Want To Know Why Your Relationships Never Work? Because You’re Always In One

Ladies & Gentlemen, have you ever wondered why your relationships always seem to hit a road block? Ot why you can’t seem to find a genuinely cool person who understands you and loves you for who you TRULY are? Well I’m here to tell you what the big problem is:

YOU.

It is absolutely NO coincidence that the people I know who are perpetually UNHAPPY in their relationships are also the same ones who are incapable of spending an adequate amount of time being SINGLE and on their own. I don’t give a damn what ANYONE tries to tell you,  after encountering a uniquely frowsy DOUCHEBAG we ALL need a second to catch our breaths, regroup and re-focus our minds on what our TRUE goals should be. The only positive of being in a terrible and dysfunctional relationship is the fact that it helps you GROW by teaching you a lot more about yourself and what type of people you need in your life – but how the HELL can you progress mentally and emotionally if you never even give yourself a second to study the Heaven and mostly Hell that person just put you through?

Too frequently people like to “Relationship Jump” by constantly dating and having some jackass all up in their grill. If you are ALWAYS with someone I can guarantee this: You will NOT be able to experience as much progressive personal growth as you NEED to be a mature functioning adult. Many of us are naturally loving, caring creatures with an innate need to work hard in a relationship and, in many cases, even put our significant other’s needs in front of our own. That is NOT how you achieve successful Self-improvement.

I’m NOT really sure what keeps men and women bouncing in and out of relationships, whether it’s the inability to have casual sex, the fear of being alone, or just simply being addicted to chasing love. But I DO know that constantly moving from one person to another prevents us from gaining true introspection into the person who means the MOST – ourselves.

Back in the days, when I was much younger I would get extremely frustrated when a sexy SINGLE girl would take herself OFF the dating-market because she wanted to focus on school, her job, or just be alone and focus on herself and what SHE wants. Now that I’m older, I can definitely chalk that up to me being mad she was taking her NANI off the market and depositing it into an ING Savings Account to grow stronger over time. But now I’m glad to say I’m mature enough to recognize how much strength, character and self-reflection it takes to be able to truly admit that you need time alone, not just for you to find the right person, but also for you to be the right person for someone deserving.

If there’s one part of this equation we don’t talk about enough, it’s the innocent bystanders who get their heart-broken because they choose to love YOU – yet YOUR ASS is in no mental or emotional condition to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend to them, because you never took a chance to let your past hurt and bitterness subside. Don’t just do YOURSELF a favour, do everyone else a favour by not passing along your hurt.

Because honestly folks, no one can provide you with what you truly want, if YOU don’t even know what you really deserve.  

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

16 Comments

  1. Ms.Jordan

    04/15/2010 at 8:49 PM

    AMEN!

    Hate to put it out there but I've known girls who have said "I just can't stand sleeping alone". Which is why they run into a relationship right after the other.

    It's like they are trying to fit the wrong puzzle piece in a spot that doesn't fit. They mash it down and bang it down with thier fist. Now it's just whack puzzle that isn't put together properly.

    The desperation to have a man at their side whether he's good or not comes out thier pores like sweat. Trying to turn a man into something he's not b/c they sooooo badly want a relationship. Than they get upset when it doesn't work out that way. He wasn't supposed to be there! Not every guy is hubby material.

    It's ok to be alone. Sure it gets lonely. Sure, you might sometimes cry at night. But it's much better to wait for someone who is suited for you to come along.

    • LAYO

      04/16/2010 at 10:05 PM

      true talk

  2. Layla Adonia

    04/16/2010 at 12:13 AM

    "Back When I Was Younger I Use To Get Frustrated When A Sexy SINGLE Girl Would Take Herself Off The Market Because She Wants To Focus On School, Work Or Just Be All To Focus On Her Self And What She Wants. Now That I’m Older I Can Definitely Chalk That Up To Me Being Mad She Took Her Nani Off The Open Market And Put It In An ING Savings Account To Grow Stronger Over Time. "

    LMAO Lincoln sometimes…just sometimes your too hilarous! lol…u already know my views on this.

    Completely agree. As GREAT as it is to have someone around you whenever you need to be saved, but sometimes its better to figure it out on your own ladies! It's a different kinda of strength!

  3. DatchikMalix

    04/16/2010 at 4:53 PM

    AMEN!!!!

    dont ever expect a man to do for you what you can't do for yourself!!! :)

  4. lincolnanthonyblades

    08/31/2012 at 6:34 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think Time Is NECESSARY Between Each Relationship Or Is It Simply Different Strokes For Different Folks? Also, If You Believe Time IS Necessary, How Much Is A Good Amount And How Does Someone Know They Are Ready To Date Again?!

  5. Smilez_920

    08/31/2012 at 8:05 AM

    You should take time after a relationship too reflect and not make the same mistakes. You don't have to wait two yrs, but 4 or 5 months is good. And even if you meet Someone you don't have to jump into a relationship, just start off being friends and work slow.

    with us living in a society where some try to make being single look like a disease ( at least for women) some ppl just want a bf/gf to say they have one.

    • mena

      08/31/2012 at 8:22 AM

      That last sentence holds too much truth.

  6. mena

    08/31/2012 at 8:24 AM

    Different strokes for different folks. Be true to yourself is what it really comes down to. Not that many people actually self reflect whether they are or aren't in a relationship.

  7. @TrueOmegaNexus

    08/31/2012 at 9:23 AM

    This is exactly why I dont trust people that go directly from one relationship to another with no "break time" in between its a huge red flag to me.

  8. Della Ware

    08/31/2012 at 9:40 AM

    I notice this a lot with men. I heard a saying… Women mourn, men replace. Dudes seem to jump from one relationship to the next without hesitation.

  9. BADDEST

    08/31/2012 at 9:53 AM

    time between relationships is contingent on how much self reflection was done prior to ending the relationship. If you have labored over the decision to leave someone, put in the work necessary to improve the declining relationship and then happen to meet the man of your dreams the week after the split…who's to say that the new relationship is a guaranteed fail?

    • Smilez_920

      08/31/2012 at 11:10 AM

      It's not a guarantee fail. But a lot of ppl don't do what you stated above. They're still hurt, confused , mad and jump into another relationship because their lonely ie want to make someone jealous.

      But I've seen healthy ppl do what you stated above.

      • BADDEST

        08/31/2012 at 11:36 AM

        exactly….because healthy people dont leave relationships on a whim…..I think the issue isnt time between relationships but rather break up styles and standard of connection being sought.
        One should never leave a relationship until they are certain that in that very moment THEY THEMSELVES are at the caliber they wish their partner would live up to……..these statements are intended in general obviously, if youre dating an abusive asshole dont band aid it with another until youre sure your choices in partners are good ones…..

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  12. the perfect resume

    09/20/2014 at 5:56 AM

    This is a wonderful article and a great help to those people who never succeed in working out the relationship. This article can help them realize their mistakes they make in a relationship. Thanks a lot for sharing this useful post.

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