If H0ES Are Winning Out Here – Most LADIES Ain’t HELPING

This is Joe Budden’s Twitter pic – wearing his girls pubes as a mustache..

Anyone who has been reading this blog for at least a year will probably be aware of the fact that Joe Budden is one of my favourite rappers of all-time – although he CONSTANTLY collects a lot of personal L’s. So when I saw this pic of him on Twitter Saturday night, I instantly felt a shiver down my spine, because I got HYPE as hell knowing that Joey was gonna release some BANGING music now that he’s in another, fully dysfunctional, public relationship with another big-booty freak who will inevitably do some h0e-type sh*t that will break his heart and have him running to the studio [like Red running to his car after Debo stole his chain in Friday] to record some classic “mood music.”

But that wasn’t even the notable part of this pic, it was the REACTION that many [and I mean MANY] females showed me in regards to this picture. My initial reaction was swift and to-the-point: Joey is out here attention whoring in these E-streets to drum up some attention, which is cool since it might make his H0E get some fame and attention and possibly climb onto the D-list and create a career for herself. When I voiced this to MANY groups of women that night on and offline, I was surprised at the backlash I received for suggesting that the chick spread-eagled with a tongue buried in her nani on Twitter in front of 576,000 followers was a H0E, and anything LESS than a queen. That night I realized that the H0E/Lady line has definitely moved in the WRONG direction – and it’s many of the LADIES out here who are pushing it.

Now for the record, I was not asking former strippers, current prostitutes and the cast of Basketball Wives for their opinion on Joe Budden’s Twitpic – I was speaking with the SAME ladies I ALWAYS congregate with – the SAME ladies who always ask me sh*t like: “Why aren’t there more GENTLEMEN out here?” And who complain about things like “Chivalry is DEAD” and “these BOYS don’t know how to be gentlemen anymore!” Well, “ladies” I have news for you:

If you think GENTLEMEN are a dying breed, you should take a second to really look at your fellow women, because REAL LADIES are just as hard to find.

Joe’s H0E – collecting W’s out in these streets

The simple fact that I could NOT agree with ANY of these young women that this chick’s actions were H0E-ish, lets me know that THEIR definition of LADY-LIKE has dropped lower, faster than Coolio’s record sales. I always figured that when we talked about the line that separates skeezers and “all the ladies in the place with style and grace” was simple tastefulness and decorum. I thought it was obvious WHY we canonized women like Claire Huxtable, Jill Scott, Michelle Obama, Nancy Hicks Maynard, Coretta Scott-King and Anika Noni-Rose as classy women and subsequently differentiated them from Superhead and Pinky. The former were ladies and the latter, well, simply were NOT.

Now obviously this distinction is not an EASY or OBVIOUS one, hence the creation of the constantly teetering line, but is it REALLY so insane to believe that displaying your salad getting tossed on a popular social media site is h0e-type sh*t [her AND him]?! I don’t want to sound like a judgmental DOUCHEBAG so I’m honestly asking that, because from what my homegirls are telling me, I AM insane to make that connection. They all professed how sexy, attractive and even romantic it is for Joe to put up that pic. They talked about her being sexually confident and mature enough with her body to have the great confidence to post that. But mostly these women were PISSED that I found something WRONG with her actions – but they didn’t GET IT. I find NOTHING wrong with her acting the way she did – what I found ALARMING was the fact that women are ready and willing to say her actions were fine and dandy in the ladylike handbook. It’s YOU “ladies” I’m taking issue with – not HER.

Now it’s NOT my belief that every woman should STRIVE to fit into society’s limited patriarchal perception of what encompasses a “lady” but if you really think posting pics of your nani online is LADY-LIKE then I guess h0es really ARE winning out here – and ladies, every time you co-sign h0e-type sh*t you help blur that line almost into nonexistence.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

121 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    09/04/2012 at 5:08 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do YOU Think The Standards Of What's Considered "Lady-Like" Has Dropped Dramatically Nowadays?

    Do You Think It's Even Worth Making The Distinction In The First Place?

    • iluvwhoiluv

      09/05/2012 at 1:39 PM

      Unfortunately, Lincoln it has.

      But it doesn't help there are so many mixed messages out there. One is told to be a lady but yet there are so many images that depict sexy…wearing less, showing more skin, etc. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with a lady being sexy, but now it seems like there's no decorum. Sure it's cool for her to let it all hang out for who she's with, but why can't it be behind closed doors..where it's sacred? Not everyone should be knowing about it.

      I don't think the pic is ladylike at all. What they do behind closed doors…private and not for people to be talking about on twitter.

  2. oshanae

    09/04/2012 at 5:26 AM

    Over all i think the pics of him and his girlfriend is annoying. I am a fan of Mr. Budden as well, she is dead wrong for this pic and so is he.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 11:27 AM

      I even agree with your opinion, but how frowsy they choose to be is of no consequence to me, but can we at least call it what it really is: It's RATCHETNESS, not ladylike behaviour.

      • NurseJilly

        09/04/2012 at 12:13 PM

        Completely agree!
        I don't particularly care about what they put out there but I'm 100% certain that its not lady like behaviour.

  3. O'Brian

    09/04/2012 at 5:31 AM

    i have to say that the standards for both sexes has considerably dropped but i think the correlation to this new acceptance is to do with the media, with new extremes coming out from time to time so even though we may now consider this pic of Joe eating a females salad too outgoing. the next extreme could well be the act, each time gradually getting worst. that's just my opinion really

    • oshanae

      09/04/2012 at 5:58 AM

      I agree with the new acceptance in media. That plays apart listen to the music being a bad b—h is cool, reality tv has a cast of un lady like characters feat each week. Its all starts with knowing self worth and some don't how to value that.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 11:30 AM

      I feel you on this O'Brian, but my thing is, we still have images of REAL WOMEN on TV, so we is it so hard to reconcile the difference between hoes and classy ladies?

