Men, You NEVER Have To LIE To Get Nani In 2012

“Yeah baby….you know you’re wifey! *cough* tonight…”

Ladies and gentlemen, do you wanna hear a JOKE? A joke I heard last night that made me LAUGH my ass off? I have a boy who got his sorry-ass KICKED by his “lady-friend” last night because she found out he was trying to run some ol’ 1997′”How To Be A Player” game on her by constantly telling her she’s his wifey [which he NEVER wanted] while playing her behind her back with a bag of jump-offs. The fact that she kicked the Wet & Wavy activator gel right off his dome-piece wasn’t even the FUNNIEST part – it’s the fact that she NEVER really wanted much from his sorry-ass other than richard right from the jump.

Does anyone else see how HILARIOUS that situation is? He LIED to get in her pants by promising her dreams of relationship-bliss, when all she EVER really wanted was richard, but got into the relationship with him thinking that’s what HE WANTED and what SHE NEEDED to do in order to get that Big O she was craving from him. They BOTH simultaneously screwed each other, but I have to give him the majority of the blame in this scenario because he offered up the ORIGINAL lie of stating he wants a relationship from her. My boy is an IDIOT because he doesn’t realize that in 2012, a man NEVER has to LIE to any woman to engage in a friends with benefits or cut-buddies friendship.

Dudes, listen, this is NOT back in the days when women were wholly and completely sexually subjugated in every way, shape and form in our male dominated society. Hell, 50 years ago single women couldn’t talk about about getting squirtastic orgasms – PERIOD. In fact, MARRIED women couldn’t even brag about getting that Good D unless it was attached to her discussing conceiving a child. You think Wilma Flinstone could’ve ever talked about Fred “beatin’ that thang up like a boulder at the quarry”? Do you think Betty could’ve done the buss-it baby slow whine after laying it down on Barney in that cold, rock bed? HELL NAW.

The way society was set-up, women weren’t supported in ANY pursuit of sexual satisfaction UNLESS it came within the confines of a marriage. Now you can debate whether or not that’s a good or bad thing, but the fact is women have MUCH more autonomy in their personal lives than other before – which leads me to THIS point: Because grown-ass women are capable of making mature decisions about what they want to do with their bodies, it is VERY possible to find a woman who wants the SAME casual-relationship as YOU do. So PLEASE go and find THOSE women and STOP subjecting women to your unnecessary and lame GAME. Be straight up with the casual women and they will deal with you because they DON’T want drama in their lives either, and be honest with the more serious women so they can politely decline your straight-forward advance and point you in the direction of a woman more suited to your needs.

“Negro I ain’t tryin’ to hear all that relationship BS! Boy bye!”

See, a win-win for everyone.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

18 Comments

  1. petersburgh

    08/23/2012 at 6:35 AM

    Lol, your boy's situation is funny but I always make a point to be straight from the beginning. If I want a casual thing I say so and if I want something more serious I say so. It's much easier and far more honest than pretending which is a waste of my energy if you ask me

    • ChloeRayne516

      08/23/2012 at 10:04 AM

      Yup.

      but let's be honest here NOT ALL MEN are upfront like that . They can soon figure out which woman is down for a casual thing and who aren't so if he is trying to get in her goodie bag he will dangle that proverbial carrot (relationship) to get what he wants.

      • petersburgh

        08/23/2012 at 10:17 AM

        Yes I agree with you but I'm talking about myself not generally. I'm not going to waste 6-12 months of my life pretending to want a relationship for nani. That's too much time, energy and stress JUST for nani. I would do that for a serious relationship thoughSent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from LIME.

    • nolabels

      08/27/2012 at 12:57 PM

      Indeed.

  2. mena

    08/23/2012 at 9:48 AM

    I honestly don't think men or women just want to be used for sex and absolutely nothing more if the person has potential in general. Like, we say that we just want things to be casual but when someone of worth, or even someone that you feel that you are much better than, comes out and says to you "I just simply want causal sex and nothing more from you" that is an ego bruiser. At least for me it would be. Like, so I am not good enough to be your woman AND you want me to just let you bust off everywhere on me?!? Puh-lease.

    This situation is funny b/c they were both trying not to hurt the other one's feelings (by stroking the other person's ego while laughing on the inside) but ended up bruising each others egos and hurting feelings at the same time. Both may say that they don't care to save face but they probably do.

