If H0ES Are Winning Out Here – Most LADIES Ain’t HELPING

This is Joe Budden’s Twitter pic – wearing his girls pubes as a mustache..

Anyone who has been reading this blog for at least a year will probably be aware of the fact that Joe Budden is one of my favourite rappers of all-time – although he CONSTANTLY collects a lot of personal L’s. So when I saw this pic of him on Twitter Saturday night, I instantly felt a shiver down my spine, because I got HYPE as hell knowing that Joey was gonna release some BANGING music now that he’s in another, fully dysfunctional, public relationship with another big-booty freak who will inevitably do some h0e-type sh*t that will break his heart and have him running to the studio [like Red running to his car after Debo stole his chain in Friday] to record some classic “mood music.”

But that wasn’t even the notable part of this pic, it was the REACTION that many [and I mean MANY] females showed me in regards to this picture. My initial reaction was swift and to-the-point: Joey is out here attention whoring in these E-streets to drum up some attention, which is cool since it might make his H0E get some fame and attention and possibly climb onto the D-list and create a career for herself. When I voiced this to MANY groups of women that night on and offline, I was surprised at the backlash I received for suggesting that the chick spread-eagled with a tongue buried in her nani on Twitter in front of 576,000 followers was a H0E, and anything LESS than a queen. That night I realized that the H0E/Lady line has definitely moved in the WRONG direction – and it’s many of the LADIES out here who are pushing it.

Now for the record, I was not asking former strippers, current prostitutes and the cast of Basketball Wives for their opinion on Joe Budden’s Twitpic – I was speaking with the SAME ladies I ALWAYS congregate with – the SAME ladies who always ask me sh*t like: “Why aren’t there more GENTLEMEN out here?” And who complain about things like “Chivalry is DEAD” and “these BOYS don’t know how to be gentlemen anymore!” Well, “ladies” I have news for you:

If you think GENTLEMEN are a dying breed, you should take a second to really look at your fellow women, because REAL LADIES are just as hard to find.

Joe’s H0E – collecting W’s out in these streets

The simple fact that I could NOT agree with ANY of these young women that this chick’s actions were H0E-ish, lets me know that THEIR definition of LADY-LIKE has dropped lower, faster than Coolio’s record sales. I always figured that when we talked about the line that separates skeezers and “all the ladies in the place with style and grace” was simple tastefulness and decorum. I thought it was obvious WHY we canonized women like Claire Huxtable, Jill Scott, Michelle Obama, Nancy Hicks Maynard, Coretta Scott-King and Anika Noni-Rose as classy women and subsequently differentiated them from Superhead and Pinky. The former were ladies and the latter, well, simply were NOT.

Now obviously this distinction is not an EASY or OBVIOUS one, hence the creation of the constantly teetering line, but is it REALLY so insane to believe that displaying your salad getting tossed on a popular social media site is h0e-type sh*t [her AND him]?! I don’t want to sound like a judgmental DOUCHEBAG so I’m honestly asking that, because from what my homegirls are telling me, I AM insane to make that connection. They all professed how sexy, attractive and even romantic it is for Joe to put up that pic. They talked about her being sexually confident and mature enough with her body to have the great confidence to post that. But mostly these women were PISSED that I found something WRONG with her actions – but they didn’t GET IT. I find NOTHING wrong with her acting the way she did – what I found ALARMING was the fact that women are ready and willing to say her actions were fine and dandy in the ladylike handbook. It’s YOU “ladies” I’m taking issue with – not HER.

Now it’s NOT my belief that every woman should STRIVE to fit into society’s limited patriarchal perception of what encompasses a “lady” but if you really think posting pics of your nani online is LADY-LIKE then I guess h0es really ARE winning out here – and ladies, every time you co-sign h0e-type sh*t you help blur that line almost into nonexistence.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    09/04/2012 at 5:08 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do YOU Think The Standards Of What's Considered "Lady-Like" Has Dropped Dramatically Nowadays?

    Do You Think It's Even Worth Making The Distinction In The First Place?

  2. oshanae

    09/04/2012 at 5:26 AM

    Over all i think the pics of him and his girlfriend is annoying. I am a fan of Mr. Budden as well, she is dead wrong for this pic and so is he.

