As DUMB As Men Are For LYING, Women Are DUMBER For Believing Them

Ladies, let it be known that I am all for giving any sort of relationship insight I can offer. I am ALWAYS quick to mention that my insight is always meant to be more REAL than it is HELPFUL, and that I would rather help you delve into asking YOURSELF serious questions than even giving solid insight in the first place. But I do have ONE request for any woman who wants to ask me anything: If your relationship question is ANYTHING like “he tells me one thing, but doesn’t act like it” please SPARE ME THE BULLSH*T, because he’s LYING – and you damn well know that just as much as I do.

I had a homegirl once tell me, “Lincoln, I really want to take a guy serious and be in a serious relationship with him, but men are such good liars that they can tell you one thing and then when they get what they want, they bounce faster than negroes in a club that just got shot up.” And I looked at her and asked her one simple question: “But how does that man REALLY treat you?”

I don’t care HOW good of a liar a man is, his true intentions can NOT be hidden by his physical behaviour for an extended period of time. It is damn-near IMPOSSIBLE to pull off. As much as dude can tell you that you are WIFE-material and he foresees putting a ring on your finger someday soon, the reality of the situation is if he REALLY sees you as WIFE-material he will treat you as such on a daily basis, because as the saying goes, if a man truly wants you there is nothing that can keep him away from you. And if that man says he foresees putting a ring on your finger, ask yourself if he is treating you as such. Does he include you in his long-term life plans? Does he make strides everyday to provide a better situation for you two? If he’s not ACTING like it, chances are he’s simply LYING to your ass.

He doesn’t REALLY think you are Wife-Material if he only calls you every other weekend to meet up a hotel downtown to get it in and then slinks back to hiding like Osama. That dude doesn’t want to put a ring on YOUR finger if after months maybe years of dating, and you STILL haven’t met his friends, mama, co-workers or his Japanese Fighting Fish – you are just a glorified side piece – but the WORST part is that you KNOW this ladies. You see something is clearly up, and that’s why you ask me, your girlfriend’s, your pastor and Wendy Williams for relationship advice, because you are really just hoping we help assuage your concerns by telling you ‘girl you crazy, he loves you and you just stressing over nothing’ and when we DON’T say that, you just move on to the next person hoping for “advice” that will lessen the sting of the truth: You’ve been LIED to and you know you are STUPID for buying it.

Most of the women who read this will be over the age of 15 so I can confidently say you fall under the category of “Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me.” But don’t feel TOO bad ladies, because men are JUST as stupid when it comes to willfully ignoring these simple signs. How many DUMB-ASS dudes do you know who persistently chase down women who don’t want them, or women who aren’t good for them or women who’ve done them wrong all under her mask of deceit that we ALL seem to see but these men just CAN’T? A LOT.

I, in no way, shape or form, take any pleasure from seeing someone really going through some tough-ass times in their relationship, but at some point we need to realize that ending the suffering should NOT be dependent on the liar cleaning up their life [as that may NEVER happen] but just on the person who’s being lied to, to open their damn eyes and listen to that part of their brain that is trying to warn them to run from this situation/person. Run FAST as hell.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    05/19/2011 at 4:55 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think This Piece Is Going Too Hard On Women Who Complain About Being Lied To?

    Are Men Really Effective At Being Deceptive, Or Are Too Many Women Willfully Buying Into Things Which They Know To Be BS?

  2. Angeli Michelle

    05/19/2011 at 8:53 AM

    It has nothing to do with condoning the activities of a liar but noticing the obvious. But I recognise it can be easier judging from the outside.

    Many I time I see women being taken for a fool and there is nothing that can be said. Maybe some women must enjoy the game because I can't see how warning signs can be missed and/or ignored everytime.

  3. ChloeRayne516

    05/19/2011 at 9:03 AM

    Are Men Really Effective At Being Deceptive, Or Are Too Many Women Willfully Buying Into Things Which They Know To Be BS?

    Yes, I will go out on a limb and say that some NOT ALL men got a Ph.d in lying but at the end of the day women were blessed with a special gift called "Female Intuition" now a lot of us choose to ignore it for whatever reason (love, fear of being single, etc.) So women will choose to believe what he is telling her knowing deep down that ninja is lying.

  4. MistaHarsh

    05/19/2011 at 9:15 AM

    For any man who's ever told their woman the honest truth, I'm sure most men agree:

    The woman's reaction to the truth makes you feel like you should have lied in the first place. Women will say they respect you but they will be unhappy with your honest ass.

    ever heard a woman say "Why can't you tell me what I want to hear?" What she is really saying is why don't you lie to me to make me feel good.

