The Pitfalls Of Dating The Potentially “Perfect” Person

She’s everything you think you SHOULD want…but something’s just – off.

If you are a grown-ass adult with a decent dating experience, there’s a high probability you’ve dated the potentially “Perfect” person before. This is someone who could be absolutely amazing on paper [great career, makes good money, own car, own place, successful, etc], or someone that fits much of your necessary personality and character traits [smart, funny, charismatic, ambitious, etc.], or someone who everyone else feels a vibe with [the one your parents, friends and co-workers ALL like]. This person is such OBVIOUS long-term potential and filled with so many traits that you admire, that it becomes easy to see them as the love of your life, except for one small problem: You just don’t like them like THAT.

And every time you feel those seeds of neglect and doubt rear their ugly head, you FIGHT that feeling with ALL your might because you feel as if succumbing to those “petty” issues would be tantamount to blowing your great future with a great person simply because you are too immature to handle the problems of a real serious relationship. Some women have men that are smart, driven and successful, but are BORED to TEARS by him and find him slightly pompous – but she stays because of the perceived “perfection” in regards to his high husband-material stature. Some men have women that are loving, devoted and highly intellectual, yet he can’t get over her the fact she has no sense of humour – but he won’t break up with her because she’s WIFEY-material. And when these men and women find themselves in these situations, feeling the way they do, the predominant emotion they are flooded with is GUILT – because they feel like they should be able to RISE above those “small BS” issues.

But here’s the thing: That feeling in your gut telling you that’s NOT the right person for you should NOT be ignored. You need to embrace it, because [as much as you don’t want to admit it] all that persons perceived “perfection” does not equate into them being perfect FOR YOU.

Your parents think he’s perfect; Your friends think he’s perfect; But you just can’t dig him – like THAT.

The feeling you are having is NOT wrong. In fact, it’s more right than you can ever imagine, because its preventing you from making what may be the biggest dating disaster of your entire life. Since your mind has processed the perceived perfection of this person, you will begin to force yourself to love them because you feel “you SHOULD.” This will lead to you extending a flawed courtship into a problematic relationship and maybe even a marred marriage, all because they seem like the right person for you on paper.

You are NOT over-thinking it – your heart is simply giving you warning signs that you would be smart to take heed of.

Now, I’m not advocating you embody the 80/20 rule [ruling someone out who has 80% of the things you want, because they don’t have that extra 20%], but I AM advocating that when you feel those emotions, you adequately examine if what’s bothering you is truly that 20%. In the case of the woman above, being bored with her lover may SEEM like a small thing [20%] to her, but that may be a CRUCIAL value that’s extremely important for her man to have. In the dudes’ case, having a woman with a sense of humour may SEEM like an unnecessary attribute, but maybe that is INCREDIBLY more important to him than he knows at the time.

So here’s the point: Being with the person thats SEEMS like the right fit, is not more important that being with the person that FEELS like the right fit. If loving your life-partner is important to you, I suggest you make it your business to find out what REALLY makes you happy.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.