  3. O'Brian

    09/04/2012 at 5:31 AM

    i have to say that the standards for both sexes has considerably dropped but i think the correlation to this new acceptance is to do with the media, with new extremes coming out from time to time so even though we may now consider this pic of Joe eating a females salad too outgoing. the next extreme could well be the act, each time gradually getting worst. that's just my opinion really

  4. Piscean

    09/04/2012 at 5:39 AM

    Wow… It's pretty obvious that the standards of what is deemed lady-like has dropped if you are saying that not one of your girlfriends… But a crew of them say this is lady-like.
    There is nothing wrong with being a sexually liberated man or woman, but I believe there is something distasteful about putting your sexual escapades online for everyone to observe. Leave something to the imagination, no?
    The problem with these social networks is that it leaves room for everyone to be expressive about every little thing that goes down in their lives ( no pun intended) ;). What was once considered private is now an open forum for the public to spectate and comment on. "Ya, u get it girl.
    Whatever happened to being a lady in the street? It seems that line has now been substitutes with "Ho in a tweet".

  5. mena

    09/04/2012 at 5:59 AM

    Has the standard dropped? I dont believe that it has by a lot but the Ho crew has gotten a lot louder and have garnered and attracted more attention that ever before. Bc of this, it's easy for people to believe that hos do stay winning.

    Here's the problem and I will just put it put there: the loudest people get the most attention and since women tie their self-esteem into what men think, when they see and hear dudes praising these women that do booty shots and are video "models" they think this is what it takes to get and keep a man. So now, the lines are blurred as all get out bc the girls see this crap flashed at them on every media outlet and start to believe that this is the only way to receive male approval.

    Women's sexual liberation has been a gift and a curse.

    Now if this picture were leaked and you couldn't see the chicks face, would I consider her a ho? No. But if she agreed to have her essence placed on display then she may not be a ho ho, but she is definitely an attention seeking ho.

  6. petersburgh

    09/04/2012 at 6:39 AM

    In a general sense I think we have become a bit too judgemental on things like these. as Mena said and I agreed if the pic was leaked vs if it was purposely posted could sell the difference. I wrote a blog http://petersburgh.wordpress.com/2012/06/26/good-… which touched on how we view things so biased on some precursor. I would not call a woman a ho or a man a slut because he did something once. If I never cheated for 30 years (well at least the good years) and I cheat now, does that make me a slut? Truth is I will be called a slut by whoever it's advantageous to. The point is our standards change due to public opinion which in itself is so fragile we end up at all sorts of places and the truth is we don't know how to get away from there. Yes I think the distinction should be made but the problem is most people will make it to suit them rather than what it actually is. I honestly hope that the ladies realise that they have a big part to play in it all and because some men if not most glorify booty shaking rap models doesn't mean they are what he wants as a wife so get smart, be a lady but leave the booty shaking for your boo only

  7. Mimi

    09/04/2012 at 6:46 AM

    I wonder how many of your female friends would be OK with the picture if SHE was going down on HIM?

  8. 2cool4school

    09/04/2012 at 7:25 AM

    No shade but maybe the women you are referring too are hoes (or hoe sympathists lol). I really hate discussions on promiscuity because its relative. I grew up in a really conservative background where any sexual contact before marriage was inexcusable. Some may say that it is extreme but, that goes to prove my point. If hoes are winning why wouldn't the frustrated good girl want to win too. You might revere a Claire Huxtable (but she doesn't make ur d1ck hard) but if she denied you physical contact until marriage you may: 1) drop her or 2) slept with all the hoes and then wifed her after she spent her twenties frustrated or 3) wifed her and kept a girlfriend and a mistress. BTW if Jill Scott talks about being dicmatized and has a child out of wedlock isn't she a hoe??? The ugly truth is if a guy likes a girl it doesn't matter if she has had the whole football team I see it everyday.

  9. Smilez_920

    09/04/2012 at 7:30 AM

    I don’t think she’s a hoe, but that picture isn’t that lady like. If this wasn’t Joe Buddens gf , and just some random chick from twitter, your Friends would have aired her out and called her an attention whore, or said she shouldn’t be looking for that type of attention.

