It seems like every time the topic of love and marriage is brought up, there’s always a group of people who LOVE to propagate the perceived PERFECTION of old school relationships, and how people today are F*^KED because we aren’t more like our parents and grandparents. Even though these people were NOT around back in the day, and clearly have no realistic frame of reference for how things REALLY were, they feel overtly CONFIDENT enough to assert how much we as a society have backslid in terms of loving each other, committing to long term relationship and respecting marriage. Well, it’s about time to be honest as hell and label those anti-intellectual thoughts BULLSH*T.
About a week ago, Demetria L. Lucas wrote an article for Clutch Magazine called “Screw Your Good Ol’ Days” in which she addresses the BS notion that women back in the day had superior motives and values as compared to women of today. Her article was BANG-ON, and after yesterday’s blog post about What Is The Right Age To Marry, I felt compelled to piggyback off her point to address a larger and more IGNORANT issue: The ideology that relationships were so much more substantive than the coupling that occurs today. Times have changed but if you think it’s ALL been for the worse, you are wilfully ignorant.
Let’s talk about some key changes that have occurred in our society that have completely altered the dating scene as we know it:
1. Women Started Getting More Rights & Freedoms
We do NOT live in a world with complete gender-equality, but to compare it to 5, 6 or 7 decades ago, women have made SIGNIFICANT leaps in terms of being granted the basic rights they deserve. Women can vote, be CEO’s of corporations, be professors at universities and even referee NBA and NFL games without anyone making a fuss. This enhanced freedom has allowed women to do the SAME thing most men have always been able to do: Craft what they want their life plan to be.
If you think all, or most, women of your grandmothers generation had that choice you are SADLY mistaken. A lot of women only had the choice in how much children they wanted to have and even THAT was a stretch. Social and family pressure put great strains on women to follow biased gender roles, while restraining them from pursuing the same goals as men. Men had the upper-social-hand, and marriage was a KEY survival tool for many women. What you call loyalty, a sociologist would call lack of opportunity.
2. Dual Income Households Weren’t A Necessity
Ladies & gentlemen, take a look around you and tell me how many “Housewives” you know? Chances are, you know VERY FEW, if any at all. Why? Because we live in an economy that requires TWO fully employed adults to have ANY chance at running smoothly. It’s EASY to find a husband when you don’t have to worry about things like higher education, graduate programs, and building a career. It’s also easier for men to find a wife when you know throughout the dating process she will eventually NEED you, especially taking into account how much easier it was for a young man to purchase a home on his own.
3. Cheating Was Just As, If Not MORE, Frequent
The cheating-carbon-footprint a dude leaves behind in today’s technological world is INSANE. Text, Twitter, Instagram, 4Square, Facebook, Tumblr, Amateur Pr0n sites, Worldstar, etc. there’s MANY ways women and men can get CAUGHT slippin’. And because we see and hear so much first and second hand, we believe that we live in the most TRIFLING era ever – and that’s simply NOT TRUE. Cheating is not a modern day phenomenon and is NOT driven higher by any modern day trappings. It’s just the same old douchebags taking advantage of people, just like we have been doing to each other since the beginning of time.
We are no more or less loyal, committed, idealistic, realistic or hopeful about love and relationships than generations past. Stop idealizing your grandparents generation because a LOT of the things they had, you would HATE, and a lot of the stuff you take for granted today, they would have KILLED for.
This Is Your Conscience