Men Are JUST Giving Women Head? Why? And Since When?!

After he’s done, he gotta towel off and BOUNCE

I had an absolutely HILARIOUS conversation last Friday night with my boy Jason from NYC, and a few of my homegirls from here in Toronto. We were talking about how one of the young ladies was teasing the SH*T out of this guy she has been seeing by inviting him over to her place late night after clubs, just to tell him they AIN’T F*^KIN’ – BUT, he does get the pleasure of cuddling with her. I then remarked that her behaviour was cruel and unusual, like inviting a dude over just to eat the nani without giving him none, to which the girls all gave each other a look, and BUSTED out laughing. Ladies and gentlemen, my virgin ears learned something that night that I thought I would NEVER hear in my lifetime: WOMEN actually have men that come over to do nothing but feast on their loins and go home – with nothing but a toothpick to dislodge the hair in their teeth.

Now as I sat their shocked that this actually happens in real life, I wasn’t emotionally, mentally or spiritually ready for what I heard next: These women weren’t TRICKING these dudes into these arrangements (like a 68 + ‘I owe you one’), but it is actually the MEN themselves who are suggesting that they come over to wine and dine on her clitoris with NO return favour.


As I sat there shocked and my boy Jason laughed directly in my face for not knowing these arrangements are what’s hot in the streets, my homegirls put there hands up for a high five and after a moment’s pause, I reciprocated and gave them the props [I guess] they deserve. Why? Because I realized the more-than-slight hypocrisy I would have been engaging in had I railed against their actions.

What the HELL was I REALLY gonna say?

“You should be treating these dudes with MUCH more respect than that.”

[Clay Davis] “Shhhhhhhheeeeeeeiiiiittttttt” [/Clay Davis] growing up I remember me and my friends had a term called “Brainer” and that was given to any girl in our school who was down to deepthroat some richard without even needing change to catch the bus back home. At my school “Brainers” were in abundance and we definitely weren’t talking about the nerds with straight-A’s [which also makes me pray that my daughter gets Gabby Douglas-good at gymnastics so I can stick her in that 12 hours a day after school and ruin any chance at a progressive social life, but I digress]. So NO, I am NOT gonna knock these women for accepting oral-only invitations from dudes, but I WOULD suggest they invest in dental dams, cause lord only knows where some of those frowsy dudes tongues, gums and jaws have been.

Men, we GOTTA do better than this. These girls sat at the damn table laughing their ASSES off at us men because y’all let them squirt in your face and got nothing but a beach towel and a dap for your troubles. You went home with a cramped tongue and the only time she opened her mouth was to give your ass directions on how to find the I-95 from her house. Reciprocity is KEY here bruh – y’all lames are making the rest of us look bad, while they prance around happy as hell like this:

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.