The Most Confusing Relationship Ever: Ms. Something & Mr. Nothing

All of us are far too familiar with the dynamic of this relationship: the girl who is intelligent, beautiful, fine as all-hell, ambitious, productive and motivated to do something positive with her life a.k.a. Ms. Something, ends up dating a dude who flat out doesn’t deserve her for a myriad of reasons a.k.a. Mr. Nothing. Now this is NOT about women dating thugs, bad boys and gangsters, it’s about the TRUTH behind why so many women take CHANCES on guys who don’t give ANY real effort – just to end up regretting it in the end.

Ladies, how many times have you [or one of your girls] been in a relationship where the guy simply gave little to no effort but for some reason that NEVER destroyed the relationship, though it destroyed your emotional stability? Everyday Ms. Something’s go about their lives putting their man first, catering to him, and trying to be everything he could possibly want, need and desire – only to get a half-a*sed, noncommittal and aloof response back.

Ms. Something: “Baby, I think we should go away this summer and take a trip. I can buy the tickets with my discount at work and we can fly wherever we want!”

Mr. Nothing: “We’ll see. I gotta check my work schedule first.”

Ms. Something: “But you’re unemployed…”

Mr. Nothing: “B*tch you was just waiting to throw that in a nigga’s face huh?”

Now let me be very clear with the first part of my point: Ms. Something is an IDIOT who grasps at useless straws of a relationship because she somehow believes she doesn’t deserve better. Yes, she IS an IDIOT, and for all the positive qualities she has, she is missing the simple skill of recognizing the obvious – he gives NOTHING because ultimately he want’s NOTHING from your relationship. The most simple truism of relationships can be summed up in the far too overused quote: ‘When a man wants you there’s nothing that can keep him away, and if he doesn’t want you there’s nothing that can make him stay.”

With that said Ms. Something, stop calling your friends asking for relationship advice when the only advice anyone can give is the only piece of advice you’re NOT willing to take – leave him. Ms. Something, refrain from engaging in the same arguments with your man over why he can’t magically transform out of Mr. Nothing, because the fact is, he simply will NEVER be YOUR Mr. Something because he simply can NOT give himself to you like that.

Which brings me to my second point: Mr. Nothing is a genuine, 100% A*SHOLE. Mr. Nothing is a selfish, self-interested, egomaniac who has little to no ACTUAL compassion for what happens to other people, including his woman – and she will feel the BRUNT of it. Mr. Nothing is easy to spot because he doesn’t return your phone calls or texts, and if he does he does them HOURS/DAYS after you sent it to him. He is open for business from other women whether he proactively tries to get it in with them, or they flock to him. In general, Mr. Nothing has concluded he will NOT give anything to Ms. Something and can’t wait to end the relationship and get his Keyser Soze on – “and like that – he’s gone.”

Now Ladies, please don’t confuse Mr. Underachiever with Mr. Nothing. Mr. Underachiever is the man who TRIES to fulfill your needs but falls short, Mr. Nothing is the dude who couldn’t give a DAMN about what you’re going through and will never give you the effort you feel you deserve. The most confusing aspect of this relationship can be boiled down into one simple question: What’s the point of holding out to date a quality man if the man you find is uninterested in being with you?

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

44 Comments

  1. ME!

    11/11/2010 at 11:27 AM

    Thanks for the advice :)

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      11/12/2010 at 1:32 AM

      My Pleasure

  2. ddddddddddddd

    11/11/2010 at 12:25 PM

    Jesus christ… o_o

  3. Independent Woman

    11/11/2010 at 12:35 PM

    For once I can say I fully agree.

    But I don't think Mr. Underachiever exists. A lot of men try to play the role of Mr. Underachiever when they really are just Mr. Nothing.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      11/12/2010 at 1:33 AM

      Good Lord….Let Me Remember This Day!

      • MistaHarsh

        11/14/2010 at 6:05 AM

        LOL dido

      • NaijaSweetz

        11/14/2010 at 11:02 PM

        lmao.. Linc, I told you, the world is coming to an end. First I agree with you twice in a row and now THIS?? Oh, it's too much. I need to get my life in order.

      • NurseJilly

        08/29/2012 at 8:58 AM

        LOL

  4. Miz ex

    11/11/2010 at 1:28 PM

    lol love this!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      11/12/2010 at 1:35 AM

      Thanks Miz

  5. maxfab

    11/11/2010 at 1:36 PM

    I have been Ms Something too many times.
    Too
    many
    times.

    • ATLienSince82

      11/11/2010 at 1:23 PM

      How the hell does that happen???

      On behalf of Brothers Looking For A Good Woman Inc., i wanna know why yall stay loving off Mr. Nothing and ignoring the future Mr. Something?? Is it swag juice??! WHAT?