      I think media plays a big role, but what about our intrinsic ideologies changed so drastically in the last 15 years?

  4. Piscean

    09/04/2012 at 5:39 AM

    Wow… It's pretty obvious that the standards of what is deemed lady-like has dropped if you are saying that not one of your girlfriends… But a crew of them say this is lady-like.
    There is nothing wrong with being a sexually liberated man or woman, but I believe there is something distasteful about putting your sexual escapades online for everyone to observe. Leave something to the imagination, no?
    The problem with these social networks is that it leaves room for everyone to be expressive about every little thing that goes down in their lives ( no pun intended) ;). What was once considered private is now an open forum for the public to spectate and comment on. "Ya, u get it girl.
    Whatever happened to being a lady in the street? It seems that line has now been substitutes with "Ho in a tweet".

    • Noelle

      09/04/2012 at 7:12 AM

      Piscean, you are right on point.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 11:32 AM

      Did you just write "how in a tweet"?!

      HILARIOUS!

      • Piscean

        09/04/2012 at 11:48 AM

        HO in a tweet lol

    • NurseJilly

      09/04/2012 at 12:16 PM

      LOVE everything you said here!!

    • NurseJilly

      09/04/2012 at 12:17 PM

      "Lady in the street and a hoe in a tweet"… Dying right now!! Tell them again girl

    • MistaHarsh

      09/04/2012 at 12:42 PM

      Ho in a tweet

      I like this^

  5. mena

    09/04/2012 at 5:59 AM

    Has the standard dropped? I dont believe that it has by a lot but the Ho crew has gotten a lot louder and have garnered and attracted more attention that ever before. Bc of this, it's easy for people to believe that hos do stay winning.

    Here's the problem and I will just put it put there: the loudest people get the most attention and since women tie their self-esteem into what men think, when they see and hear dudes praising these women that do booty shots and are video "models" they think this is what it takes to get and keep a man. So now, the lines are blurred as all get out bc the girls see this crap flashed at them on every media outlet and start to believe that this is the only way to receive male approval.

    Women's sexual liberation has been a gift and a curse.

    Now if this picture were leaked and you couldn't see the chicks face, would I consider her a ho? No. But if she agreed to have her essence placed on display then she may not be a ho ho, but she is definitely an attention seeking ho.

    • petersburgh

      09/04/2012 at 6:26 AM

      I agree here somewhat. I think we have accepted the behaviour of hoes more than before so in essence the standards of lady like behaviour hasn't really dropped that much.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 11:34 AM

      You know what Mena I agree 100% that the loudest people get the most attention. Good point.

    • NurseJilly

      09/04/2012 at 12:22 PM

      Cosign!!

  6. petersburgh

    09/04/2012 at 6:39 AM

    In a general sense I think we have become a bit too judgemental on things like these. as Mena said and I agreed if the pic was leaked vs if it was purposely posted could sell the difference. I wrote a blog http://petersburgh.wordpress.com/2012/06/26/good-… which touched on how we view things so biased on some precursor. I would not call a woman a ho or a man a slut because he did something once. If I never cheated for 30 years (well at least the good years) and I cheat now, does that make me a slut? Truth is I will be called a slut by whoever it's advantageous to. The point is our standards change due to public opinion which in itself is so fragile we end up at all sorts of places and the truth is we don't know how to get away from there. Yes I think the distinction should be made but the problem is most people will make it to suit them rather than what it actually is. I honestly hope that the ladies realise that they have a big part to play in it all and because some men if not most glorify booty shaking rap models doesn't mean they are what he wants as a wife so get smart, be a lady but leave the booty shaking for your boo only

    • Noelle

      09/04/2012 at 8:43 AM

      And I hope most men are smart enough to realize that in glorifying the booty-shaking women—even just a little bit– you all are cutting your noses off to spite your face.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/04/2012 at 11:35 AM

        Noelle can you expand on this?

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 11:38 AM

      You know whats funny? I don't even really care about the distinction as it relates to most "regular" people's actions, but it's considering the extremes NOT-extreme which troubles me.

    • MistaHarsh

      09/04/2012 at 1:26 PM

      probably the most honest non-judgemental post on here

  7. Mimi

    09/04/2012 at 6:46 AM

    I wonder how many of your female friends would be OK with the picture if SHE was going down on HIM?

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 11:38 AM

      Flawless victory!

    • MistaHarsh

      09/04/2012 at 1:29 PM

      agreed. I think thats why his friends didn't find anything wrong with it – because the lady was gettin some head….publicly….for once… and by a rapper to boot….girl power whoop te whoop

  8. 2cool4school

    09/04/2012 at 7:25 AM

    No shade but maybe the women you are referring too are hoes (or hoe sympathists lol). I really hate discussions on promiscuity because its relative. I grew up in a really conservative background where any sexual contact before marriage was inexcusable. Some may say that it is extreme but, that goes to prove my point. If hoes are winning why wouldn't the frustrated good girl want to win too. You might revere a Claire Huxtable (but she doesn't make ur d1ck hard) but if she denied you physical contact until marriage you may: 1) drop her or 2) slept with all the hoes and then wifed her after she spent her twenties frustrated or 3) wifed her and kept a girlfriend and a mistress. BTW if Jill Scott talks about being dicmatized and has a child out of wedlock isn't she a hoe??? The ugly truth is if a guy likes a girl it doesn't matter if she has had the whole football team I see it everyday.

