FYI Ladies: Strong Men NEED To Feel Wanted Too

Me and one of my homegirls were having a very interesting conversation this weekend in regards to the breakup our mutual friend [let’s call her Mona Lisa] is going through. Mona Lisa has been in a tumultuous, drama-filled and frequently ratchet and rocky relationship with the same dude for about 3 years and it seems they have reached the point where they simply don’t give a flying-F*^K about each other anymore – yet are having a hard-time just giving up and walking away. Me and my homegirl both agreed that that’s one of the WORSE stages of a break-up because even though you are technically with someone, you feel extreme isolation and loneliness – and Mona Lisa is LONELY AS HELL. My homegirl feels so bad she has to watch our friend Mona go through this emotional hell, but what surprised me is that she doesn’t feel bad for the dude at all, not because she doesn’t know him, but because [in her words] “men don’t need to FEEL wanted the same way women do.”

She then quickly corrected herself and stated “STRONG men don’t NEED to feel wanted the same way women do.” Now even though she’s my homegirl, I had to quickly check her ignorant comments because she was completely talking out of her ass on that point.

What she was essentially stating is that men can be such unemotional troglodytes even in the context of a committed, monogamous relationship, that our emotional needs only become equal or paramount to that of a woman’s IF we are WEAK and essentially B*tch-made. And since “weakness” is OBVIOUSLY a trait no woman would desire in a man, the opposite quality, strength, becomes what women covet, and that is typified in her mind by being so physically, mentally and emotionally resolute that we’ll dropkick a polar bear for her, feel no remorse and then go home and not even need a hug for his troubles because only “P*ssies need all that soft stuff.” Ladies, if you think men [strong or weak] do not and should not NEED to feel wanted by their women, then you need to take your ass off the market of dating human dudes and start getting it in with Universal Soldiers.

Yes, grown and strong men get lonely too…

The need to feel wanted by your significant other is not a female or B*tch-ass trait – it’s a simple necessity of intense, personal human interaction and to degrade the quality of a dudes manhood based on him NEEDING to feel wanted makes you a DOUCHEBAG. But worse, it continues to perpetuate the same thing WOMEN complain about: The fact that men aren’t MORE open and honest about our feelings. Well, THIS is exactly why. Because if we keep them hidden, we are strong and ignorant, but if we let them out, we are soft and hoe-made, and we realize that most women would prefer the former over the latter.

UNDERSTAND, when I talk about men needing to feel wanted, I am reminding women that there is a LOT of onus on YOU ALL to help maintain the quality of your man’s emotional mind-state. We easily understand this concept as it relates to women, because it’s easy for us all to agree that men need to make their women feel wanted, comfortable, safe, secure and desiredbut when we turn the discussion around, it’s interesting how easily we all believe a “real man” wouldn’t need ANY of those things. Well let me bring that BULLSH*T to an end right now – even the strongest men in the world NEED to feel WANTED by his woman.

I’ll admit there IS a point where he can go TOO far..

Obviously I am NOT advocating men to lack ANY emotional fortitude, but when we talk about needing emotional security and support, let’s not ACT like those are just “feminine issues.” Emotions AREN’T Secret Deordorant: Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

29 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    08/27/2012 at 3:36 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think It's "Feminine" For A Man To NEED To Feel Wanted As Much As His Woman?

    • iluvwhoiluv

      08/29/2012 at 10:22 AM

      No, it isn't. I think it makes him honest and human. See, this is the double standard. Why is it okay for a woman to express her emotions, yet when it comes to the man, it has to be controlled and/or not expressed at all? It's like the man can't win. If he pours out too much, he's not a man

  2. mena

    08/27/2012 at 5:14 AM

    I actually thought that this is the main reason why men don't particularly care for very independent women: it's because they seem like they don't want or need a man. Of course men need to feel needed. We ALL need to feel needed by our s/o.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/27/2012 at 5:34 AM

      Agreed. But My Homegirls Point Is That Men Should Not WANT To Be AS Needed As Women Feel.

      Do You Agree With That?