    This is the dilemma that men have to deal with on a constant basis if you WANT to be in a good relationship.

  5. Danni

    05/19/2011 at 9:33 AM

    “Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me.”

    If this ain't my mantra! Seriously, people have got to start taking responsibility for their own roles in the situations that they're in. That man (or woman) wouldn't be able to keep hurting you if your arse didn't choose to stay with him (or her). Grow some backbone, take the road less traveled, and let go, or accept the fact that the pain you feel is just as much your fault as it is theirs.

  6. Malik

    05/19/2011 at 9:38 AM

    It's funny how a good portion of women here simultaneously believe that men are the stupidest things on the planet, but go on rants about 'trifling' men always ensnaring them in 'our' lies.

  7. Kam

    05/19/2011 at 10:09 AM

    Really? I think Men should just start telling the truth and f*ck everyone's feelings. What I personally don't like his when a man ( or anyone for that matter) beats around the bush or some what delays the truth YOU ARE WASTING MY TIME which I will be angry about and if you're lying to me I take that as you having no respect for me.

    Honestly if a good chunk of men stopped lying I think that there would be a decline in how many females they might get.

  8. Ganjababy

    05/19/2011 at 11:01 AM

    I would rather a man be truthful and honest to me then lie. Yeah, I may get pissed off and upset and you may hear me go on about it for a while, but I will still have trust and respect you. Once I find out you lied to me, the respect and trust is gone.

  9. Jasmine

    05/19/2011 at 11:22 AM

    A powerful article…

  10. MistaHarsh

    05/19/2011 at 1:30 PM

    I remember back in the day I met this girl we had our first conversation she was feeling me and she asked me if I had a girl. I said YES(I know ladies, I know). Her response was "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME THAT, EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO GOOD YOU SPOILED IT"

    Really? Lets hit the rewind button…

  11. ChloeRayne516

    05/19/2011 at 2:07 PM

    Okay it's the D*ck too okay!! There. I Said It.

  12. imakesense

    05/19/2011 at 2:07 PM

    Where is Independent Women!

    Instead of focusing on the women being at fault for believing the lie, I would think it is eviler on the Men's side to decieve. But yes I agree that either way both parties share in the blame.

  13. ChloeRayne516

    05/19/2011 at 2:25 PM

    That's not love that's hormones.

  14. Crystal Promo-Fernandez

    05/19/2011 at 2:31 PM


  15. Vicky

    05/19/2011 at 2:40 PM

    Hell YEAH!

  16. MistaHarsh

    05/19/2011 at 3:14 PM

    Women live by the statement "The less I know about your ways the more I love you"

    Whenever a woman says: "I can't figure him out" it means she's staying in the relationship for better or worse.

    If men become transparent you women are out the door so sometimes men have to lie, create mystery, become occasionally unavailable, flirt openly or simply add some type of drama because you women are emotional beings and judge how much they love someone by the extremity of their emotions that person brings out in them.

    There's nothing more scary than a sane/rational thinking woman IN A RELATIONSHIP(not in general ladies, not in general)

  17. MistaHarsh

    05/19/2011 at 3:28 PM


  18. Independent Woman

    05/19/2011 at 5:56 PM

    Did you she want to role play? Maybe she was tired of being the man all the time?

  19. The_Mad_HATER

    05/19/2011 at 6:19 PM

    he just knew you was down with opp! what was the sex like??

  20. Independent Woman

    05/20/2011 at 1:19 PM


  21. Independent Woman

    05/20/2011 at 1:20 PM

    Any woman with self-respect definitely would!

  22. MzDebbieFields

    05/20/2011 at 2:07 PM

    SMH #CheapShots

  23. ddddddd

    05/28/2011 at 7:26 PM


  24. tina

    06/04/2011 at 1:40 AM

    men should stop talking shit,stop leading us on,stop running your moth,we dont like i.t but ladies if u feel like u getting the run around,just walk away cause they playing mind games,been there don that,i kick a dude to the door if he is late to pick me up,thats how much i dont wait around to be lied to.

