The More CRAZY You Reveal At The START, The BETTER Chance Your Relationship Has

Ok people, I PROMISE this is the LAST Chad & Evelyn-inspired post I’ll write for a LONG time, but it’s rare that one terrible relationship can be SO bad that it spawns all kinds of magical relationship-blogging material. Today’s post was particularly influenced by a Facebook conversation I had with a homegirl yesterday. Her take away from this Chad & Evelyn debacle is that Evelyn SCREWED herself over by allowing him to get to see “too much” of her too fast. In her opinion, Evelyn should have done a MUCH better job of concealing her craziness from him until much deeper into the relationship. I am here to tell you that is complete BS.

The biggest problem with relationships is what I refer to as the “After-Honeymoon Phase.This is the part of the relationship that occurs after the initial hype of the relationship dies down and you start to see the person you’re dating for who they TRULY are. It’s at THIS point when that person’s negative qualities start arising and the relationship starts to take a turn for the worse, because you find yourself in a relationship you never signed up for, dating a person you never signed up to be with. And all of this occurred because you both decided it was more important to be FAKE and inauthentic, than keeping it real about who you BOTH really were.

DURING the honeymoon phase…

Let’s be honest about something, when you meet someone for the first time and you decide to start dating that person, you greet them with a representative. A caricature of yourself who is much more respectful, likeable, and willing to acquiesce to your date’s demands.

Then you find yourself in a relationship with this person and you are all about doing whatever you can to please them because you feel blessed and honoured to have their heart and their mind, plus you get A LOT of sweaty, multiple-orgasmic, leg-can’t-stop-shaking sex. Everything is RIGHT with the world, and you are riding on an emotional high that is keeping you acting like a decent person.

And then the honeymoon ends – and your true frowziness becomes apparent. At the beginning he was all about taking her out to eat – even on Sundays knowing he would miss about 11 football games, but he DID it to make her happy. NOW he will damn near CUSS her out if she even MENTIONS the idea of leaving the house on a Sunday, whether it’s to buy some new flowers for the garden, or if it’s to take her to the ER for her broken leg ["B*tch you can't wait 'til half time?! Yo' leg ain't getting MORE broke!"]

And ladies, you aren’t much BETTER after the honeymoon phase ends. First you use to tease him about how he left his clothes on the ground and left the seat up, but now you feel like cutting a ninja for not acting right. Then you guys start to fight all the time, and you really debate whether it’s worth STRUGGLING for the relationship, when the truth is, if you were both more AUTHENTIC from jump street, you wouldn’t be in this position.

AFTER the honeymoon phase..

The reason I say MORE crazy equals a better chance the relationship has, is because the LESS you hide of yourself [including all of your intrinsic flaws] the more opportunity your date has of knowing exactly what they are getting into. If your date SEES your perceived cons right from the beginning, when they CHOOSE to start a relationship with you, there will be LITTLE to NO surprises, so after the honeymoon phase is over, you are left with the same person you originally feel in love with.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

23 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    08/16/2012 at 1:41 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think People Should Reveal Their Most Honest, Imperfect Selves RIGHT From The Beginning, Let Out The Crazy Slowly But Surely Or Do You Think They Should Hide It Until The Relationship Is More Serious?

    • J. A. Johnson

      08/16/2012 at 1:52 PM

      I went out on a date with a girl a couple months ago. And during the date + before the date, I was completely honest about who I am and what to expect. That being said, I'm not a heavily flawed person, but she was shocked and thought it was crazy to reveal yourself like that to someone. I thought she was an idiot for basically telling me to expect someone else if we were to be together. End of the day, she didn't want to be with me because of my laziness now and again…and I wasn't planning on being with her (she was only in the "Fun" category from the very jump).

      People tell me I'm crazy for stating my flaws or showing dates who I really am, though it usually doesn't scare anyone off nonetheless. The best relationships are the ones where we are honest from the very beginning. I had a girl who completely faked who she was, just so she could be with me. I realized it and she opened up and told me months after we began dating and I was too involved to just up and leave (though I did months after that anyways lol).

      • ChloeRayne516

        08/16/2012 at 2:21 PM

        "and I wasn't planning on being with her (she was only in the "Fun" category from the very jump). "

        If you don't mind me asking…… what was it about her that made you decide to put her in the "Fun" category even before getting to fully know her?

        • J. A. Johnson

          08/16/2012 at 3:08 PM

          Well see how they say a woman knows if she will sleep with a man within the first x seconds….a man knows what category to put a woman in within the same time frame. And its hard to get out of that category once it has happened.

          Majority of her being put in the "Fun" category was due to the vibe I got from her. It wasn't that of someone well spoken, highly educated, and mentally intriguing or interesting. Just a female with physical appeal.

