When Your Lover Shows You Who They Really Are – BELIEVE Them

“Naw, just tell me ONE more time how you accidentally tripped, and fell d*ck-first into that b*tch..”

Earlier today, I found out the HILARIOUS news that Ochocinco and crazy-ass Evelyn were about to break Kim K’s world-record for shortest marriage span in 2012, after Evelyn announced she has filed divorce papers to get the HELL away from Chad. When this news broke it was very funny to hear people’s reactions: Gold-diggers were mad at Evelyn’s punk-ass for not sticking around longer to collect more, decent women wanted to give Chad the Ike Turner treatment and men complained about chad “deserving better” than Evelyn’s everywhere-including-the-road rage. THAT last statement I definitely DISAGREE with. Chad doesn’t deserve ANY better than what he got in Evelyn because she SHOWED him who she TRULY was all throughout their dating process – and he STILL decided to put a ring on it.

Yesterday I wrote about Emotional Dishonesty and how some people will PRETEND to love you, have YOU love them, and advance the seriousness of the relationship all the way to marriage, even though they aren’t keeping it real with how they really feel. We know those douchebags are out there, but on the OTHER end of the spectrum, there are people who are open books about their lives – and their books are more BASIC than Dr. Seuss (and sometimes more RATCHET than Karrine Steffans autobiography). THIS is the end of the spectrum that Evelyn Lozada lived in, but MUCH more importantly that’s the side that many of OUR girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands, wives and fiancés live on in terms of being OPEN-BOOKS and we often OVERLOOK those issues because we hate to believe them.

I know women who date men who are aloof towards them, neglect them, treat them with little to no respect and use the sh*t out of them – but if you ask her what’s good, she can make EVERY excuse in the book for his actions. She can run down a million and one reasons why it’s NOT her man’s fault that he got ARRESTED again, or CAN’T keep a job, or is unwilling to honour their monogamy and it ALL comes down to one main issue: He’s CLEARLY showing who he is, but she REFUSES to believe that’s ACTUALLY what he’s made of.

I know COUNTLESS dudes who date women who CAN’T be faithful to them, can’t give him his due respect as a good man, and act like crazy, insecure, trifling BEEYOTCHES – but ol’ dude can invent every and any excuse under the sun to legitimize her behaviour [plus she probably got that snapper]. What it boils down to is the fact that she is being CLEAR about who she is, but he just REFUSES to acknowledge that she really IS the DOUCHE he hopes she’s not.

You REALLY didn’t know your girl was crazy when you called her to tell her that you would miss her Bday party because your momma tripped and fell down a flight of metal stairs and she responded with:

And this is my perspective on Chad & Evelyn, as well as anyone else trying to date and find love in this world. We are ALL inherently worthy of finding love from someone who honours us with the same affection and care that we are willing to bestow upon them. BUT we don’t DESERVE a damn thing if we ACCEPT their continued frowziness all throughout dating, the engagement and the marriage. Hell if you keep dating someone after seeing they are an insufferable jackass with no redeeming qualities, at that point you DESERVE the pain and heartbreak you are about to endure.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    08/15/2012 at 3:19 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, What Can Someone Do To You During The Dating Process [Aside Form The Obvious Shit Like Cheating And Slapping Your Momma] Can Someone Do To PROVE To YOU That You Guys Probably Will Not Last?

    • ChloeRayne516

      08/15/2012 at 7:45 AM

      If they are constantly disappointing me, not following through their words by way of their actions.That would definitely be a red flag as well me getting a clear glimpse of the kind of person he is.

      Fcuk that his actions should speak louder than his words……. I say HIS ACTIONS AND HIS WORDS SHOULD BOTH ALIGN…..

      Chad and Evelyn both equally showed each other who they were…. Buuuuut they both had agendas and goals for why they hooked up.

      • Smilez_920

        08/15/2012 at 7:55 AM

        +1 @Chole. I believe that people do what they want to do and make time for things they want to make time for.

        As far as chad and Evelyn they are both wrong. She should him who she was attitude wise and he showed her who he was commitment wise before they got married.

        I don't feel sorry for her or him. I don't condone domestic violence but I also don't condone ppl outright their hands on others period unless they are defending themselves.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          08/15/2012 at 1:53 PM

          And The Self-Defense Aspect Remains To Be Seen..

      • Ange

        08/15/2012 at 8:01 AM

        ::does praise dance:: Yes!! Say that again.

        • Jessssss

          08/15/2012 at 12:11 PM

          love the praise dance!

      • NurseJilly

        08/15/2012 at 8:51 AM


        Exactly!!! I hate the whole actions speak louder than words line.

        • ChloeRayne516

          08/15/2012 at 10:14 AM

          Exactly!!!!! That that ish that got alot of women stuck in Fwb or fcuk buddy mode because he told her he just wanna chill or kick it but yet he showed BF type actions….and she went by his actions while ignoring his words.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        08/15/2012 at 1:53 PM

        How Can A Man Disappoint At The Start Tho?

    • NurseJilly

      08/15/2012 at 9:07 AM

      I have a few things that set off red flags for me. One of my major deal breakers is aggression. (not talking sexual aggression thats A OK) Perhaps its due to my past but when I get a glimpse of that I am very cautious.
      A miserable attitude is also a huge one for me. I fully understand that not everyday is gonna be a ray of sunshine but if someone always leans toward the glass being half empty we aren't gonna work so why waste time?

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        08/15/2012 at 1:55 PM

        Real Talk On The Frowsy Attitude!

    • @simplynolabels

      08/15/2012 at 9:51 AM

      For me, it's when the actions and words aren't in alignment. That is definitely a tell tale sign. Or someone to get mad enough to make moves to put his hands on me–violent tendencies, things of that nature.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        08/15/2012 at 1:55 PM

        Give Me An Example Of The First Point.