  25. singularity

    06/07/2011 at 4:19 AM

    the truth will set you free. no need to be inconsiderate of one's feelings or have your own trampled upon. first though, you have to be aware of and avoid your bicameral tendencies. approach the situation with logic and reason. (yes, even women resort back to logic and reason once the emotional waves subside.) (also, it may be useful to note that this will make very little sense to those who's minds are bound by mysticisms, such as the use of feelings and other unquantifiable measures to solve problems or resolve situations.) that being said, there is a solution for those who are ready for the inevitable conscious evolution of mankind. and it's so simple it seems stupid. but once you've actually considered the entangled effects of your every conscious decision, ask yourself again why certain things could never be, and you may have trouble supporting blindly followed traditions with any evidence suggesting this is the way things should be. are you ready?…

  26. singularity

    06/07/2011 at 4:59 AM

    i believe the current divorce rate is somewhere around 50% in the united states. of that 50% i am unaware of how many people remain married for money, social gains, the children, or any other reason besides whatever happened to be written on that ever-so-symbolic list of vows. how many people are married to abusive spouses whom they fear divorcing? how many are bound to an unfaithful spouse through the doctrine of religion? and let me ask you this… how many times have you heard Hugh Hefner complain about his life compared to how many times you've heard nearly every other man complain about not having Hef's life? now here's the real stinger. especially for anyone choosing to dilute their mind with the fairytale fantasies of chivalry and love at first sight. how many people do you know, (i mean percentages, not the members of nanna's choir who may have never even heard the word orgasm.) that have saved themselves for their eternal soul mate, and upon finding that person lived happily ever after with them for the rest of their life? (again i'm pointing to the general rule and do not need to know the names of every individual who made the holy list of exceptions) and, even out of that small small amount of people, i would be hard pressed to buy anyone's analysis on said couples' sexual regimen. and though she may say "we are very content and satisfied", his eyes urge me to hypothesize that "few and far between" may be a more accurate account. and, with the outlines of reasonable evidence i have laid before you, is it not reasonable to conclude that perhaps the notion of one man and one woman being bound together for the entirety of their life (especially sexually) is at the very least unnatural considering our genetic make up? a man and woman are truly only bound by one thing. their offspring. which will create offspring of it's own and eventually die. that is it. any other "attachment" to that person is a choice and a mental limitation imposed on the individual by only his or her self. (i am, of course, omitting from this point the physical limitations of abusive relationships, as they do not reflect the point of conscious decision. the choice to leave or stay when not physically restrained however, does) so, the conclusion? we all have free will and are entitled to make our own decisions. (unfortunately, or possibly fortunately, the majority people haven't realized this yet. but they will. our collective conscious is evolving, and eventually these ideas will seem as obvious as a round earth does today. so, what is the solution?

  27. singularity

    06/07/2011 at 5:27 AM

    honesty. sounds simple. (though many women may argue that the majority of men are incapable, it is actually irrelevant due to the fact that one only has the ability to control one's self) therefore when dealing with dishonesty from someone else, one only has the ability approach the situation with logic and honesty, or react irrationally. those are the only two choices. facts or feelings. unfortunately feelings can be effected by a number of outside influences, ranging anywhere from diet to death. (not your own death. i believe you would stop feeling at that point) but facts are unchangeable. they exist as a constant with which to build conclusions around. so, to break down all this babble, here's a possible solution based off of factual evidence. (if you are concerned with my lack of numerical statistics i would, A) encourage you to always verify any evidence presented before you, and B) urge you to focus on the overall idea, as i tend to believe fact lists and statistics can be distracting. in fact, in many instances you can find an abundance of facts and statistics used for the sole purpose of confusing or deceiving the so-called intended audience.) seriously, i'm about to get to it. here it goes….

