1st Rule Of Dating: Never DEMAND More Than You ARE

Him: “Cotdayum girl! What you tryin’ to serve me with your non-cooking ass?!”
Her: “Oh I’m sorry, I forgot your ass is really CHEF RAMSEY!”
Him: “B*tch don’t try and turn this around on me!”

As far as I’m concerned, everyone should have high dating aspirations. This means your FIRST concern should be dramatically improving yourself to align your current tangible and intangible qualities along with someone YOU would consider a good match. Then, your SECOND concern can be attempting to find that person, and gauging how far above and below your standards, you are willing to go in order to find your TRUE match. But, if there’s ONE thing you definitely should NOT be doing, it’s DEMANDING someone brings all the positive qualities to the table that you currently CAN’T MATCH – that makes you a lottery-daterand lottery-daters don’t deserve a DAMN thing.

A lottery dater is someone who wants to be blessed with relationship riches – yet has NONE of their own. They want someone with great tangible qualities like money, success, independent wealth, stylish clothes, a nice car, a great job, a great body, nice hair, cocaine white teeth, a flat stomach/big t*tties, nice ass and a fat pum-pum/long richard. They also want all the great intangible qualities in that same person such as being caring, loving, motivated, funny and generally happy and fun to be around. But just like real life lottery players who dream of BIG TIME ballin’, lottery daters don’t even have a TINY portion of the qualities they DEMAND in someone, which makes them idiots.

Listen, you can dream all you want about dating someone with much more to offer in a relationship than you currently can, but to DEMAND that out of people makes you a douchebag. You would be surprised how many dudes I know who will staunchly stand by the idea that they DESERVE a woman with big breasts, a flat stomach and a round ass, who works out at least 5 times a week, and looks beautifully done up 24/7 even when she wakes up in the morning – yet the the dude demanding this looks like Greg Oden’s knees and a belly folding over his belt. I mean he’s free to DEMAND it, but he’s an IDIOT for thinking he DESERVES it, without acknowledging his OWN shortcomings.

“But wait…!”

And those dudes are equal in number to the amount of teg-a-reg women I know who DEMAND men that have good post-secondary degrees, success, looks and charisma – yet she’s never stepped a foot into a college or university, works part-time at Sonic or Chick-fil-A, and walks around with a MUSTY-ass attitude because, for SOME reason, she can’t seem to find the man she wants. This is also the type of woman who would cuss one of her co-workers out in a SECOND for approaching her for a date, like “Uh-uh, I can’t be dating no lame that works at Sonic!” - B*TCH, YOU WORK AT SONIC.

I know women who don’t even have DRIVER’S LICENSES who will knock a dude for what kinda car he drives, or for not driving at all, like:

My point is, a lot of people are walking around disappointed because love hasn’t “BLESSED” them with the person they THINK they deserve, but if you don’t take a moment and realistically evaluate all of YOUR shortcomings, then your musty-self will NEVER know who you TRULY deserve.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

23 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    09/27/2012 at 3:29 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, KEEP IT REAL, have you ever been a LOTTERY DATER? Are you STILL one? And If not, what made you change your ways?

    Also, do you think MEN or WOMEN tend to lottery-date more?

    • Piscean

      09/27/2012 at 10:14 AM

      Nope! Never been a lottery dater! In fact, I think I've aimed below more than I should have because I tried to give the benefit of the doubt. The dude who has a past sob story. The guy who is just trying to get his life together. The struggling entrepreneur. The list could go on. I didn't want to pass up on a potentially decent man because he wasn't that great on paper. But he unfortunate truth is that it doesn't matter where a man is in his life ( put together or not) if he's a user or jerk… Having an education or being financially stable didn't make him one. The broke and wotless ones do a good job of being jerks too.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/27/2012 at 1:23 PM

        Good points!

  2. petersburgh

    09/27/2012 at 6:59 AM

    I'm not because I don't really look at dating that way. I prefer red women(damn I said it lol) but most of my girlfriends have been chocolate. I also have dated people who society would claim are not compatible with me (just secondary education and working at a cafe etc) and it never bothered me because I have no problem with a woman with a job like that but I would have a problem with a woman who sees it as a career. Sometimes we look down on people and honestly I believe we all do at some point in our lives but I think it's not as black and white as we like to believe sometimes

    • mena

      09/27/2012 at 12:35 PM

      Everyone has a preference. It's when you choose to never venture outside of that preference even though the person is of quality that you have a problem.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/27/2012 at 1:25 PM

        I slightly disagree. I don't think someone MUST venture outside of their preference, the problem is demonizing people who are not your preference due to ignorance and prejudice.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/27/2012 at 1:25 PM

      I feel you on finding chemistry with someone.