    • NurseJilly

      08/23/2012 at 2:40 PM

      I'm with you on this. I've never been one for "casual" relationships. I'm either with someone or I'm not.

  3. Melyssa

    08/23/2012 at 9:52 AM

    "it is VERY possible to find a woman who wants the SAME casual-relationship as YOU do."
    Yes this is very possible but if we are going to keep it all the waay really REAL!! Alot of men don't want those type of women for casual sessions and I will tell you why. Although he may just want something light and fun with her, he still wants the benefits of her being THERE FOR HIM. (cooking/cleaning/supportive,etc.) you know all the things that GF's give. A women who is truly down for the Smash-n-Dash WILL NOT be doing any of those things, she will keep it moving and only holla when she wants another round which in turn will make most men feel a certain kinda way (he just one of the eggs in her basket, she's emotionally unavailable, etc.)

    So yeah it all sounds good in theory; Find someone like-minded in regards to casual s.ex but in reality Men Don't Want A Woman Like That. #IKnowFromExperience.

    • mena

      08/23/2012 at 10:10 AM

      I agree with this too. People say that this is what they want but when someone doesn't catch feelings and the other feels like they should, it hurts the ego.

  4. CholeRayne516

    08/23/2012 at 9:58 AM

    "The fact that she kicked the Wet & Wavy activator gel right off his dome"

    *LMBOOOO*

    I think He lied so he could get the GF benefits from her all awhile HE was keeping it light because if he was to be hoenst with her, she wouldn't have been acting like a GF– you know Free Meals, sleeping over, loyalty and such.

    • mena

      08/23/2012 at 10:09 AM

      Yep. Selfish to the core.

  5. @DoWuSem

    08/23/2012 at 10:58 AM

    Is it possible to be smashing each other without one wanting more than that? Sooner or later emotions will get in the way.

    • pe.riche.

      08/23/2012 at 3:39 PM

      But isn't it better to just deal with the emotions if/when they come, rather than deal with the imminent implications of a lie?

  6. MistaHarsh

    08/23/2012 at 11:38 AM

    Ever heard the term if you're going to fack me, kiss me first?

    although women are more liberal and open with their sexuality they still want to be romanticized to some extent. No one wants to be called a ho but they are ok with indulging in hoeish activities. Just like men like having women on the side but will get tight when you call them a cheater. So I understand why your friend would lie to kick it but to call a woman wifey when you only see her during the times that Walmart is closed for business you're creating a ridiculous fantasy that would make even Rick Ross blush.

  7. Jessssss

    08/23/2012 at 3:58 PM

    The Femus-Indecisus (made up word) grazes in her natural habitat of norml-peopleville portraying herself as self assured woman of the new millenium (not sure if ppl still say that). She frollicks in clubs, lounges, dating websites, church meetings and the occasional summer bbq. In her dating profile she provides lengthy monologues of how "I ain't no one night stand" or "you'll wanna wife me up quick" when in reality she cannot admit to herself or others that an occasional squash (just to rid those unsightly cobwebs) from a well-endowed member of the opposite sex every 6 weeks is all she really wants.

    But tells her granny, her 1st Lady and the girl she sees in the mirror that she wants a husband. o_O

  8. mmmj

    08/23/2012 at 4:39 PM

    aw loved this linc. i told my new boss in maui about you.( yeah i moved from NY to maui for a few months) anyways, she wants me to give her some of your pieces. ive got to sift through them before shes ready for your common sense on squirtastic orgasms. ahhha anyways, i have a blog too! just started it yesterday. its mollyinmaui.blogspot.com
    check it out!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/23/2012 at 8:46 PM

      Great Blog. Great Pictures Too!

      Hope Your Boss Likes It!

  9. Paul B.

    08/23/2012 at 11:13 PM

    The ugly truth is that people have this incessant need to feel like they're winning. The problem is that they often have a skewed definition of it, and an even worse way of trying to get it, of which lying is an integral part in it. Some people have to feel like they came out ahead instead of breaking even which is why they don't get with people who want the exact same thing; they'd rather get somebody who doesn't want it and try to get what they want from the ones who don't want to give it to them, thereby satisfying their "need" to win. Are they actually winning? In their mind, yes, even though the repercussions could include getting their teeth kicked in.

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