    • DBoySlim

      09/04/2012 at 9:45 AM

      Dead @ "Hoe sympathist"

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/04/2012 at 11:39 AM

        Bruh that killed me too!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 11:42 AM

      Maybe I'm wrong on this, but I feel like even dudes who date girls who have been with the entire football team KNOW what they are with at the end of the day, and accept it. I feel like instead of just saying it's OK to be a hoe is one thing, but now we are transforming the most extreme acts of hoeishness to ladylike behaviour.

      And I think A LOT of sexual behaviour is subjective as it pertains to being hoeish or not, but I thought porn was the thick line that we could ALL agree on as being hoe-sh*t.

    • NurseJilly

      09/04/2012 at 12:49 PM

      LMAO @ hoe sympathist… Completely agree with you.

  9. Smilez_920

    09/04/2012 at 7:30 AM

    I don’t think she’s a hoe, but that picture isn’t that lady like. If this wasn’t Joe Buddens gf , and just some random chick from twitter, your Friends would have aired her out and called her an attention whore, or said she shouldn’t be looking for that type of attention.

    I think the line has been blurred because society has taken the ” pu**y off of the pedestal” . I mean how much do we really cherish virginity, purity and all of those things like before. I think the message of sexual liberation has been confused with something else.

    I think women are liking for of wider definition of what being lady like is. A definition that focuses less on their looks and what they do with their body. For example a man is still a man whether he sleeps with 2 women or 20 women, a man is still a man whether he has made several relationship mistakes or not. I think the current definition of lady like makes it easy for a woman to fall from grace even when she’s just going through the motions of figuring who she is and how she’s wants to presents herself etc… As you can see no one questioned Joe Buddens manhood or man likeness.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 11:45 AM

      You know what I will disagree with here, MANY men I know went IN on Joe Budden for being frowsy as hell for posting this picture and women went all the way in on THEM too. I think women need to stop believing that ALL men are accepting of male-hoeishness.

      • Smilez_920

        09/04/2012 at 12:02 PM

        You all might not except it but how often do you condem it and voice how you really feel about it. When the last time you've heard a man tell a young man that he should slow down your sleeping with too many women.

        I'm sure some men voiced their opinion on joe but at the end of the day most of the responsibility/ opionin was placed back on the female.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/04/2012 at 12:40 PM

          Ah but that's the interesting caveat – how can a man condemn it in today's society?

          Anytime a man speaks out against hoeishness and frowsy-ness, there's always a group of women waiting nearby to demonize him as being a misogynist, so men realize there's no point in even getting in that debate.

          • Smilez_920

            09/04/2012 at 1:15 PM

            Im talking about how do men condemn male how behavior or voice their views against it? Since you said all men don't accept male hoe behavior how do they speak out against it ? I mean I don't hear men telling their boys " hey you should stop sleeping with all those women , your being a hoe" at least not in a negative way.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            09/04/2012 at 1:29 PM

            The 2 H's: Hyper-masculinity and Hating.

            If a dude tells another dude he needs to stop whoring himself out, other dudes are either gonna call him GAY or tell him to shut his ass up and quit hating. There's no wins there either.

    • iluvwhoiluv

      09/05/2012 at 1:41 PM

      Preach!

  10. Lisa

    09/04/2012 at 7:36 AM

    The demonization of women here actually pisses me off. There are TWO adults in this picture. A man and a woman. "Lady" this and "lady" that… if being a "lady" is a positive standard for women to strive for, WHAT THEN is the standard for a man? Nothing? Nada? No slap on the wrist for Mr. Budden who, if I read this post correctly, is the one who this Twitter pic belongs to? Is he not the one then, who posted this picture of him and his lady's sexcapades online? Do we even know if he asked her permission before posting it? Even if you did get permission, would YOU post a photo of you and your girlfriend getting down like this online? Is this how you want your boys, your family, HER family to see your woman? Do you see how this is not just an issue of "her" not being a lady, but of "him" not being a stand-up dude? But I digress, I'm not even trying to judge them here, if they're both comfortable with this, more power to them…

    The point I'm making is that too often we see something that makes us uncomfortable sexually, and then we point the finger at women, as if women live on an island where their actions and behaviours aren't influenced by or reactions to how they are viewed and treated. Either indirectly through media/celebs, or directly by the men that they know.

    We can't cry about the decline of "lady-like behaviour" in one breath, then post ass-out-bikini-clad photos for everyone to swoon over in the next. If (heterosexual) women are confused about how to act, I'd say it's because men say they want one thing (a lady, a queen…) and yet go running headfirst after another (in the words of Big Sean, "Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass)…

    "Hoes stay winning" because business is booming. Hmmm, guess who's buying?

    • Smilez_920

      09/04/2012 at 8:11 AM

      Sneak in my plus one . Everyone always points their finger at the woman, what happened to personal responsibility on the mans end.

      Men sexual choices for the most part arent taken as a reflection of their character. women get torn down for their sexual choices while men are built up from them.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 11:54 AM

      Good points Lisa, but I hope it is very clear in the article that Joe Budden is in no way, shape or form praised or lauded for his actions. In fact the discussion began because I went in on BOTH of them, but what I found hilarious is that women are more than willing to accept the actions of a man no matter what he does.

      There's a troubling ideology that male sexual deviance is not seen as deviant by other males (when it clearly is), when the truth is male sexual deviance is largely propagated by many WOMEN as behaviour above reproach. The women who saw her as cool, LOVED Joey for putting the pic up – but is that new? Is the idea of women loving men who do publicly frowsy stuff a new concept? No, not at all. How can we expect more men to demonize the behaviour that grown women accept and promote as fine and OK?

      When it comes to differentiating between hoes and ladies, I have an opinion like I do on all topics, but that's for women to decide whether y'all even want to or not.