      • mena

        08/27/2012 at 7:43 AM

        Heck no. Letting me know that you need my attention, words of encouragement and just generally me in your life, is what I need from a man. A man that can't be vulnerable and feel as needed as I feel of him wouldn't work for me.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          08/27/2012 at 11:34 AM

          Ok Cool, I Respect That.

    • Smilez_920

      08/27/2012 at 8:54 AM

      Agree Mena. I think men don't go for very independent woman because no one wants to be in a place where they are constantly bein told " I don't need you".

      People want to be where they are celebrated not tolerated. a lot of so called " independent women" make certain men in their lives feel like she's just tolerating his company.

      I always hated when woman yell that out like its suppose to make them the cream of the crop. It's 2012 your 30 years old, you paying your bills on time and handling your responsibilities like an adult does not make you special. Just like men who think they should get father of the year award because they take care of their kids. Like hey Dude your a grown man you made those kids your suppose to take care of them.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        08/27/2012 at 11:35 AM

        "People want to be where they are celebrated not tolerated."

        Good Point.

        • NurseJilly

          08/27/2012 at 12:27 PM

          Love that!!

  3. Torontobychieko

    08/27/2012 at 5:59 AM

    Women are raised to be strong; be independent and have emotions, just don't act on them. When women shed a tear, or feel needy with men, we are automatically labelled. We're crazy, we're clingy, we're PMSing, so when a man gets that way, what are we supposed to think?
    Our emotions are rejected by men, so it becomes automatic to reject them within men. It's not easy to be stronger than men in this respect: to have our own emotional self rejected, then accept the man's. But, that's the way life works. Men are a lot more sensitive to rejection then women are. Women can take on a lot of crap, because we will have to take it on from our kids.
    Women need to learn how to be stronger than men. To brush off the men's rejection of our feelings, and take on theirs. It's unfair, but it's the necessary part of accepting that men and women are just built differently.

    • dsexton72

      08/27/2012 at 7:43 AM

      <div id="idc-comment-msg-div-429261706" class="idc-message"><a class="idc-close" title="Click to Close Message" href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(429261706)"><span>Close Message</span> Comment posted. <p class="idc-nomargin"><a class="idc-share-facebook" target="_new" href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=http%3A%2F%2 Fwww.thisisyourconscience.com%2F2012%2F08%2Ffyi-ladies-strong-men-need-to-feel-wanted-too%2F#IDComment429261706&t=I%20just%20commented%20on%20FYI%20Ladies%3A%20Strong%20Men%20NEED%20To%20Feel%20Wanted%20Too" style="text-decoration: none;"><span class="idc-share-inner"><span>Share on Facebook</span></span> or <a href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(429261706)">Close MessageThere's something about your response that just doesn't sound right. Could it be that you are using some of the same urban myths about men and women that causes this mess in the first place? First all, mostly all of us are raised to be independent and have emotions, this is not just a woman thing. Secondly, when a woman sheds a tear or feel needy with men, that's to be accepted. It's when women sheds tears 85 – 90 % of the time when she's not going through a tramatic, life changing experience or feeling needy to the point of extreme insecurity is when we question. And guess what, men are victims of this kinda behavior as well and we get the same labels for it. However, to the point of this article, we get these labels even if we are not overly sensitive all the time, but if we are sensitive at all. Our emotions are rejected by women just like women, so to use the excuse that women automatically reject men's emotions because we seemingly reject women's is unfounded or rather bias. And again, using the fact that mothers have to take crap off the kids, thus meaning women are far more superior in handling rejection than men is again a blanket state. 1.)You basically are saying that mothers are more involved with their kids than fathers. But it almost speaks to just a single parent house hold. Again, your arguments reeks of biasness. While it has been perpetuated by media and gossip that men are not involved in their kids development, you would fine that that is far from true. I know this from experience. So both mothers and fathers have to take crap from kids, and we both have to know when to put our foots down. 2.) Hell, men are more guilty of spoiling their kids in some aspects. And while we do have to be assertive, we have to constantly know when to draw the line, especially with women. Women are stronger than men in certain aspects just like men are stronger than women. What needs to happen is both men and women need to learn more about how to compliment one another instead of working so hard to remain apart. Unless you just arrived to this planet, we already know men and women are built differently. But it doesn't mean we weren't made to fit together. :)

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        08/27/2012 at 11:38 AM

        Good Damn Point. Co-Sign!