  28. singularity

    06/07/2011 at 6:00 AM

    we all know men want sex. a lot of sex. and mostly from women. we know that no matter what he says, one vagina will never fully satisfy him. that is not to say one can't find compatibility, but to insist that he is content with 1 or 2 (or even three if she's a trooper) orifices in exponentially decreasing increments until he ceases to exist is just not true. you may argue, but that would be a feeling based argument, rendering it as impotent as your delightfully submissive husband. anyway, science says so. men are hard wired to think about, seek out, and attempt to obtain sex. this comes in handy for a species trying like hell to over-populate the only habitable planet we know of. now, i know i'm no Judge Joe Brown, but in my experience i've found the results of straightforward truthfulness delivered in a respectful manner to be far more rewarding than deceit, avoidance, disrespect, or immaturity. first realize that people are capable of drawing their own conclusions, and just because your words insist upon something don't think for a minute that the billions biological and chemical reactions happening within you will corroborate the lie. so you look like not only an asshole, but a masturbating idiot as well. if you are having sex with other girls, tell her. chances are she will respect you, maybe not for being a man whore, but for at least not giving her the run-around that women hate so much. they like to know where they stand, good or bad, and although the facade might try to imply there's an ultimatum, it is really just a test of your fortitude and will. (in many cases. and in the cases where it's not a bluff, just realize you'll be giving up a wealth of never ending vajayjay for one that's only in operation 75% of the time and who's access has a half life. but more often than not they will keep the initial bitterness to themselves (if you respect them, not belittle them) until they realize the comfortability and freedom of the situation. remember: YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE MEAN TO ONE GIRL IN ORDER TO HAVE SEX WITH OTHERS. in fact if you're nice (not ass-kissy nice, just respectful) and even a little bit smooth you might just convince them of how genius your plan is because nobody has to be left alone.

  29. singularity

    06/07/2011 at 6:26 AM

    and as for the women, well, wouldn't that debunk everything i"ve said up to this point if i revealed my ignorance by claiming to know what is best for women. i am no Dr. Phill and will offer no advice, except this, as i can actually speak from personal field research. boyfriend and husband are just titles. they do not dictate the nature of, or the security in the relationship.i have seen many girls stay with a man who concedes to accept the title, but refuses to put in the effort required of said title. conversely i have seen men walked away from for the fact that they would not bend their moral character through deceit. because they were honest about their sexual prowess and treated the woman with dignity, the were denied access to the holy land. on the other hand you have the dildos that lie their way into bed with a woman and then skate the minute they bust. that is not only pathetic, it's ignorant and counter-productive. i imagine it must be a defense mechanism for tiny penis embarrassment, lame technique.. i don't know. i always heard you catch more flies with honey, and since i was trying to catch some fly hunnies, i found it best to be sweet. of course, nothing locks in a return encounter like some squirting and convulsing, but if you don't quite have the mojo, most of them will still swing by in a pinch if you didn't tell them to fuck off after your first premature squirt. ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE DISCREET!!! women don't usually like to be thought of as whores. (but they love to act like it if they feel like you can keep your dumb mouth shut. by the way, how dumb is this. we've all met one. the dude that slept with a girl and then runs around calling her a whore. i know that's more of a high school type thing, but people tend to carry their personalities with them through life. and, i suppose i should wrap this up seeing as how it's now 5:30 am and if my girlfriend wakes up and catches me writing a blog promoting infidelity she will beat my ass and restrain me from the ability to chose to leave. have a good day, y'all.

  30. singularity

    06/07/2011 at 6:44 AM

    oh, i forgot my main point. so far i just used way too many words to reiterate what some of the people above said. i had intended on just a small elaboration that makes a big difference in obtaining a positive solution. and that is identifying the source of the problem. the problem is dishonesty, but dishonesty is not the source. it is a bi-product of fear. fear of consequences, fear of change, fear of work, fear of a realistic overview of oneself in which one identifies the flaws as readily as the attributes. fear of failure. and you will notice that those who fight fear and accept the challenge of change are able to grow, like a woman who leaves a man who cheats, even though he lies to her about it and she is afraid to be alone. people who are afraid of the challenge must make excuses (as afraid people are usually most afraid of admitting they're afraid), and eventually excuses compounded become lies. so it is the nature of the lazy person to lack achievement and therefore lie for gains, as they have no value, whereas the hard working and ambitious are eager to find solutions and have pride in achievements made through the virtue of truth. if somebody has a bunch of great qualities and 1 or 2 severely horrible, terrible, maybe even evil…. chances are s/he's lying about the good parts. ok cool. we got it.

  31. @DoWuSem

    09/28/2012 at 4:58 AM

    “Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me.” Reminds me of George Bush, he has a better line.

  32. alexxussknight

    09/28/2012 at 12:38 PM

    Here's the thing men lie and women lie and we all know it's happening when it's happening. We just choose to deny it. I don't want anybody to tell me that they didn't know they were being lied to when it happened. The truth is you didn't want it to be a lie you had hope that what he was saying was the truth and therefore you went along with the lie.

    Lincoln is absolutely right on the money here you can't blame someone for continually lying to you if you continually go along with it. It's no longer his fault you are the one to blame. Men will only do what they are allowed to do and what they are allowed to get away with. You want to avoid a continually lying man set some standards from get go and stick to them.

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