      • mena

        09/04/2012 at 12:54 PM

        "There's a troubling ideology that male sexual deviance is not seen as deviant by other males (when it clearly is), when the truth is male sexual deviance is largely propagated by many WOMEN as behaviour above reproach. The women who saw her as cool, LOVED Joey for putting the pic up – but is that new?"

        *record scratch* Come again? When do yall start looking at male hos as being deviants. That must be after the age of 25.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/04/2012 at 1:04 PM

          It's different levels of maturity for all men, but I was 14 years old when I looked and saw some of my friends having gang bangs smashing chicks all together and passing them around raw, and i was still old enough to understand that behaviour was frowsy. I know friends who have run MANY a train and battery, but who says men can't see that's risky sexual activity?

          At the end of the day I'm not gonna hate on how another man chooses to get his nut, but you would be surprised who was more impressed by tales of gang bangs and trains. Here's a hint: It wasn't the dudes.

          • Smilez_920

            09/04/2012 at 1:27 PM

            Idk about women being impressed by men who run trains . I will say that a lot of women have probably ignored the fact that a man has done that in his younger yrs ( men out of high school running trains are dogs) and just write it off as being young. Actually I'm glad you brought this up. LINC YOU MIGHT just be a special bred because Idk to many men that give their homeboys the side eye on running a train even if that's not their cup of tea. This kind Of goes back to my first point most ppl won't look at the guys in the situation like you did at 14, most would give them a pass and say " well she let them do it, she's a hoe" .

          • mena

            09/04/2012 at 1:34 PM

            Thank you.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            09/04/2012 at 3:34 PM

            I can proudly say that as hoeish as my male friends are I have NEVER and will NEVER run a train on any woman. Shit is gross to me and I have always lived my life by this ideology: If I treat MYSELF with a high level of respect, why should I settle for a woman who doesn't do the same?

          • mena

            09/04/2012 at 1:33 PM

            The women were probably more interested since it is deviant (goes against societal norms) for them to even want to experience anything remotely past them being with just one guy at a time. Deviance for men and deviance for women are 2 completely different things.

            Women with a high body count is deviant and men with a high body count is acceptable. By many women AND men. Please don't put this all on women. A male ho has a different connotation than a female ho.

            I will take your word that men look at male hos as deviant but i have never heard a man describe a dude that has a high body count or has 3 somes ever weekend as a ho or deviant for that matter.

    • Lady Ngo

      09/04/2012 at 2:35 PM

      man, this is pretty much everything i wanted to say. especially the part about blaming the woman when it was the man who posted the pic in the first place.

      • Paul B.

        09/04/2012 at 3:20 PM

        Wait a second here….look at the picture again. Look where Joe's hands are in the picture. If his hands are on her, who's holding the camera? Unless Joe has three hands, there was somebody else taking the picture. My money is on the girlfriend, so it's highly unlikely that she was unaware of what the picture was going to be used for.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/04/2012 at 3:35 PM

          Please tell them again.

    • iluvwhoiluv

      09/05/2012 at 1:43 PM

      Lisa, dropping the sonic BOOM!

  11. Noelle

    09/04/2012 at 7:42 AM

    Lisa, GREAT response!!! And the absolute truth! Of course, none of the men on here will admit it. And they’ll probably deflect—nonetheless, great response!!!

    • Lisa

      09/04/2012 at 7:56 AM

      Cheers, Noelle! To ladies! lol

      • Noelle

        09/04/2012 at 8:36 AM

        I'm just saying! Even the title of this damn article–"….and most LADIES ain't helping." Really? What about the GENTLEMEN? It's already been established that yes, we DO live in a male-dominated society, so why can't some of the responsibility be on the MEN to help perpetuate that the standard of beauty for all women, lady-like behavior? I mean, after all, the men GREATLY helped bring about this 'Age of the Heaux'.

        • mena

          09/04/2012 at 9:05 AM

          But that's like saying "what about the white people that watch Basketball flies." It is up to women to stop the nonsense. If we didn't partake in the mess, it wouldn't be a problem. Yes women, myself included, are to blame for this as well. I would say even more so.

          • Smilez_920

            09/04/2012 at 9:47 AM

            Yes women have to take responsibility. Yes we patake in this mess but we can't leave men out like they don't play a role.

            My thing is society has turned a blind eye to the responsibility/ recognition that the man has in all this.

            For example no one is questioning why he would show naked pics of his " queen" to the public , noone questions if his actions were disrespectful or distasteful towards his " queen". But ppl couldn't wait to talk about her standards.

            I just want men to hold themselves to the same standards they want to hold women to in this area. You have men out here who have slept with tons of women but have the nerve to want a woman who has been more picky or reserved about who she's slept with and then have the nerve to judge the ones whose past looks just like his.

            ( I also think there's a difference between tasteful nudity ( like painting from the 1800 hundreds) and pre porn like this) but their both grown so to each its own

          • mena

            09/04/2012 at 9:56 AM

            I agree with this but why would a man take responsibility when they are reaping the benefits of the nonsense? I am not condoning this type of behavior for a man or woman but…

          • Lisa

            09/04/2012 at 11:43 AM

            Um… Does it not look like the Miss in the picture is reaping the benefits? We all know sex is not just fun and enjoyable for men. But society would have us women believe that we must feel shame when we do, while they "reap the benefits". Not so.

          • Lisa

            09/04/2012 at 11:47 AM

            I will add that personally, I do NOT co-sign posting your sexual shenanigans for the world to see. Just threading back to my original point (way above), that if we view this as wrong, we should view the woman AND the man involved, as being wrong.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            09/04/2012 at 12:05 PM

            "For example no one is questioning why he would show naked pics of his " queen" to the public , noone questions if his actions were disrespectful or distasteful towards his " queen". But ppl couldn't wait to talk about her standards. "

            Once again, you are dead wrong on this point. That was my entire point of contention in the first place, which leads me to this:

            Why are women so sure that grown-ass men are benefiting from HOEISHNESS??

