When I saw the movie “Think Like A Man”, of all the different couples I found Gabrielle Union and Turtle from Entourage to have the most commonly relatable relationship issue. In today’s modern western dating world, one issue that many women are running into is encountering men they WISH had a little more motivation or drive or [insert intrinsic character trait here] that would make that man a MUCH more desirable partner, and damn near perfect. And when most women meet a man who is one-slight characteristic away from perceived perfection, it’s not unheard of for her to request [and then subsequently DEMAND] that he makes that change – but all too often women never realize that they are playing with fire.
I have a FEW homegirls who, in the past 3 years, have dated men they felt were not striving to achieve enough and not maximizing their potential – so they DEMANDED that they change. Each of my homegirls sat down with their men, and passionately requested that they step the hell up, or else the relationship may be too far gone to save. Aside from my one homegirl who just got left by her man for a frowsier chick who would accept her ex’s BS, the other 2 actually got their men to increase their personal and professional motivation and make something of themselves.
Guy 1 went from being a lazy ex-athlete installing cable boxes in residential neighbourhoods to getting a managerial office job at the same company with a higher salary, while also returning to the gym and taking boxing classes to get back in shape.
Guy 2 went from playing video games all day and smoking with his boys, to starting an online tech-support company and returning to school to get his MBA.
Both guys made these changes because their women DEMANDED they step-up. Seems like a happy ending huh? Well, keep reading.
Guy 1, who now looks like he did back in his college basketball days and is making a lot more money, has also started to become a bit of an egomaniac. He’s more hard-ears than ever before (that means “his ass don’t like to listen to nobody” for my non-West Indian readers) and now my homegirl is stressed because he doesn’t treat her like he use to.
Guy 2, has become a motivated, self-starter and WORKAHOLIC who would rather reply to emails than spend a lovely night with his woman.
What’s my point you ask? Well it’s simply this: Most men’s internal make-ups are like Jenga sets – the higher YOU try to build him up, the shakier he becomes because you started playing around with how he’s BUILT, which starts affecting more changes than you can imagine. Human beings are all complex creatures, and that’s why I find it funny when some women believe that they can actually just DEMAND a man changes with a tragic ultimatum and believe that only POSITIVE results can occur from the change. A man is NOT a hard drive – you can not just install a program into him, and have it coincide perfectly with all the other programs there.
Ladies, the ultimate point here is that YOU cannot BUILD a perfect man. In fact, you should find the idea of a perfect man absolutely ridiculous. Now this does NOT mean that ANY woman should accept a whutless, lazy, musty-ass unmotivated man, but it DOES mean that you should focus on being the IMPETUS for his change – not the overt cause. The best change a man can make is altering his being due to a natural sense of self-awareness regarding his areas of improvement. As subtle as the change may take to begin, it won’t be FORCED or COERCED which will give his newfound desires the ability to develop and progress naturally.
A man can definitely improve for the better, but trying to FORCE him to do so on YOUR watch is not always going to result in positive changes.
This Is Your Conscience