      • NurseJilly

        08/27/2012 at 12:17 PM

        Well said sir!!

    • Smilez_920

      08/27/2012 at 8:45 AM

      I think what your getting at is an overly/ unreasonably emotional. A man or woman can be this way.

      I get some of what your saying but, how do you expect your partner to deal with your emotions if your not willing to deal with theirs. An emotional healthy man is going to want a woman who will not put him down for wanting to be needed just like and emotionally healthy woman wants a man that will not label her crazy , clingy or whatever when she reasonably wants her needs met.

      I don't think it's about women needing to be stronger than men or vice versa.

  4. petersburgh

    08/27/2012 at 6:23 AM

    Men need support the same way women do and that's it. They are both human so I don't know where your home girl is coming from but we all need or significant others for support in both bad and good

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/27/2012 at 11:39 AM

      Wait And Read Some Of The Comments Today…I Feel Like Those Women Will Come And Explain My Homegirls Point.

  5. dsexton72

    08/27/2012 at 7:50 AM

    Why am I not surprised that women will come on here and post a response that tries to validate why they feel the need to reject a man's emotional state? Are you kidding me? For real? The crazy thing is that most women I know actually feel the this way.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/27/2012 at 11:41 AM

      I'm Glad You're Seeing It Tho, Because Now You Are Feeling How I Felt When My Homegirl Said The Same Things To Me.

  6. NurseJilly

    08/27/2012 at 12:27 PM

    Absolutely not!! I'm a big fan of a "strong man" but to me that includes them being able to identify emotion and feeling wanted is part of that. I want to know that the man I'm with needs me just as much as I need him. There is something so sexy about a man that can openly express his emotions, this doesn't mean bursting into spontaneous tears all the time but knowing that he would feel comfortable being vulnerable with me is a huge turn on.

    • mena

      08/27/2012 at 1:27 PM

      Yes! A man who shows me his vulnerable side is such a turn on.

    • bornscorpion

      08/28/2012 at 1:49 AM

      co-sign!

  7. J.Crawford

    08/27/2012 at 2:41 PM

    You made a huge point that usually goes to separate the so-called Nice Guys from the @$$holes:
    "The need to feel wanted by your significant other is not a female or B*tch-ass trait – it’s a simple necessity of intense, personal human interaction and to degrade the quality of a dudes manhood based on him NEEDING to feel wanted makes you a DOUCHEBAG. But worse, it continues to perpetuate the same thing WOMEN complain about: The fact that men aren’t MORE open and honest about our feelings. Well, THIS is exactly why. Because if we keep them hidden, we are strong and ignorant, but if we let them out, we are soft and hoe-made, and we realize that most women would prefer the former over the latter."

    this post would be the Disconnected Link in regards to how Society views Masculinity as a whole, IMO

  8. J.Crawford

    08/27/2012 at 2:48 PM

    I think this goes by generational perspectives as well; Men my Dad, Uncle, and Grandfather's ages, even older, were most likely raised this way, and ONLY Alone did Men reflect on their emotions- or to their wives-, while Mothers tried to sneak in the lessons of Feelings, so their Sons wouldn't grow up to be Cold-Hearted. Today, in "Some" single-parent homes, Boys are raised to Show More Emotions, and in others, IF the Single Mother is some-what Bitter, Boys are taught to be Emotion-less, lest they remind their Moms of the Fathers that left their Families behind. it's a Catch-22 and/or Double-Edged Sword nowadays

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/27/2012 at 4:49 PM

      Real Talk. A Lot Of What We Embody We Inherited.

  9. @DoWuSem

    08/27/2012 at 5:47 PM

    Even animals have emotions. Only robots don't have emotions. Some men may pretend to hide their emotions. But all those bottled emotions are bad for the body. And ladies who go about with that thinking are just perpetuating those negative views about men.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/28/2012 at 12:44 AM

      Co-Sign!

    • iluvwhoiluv

      08/29/2012 at 10:24 AM

      Talk that talk!

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