            This is NEW as hell to me, because I'm REALLY trying to wonder what I won. PLEASE stop comparing the actions of FROWSY ASS MEN to GROWN MEN. I am out here looking for a WIFE I can bring home to meet my parents, I woman I can be proud to say is the mother of my children and a woman who reflects the SAME care for her body as I have for mine.

            This concept that all men are out here drooling at big asses and titties is wrong and demeaning to all GROWN ASS MEN who are out here trying to meet GOOD women because we feel and hope we are GOOD MEN.

            Please let's not just turn this into a rigid debate predicated on male stereotypes.

          • mena

            09/04/2012 at 12:59 PM

            "Why are women so sure that grown-ass men are benefiting from HOEISHNESS??"

            Men, in general, are benefiting from female sexual liberation. If you want to say that you aren't then do me the biggest favor: how many women have you slept with in your lifetime? how many women did your father sleep with? how many women did your grandfather sleep with? I bet you that number goes down the further back you go.

            Whether you think a woman who has slept with 1 man or 90 men to be a hoe, men have benefited greatly from woman lowering their standards on who they decide to have sex with. And yes, i said lowering standards. How does "not being sexually boxed in" sound? Better. Ok, let's go with that.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            09/04/2012 at 1:07 PM

            Incorrect.

            I have written about this on this blog a MILLION times: Grown-men are MORE than aware how easy it is to find sex – and how DIFFICULT it is to find a wife.

            If you think men are happy because of easily accessible nani you are wrong. Easy ass is NOT the ultimate benefit – finding a good woman is. Are we really going to propagate the ideology that men are nothing more than sexual troglodytes with no compulsion to find life partners? Please let's not be that stereotypical.

          • mena

            09/04/2012 at 1:16 PM

            But it is a benefit, no? No one is saying that men want nothing but sex. But stop trying to say that at one point in your life, you weren't about just having a warm body in your bed. You explained this on your podcast when it came to "cuffing."

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            09/04/2012 at 1:32 PM

            No it's not a benefit to someone looking for more than sex is my point. Not all men are Stevie J.

            The degradation of the perceived "single-woman pool" is a problem most single men are scared of. It's like Chris Rock once said "I feel sorry for the dudes who have to pick a wife out of these bunch." It's not that good women aren't out there – it's just that they are harder and harder to find.

          • mena

            09/04/2012 at 1:36 PM

            Ok. I was just simply talking about sex (ie the amount of hos out here).

            And trust me when i say that I, as a woman, feel the exact same way about the single men that are left.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/04/2012 at 11:58 AM

          One of the most important concepts that both my grandmother and mother [both feminists] taught me is that it's NOT a woman's job to define what a man should be [although she is more than right to have an opinion] so I ask you, how is it any man's job to define how a young girl should be a lady? I thought that was the point of rigid and restrictive patriarchy?

          It's mens job to teach boys how to be men (which is a topic that we constantly talk about how men are failing at) so why would it not be women's job to teach girls how to be ladies?

          • Smilez_920

            09/04/2012 at 12:32 PM

            But some men try to define what woman hood is all the time. Hence this article . Hence all these relationship books marketed to women. The bases of the article is " what happened to being lady like" woman are confusing hoe behavior with lady like behavior. As a man aren't you Tryin to draw up an definition of what being lady like is. Maybe your friends are doing what your mother and grandmother said, creating their own definition of what being lady is. maybe they want the definition of being a lady not to be so heavly based in the sexaul behavior. Yes you called joe burden frosty, his character was questioned but not his manhood or gentlemenish ( I know it's not a word lol but you know what I'm getting at)

            We never said it was a mans responsibility to define it. But let's not act like a mans opinion doesn't affect the definition. This conversation wouldn't be happening if it didn't.

            Now I will agree with you that woman put up with a lot of frosty behavior. And a lot of the treatment that we receive is because we accept it and chase after it.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            09/04/2012 at 12:45 PM

            This article has nothing to do with defining womanhood, it has to do with attempting to understand what YOU WOMEN define as womanhood, which is a fair questions since every heterosexual man has a vested interest in which direction the pendulum is swinging. I'm trying to UNDERSTAND what women claim being a lady is all about so I can get in where I fit in.

            Once again, not ONE of my male friends had ANYTHING positive to say about Joe Budden and I wish I could copy and paste the discussion we had on Facebook so you can see how HARD the women were riding FOR Joe and how much the men were simply stating he's disgusting. Joe's behaviour is NOT co-signed by grown men in the context of how to treat your GIRL, so that point is simply not true.

          • mena

            09/04/2012 at 1:14 PM

            Lincoln, to answer your question, being a lady is in the eye of the beholder.

            Personally, i consider myself a woman. The term lady seems too dainty for me to fit myself into. I wouldn't place Michelle Obama in the lady category b/c for some reason, i view a lady as something a little girl is taught to be (the queen of England comes to mind–someone who is extremely refined to the point of not having an identity) but a woman as something a young girl should strive to be. She embodies strength and vulnerability, confidence with insecurity, intelligence with mental humility.

            Every woman is going to have a different definition.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 11:55 AM

      Admit what?

  12. Celina

    09/04/2012 at 8:24 AM

    I'm running out to work so I'll have to catch up on everyone's comments later but I WILL say that the picture is NOT lady-like at all. I'll have a mini-stroke the day I see Michelle Obama's pum pum on the internet.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 12:06 PM

      UGH I hope I NEVER see my hero Michelle making it clap and showing how TUN-UP her pum pum is in public. Something tells me I don't got to worry about that tho.