      • Queen Erudite

        11/11/2010 at 1:29 PM

        Haha at swag juice.

        Women feel very strong, and when we are in a relationship that we committed ourselves to, it's very difficult to just become disinterested in our man. He's OUR man and therefore we feel the need to fight for him even when we should be moving on to the next one.

      • Independent Woman

        11/11/2010 at 1:41 PM

        On behalf of Sisters Looking For A Good Straight Man LLC, I would like to know why so many of you ignore Ms. Something at the club to run down Ms. Probably-Will-Give-You-Something with her tata's all at the door?

        • A Grown Ass Man

          11/11/2010 at 1:56 PM

          Unfortunately men have not developed a character-radar yet, so until then we will continue to find those attractive who are visually appealing first.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            11/12/2010 at 1:34 AM

            Ahhh The Simple Logic Of Manlyhood. Y'all Gotta Love Us.

        • MistaHarsh

          11/14/2010 at 6:13 AM

          Can't say all but most men are not looking for love at the club, we're looking to shag. We'll have a greater success rate with Ms PWGYS

          I've never being able to build a strong relationship when the foundation is a club encounter.

      • maxfab

        11/11/2010 at 1:43 PM

        Sometimes women refuse to see the obvious. Or they think that if they put in enough work they'll win him over.

      • QueenSheeba30

        08/31/2012 at 12:44 AM

        not the "swag juice"!!!…lol.

  6. DatchikMalix

    11/11/2010 at 2:15 PM

    this post is some truth man!!!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      11/12/2010 at 1:36 AM

      Stop Frontin' Like You Know What This Post Is About With your Happily-Married Ass LoL

      • DatchikMalix

        11/12/2010 at 6:37 AM

        LOL!!!! *smacks forhead*Oh brother…I have single friends that keep me in the loop! Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.Envoyé sans fil par mon terminal mobile BlackBerry sur le réseau de Bell.

  7. maxfab

    11/12/2010 at 9:35 AM

    Honestly? I really don't think I have. But I'm probably not the right person to ask.

  8. Candice

    11/12/2010 at 12:17 PM

    I am Ms. Something…. then I WOKE UP !! When I was young and foolish, I had a boyfriend that was Mr. Nothing. I would take 2 buses just to see him, even though he was well aware that I was not allowed to see him and it takes me a long time to get home. He would never return the favour and he wouldn't come see me unless he had a ride and that RARELY happened. Eventually I grew tired of the same excuses why he could come see me and I gave him his walking papers. Now I can spot these Mr. Nothings from a mile away.

    • The_Mad_HATER

      11/12/2010 at 1:07 PM

      you need to step your self-confidence game up!

      • Candice

        11/13/2010 at 12:18 AM

        Why would I need to step my self-confidence game up? I'm not with that fool anymore nor will I ever be with a man like that again :)

    • ddddddddddddd

      11/12/2010 at 4:40 PM

      good lord u just described my situation to a t O_O…… save for the last 2 sentences. havent gotten there.

      • Candice

        11/13/2010 at 12:22 AM

        You will eventually get there. You have to realize u deserve better !!!

    • imakesense

      11/14/2010 at 12:39 PM

      lmao OMG this is grade 9 me! lol, I thought he loved me because he paid the cab ride from the bus stop, roflmao memories

  9. Lady B

    11/13/2010 at 6:13 PM

    I can agree with the idea that: "Ms. Something is an IDIOT who grasps at useless straws of a relationship because she somehow believes she doesn’t deserve better. "

    That's how I actually felt, like this was it and i couldn't do better. Then one day I travelled 12 hours by bus, fell asleep, woke up and saw Mr. Nothing outside with Ms. Get-In-Where-I-Fit-In and realized that this was nothing more than a waste of time and money.

    Fast forward 6 years and Mr. Nothing tracked down my sister through social networking to get a hold of me to tell me he's Mr. Something now and hasn't been able to find anyone who supported him when he wasn't even being very supportive of himself. He seemed shocked that I wasn't willing to fall all over myself with happiness that he had elected to come back to me. Which led me to deduce he still had a lot of Mr. Nothing characteristics that were governing his logic.

    I think age plays a big factor in those types of situations. When you haven't reached the point of knowing EXACTLY what you do and do not want you tend to settle for different variations of nonsense while you "find yourself".

    • imakesense

      11/14/2010 at 12:41 PM

      I travelled 12 hours by bus, fell asleep, woke up and saw Mr. Nothing outside with Ms. Get-In-Where-I-Fit-In
      :(

      • iluvwhoiluv

        08/29/2012 at 11:05 AM

        Now he definitely was a fool!

