FYI Ladies: Strong Men NEED To Feel Wanted Too

Me and one of my homegirls were having a very interesting conversation this weekend in regards to the breakup our mutual friend [let’s call her Mona Lisa] is going through. Mona Lisa has been in a tumultuous, drama-filled and frequently ratchet and rocky relationship with the same dude for about 3 years and it seems they have reached the point where they simply don’t give a flying-F*^K about each other anymore – yet are having a hard-time just giving up and walking away. Me and my homegirl both agreed that that’s one of the WORSE stages of a break-up because even though you are technically with someone, you feel extreme isolation and loneliness – and Mona Lisa is LONELY AS HELL. My homegirl feels so bad she has to watch our friend Mona go through this emotional hell, but what surprised me is that she doesn’t feel bad for the dude at all, not because she doesn’t know him, but because [in her words] “men don’t need to FEEL wanted the same way women do.”

She then quickly corrected herself and stated “STRONG men don’t NEED to feel wanted the same way women do.” Now even though she’s my homegirl, I had to quickly check her ignorant comments because she was completely talking out of her ass on that point.

What she was essentially stating is that men can be such unemotional troglodytes even in the context of a committed, monogamous relationship, that our emotional needs only become equal or paramount to that of a woman’s IF we are WEAK and essentially B*tch-made. And since “weakness” is OBVIOUSLY a trait no woman would desire in a man, the opposite quality, strength, becomes what women covet, and that is typified in her mind by being so physically, mentally and emotionally resolute that we’ll dropkick a polar bear for her, feel no remorse and then go home and not even need a hug for his troubles because only “P*ssies need all that soft stuff.” Ladies, if you think men [strong or weak] do not and should not NEED to feel wanted by their women, then you need to take your ass off the market of dating human dudes and start getting it in with Universal Soldiers.

Yes, grown and strong men get lonely too…

The need to feel wanted by your significant other is not a female or B*tch-ass trait – it’s a simple necessity of intense, personal human interaction and to degrade the quality of a dudes manhood based on him NEEDING to feel wanted makes you a DOUCHEBAG. But worse, it continues to perpetuate the same thing WOMEN complain about: The fact that men aren’t MORE open and honest about our feelings. Well, THIS is exactly why. Because if we keep them hidden, we are strong and ignorant, but if we let them out, we are soft and hoe-made, and we realize that most women would prefer the former over the latter.

UNDERSTAND, when I talk about men needing to feel wanted, I am reminding women that there is a LOT of onus on YOU ALL to help maintain the quality of your man’s emotional mind-state. We easily understand this concept as it relates to women, because it’s easy for us all to agree that men need to make their women feel wanted, comfortable, safe, secure and desiredbut when we turn the discussion around, it’s interesting how easily we all believe a “real man” wouldn’t need ANY of those things. Well let me bring that BULLSH*T to an end right now – even the strongest men in the world NEED to feel WANTED by his woman.

I’ll admit there IS a point where he can go TOO far..

Obviously I am NOT advocating men to lack ANY emotional fortitude, but when we talk about needing emotional security and support, let’s not ACT like those are just “feminine issues.” Emotions AREN’T Secret Deordorant: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

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