It’s GOOD To Be Friends With Your EX – AFTER You’ve HEALED

There’s one thing many women and men BOTH want to know about dating, that causes us EQUAL heartache and strife, and that is how to deal with building a FRIENDship with an ex after a failed RELATIONship. If there’s ONE thing I truly advocate is that people get OVER and PAST their exes after a relationship ends, no matter HOW it ends. There isn’t a set schedule for how long it SHOULD take, but no matter how much pain that person caused you, your goal should be to one day make it to the point where you are no longer emotionally or mentally compromised by what happened. If you can get to that point with an ex, I think pursuing a friendship with them is actually a GOOD thing [especially if they are OVER and PAST you too], but this whole “let’s be friends” thing RIGHT after a break-up is absolute BS.

Ever since I was young and heard girls tell me that exact same line, it use to PISS me off, because our relationship is ending over some BULLSH*T that one of us clearly doesn’t like, and now that we aren’t together, I don’t even think you are WORTHY of being called my friend. That is a thought we have ALL had before. I remember one of my exes cheated on me and then lied about it, even after I caught her red-handed, and then hit me with the “let’s just be friends line” making me turn around and look at her like “B*tch who wants a cheating-ass, lying-ass friend?” And don’t feel you need to acquiesce to your friends complaining questions like:  “WHY are you too immature to handle being friends with them?!”

After a breakup, you are ENTITLED to allow your emotions to run the gamut of insanity and illogical thoughts. You are still in love with that person [or at least you still care about them a lot], you miss the good times and the possibility of not seeing how far your chemistry and potential could have taken you two. Then mix that with the fact that you want to give them a Stone Cold Stunner for the way they acted towards you, and all the HELL they put you through. Then add in a strong dose of dickmatization or nani-addiction, and you have an explosive cocktail of emotional variables that makes you want to strangle, kiss and smash that person ALL at the same time.

But like the old saying goes “time heals all wounds” and one day, if you are MATURE enough, you should be able to put the past behind you, especially if you are wise enough to know that holding on to the pain of the past will only help to destroy any chances you might have of creating a productive and happy future. And it’s THEN, and only THEN, when you have effectively overcome the pain, the nostalgia and the sexual attraction to that person, where you can say “let’s be friends.” You may learn that you both work better as friends than a couple – but there’s NO way you will be able to see that RIGHT after a relationship JUST ends.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.