My future wife, Elle Varner
Earlier today, I had a long-ass BlackBerry Messenger conversation with one of my homegirls who will be going on a BIG first-date later tonight. The dude she’s dating is very accomplished, attractive and in-HIGH demand from beautiful women all over our city, which is filling her with trepidation. Her issue is she wants to stand out from the pack, which seems somewhat difficult to her because of the modelesque chicks constantly congregating around his ballsack. Seeing as she was being WAY too hard on herself, I had to let her in to a reality many women don’t understand about men: Being sexy is a necessary part of our attraction to a woman, but combining even GOOD looks with GREAT character is the key to KEEPING a man interested in building a relationship with you.
One of the reasons I don’t text, message or call a lot of people is because so many people are terrible conversationalists, have boring-ass senses of humour, and are equipped with inane perspectives on anything outside of Kim K’s booty-crack or Kanye’s new shoes. The reason I like messaging my homegirl is because she is FUNNY as hell, knowledgeable about everything from Glass-Steagall to Clear Stripper Heels, and she could write a 10 page essay on anything from the Suffrage movement right down to why Superman could beat Flash in a foot-race. I’m not saying her personality is BETTER than anyone else’s, but it’s definitely unique and substantive, and THAT’S what makes her a catch [plus, she's cute too]. When she sits around stressing about OTHER chicks looking better than her, she keeps forgetting that LOOKS is NOT all a man needs to quantify potential wife material.
Issa Rae – WIFE material
I absolutely hate when women act like all men just want some dimepiece who can cook and has a fat p*ssy, as if we are troglodytes with no higher desire for love, affection and companionship. If there’s one thing grown-ass men can agree on, it’s that there is NO vagina on EARTH that can hold our attention from NOW until the end of time [no matter how sexy], WITHOUT an engaging and interesting personality. See a vagina is like a luxury car – it drives you WILD when you first see it, it’s amazing when you’re first in one, but the more and more you ride in it, the more the hype wears down. Before we know it, that Lexus SC430 feels like a 86′ Honda Hatchback.
But it’s her CHARACTER that keeps us coming back for more. The way she makes us feel, the jokes she says and laughs at, her giving spirit and just the overall high-quality woman she is everyday is what keeps every aspect of our relationship fresh [mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and YES, physically - especially if she's a freak]. Now don’t get me wrong, I will always live by my phrase “I can’t give your personality backshots”, so please don’t think I’m saying character is the ONLY thing that matters. I’m simply stating that it takes MUCH more than looks to KEEP a man interested – and if you are confident in your charisma [which you should be] then you stand MORE of a chance in MAINTAINING a solid relationship than any dime with her run-of-the-mill disposition.
This Is Your Conscience
24 Comments, Comment or Ping
lincolnanthonyblades
Ladies, Do You Think Men Highly Value Character Along With Beauty Or Do You Think That's Just Sh*t We Say To Sound Like Good Dudes?
Gentlemen, How High Do You Rank Character As Compared To Sex Appeal In Terms Of Wife Material?
Aug 10th, 2012
mena
I think most people value high character but sometimes it takes a while get to where high character is wanted more than just beautiful/handsome face/body. It's called going through stages where, hopefully by the last stage, you want a complete package instead of just beautiful wrapping paper.
Aug 10th, 2012
petersburgh
http://petersburgh.wordpress.com/2012/06/09/men-c… That's my view on this but for conversational purposes, character is rated very high in my book. There are only so much positions I can put my "wife" in before it eventually becomes repetitive but her character will never be. Remember, this person is who I will spend the rest of my life with so waking up every day loving who she is is more important to me than chossing which new position to put her in
Aug 10th, 2012
@IamSomethngElse
Character is important but is that what men are really looking at? It takes maturity to be able to look past that person and see their values, strengths and beliefs and I'm not seeing alot of mature men around here. Why waste time on a woman that's wifey material and makes you actually work for something when this new generation of trollops (old school word) is giving out less for free?
Aug 10th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
And here's the dilemma!!!!! Yeah good character and personality are awesome attributes when seeking a partner but realistically how many people especially men are trying to take the time to find that out about a certain women (read: waiting for s.ex) when they know they can smash bug booty Trudy with stank attitude within days of meeting her.
We ate living in a microwave generation… Everybody want what they want in 3 minutes or less… No stove top cooking anymore
Aug 10th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
Excuse my grammar, Damn this autotext.
*are* *big*
Aug 10th, 2012
Vicky
A GOOD man will value everything in a woman. Character, physique, mental state, etc.
Any other man just simply want to get it in and don't really care or value the important qualities of a wifey simply because they are not looking for one.
Aug 10th, 2012
Paul B.