  13. LINDA

    09/04/2012 at 8:54 AM

    The problem is that Black folks have lost our minds. We have the lowest employment in the country and the highest incarceration stats. We would rather listen to 'Niggaz in Paris' than attend a seminar on how to start our own business. And we don't patronize each other anyway even though job creation has to come from us if we are to survive. We glue other folks hair on top of our own to be "pretty" yet own less than 5% of hair stores. Our men approve this mess. The fact that your friends see nothing wrong with this woman's choices is not surprising. I'll bet all of them have weaves squeezing their brains don't they Lincoln. Tell the truth.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 12:15 PM

      Why are women so sure that men "approve this mess"?

  14. GrandCentral

    09/04/2012 at 9:34 AM

    I would just like to say that the women who approve of this type of inappropriate behavior are the exception and not the rule.

    I’ve had this discussion on numerous occasions with girlfriends to the point that I can’t even discuss it anymore. Once upon a time men like Joe Budden and women like this young woman in the pic, knew their place. It was behind closed doors. Should you so much as expose yourself like these two did, you would be shamed back into privacy. Today we reward this behavior. She shall remain nameless, but she has a lot to do with this. Plus, if a respectable young woman like myself or many of you on here has anything negative to say, we are labeled as haters or jealous. I’ve actually heard that before. I am all for women embracing their sexuality and having an openness to experience all the activities their little heart desires, but they should do so behind closed doors.

    There is so much conflicting information and perception out there, I can see and understand how a weak minded woman can get lost in the fray and think this is ok. I even had a girlfriend of mine just recently declare, these chics are winning so we might as well join them. Of course I had to jump on her, and snap her back to reality. These women are no competition to decent women and that’s what decent women must understand. So I completely agree with you Lincoln. Any advantages that these chics get in life are advantages that weak minded have given them, because they started to view these women as competition, instead of the trash that they are.

    • Smilez_920

      09/04/2012 at 10:58 AM

      Agreed. Ppls grandamas were getting down like this back in the day, they just didn't put their business out on the street. I think the line between sexual liberation and self respect have been blurrd and this is what happens when the two lines come together.

      I never took the hoes be wining thing to heart. A lot of those women experience short term wins not long term victories. Joe Buddens girl is an adult So she has to figure out where to draw the line for herself. I just hope I don't see any young ( 16 to 21) women playing copy cat.

    • Paul B.

      09/04/2012 at 11:26 AM

      True. If h0es stay winning, I'd question the definition of winning and I also question the quality of the woman who is making that statement. Not every woman that is claiming lady status is a genuine lady, let's get that clear. H0es have their lane, ladies have their lane and the two should not meet nor intersect.

      As far as Joe goes, he's trying to get attention for his album, not as if it will translate into sales, but he's gotten people to talk about his pic, but not his music. So what? It's too many people who can't see off the tip of their noses claiming h0es/n*ggas are winning, and as long as they operate with myopic vision they will continue to believe that.

      • GrandCentral

        09/04/2012 at 11:55 AM

        Exactly! What makes a winner? What is your definition of winning? I am here to tell you all that my definition of winning is not the above and I promise you that many people share my definition of winning and we out number women like the above. So actually, they are not winning! They are the loudest person in the room and it's giving the illusion that they are winning when they are really not.

        • Paul B.

          09/04/2012 at 1:46 PM

          If you have to give the illusion that you're winning, the reality is that you've lost already. What's sad is that they've convinced the simple minded that they have and they buy into it.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/04/2012 at 12:46 PM

        Real talk!

      • NurseJilly

        09/04/2012 at 1:55 PM

        Completely agree!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 12:13 PM

      My fear is that women who co-sign her behaviour will be the first ones to copy it and feel no ways about it either.

  15. BADDEST

    09/04/2012 at 10:07 AM

    Publicity WHORES……c'est tout.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 12:08 PM

      Co-sign.

  16. cynicaloptmst81

    09/04/2012 at 10:49 AM

    I think they are both dead wrong for this.

    Dudes are willing to post/share intimate moments with their #1 now?! I thought she was off limits? "Ladies" are cool with their bedroom business all out in the street?

    The game done changed…for the worse. I refuse to be a statistic, lol.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 12:12 PM

      You know what the joke is? That was my original idea for this blog post BEFORE I spoke to those women. I was gonna title it something along the lines of "I Can Only Respect Your Woman As Much As You Do" and talk about how Joe's friends are suppose to treat this chick now having TOO much info into their sex life. It's his girlfriend but he's putting her out there as a sex kitten instead of the love of his life.

      • cynicaloptmst81

        09/04/2012 at 12:26 PM

        "I was gonna title it something along the lines of "I Can Only Respect Your Woman As Much As You Do" and talk about how Joe's friends are suppose to treat this chick now having TOO much info into their sex life. It's his girlfriend but he's putting her out there as a sex kitten instead of the love of his life."

        EXACTLY! Clearly, people don't understand why J&B are #winning in the relationship game. PRIVACY! #Need2KnowBasis

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/04/2012 at 12:47 PM

          If only that knowledge could have rubbed off on Ye' and KK.

          • cynicaloptmst81

            09/04/2012 at 1:04 PM

            Speaking of Ye'…

            …waiting on your post about his "maybe I shouldn't have called her a Perfect B*$&# after all" moment…which is more evidence that the game is changing…which kinda takes away from my J&B #winning comment cause they def started this…or was it Method Man ("..you my ni@@a", in All I Need)?

