving up and walking away. Me and my homegirl both agreed that that’s one of the WORSE stages of a break-up because even though you are technically with someone, you feel extreme isolation and loneliness – and Mona Lisa is LONELY AS HELL. My homegirl feels so bad she has to watch our friend Mona go through this emotional hell, but what surprised me is that she doesn’t feel bad for the dude at all, not because she doesn’t know him, but because [in her words] “men don’t need to FEEL wanted the same way women do.”

She then quickly corrected herself and stated “STRONG men don’t NEED to feel wanted the same way women do.” Now even though she’s my homegirl, I had to quickly check her ignorant comments because she was completely talking out of her ass on that point.

What she was essentially stating is that men can be such unemotional troglodytes even in the context of a committed, monogamous relationship, that our emotional needs only become equal or paramount to that of a woman’s IF we are WEAK and essentially B*tch-made. And since “weakness” is OBVIOUSLY a trait no woman would desire in a man, the opposite quality, strength, becomes what women covet, and that is typified in her mind by being so physically, mentally and emotionally resolute that we’ll dropkick a polar bear for her, feel no remorse and then go home and not even need a hug for his troubles because only “P*ssies need all that soft stuff.” Ladies, if you think men [strong or weak] do not and should not NEED to feel wanted by their women, then you need to take your ass off the market of dating human dudes and start getting it in with Universal Soldiers.

Yes, grown and strong men get lonely too…

The need to feel wanted by your significant other is not a female or B*tch-ass trait – it’s a simple necessity of intense, personal human interaction and to degrade the quality of a dudes manhood based on him NEEDING to feel wanted makes you a DOUCHEBAG. But worse, it continues to perpetuate the same thing WOMEN complain about: The fact that men aren’t MORE open and honest about our feelings. Well, THIS is exactly why. Because if we keep them hidden, we are strong and ignorant, but if we let them out, we are soft and hoe-made, and we realize that most women would prefer the former over the latter.

UNDERSTAND, when I talk about men needing to feel wanted, I am reminding women that there is a LOT of onus on YOU ALL to help maintain the quality of your man’s emotional mind-state. We easily understand this concept as it relates to women, because it’s easy for us all to agree that men need to make their women feel wanted, comfortable, safe, secure and desiredbut when we turn the discussion around, it’s interesting how easily we all believe a “real man” wouldn’t need ANY of those things. Well let me bring that BULLSH*T to an end right now – even the strongest men in the world NEED to feel WANTED by his woman.

I’ll admit there IS a point where he can go TOO far..

Obviously I am NOT advocating men to lack ANY emotional fortitude, but when we talk about needing emotional security and support, let’s not ACT like those are just “feminine issues.” Emotions AREN’T Secret Deordorant: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

29 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    08/27/2012 at 3:36 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think It's "Feminine" For A Man To NEED To Feel Wanted As Much As His Woman?

  2. mena

    08/27/2012 at 5:14 AM

    I actually thought that this is the main reason why men don't particularly care for very independent women: it's because they seem like they don't want or need a man. Of course men need to feel needed. We ALL need to feel needed by our s/o.

  3. Torontobychieko

    08/27/2012 at 5:59 AM

    Women are raised to be strong; be independent and have emotions, just don't act on them. When women shed a tear, or feel needy with men, we are automatically labelled. We're crazy, we're clingy, we're PMSing, so when a man gets that way, what are we supposed to think?
    Our emotions are rejected by men, so it becomes automatic to reject them within men. It's not easy to be stronger than men in this respect: to have our own emotional self rejected, then accept the man's. But, that's the way life works. Men are a lot more sensitive to rejection then women are. Women can take on a lot of crap, because we will have to take it on from our kids.
    Women need to learn how to be stronger than men. To brush off the men's rejection of our feelings, and take on theirs. It's unfair, but it's the necessary part of accepting that men and women are just built differently.

  4. petersburgh

    08/27/2012 at 6:23 AM

    Men need support the same way women do and that's it. They are both human so I don't know where your home girl is coming from but we all need or significant others for support in both bad and good

  5. dsexton72

    08/27/2012 at 7:50 AM

    Why am I not surprised that women will come on here and post a response that tries to validate why they feel the need to reject a man's emotional state? Are you kidding me? For real? The crazy thing is that most women I know actually feel the this way.

  6. NurseJilly

    08/27/2012 at 12:27 PM

    Absolutely not!! I'm a big fan of a "strong man" but to me that includes them being able to identify emotion and feeling wanted is part of that. I want to know that the man I'm with needs me just as much as I need him. There is something so sexy about a man that can openly express his emotions, this doesn't mean bursting into spontaneous tears all the time but knowing that he would feel comfortable being vulnerable with me is a huge turn on.

  7. J.Crawford

    08/27/2012 at 2:41 PM

    You made a huge point that usually goes to separate the so-called Nice Guys from the @$$holes:
    "The need to feel wanted by your significant other is not a female or B*tch-ass trait – it’s a simple necessity of intense, personal human interaction and to degrade the quality of a dudes manhood based on him NEEDING to feel wanted makes you a DOUCHEBAG. But worse, it continues to perpetuate the same thing WOMEN complain about: The fact that men aren’t MORE open and honest about our feelings. Well, THIS is exactly why. Because if we keep them hidden, we are strong and ignorant, but if we let them out, we are soft and hoe-made, and we realize that most women would prefer the former over the latter."

    this post would be the Disconnected Link in regards to how Society views Masculinity as a whole, IMO

  8. J.Crawford

    08/27/2012 at 2:48 PM

    I think this goes by generational perspectives as well; Men my Dad, Uncle, and Grandfather's ages, even older, were most likely raised this way, and ONLY Alone did Men reflect on their emotions- or to their wives-, while Mothers tried to sneak in the lessons of Feelings, so their Sons wouldn't grow up to be Cold-Hearted. Today, in "Some" single-parent homes, Boys are raised to Show More Emotions, and in others, IF the Single Mother is some-what Bitter, Boys are taught to be Emotion-less, lest they remind their Moms of the Fathers that left their Families behind. it's a Catch-22 and/or Double-Edged Sword nowadays

  9. @DoWuSem

    08/27/2012 at 5:47 PM

    Even animals have emotions. Only robots don't have emotions. Some men may pretend to hide their emotions. But all those bottled emotions are bad for the body. And ladies who go about with that thinking are just perpetuating those negative views about men.

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