    I think the line has been blurred because society has taken the ” pu**y off of the pedestal” . I mean how much do we really cherish virginity, purity and all of those things like before. I think the message of sexual liberation has been confused with something else.

    I think women are liking for of wider definition of what being lady like is. A definition that focuses less on their looks and what they do with their body. For example a man is still a man whether he sleeps with 2 women or 20 women, a man is still a man whether he has made several relationship mistakes or not. I think the current definition of lady like makes it easy for a woman to fall from grace even when she’s just going through the motions of figuring who she is and how she’s wants to presents herself etc… As you can see no one questioned Joe Buddens manhood or man likeness.

  10. Lisa

    09/04/2012 at 7:36 AM

    The demonization of women here actually pisses me off. There are TWO adults in this picture. A man and a woman. "Lady" this and "lady" that… if being a "lady" is a positive standard for women to strive for, WHAT THEN is the standard for a man? Nothing? Nada? No slap on the wrist for Mr. Budden who, if I read this post correctly, is the one who this Twitter pic belongs to? Is he not the one then, who posted this picture of him and his lady's sexcapades online? Do we even know if he asked her permission before posting it? Even if you did get permission, would YOU post a photo of you and your girlfriend getting down like this online? Is this how you want your boys, your family, HER family to see your woman? Do you see how this is not just an issue of "her" not being a lady, but of "him" not being a stand-up dude? But I digress, I'm not even trying to judge them here, if they're both comfortable with this, more power to them…

    The point I'm making is that too often we see something that makes us uncomfortable sexually, and then we point the finger at women, as if women live on an island where their actions and behaviours aren't influenced by or reactions to how they are viewed and treated. Either indirectly through media/celebs, or directly by the men that they know.

    We can't cry about the decline of "lady-like behaviour" in one breath, then post ass-out-bikini-clad photos for everyone to swoon over in the next. If (heterosexual) women are confused about how to act, I'd say it's because men say they want one thing (a lady, a queen…) and yet go running headfirst after another (in the words of Big Sean, "Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass Ass)…

    "Hoes stay winning" because business is booming. Hmmm, guess who's buying?

  11. Noelle

    09/04/2012 at 7:42 AM

    Lisa, GREAT response!!! And the absolute truth! Of course, none of the men on here will admit it. And they’ll probably deflect—nonetheless, great response!!!

  12. Celina

    09/04/2012 at 8:24 AM

    I'm running out to work so I'll have to catch up on everyone's comments later but I WILL say that the picture is NOT lady-like at all. I'll have a mini-stroke the day I see Michelle Obama's pum pum on the internet.

  13. LINDA

    09/04/2012 at 8:54 AM

    The problem is that Black folks have lost our minds. We have the lowest employment in the country and the highest incarceration stats. We would rather listen to 'Niggaz in Paris' than attend a seminar on how to start our own business. And we don't patronize each other anyway even though job creation has to come from us if we are to survive. We glue other folks hair on top of our own to be "pretty" yet own less than 5% of hair stores. Our men approve this mess. The fact that your friends see nothing wrong with this woman's choices is not surprising. I'll bet all of them have weaves squeezing their brains don't they Lincoln. Tell the truth.

  14. GrandCentral

    09/04/2012 at 9:34 AM

    I would just like to say that the women who approve of this type of inappropriate behavior are the exception and not the rule.

    I’ve had this discussion on numerous occasions with girlfriends to the point that I can’t even discuss it anymore. Once upon a time men like Joe Budden and women like this young woman in the pic, knew their place. It was behind closed doors. Should you so much as expose yourself like these two did, you would be shamed back into privacy. Today we reward this behavior. She shall remain nameless, but she has a lot to do with this. Plus, if a respectable young woman like myself or many of you on here has anything negative to say, we are labeled as haters or jealous. I’ve actually heard that before. I am all for women embracing their sexuality and having an openness to experience all the activities their little heart desires, but they should do so behind closed doors.