  2. B.T.

    08/15/2012 at 5:38 AM

    Dude! You so hit the nail on the head with this one! As much as women get on men they date for being douchebags, at the same time, they still remain in relationships with those same douchebags, knowing that they'll never change. It goes the other way around for men too. I was saying from the jump that Chad shouldn't have messed with Evelyn anyway because of the craziness she displays on the reality show, but he did anyway and look what happened. So he can't say she trapped him or nothing.

    • NurseJilly

      08/15/2012 at 8:54 AM

      Right!!! You can't possibly watch this woman act like a nut on TV like she has no upbringing and think she'd make a good wife and mother one day…

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        08/15/2012 at 1:52 PM

        That Shows Us All How LOW Chad's Standards Are, So I Don't Wanna Hear SHIT About Him Not "Deserving" Her…They Deserve Each Other.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/15/2012 at 1:51 PM

      Real Talk…Looks Like She Was Just As Crazy BEFORE The Ring As After.

  3. Ange

    08/15/2012 at 7:58 AM

    If a man cannot keep his word, I know we don't have much of a future. My friends think I am a bit harsh, but I believe that if a person cannot do what they said they would do, they are not going to do anything you ask of them. This person is clearly showing you that they are not someone you can depend on and that you are not a priority. Things like repeatedly not calling when he said he would, dates that he mentions that never really happen, and even flaking on other people when he made plans are all warning signs. A guy I recently dated always offered up help, but never quite seemed to execute the plans HE initiated. My car broke down and he quickly decided that he was going to start a car fund to help with repairs. I never got $1. I took up golfing this summer. He plays and said that I would benefit from lessons. He even said that he would finance a lesson or two. No lessons. I don't nag, so I just decided to allow things to unfold. I had another inconvenient issue arise and he was quick to ask how he could help. I took that opportunity to mention all the other things he PLANNED on doing that never quite got checked off on his to do list. I told him that the road to hell was paved on good intentions and that I was no longer interested in hearing his. We always have an excuse for things and some of them very well may be valid. But at the end of the day, they are still just excuses. People who constantly have excuses are showing that they are just not ready for a relationship with you.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/15/2012 at 1:50 PM

      How Long Did It Take You To Realize All Those Shortcomings In Him?

  4. Mimi

    08/15/2012 at 8:06 AM

    I agree with you but let me say this. I want to preface this by saying, men should never lay hands (or heads) on a woman out of aggression or anger…
    But this chick Evelyn has A LOT of damn nerves! This is the same chick, who for the past 2 seasons of Basketball Wives has hit, slapped, bullied, and threw bottles at almost every other woman on the show. She has threatened Jennifer on several occasions with, "Every time I see you, I'm going to fuck you up." And now because of the "Headbutt felt around the world" she want to take a stand against domestic violence. How about she take responsibility for some of her past behaviors and take a stand against violence IN GENERAL. If the allegations are true, Chad is 100% wrong. But let's keep it real, Evelyn has been KNOWN for flying off of the handle over the slightest thing and I wouldn't be surprised if she went after him first.

    • NurseJilly

      08/15/2012 at 9:01 AM

      Couldn't agree more!!!

      I think she is a total hypocrite and she makes me sick. How the hell can someone who has glorified violence and straight ratchet behaviour in the past take a stand on domestic violence? Ridiculous!!! I will say that he is 100% wrong for harming her but lets be honest who thinks she didn't slap/ throw a bottle @ him when she found those condoms?? Doesn't excuse what he did but makes her a perpetrator of domestic violence just as much as him.


      • lincolnanthonyblades

        08/15/2012 at 1:47 PM

        I Hope All The Facts Come Out Soon Because I REALLY Want To Know Who Bought Them Condoms & Who Head Butted Who

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/15/2012 at 1:46 PM


      But Just Like I Told My Boy, That's NOT A Discussion We Are Ready To Have Yet Because It's Too Soon. I Would LOVE To Write About The Reality Behind Some Domestic Abuse Cases But It's Pointless.

      • mena

        08/16/2012 at 12:39 AM

        Do it. Just be tasteful in the language you use. Bottom line, men and women can both provoke domestic violence. Doesn't make it right in either case.

  5. Paul B.

    08/15/2012 at 11:47 AM

    Pretty much.

  6. MistaHarsh

    08/15/2012 at 11:50 AM

    Chad knew the type of girl she was but he obviously though(like all guys with big egos) that he could handle her. What he didn't realize was that her profession and means of income is drama and Chad's cryptonite to his profession and means of income is drama. With this incident ol girl will be HIGHLY sought after for interviews, shows documenting her road to recovery, spokesperson offers for domestic abuse organizations and much subject matter to fill up the vapid industry that is reality tv.

    Chad on the other hand will not get signed again ever, lose endorsements and will be vilified by the same industry that thrives on violence and videotaped assault all because he thought he was the shit enough to handle that beeyotch…how crazy is that?

    When keeping it fake goes wrong…

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      08/15/2012 at 1:44 PM

      I REALLY Don't Know Why People Are SO Sure He Will Get Signed Again…As Far As I See, He's DONE

      • MistaHarsh

        08/15/2012 at 5:17 PM

        Seriously! If it took T.O. that long and T.O. had the better year on the Bengals NO WAY any team will put up with Chad….Can't wait for the NFL to start! I know it will irk you to watch my boy Tavaris Jackson air it out to T.O. down field. lol

    • NurseJilly

      08/15/2012 at 2:04 PM

      "When keeping it fake goes wrong"


  7. RoseBud

    08/15/2012 at 10:57 PM

    "People who constantly have excuses are showing that they are just not ready for a relationship with you." I couldn't agree more Ange.

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