        So sorry you went through this…

  10. Tia Bliss

    11/21/2010 at 7:48 AM

    Oh my goodness! This is sooo currently me, right down to a T!

    I’m Ms. Something!

    Although slowly & surly opening my eyes to the bullshigitty being heeved upon me by Mr. Movie-Producer-Nothing. Thanks for the lesson… I figure I’ll finally get it after being done with my millionth Mr. Nothing in a row…

  11. Ange

    08/29/2012 at 7:10 AM

    I couldn't agreee more! I think that most women have been in this situation at least one. The key is to recognize the behavior and avoid it at all costs again. I will be damned if I am Ms. Something to Mr. Nothing again. I am now Ms. Sir please miss me with that bullshit.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/29/2012 at 7:53 AM

      LOL! Good to hear Ange.

    • GrandCentral

      08/29/2012 at 9:12 AM

      It usually happens when we are younger. It's all a part of the learning process. Makes for great story telling when were are older and wiser.

  12. ChloeRayne516

    08/29/2012 at 8:57 AM

    These kind.of dudes (Mr. Nothing) are easier to spot after you've had the experience of having a MR. SOMETHING.. Quite a few women have never been with a Mr. Act Right so when Mr. Nothing in any form comes knocking he will get in.

    Now I ain't saying there's anything wrong with dealing with a Mr. Nothing if that is what you are looking for at that moment just make sure you are.not his Ms. Awesome Everything

  13. GrandCentral

    08/29/2012 at 9:11 AM

    Preach!

    Women must know and fully understand their worth. Their realistic worth. A man will only do to you what you will allow him to do. If you don't expect and demand more (in your initial selection) then you can't expect him to give you more.

    I roam across the web and read a couple of other blogs and one of my fav's is "Black Girls Are Easy." The best line i ever saw come from the writer was regarding a similar situation to what Lincoln has described above. He basically said he frequently received emails from women asking "why do I keep meeting broke men?" His response was if you are always meeting broke men, then you're in places where broke men "habitate," so why are you on their turf? LOL! I love this line and it applys to Ms. Something. Surround yourself with like minded people and date link minded people. You knew Mr. Nothing was Mr. Nothing when you met him. He is remaining consistent in his nothingness (yes Lincoln, I stole that from one of your podcasts), recognize this.

  14. Kim

    08/29/2012 at 9:36 AM

    I think Ms. Somethings need to lean back, let the man come to them. Dial down the masculine energy – planning, paying, doing… and see what happens. Maybe the Mr. Nothings will grow some cojones.

  15. Piscean

    08/29/2012 at 12:36 PM

    I have to say that I agree wholeheartedly with this entire post. I have been in this exact same scenario. Mind you, it didn't take me too long to get my mind right.
    Not at all excusing why we women have done this in the past… But I can explain that for myself I was doubting my worth.
    Got my heart broken by a guy I really cared about and the options in the dating scene was so weak. I had recently got unemployed and was finding myself depressed. Mr. Nothing showed up and played the role of Mr. Underachiever and I fell for his story. I felt "needed" and I also felt like If I tolerated him in his hard times, he would have my back as well. Needless to say, I was incredibly wrong and completely blame myself for not listening to my intuition and taking heed of the red flags that were popping up everywhere.
    Thankfully, I woke the f**k up and left him where he was and remembered the old girl who didn't tolerate crap and recognized my self-worth.
    Great post!

  16. QueenSheeba30

    08/31/2012 at 12:50 AM

    Great Post!!
    This brought back memories… buddy said the most he could bring to the table was Food Stamps and D!@k!???…True Story.

  17. Porsche

    09/04/2012 at 2:36 PM

    Great Post!

    I was with a Mr Nothing that recently turned into Mr Underachiever for me. He tried his best to do better but he just wasn't enough. Luckily it only took 6 weeks before my shitdar went off and I dumped him. Yeah I've never really been into the whole giving my all to a man that doesn't give it into me. Thank God that's over!

  18. Allegrei

    10/11/2012 at 4:35 AM

    I am Ms. something and married to Mr. nothing, I first knew it when we are 2 1/2 months in a relationship as girlfriend-boyfriend then we get married. I got pregnant and he said he's not ready but I constantly persuade him to please marry me coz I am afraid to grow my child without a father. Now we are 5 years married, we have so many differences and conflicts, me as overly responsible and he as overly irresponsible. Sometimes, I wanna give up, we had fight of course, but not physical or verbal… it's a long battle of silence and that's makes me cry overnight. He don't talk when he's mad, he don't even suggest what to do next, he don't even share what's on his mind. And he sometimes told me to lets get separate and that's makes me hopeless and down. I'm still waiting for him to look at least a little to mind my effort from the day one that we slept together as couple until now.

    and I'm Idiot, I know it.

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