          Things that didn't help her case:
          When I met her, she looked like a regular chic from "around the way". When I approached and got closer, I saw that she was wearing these stupid looking colored contacts (which made me almost think she was a teenager) and this weird looking blonde highlight in her hair.

          To solidify being in the "Fun" category even before the first date:
          She was a senior at the local college, yet had no plans about life after college or what she wanted to be. She informed me she was to be on 'Bad Girls Club', but turned them down due to their privacy requirements. A number of tattoos, which I'm not a fan of having a bunch for no reason. She also sounded materialistic and just like a fun time.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          08/16/2012 at 3:19 PM

          LoL Women LOVE To Ask This Question

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        08/16/2012 at 3:10 PM

        This Is The Full Truth Right Here.

    • Dee

      11/16/2012 at 2:11 PM

      Here, here!

  2. noena

    08/16/2012 at 4:17 AM

    No, what you see is what you get…
    Im clumsy and when I feel like acting silly- that's what I do. I also say a lot of stupid things. But when a guy is into me, I never pretend to be anything or anyone else – I want them to like me for who I am. All the guys I dated always told me that they felt at ease with me, that they could be theirselves (they said that either because they felt I was being myself so they could too – or ofcourse they just said that because girls love hearing that haha)
    My BF just laughs at my silly moves, he knew from the beginning what he was getting into.

    Starting a relationship (either as friends or partners) and being someone you're not will end up in a relationship a person has with whoever you were pretending to be and not who you are. In my eyes: not a real relationship :) So yes: DO reveal your imperfect self from the beginning!! (I also think it will make you an emotionally stronger person to do so)

    • mena

      08/16/2012 at 9:02 AM

      No need for me to even comment. I completely agree. Be yourself from the beginning. The truth always comes out eventually anyway.

  3. DatChikMalix

    08/16/2012 at 9:16 AM

    This post….Lincoln,you know when i imagine what my conscience looks like I see you Lol

    I agree with you 100%. This is the main reason for divorces. People don't want to be honest with themselves (first and foremost) and with there significant other. How can you commit for a lifetime and not really know a person??? I DON'T GET IT!!!*VALLEY GIRL VOICE*

    As for Chad n Evelyn…i called it that their marriage would end faster than Kim K's
    there was never any trust (on her part) so it was bound to fail!!!!!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/16/2012 at 3:09 PM

      Thanks Luv! I Always Appreciate When You Come Through And Support!

  4. MistaHarsh

    08/16/2012 at 9:30 AM

    Yup I told my woman from the jump about me. I'm a good dude but I'm facked up(I didn't tell her how, where's the fun in that?). She was prepared and intrigued by the mystic. Also it made her comfortable enough to tell me her flaws as well. So we both knew what we signed up for before it became serious.

    But again this only works for people who have the ability to honestly critique themselves. MANY people have no idea what their flaws are and are out of touch with themselves.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/16/2012 at 3:08 PM

      That Last Point Is Unfortunately True Too. Some People Are Either Ignorant Or In Denial Of Their Flaws Which Makes Things Wack.

  5. Paul B.

    08/16/2012 at 9:36 AM

    The irony is the people who claim to be wanted to be loved for who they are, pretend to be something they're really not. What they want is for you to get so complacent that by the time you find out the truth, you won't want to have to start over again with a new relationship so you'll stay in that one.

    • ChloeRayne516

      08/16/2012 at 10:29 AM

      Wellllllll. *church voice*

    • NurseJilly

      08/16/2012 at 11:22 AM

      PREACH!!!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/16/2012 at 3:06 PM

      Real Talk Tho!

  6. iluvwhoiluv

    08/16/2012 at 12:22 PM

    It's nothing but the gospel talking…preach on!

    Plus, it gives the other person a chance to decide whether he can accept you. But the key is to be truthful about the flaws…to give yourself an honest assessment.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/16/2012 at 3:07 PM

      Exactly. If He/She Doesn't Want Anything To Do With You As Soon As They See Some Flaws, Then You Might Have Saved Yourself A Shit Load Of Time.

      • Paul B.

        08/17/2012 at 2:09 AM

        To be fair, I don't think its about having flaws, but which flaws they are, especially if you lied about them. Also the biggest flaw that will run them off is lying about accepting them as they are when they showed you who they really were. In that case, you did them a favor.

  7. Rosa

    08/16/2012 at 1:47 PM

    Yes! you should always present your truth self faking is to much work.Starting a relationship deceiving is not going to last

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/16/2012 at 3:08 PM

      What I Try To Tell People All The Time.

  8. Dee

    11/16/2012 at 2:12 PM

    This is why we say, "Let. It. Be. Known."

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