Conventional wisdom tells us that a functional relationship can only be had between two people in peak mental and emotional health. It also states that our ‘relationship health’ can incredibly hampered by past instances of abject drama that we have not gotten over or moved past. Although this is NOT the case for ALL single mothers, there are many who are not at peak mental and emotional health because of the BS their frowsy-baby-father has put them through or the fact that his ass up and disappeared. By still following the ideologies of conventional wisdom, some people would assume that women who still have their child’s father in their life as an active and supportive influence, will give them a leg up on being able to have a positive relationship with a new man, since no constant drama will be present. Well, THAT’S where conventional wisdom starts to get it wrong.
The truth is, a single mother who has an extremely positive and loving relationship with the father of her child [who is a great parent and fully involved in his child’s life] can lead her to being able to have a potentially GREAT relationship with a new man – ONLY if she has the mental maturity to BALANCE the men in her life. Single mothers, I don’t want you to feel picked on, but YES, the onus IS on you to set the boundaries of the different men in your life, or your “perfect” scenario can end up going south QUICK AS HELL.
When the father of the child is NOT in the picture AT ALL, it can potentially deteriorate the quality of the relationship just by keeping her in a frowsy mood every time that dude does something, well, frowsy. But, believe it or not, that relationship is MUCH easier for the new guy to ingratiate himself into in many ways. Ask any single man who has ever dated a single mother before and he will tell you how the ONLY real problem dude’s MAY face is being forced to be the child’s father TOO SOON, but other than that it can be relatively stress free. But when you add a particularly good father to that, who comes around often, the situation changes from being easy, to creating many new complications. Complications that the WOMAN MUST sort out in order for their to be a flawless harmony in the household.
For example: Picture a single mother raising a young boy on her own, while the child’s father regularly pays child support, takes the boy to school as much as possible and pays for extra costs they need. The mother and the father go to the child’s special occasions together as a family, and they flawlessly raise the boy even though they are in two separate homes. And then NEW GUY appears, dates the mother for an extended period of time while interacting good with her son. They both start to get REAL serious – and THIS is where the questions come in:
– Moving out [can relocation occur?]
– Sleeping over [does the father take issue with it?]
– Time demands [is the new guy demanding too much of the mothers time?] etc.
See the Demi Moore Dating Dilemma is how do you juggle the genuine friendship of your child’s father with the love of the new man in your life, without creating any drama?
Well ladies, it’s like this: All parties involved MUST agree to basic house rules on privacy, parental concerns and decorum, and ladies you are the fulcrum that balances both entities. If you just sit back and take a “whatever happen gon’ happen” type of attitude, then sh*t may go bad FAST. But if you want to actually have a progressive relationship between both men, you need to simultaneously check BOTH of them so they know what you will and will NOT tolerate.
The stupidest thing you can do is let a protective baby-father and a possessive boyfriend go at it without any mediation. It SUCKS you have to do it, but it’s a necessary evil.
This Is Your Conscience