Here’s The Problem With The “Middle-Age Marriage Rush”

Let’s take a second to be honest about marriage in 2012: There’s a high probability that many of us will get married for the first time in our 30’s. Statistics show that the average age of women and men has greatly risen over the years, mostly due to the fact that women have achieved much more equality in the workplace combined with the reality that dual income homes have now become a necessity. The idea that we can easily wed at the same time and in the same manner as our parents and grandparents is not only RIDICULOUS, it is simply UNTRUE. The requirements to being employed and having some semblance of financial security are MUCH stiffer than they were EVER before, and it’s not uncommon for us to spend our 20’s trying to get sh*t straight. With that being such a stark reality, I would like to personally introduce you to the concept of the “Middle-Age Marriage Rush.”

As I get older [and start to quickly embark on the age of 30], there’s one thing I’ve been noticing a lot of lately: My middle-aged friends and family members are beginning to SPRINT to the altar and have children. Now there’s many people who may be critical of that, but I’m NOT one of them – as long as the couple LOVES each other and both parties are committed to putting in ALL the work necessary to maintain a happy and healthy relationship. But here’s the ONE problem I DO have with this arrangement: When good people feel they MUST sprint to the altar because EVERYONE else tells them that there is NO other way to approach dating after 30.

if there is ONE comment that makes me absolutely SICK to my stomach and PISSES me off, it’s when STUPID-ASS people make broad-sweeping generalizations about how 30 year olds are SUPPOSE to approach the dating scene. One condescending comment I constantly hear from self-aggrandizing men is “any man over 30 still trying to play the field and get nani is a LOSER!” To those dudes, my retort is simply this:

You don’t know SH*T-ALL about his circumstance or how mentally and emotionally prepared that man is to love a woman with ALL his heart. You have NO CLUE what sort trials and tribulations that man has recently been through in the dating world, indicating that attempting a serious relationship is just not for him right now. And seeing that marriage is NOT a natural human-instinct, but simply a social construct, it is RIDICULOUS for you to label his innate nature as somehow being FLAWED because his timetable for finding love is not in-sync with what YOU think SHOULD be best for himself.

One annoying ass comment I constantly hear from self-important, patronizing BEEYOTCHES about 30-plus year old women who are not married is “any woman not married with kids at 30 needs to re-evaluate her life and realize her bankbook won’t keep her warm at night!” To y’all chicks, I say this:

KEEP YOUR IGNORANT MOUTHS SHUT.

NO woman with any semblance of intelligence or self-awareness should be RUSHING to the altar BEFORE she is emotionally and mentally ready to participate in a successful marriage. Although women have the added pressure of conceiving before it becomes a health risk, that should STILL not be a motivating factor to engage in a dishonest and unhappy relationship just to make EVERYONE else happy that she’s leading the life they EXPECT of her.

Her: “Hurry up nigga, you running like a little B*TCH!”

The big problem with the “Middle-Age Marriage Rush” isn’t that people are running to the altar in the mid-30’s – it’s the fact that SOME of these marriages are based more on FEAR and emotional-manipulation than on actual LOVE and commitment. I’ve said it before on this blog and I will say it again: Never let anyone convince you that you are taking TOO-LONG to get “serious” in your personal life and always remember that NO ONE is better equipped at knowing when YOU are READY to be married than YOURSELF.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

67 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    08/20/2012 at 4:29 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, What Are Your Thoughts On The "Middle-Age Marriage Rush?" Do You Believe It Exists, And If So, Are You In Favour Of People Rushing To The Altar Or Do You Think Should Be Very Careful About Their Motivations At That Age?

  2. GrandCentral

    08/20/2012 at 6:15 AM

    Bravo!!!!! I love this post! My mother got married a 21 and was divorced 10 years later. A lot of my friends have the same situation. I think that our generation will be better equipped at the marriage game, because we will have waited to mature and like you said, we will know ourselves enough to know when it's right. Times have changed and people are a little resistant to accept that. Women no longer have to get married super early to survive.

    When William and Kate got married last year, people were relived that William took his time. Because of that, he might have a better shot of making his marriage last, unlike his father. Nothing in life should ever be rushed.

  3. petersburgh

    08/20/2012 at 6:41 AM

    Marriage is too important a step in life to be rushed, coerced, forced or manipulated REGARDLESS of age. I don't think anyone should be doing it just because time is running out so to speak but the reality is that it happens more often than not. Marriage used to be about love and commitment but I guess when time comes a calling we forget about those things now. Take your time and decide when's the best time for you, both personally and as a couple.

  4. dsexton72

    08/20/2012 at 7:39 AM

    What's this business about mid-30's being "middle aged"?

  5. mena

    08/20/2012 at 9:10 AM

    Lincoln, how far are you out from 30? You've been talking about it for a minute now :-)

    I say take your time and decide on what's right for you. There are people who got married in their very early 20s who are still married and those that got married in their 40s and are still happily married.

  6. MzDebbieFields

    08/20/2012 at 12:12 PM

    When I hit the old age of 30 I know I will have a daughter and a son and a happy marriage and the women who don't will be shit out of luck #TooLate

  7. mena

    08/20/2012 at 12:12 PM

    Our 20 year old selves put up with more crap and probably had more patience when it came to dealing with our s/o. As we get older, this same patience just isnt there (which is fine), we probably have more confidence in ourselves and in what we want out of life.

    I know that as i am leaving my 20s, i am more self aware than i ever have been before. I know what i like and don't like, what i will and wont put up with. I am also able to shuffle through the crap better. If i found a guy today, that fit with what i was looking for in a husband, and he saw me as what he wanted in a wife, i would totally get married in a year of the start of the courtship.

    I am also less likely to wait around for 3-4 years. You should know within a few months of being with someone if they have potential or not. 3-4 years, after a certain age, is extreme to me if marriage is what you are looking for.

  8. MistaHarsh

    08/20/2012 at 1:34 PM

    Until people start to realize that marriage is not a cookie cutter system and it should be define by what the husband and wife want it to be there will be more pressured marriages and continued high rates of divorce.

    Also a lot of people want to marry someone for their character traits. If you want, not a long marriage but a successful marriage(death do us part) you have to be mindful that people change and you will be faced with having to love someone who's no longer the person you once knew. Many simply cannot —-or rather—-refuse to do this. You really have to ask yourself: "If I marry this person can I continue to be with them if they change?"

  9. BADDEST

    08/20/2012 at 1:43 PM

    I think everyone is always looking for the feeling of "arrival" in life….something along the lines of " i put in the work, I should get a pay off, I deserve to feel validated" …
    The naivety of most people who have yet to experience marriage is that they never factor in the continuous nature of the commitment….." he isnt the man I married" is a coliqualism for a reason!
    What amazes me is not when people in their 30's ARENT married but rather that there is a common immaturity encouraging it as the cut-off point for settling down.
    Guess what folks? youre still a baby in life at 30 years old….this includes myself………the only thing you should be fully in possession of at 30 is the knowledge you dont ever know what life has in store and defining yourself by your attachment to another is RISKY ASS BUSINESS….and this should apply whether youre advocating for marriage or not

  10. Adonis

    08/23/2012 at 10:14 AM

    Women past 30 looking for marriage will be SOL. Bank on That

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