            There's a point…and a question…and a request mixed up in there somewhere. I hope you found them, lol. #MyBad

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            09/04/2012 at 1:13 PM

            Hmm, I think the difference between J & B is that their romance seems to have two levels – the public subliminals and the private realities which they keep VERY private. Jay-Z talks about the hottest b*tch in the game wearing his chain, but you can tell that's very different from how Sean Carter addresses Mrs. Carter. And that's what makes them so great, but what confuses Kanye.

            It seems like he does not differentiate his public and private personas therefore calling Kim a bad bitch means both in both accords.

          • cynicaloptmst81

            09/04/2012 at 2:48 PM

            …ask and you shall receive, lol.

            Great response!

    • Paul B.

      09/04/2012 at 1:43 PM

      Here's the thing: you said #1, not one and only. How men treat their one and only is not the same as how they treat their #1. Men don't share intimate details of their relationships and sex lives with their one and only with the world.

      • cynicaloptmst81

        09/04/2012 at 2:49 PM

        Ahhhh…I see.

        Clearly, his gf needs to understand this difference as well, lol. #UhOh

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/04/2012 at 3:36 PM

        Real talk.

  17. MistaHarsh

    09/04/2012 at 11:45 AM

    it was once unlady like to give head. Is that still the case? Was the standard brought down because of it?

    I'm a Joe budden fan mainly for music but if people think he has 576,000 followers for his mood muzik collection you're sadly mistaken. This guy is a character like it or not this is right up his alley.

    Honestly I found the pics to be artistic. I swear I saw some of those poses in those black paintings(some of ya'll might have them on your walls don't lie). Its not hoe-ish as it is opportun-ish. At least she had the sense not to be photographed as the one giving it…tricks have morals too…..Joe stays winning with the dimes though…Its a shame his music doesn't get the same attention on a wider scale that is.

  18. MistaHarsh

    09/04/2012 at 11:47 AM

    another thing: why do people thinks these two live by the same rules as everyone else? This is the industry that they're in. Some people intern to start their careers, others take off their clothes. Same difference.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 12:49 PM

      Truth be told I don't care what they do – but listening to "regular" folk canonize their actions as cool lets me know I shouldn't be surprised when they copy them.

      • MistaHarsh

        09/04/2012 at 2:34 PM

        to be clear I wouldn't want to publicly expose the woman I'd want to marry in a sexual manner at all. But could it be that your friends were looking at the artistic side to the pics or the fact that she's getting instead of giving? I think that clouded their judgement. Also is it unlady like to admire a hoe-ish act? A lot of women admire the sexual freedom some hoes possess but it doesn't mean they're going to follow suit.

  19. @IsesAisa

    09/04/2012 at 12:08 PM

    I just read your blog on Budden. I have struggled with this issue about portrayal. I am a 5% and I lived in a culture where I had to embody Betty Shabazz and yet be in an environment of 'righteous men' putting Buffy the body on a pedestal of sexiness! If I even went to the salon and stepped out of homeliness character. I was criticized as straying from the culture. Simultaneously the males could work and invest in female 'artists/models' for their videos and parties. Bring home xxl eye candy and show mag's like it was business related material. Ultimately, I realized tha I was a mascot and came to the understanding that I had to be responsible for my image.
    Everyone loves to be respected. Respecting your self comes first. This differs from self respect in that, self -respect is under the banner of decency. Respect for self is a subjective and personal thing where an individual makes choices based on their own sense of expression and the experience in life they choose to have regardless to what anyone thinks or the judgement from others.
    I don't agree or disagree that the Budden pic is Hoe portrayl. I think that it may be his view of heaven and it may be someone elses view of hell. In light of the scenario that were addressing and the situation I described in this comment. I will say that I'm not impressed by that pic. I wouldn't really want to deal with a man who portrays himself like he wants attention. I probably wouldn't even listen to his song. Unless he just graduated from the temple of kama sutra, that pic tells me that he really has nothing productive or enlightening to say in his lyrics. I wish Mr. Budden and his Temptress well in their pursuit of cash and fame. Maybe this post can help with supporting the fame part however my cash is not

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 12:51 PM

      I agree with much of the points here.

  20. Nee

    09/04/2012 at 12:19 PM

    I totally agree with your point of view in this post linc, and believe the standards have dropped for men and sadly women as well. People may argue that "The times are changing, therefore the measure of standards and what's 'acceptable' is not the same as it was 20 or 30 or 40 years ago,ect ect." In which, I do agree to an extent however, these are the same people who are complaining there are "no good men/women out there" "Chivalry is dead" and the like. I also find it Ironic how these same people wilfully ignore the fact that 20, 30 or 40 years ago there weren't as many single parents, marriages lasted longer and divorce rates weren't as high, ect ect.

    Now, the positive side is there are more opportunities now a days for people to express themselves sexually without being ridiculed or looked down upon. Women have the freedom to show whatever assets they feel they have, (and I'm sure men have no problem with that) However, personally, I don't believe the long term repercussions are worth it.

    That's my two cents.

  21. Nee

    09/04/2012 at 12:23 PM

    "I never took the hoes be wining thing to heart. A lot of those women experience short term wins not long term victories."

    Co- sign.
    I think too many people invest too much of their happiness in the short term and refuse to look at what may happen to them down the road. But that's another topic for another day.

    Great post none the less.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 12:52 PM

      Completely agree.

  22. NurseJilly

    09/04/2012 at 2:06 PM

    Have the standards dropped for men and women. Absolutely!!

    I'm so sick of hearing women talk about being sexually liberated and then turn around and be upset that they are being looked down upon. I think both parties in this pic are just as hoish as the other. I don't look down on this woman for the pic but I'll be damned if I call her a lady…

    Women who want to be sexually liberated and explore themselves don't offend me but women who use the line "if a man can do it why can't I" drive me nuts. I'm not saying there isn't a double standard here there absolutely is but that statement is not true of all men and thats where I take offence. I hold the men I date to a higher standard than that and in return I meet those standards my damn self.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 3:53 PM

      THANK YOU! I sincerely hope every woman commenting gets to read this post because this is the gospel right here.