  3. singleislandgal

    09/27/2012 at 7:29 AM

    I'm not because what I constantly ask for I'm all that and more. But I do date below what I've asked for and it's because I find men that I should be dating will be more willing to speak to ratchet women than someone that isn't. And the ones that are below my standards are always aiming higher, so I date lottery daters in a sense.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/27/2012 at 1:28 PM

      How has dating them been working out for you? Do you find you have good chemistry?

  4. BADDEST

    09/27/2012 at 9:06 AM

    NOPE not a lottery dater….someone who is manifesting more then me in their daily lives, whether its ambition or monetary means makes me kinda nervous to be honest……Im not looking for another person to deliver me ( by proxy) from my personal challenges and desires.
    Ive said it before and I will say it again, dating is about finding your emotional and intellectual equal.
    When that statment has been fully assimilated as one's dating mantra the risk of self delusion dimishes BIG TIME.

    • BADDEST

      09/27/2012 at 9:08 AM

      * MORE THAN!!!
      most hated grammar mistake :S

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/27/2012 at 1:28 PM

      Agreed!

  5. Smilez_920

    09/27/2012 at 11:30 AM

    I'm not a lottery dater but I'm not going to deny myself the chance to date a great guy because , he's one or two steps ahead of me. If I'm doing my best to get to where he's at or further it shouldn't matter. as long as I'm not using him and giving him what he wants / needs in a relationship then we can work the other stuff out.

    I will say that I think women tend to get the short end of the lottery dating stick more often. Most women are willing or taught that you have to work with a man. Sometimes it can turn out good if he's serious about getting to a certain level ( it could be financially or emotionally , mentally) . Or it could be bad if your trying to push him to your level harder than he's pushing himself.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/27/2012 at 1:29 PM

      I may disagree with you their. I think the concept of "working with a man" is a new phenomenon, but definitely not something grown women have been taught.

      • Smilez_920

        09/27/2012 at 3:22 PM

        It's not new it goes along with the whole men aren't perfect , work with home theme that alot of old women have passed to grown women.

        The only different with old women is that their men they dealt with we're worth working with. Some grown women try to take bums and turn them into kings .

    • Lia

      09/27/2012 at 3:10 PM

      "Or it could be bad if your trying to push him to your level harder than he's pushing himself. "

      You're right about that. At the end of the day, I think that lottery daters are just selfish and only really focused on the benefits of the relationship for them. Relationships are supposed to be mutually beneficial. Nobody wants some loser coming in and siphoning off their energy without putting anything back into the relationship.

  6. mena

    09/27/2012 at 12:34 PM

    The girl in the video is gorgeous.

    I know what I bring to the table and I expect at least that much.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/27/2012 at 1:30 PM

      Co-sign!

  7. Lia

    09/27/2012 at 3:00 PM

    Nope, if anything I was the one who had a reputation for dating low hanging fruit that looked good on paper yet lacked some of the key intangibles. I've always believed that if you're not bringing anything to the table then you shouldn't expect to eat, literally and figuratively lol. I do not go into a situation expecting to get more than I bring, I would almost feel like I was cheating someone out of having an equal partnership. I know that I'm not perfect, but I'm a good woman who deserves a good man and nothing less. I strive to date people who know that they are works in progress and are actually making moves to improve themselves. I think that those who don't do this are really just insecure and unwilling to acknowledge their own shortcomings.

  8. bellatrice1

    09/27/2012 at 7:04 PM

    I'm not a lottery dater, but know some. I try to tell them in a nice way that they need to stay in their lane. They listen…sometimes lol

    (i.e. I had a friend who is 5'3, unwilling to date a guy shorter than 5'11 :-/ ) I set her straight real quick!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/27/2012 at 11:46 PM

      Everyone is 5'11 to her though!

    • alexxussknight

      09/28/2012 at 12:17 PM

      As the tall girl in the crew this attitude pisses me off with shorter girls. What do YOU mean he's short? Are you serious? Just annoying. I have to set a height requirement or else look foolish….I could go on and on about this I'll just stop now though. And to answer Lincoln's question I'm not a lottery dater never have been and don't believe in unequal yolking. Never works. Someone always feels inferior.

      • bellatrice1

        09/28/2012 at 12:32 PM

        Yes girl!! That's why it pissed me off to the point of no return and I had to set her straight. I'm 5'9. If I could widen my pool by dating shorter guys without looking like a sasquatch in heels, I would!! She is unnecessarily limiting herself. Smh

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