    There is so much conflicting information and perception out there, I can see and understand how a weak minded woman can get lost in the fray and think this is ok. I even had a girlfriend of mine just recently declare, these chics are winning so we might as well join them. Of course I had to jump on her, and snap her back to reality. These women are no competition to decent women and that’s what decent women must understand. So I completely agree with you Lincoln. Any advantages that these chics get in life are advantages that weak minded have given them, because they started to view these women as competition, instead of the trash that they are.


    09/04/2012 at 10:07 AM

    Publicity WHORES……c'est tout.

  16. cynicaloptmst81

    09/04/2012 at 10:49 AM

    I think they are both dead wrong for this.

    Dudes are willing to post/share intimate moments with their #1 now?! I thought she was off limits? "Ladies" are cool with their bedroom business all out in the street?

    The game done changed…for the worse. I refuse to be a statistic, lol.

  17. MistaHarsh

    09/04/2012 at 11:45 AM

    it was once unlady like to give head. Is that still the case? Was the standard brought down because of it?

    I'm a Joe budden fan mainly for music but if people think he has 576,000 followers for his mood muzik collection you're sadly mistaken. This guy is a character like it or not this is right up his alley.

    Honestly I found the pics to be artistic. I swear I saw some of those poses in those black paintings(some of ya'll might have them on your walls don't lie). Its not hoe-ish as it is opportun-ish. At least she had the sense not to be photographed as the one giving it…tricks have morals too…..Joe stays winning with the dimes though…Its a shame his music doesn't get the same attention on a wider scale that is.

  18. MistaHarsh

    09/04/2012 at 11:47 AM

    another thing: why do people thinks these two live by the same rules as everyone else? This is the industry that they're in. Some people intern to start their careers, others take off their clothes. Same difference.

  19. @IsesAisa

    09/04/2012 at 12:08 PM

    I just read your blog on Budden. I have struggled with this issue about portrayal. I am a 5% and I lived in a culture where I had to embody Betty Shabazz and yet be in an environment of 'righteous men' putting Buffy the body on a pedestal of sexiness! If I even went to the salon and stepped out of homeliness character. I was criticized as straying from the culture. Simultaneously the males could work and invest in female 'artists/models' for their videos and parties. Bring home xxl eye candy and show mag's like it was business related material. Ultimately, I realized tha I was a mascot and came to the understanding that I had to be responsible for my image.
    Everyone loves to be respected. Respecting your self comes first. This differs from self respect in that, self -respect is under the banner of decency. Respect for self is a subjective and personal thing where an individual makes choices based on their own sense of expression and the experience in life they choose to have regardless to what anyone thinks or the judgement from others.
    I don't agree or disagree that the Budden pic is Hoe portrayl. I think that it may be his view of heaven and it may be someone elses view of hell. In light of the scenario that were addressing and the situation I described in this comment. I will say that I'm not impressed by that pic. I wouldn't really want to deal with a man who portrays himself like he wants attention. I probably wouldn't even listen to his song. Unless he just graduated from the temple of kama sutra, that pic tells me that he really has nothing productive or enlightening to say in his lyrics. I wish Mr. Budden and his Temptress well in their pursuit of cash and fame. Maybe this post can help with supporting the fame part however my cash is not

  20. Nee

    09/04/2012 at 12:19 PM

    I totally agree with your point of view in this post linc, and believe the standards have dropped for men and sadly women as well. People may argue that "The times are changing, therefore the measure of standards and what's 'acceptable' is not the same as it was 20 or 30 or 40 years ago,ect ect." In which, I do agree to an extent however, these are the same people who are complaining there are "no good men/women out there" "Chivalry is dead" and the like. I also find it Ironic how these same people wilfully ignore the fact that 20, 30 or 40 years ago there weren't as many single parents, marriages lasted longer and divorce rates weren't as high, ect ect.

    Now, the positive side is there are more opportunities now a days for people to express themselves sexually without being ridiculed or looked down upon. Women have the freedom to show whatever assets they feel they have, (and I'm sure men have no problem with that) However, personally, I don't believe the long term repercussions are worth it.

    That's my two cents.

  21. Nee

    09/04/2012 at 12:23 PM

    "I never took the hoes be wining thing to heart. A lot of those women experience short term wins not long term victories."