This. To use an analogy, men shop differently then women. We generally don't by stuff just because; we tend to buy when we need it and have an immediate and definite use for it. I haven't seen women shop like that often. We will spend only the time we need to find it, and we already know what we are looking for and where we need to look when we go. This is a generality might add. If we don't have a use for it at the time or a need for it, why get it? The problem is the inability to reconcile a few facts: One, some women aren't as good as they think they are to the men they want to want them. Two, no matter how good they really may be, they can simply not be why those men are looking for at the time. Three, what women consider good isn't the sane as what men consider, or rather the order isn't. This one is where it gets so confusing to quite a few women because their usually female friends hype them up about how they're a great catch and any man should be lucky to have them. The problem is that men don't use women's standard for their selections; they use their own. I will continue this later.
Aug 10th, 2012
DBoySlim
@ Paul B I have to agree 100%
@ Vicky Why can't a man be considered good if he's not looking for a relationship?
Aug 10th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
"Three, what women consider good isn't the sane as what men consider, or rather the order isn't."
THIS^^^^!!!!!!
Yes it took me quite a few blogs and reads TO understand the pysche of a man. What men and women find attractive and/or consider a catch are NOT THE SAME.
Aug 10th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
and eaves dropping on my male friends and nephews conversations… *JesusWept*
Aug 10th, 2012
cynicaloptmst81
Great comment!
Aug 10th, 2012
mena
This is what i was alluding to up top and you are completely correct when it comes to the way men "shop" and the way women "shop". Well stated.
Aug 10th, 2012
NurseJilly
"We are living in a microwave generation"…
So true Chloe!!
Aug 10th, 2012
NurseJilly
"what women consider good isn't the sane as what men consider"..
YUP!!!
Aug 10th, 2012
A Grown Ass Man
That's not the major problem men are having in dating these days, it's the fact that good men and women are getting fatigued at the lack of quality dating options..
Men are looking for wife material just as hard as women are looking for husband material..
Aug 10th, 2012
Vicky
A man can still be a good man without being in a relationship, never would I deny that.
The point is that when a man is not looking for a relationship, their standards greatly decrease. You are not looking at ALL the qualities a woman can offer cause you are not in a mind set to find a wife.
Aug 10th, 2012
HerCommonSense
Absolutely agree. One thing this article should have discussed is how different people view wife/husband material at different stages in their lives. It changes as we mature and grow and find ourselves.
Aug 10th, 2012
Paul B.
*same* sorry. Lol
Aug 10th, 2012
NurseJilly
Good looking out Paul:)
Typing on my I pad… lol
Aug 10th, 2012
mena
Good way to put it. It's like buying your first home and then your dream home. The first home you want to be nice but it doesn't have to have all the fixings but your dream home needs to be near perfection since that is the home that you hope to stay in until death.
Aug 10th, 2012
Jessssss
I'm super late in commenting on this (my apologies) but I have witnessed countless men (friends, brothers,etc) deal with horrible , broke-backed slores who had an enormous backyard and zero personality. Even to the point of marrying some of these aliens. But then they want to cry and complain. My female friends have done the same. Its sad. They think that the indoor sports will supplement personality, maturity, financial security ,etc. I don't say much because its none of my business. But , if they do ask my opinion I ask them to question the initial motives of beginning a relationship with a chick you can't stand looking at outside the bedroom.
My two cents…
Aug 13th, 2012
A 23 Year Old Man
This is why I'll never be racist.
We're all fundamentally the same inside.
~ White Brotha representin'
PS plus, you use the word troglodyte in daily speech which makes me feel dumb. Props.
Jan 24th, 2013
A 23 Year Old Man
For me, it trumps it. I can't marry someone who's not at least attractive, but as long as she -is- attractive, on a basic level, there's a LOOOOT of leeway in what she can look like and still make me be crazy for her because of WHO she is. I can't marry someone who's not in a similar place as me, with a compatible character, personality, life goals and frankly, spiritual condition. Is she saved? It's not a shallow thing to be concerned about. If you have any sort of faith and really truly believe it, your whole life will revolve around it and it's not something you can overlook in a potential partner if you clash in that area.
To underscore the fact that I care more about personality than looks: I just can't get on board with the guys who are gaga for Kate Upton, J-Lo, and whatever new "girl next door" it's currently popular to pretend to want to have sex with. It just doesn't appeal to me. A woman whose body is exposed frankly isn't attractive to me, and I think part of it is because most women don't walk around in bikinis in daily life. I'm far more likely to turn my head at someone in a tshirt and jeans, or a dress that goes to the knees, or if it's cold out, a woman in a well-fitted coat or sweater. If you don't fall in love with the face — and the personality that's associated with it — her body's just not gonna do it for you. As soon as you get annoyed by that personality that came with the body you thought you liked, you'll toss it out like the piece of meat you were treating it as.
My blunt thoughts.
So I'd say character's at the top of my 'list.' Good looks seals the deal, it just happens to be the thing you notice first.
Jan 24th, 2013
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