It’s A SHAME The Church Doesn’t Promote MARRIED Sex

Dear Lord, please bless this bed that me and my wife ain’t about to do a DAMN thing in. Amen.

When I was about 14/15 years old, my sister and I both began attending a Christian Youth Group a town over from where we lived. Once we arrived at the Church, they split the boys and girls into two groups and discussions apart from the opposite gender ensued. On one particular day, our VIRGIN youth-pastor decided to talk to us about sex [FYI: A VIRGIN youth group leader is the WORST dude to talk to teenage children about sex because none of us respected a DAMN thing he said because he was just as clueless about it as we were], and although it was predictably straight-laced and condemning, the one thing I liked is that he made SEX seem like a substantive part of the “pot of marriage gold” at the end of the single life rainbow. Now, the way I listen to these pastors talk, it’s no wonder church kids stay wildin’ out because these idiots aren’t even willing to promote MARRIED sex.

And YES, MARRIED sex SHOULD be propagated to young men and women in the church, as a positive PART of a successful marriage because it’s a GREAT thing and it SHOULD be one of the selling points of being married. OBVIOUSLY, it should NOT talked about as the ONLY benefit so little boys don’t try and pull a Fresh Prince of Bell-Air and propose to a chick just to beat up the nani ‘a one-two times’ [West Indian slang], but to act as if SEX must STILL be taboo in the context of a HAPPY marriage makes the church seem curmudgeonly and outdated, and makes marriage seem like a boring, lifelong trek towards death and clandestine masturbation.

The people who have a problem with this theory, I can ALREADY hear their ignorant excuses as to why framing MARRIED SEX as a GOOD thing would be HORRIBLE to do to teenagers:

1) They don’t need further temptation to have sex!
2) They need to focus on abstaining not being blurred by thoughts of sexual activity!
3) The church is NO place to talk about sex!
4) It’s impossible to know when children would be even ready to hear about sex!
5) Do you expect the pastor to brag about tearin’ his wife up last night?

“So I know its 12 AM, and we are both here lying in bed smelling good…maybe we can play more Jesus charades?!”

And my replies are simply this:

1) It’s NOT providing further temptation to have sex – it’s giving them some realistic long-term goals type of temptation to measure their raging hormones so they CAN remain abstinent. Talking about sex is NOT about handing these kids 50 Shades of Grey novels and sending them out into the world charged up, it’s about redirecting their already high sex drives AWAY from promiscuity.

2) If you think young people who abstain are not NATURALLY blurred by thoughts of sexual activity, you are living in an imaginary BS world. My teenage body went through the SAME hell these kids are going through today, and exploring their sexual side is a BIG temptation right now. It’s THESE kids that are succumbing EVERYDAY to everything from peer-pressure to their own sexual curiosity. Don’t ignore it, ADDRESS it.

3) The church is a GREAT place to talk about sex, because the church is the place where many young [and old] adults derive their dating ideologies from. The LESS you talk about the church’s stance on sex, the more it becomes ambiguous and left up to that persons level of individual discretion and will power.

4) Regardless of when YOU think they are ready, the human body will start going through puberty whether you like it or not, followed by self-exploration and then the curiosity to explore someone else’s body. So it HAS to be addressed at SOME point, but I think it’s fair to say [based on teen pregnancy numbers] that the “act like it doesn’t exist” method is a complete FAIL.

5) No, No I don’t. I expect him or her to speak, like always, as a human being. When people ask me why I’m an agnostic-theist, it’s because I have a HUGE disconnect between church doctrine and church people. I can’t form a true, lifelong connection to the people of ANY institution who are incapable of approaching me on a HUMAN level, without being condescending or self-righteous. Regardless of your religious orientation [if you even have one at all], most of us would like to find mental, emotional and physical compatibility with someone we truly LOVE and enjoy ALL of them, mind, body and soul. But to condemn me for wanting that trifecta of love, or to not even propagate the concept of true, married LOVE-MAKING as a pleasurable positive, makes me wonder WHY so many church people are single?

Seriously, why should you give a DAMN what the other person looks like, if the only time you’ll ever get it in with them is to have children?

This Is Your Conscience

Lincoln Anthony Blades can be found on Twitter at @LincolnABlades and on Instagram at @ThisIsYourConscience