      • Smilez_920

        09/04/2012 at 4:46 PM

        I think that's what most ( atleast me) female posters are trying to get at. I'm not fighting the good old " if men can do it do can I battle" . I'm just cant put all the blame on her. There were two adults in that picture . Yes she's not a lady but joe is no gentleman either.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/04/2012 at 4:53 PM

          Ok but the problem with the comments above is the fact that that point was even brought up in the first place. No where in my post or anywhere in these comment sections is anyone applauding Joe and deriding this girl.

          The reason this post is about HER and not more about Joe is because of the context of the conversation I had with women about this picture, and the fact that they BROUGHT the praise of her into the convo more than anything else.

          As much as men get blamed for deflecting, how is that not a classic case of women deflecting THIS issue that we are discussing now to create a fake issue no one is even talking about?

        • Paul B.

          09/04/2012 at 5:12 PM

          But Joe has made no claims to be so. His reputation or image all about being grimy and thuggish. So what's the point of trying to hold him to a standard he has not claimed to care to meet?

    • MistaHarsh

      09/04/2012 at 3:54 PM

      I get your message but I don't think this woman is pleading to be called a lady. I'm more inclined to believe that being called a bat b#tch would make her day.

      What do you think of the numerous of women who take those over the shoulder bathroom pics? Is it any different?

      • NurseJilly

        09/04/2012 at 5:38 PM

        I agree. I'm sure the word lady wouldn't be on her radar. Nude over the counter bathroom pics are just as demeaning as far as I'm concerned. A lot of women seem to be so caught up in acting like a man, or what they perceive acting like a man entails that they screw themselves.

  23. Porsche

    09/04/2012 at 3:34 PM

    When are women going to stop trying to make the "double standard hoe excuse" argument HAPPEN! It is not going to happen!!

    There are double standards in this world. Women let's all just accept it and move on. I don't hear you complaining when a guy is buying you dinner?!

    The line between wife behaviour and hoe behaviour is as clearly defined and I will be damned if I am put into the same category as this hoe. Like really if that thong picture is not a hoe's uniform I do not know what is! Kim K —> Hoe! Amber Rose —> Hoe! Be real with yourself! There are certain things that are just for you and your man IN PRIVATE, I don't care how sexually liberated you are.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/04/2012 at 4:54 PM

      "There are certain things that are just for you and your man IN PRIVATE, I don't care how sexually liberated you are."

      I agree with this for the most part.

  24. MistaHarsh

    09/04/2012 at 3:36 PM

    lol
    Her profession is a dancer/zumba instructor so to me that whole industry is short sided. There's not much longetivity in that career so short term is how she has to play it.

    Judging by Budden's track record(no pun intended) she's playing it ALL BUSINESS and will be on a mag cover in the next 12mos which I'm sure is on her bucket list. I don't take this seriously and neither do they…he calls her Ratchet Knowles for goodness sake!

    • BADDEST

      09/04/2012 at 5:45 PM

      Judging by the vantage point of the pic I'm sayin the head line of the mag cover is gonna be sumtin along the lines of Ratchet Knowles: a vixen's guide to making him your BISH……or whatever…cuz it is interesting that its her who took the pic…I'm predicting that will be their angle from here in…some "she tamed me" shit press wise I'm sure. …

  25. Jessica S

    09/04/2012 at 6:08 PM

    I agree that posting the pic was not lady-like and he can't have much respect for her to even post it in the first place.

  26. 2cool4school

    09/04/2012 at 6:30 PM

    Yoooo just because you used a Hercules gif I will read your blog everyday. I snorted

  27. Samyjo

    09/04/2012 at 10:48 PM

    You know that saying ''If you can't beat 'em, join 'em''..

    Okay, there will always be 'hoes' or women with low morale/self-esteem or simply no decorum but it seems that these women do not have a problem with sourcing men, in fact they always seem to have a wide variety to choose from.
    I know it's hard to accept, but for a lot of women the time has come to play by the new rules… (which may i remind you are set by the men around us and further encouraged by external sources i.e. 'the media')

    Some of you may disagree, however, subconsciously we as women have all downgraded & our values are more or less out the window, i'll be the first to admit it. We are all guilty of compromising! So the margins have changed, what is now deemed as acceptable in the bedroom has changed.. I remember a time when revealing such would have equated to social suicide tbh.

  28. MistaHarsh

    09/05/2012 at 10:47 AM

    lol explain this?

    I was using sarcasm whoop te whoop

  29. singleislandgal

    09/27/2012 at 8:38 AM

    Sorry, I didn't read all the comments so forgive me if what I'm about to say has already been said.

    But the statement, "real ladies are just as hard to find" irks me to a certain extent. I personally think it's easier for a man to find a woman to settle down with that will not cheat on him but will honor and respect him than it is for a good woman who is educated to find a man that will do the same. Men are losing the core values of what it means to be a man. They are no longer learning from other positive men but from rappers, street corners and tv. The same can be said for women, because most women sit and watch the most ratchet sh!t on tv and some even try to enact it but in a society that a man leads the head, it is becoming more and more rare to find a man that is worth the stress to settle with.

    I personally wrote an article titled, "Hoes be winning while good girls do…nothing" you can find it on my blog, and sad to say it is the most popular article. Because hoes aren't winning, they're simply settling. Or as I've recently discovered men find it easier to date a hoe because she isn't pushing him to be any better than what he really is.

    But I'm enjoying the website!

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