    Co- sign.
    I think too many people invest too much of their happiness in the short term and refuse to look at what may happen to them down the road. But that's another topic for another day.

    Great post none the less.

  22. NurseJilly

    09/04/2012 at 2:06 PM

    Have the standards dropped for men and women. Absolutely!!

    I'm so sick of hearing women talk about being sexually liberated and then turn around and be upset that they are being looked down upon. I think both parties in this pic are just as hoish as the other. I don't look down on this woman for the pic but I'll be damned if I call her a lady…

    Women who want to be sexually liberated and explore themselves don't offend me but women who use the line "if a man can do it why can't I" drive me nuts. I'm not saying there isn't a double standard here there absolutely is but that statement is not true of all men and thats where I take offence. I hold the men I date to a higher standard than that and in return I meet those standards my damn self.

  23. Porsche

    09/04/2012 at 3:34 PM

    When are women going to stop trying to make the "double standard hoe excuse" argument HAPPEN! It is not going to happen!!

    There are double standards in this world. Women let's all just accept it and move on. I don't hear you complaining when a guy is buying you dinner?!

    The line between wife behaviour and hoe behaviour is as clearly defined and I will be damned if I am put into the same category as this hoe. Like really if that thong picture is not a hoe's uniform I do not know what is! Kim K —> Hoe! Amber Rose —> Hoe! Be real with yourself! There are certain things that are just for you and your man IN PRIVATE, I don't care how sexually liberated you are.

  24. MistaHarsh

    09/04/2012 at 3:36 PM

    Her profession is a dancer/zumba instructor so to me that whole industry is short sided. There's not much longetivity in that career so short term is how she has to play it.

    Judging by Budden's track record(no pun intended) she's playing it ALL BUSINESS and will be on a mag cover in the next 12mos which I'm sure is on her bucket list. I don't take this seriously and neither do they…he calls her Ratchet Knowles for goodness sake!

  25. Jessica S

    09/04/2012 at 6:08 PM

    I agree that posting the pic was not lady-like and he can't have much respect for her to even post it in the first place.

  26. 2cool4school

    09/04/2012 at 6:30 PM

    Yoooo just because you used a Hercules gif I will read your blog everyday. I snorted

  27. Samyjo

    09/04/2012 at 10:48 PM

    You know that saying ''If you can't beat 'em, join 'em''..

    Okay, there will always be 'hoes' or women with low morale/self-esteem or simply no decorum but it seems that these women do not have a problem with sourcing men, in fact they always seem to have a wide variety to choose from.
    I know it's hard to accept, but for a lot of women the time has come to play by the new rules… (which may i remind you are set by the men around us and further encouraged by external sources i.e. 'the media')

    Some of you may disagree, however, subconsciously we as women have all downgraded & our values are more or less out the window, i'll be the first to admit it. We are all guilty of compromising! So the margins have changed, what is now deemed as acceptable in the bedroom has changed.. I remember a time when revealing such would have equated to social suicide tbh.

  28. MistaHarsh

    09/05/2012 at 10:47 AM

    lol explain this?

    I was using sarcasm whoop te whoop

  29. singleislandgal

    09/27/2012 at 8:38 AM

    Sorry, I didn't read all the comments so forgive me if what I'm about to say has already been said.

    But the statement, "real ladies are just as hard to find" irks me to a certain extent. I personally think it's easier for a man to find a woman to settle down with that will not cheat on him but will honor and respect him than it is for a good woman who is educated to find a man that will do the same. Men are losing the core values of what it means to be a man. They are no longer learning from other positive men but from rappers, street corners and tv. The same can be said for women, because most women sit and watch the most ratchet sh!t on tv and some even try to enact it but in a society that a man leads the head, it is becoming more and more rare to find a man that is worth the stress to settle with.

    I personally wrote an article titled, "Hoes be winning while good girls do…nothing" you can find it on my blog, and sad to say it is the most popular article. Because hoes aren't winning, they're simply settling. Or as I've recently discovered men find it easier to date a hoe because she isn't pushing him to be any better than what he really is.

    But I'm enjoying the website!

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