Just Because YOU Can’t Find Romance, Doesn’t Mean It’s DEAD

Yesterday I had the terrible displeasure of witnessing a disjointed, disgusting and highly troubling rant by two young ted-a-reg [my new word on here] girls complaining how romance is dead – and MEN killed it. This annoyed the SH*T out of me, because these women decided to allocate no blame on themselves or even create an in-depth, critical analysis of the dating scene as a whole – just BLAME men as hard and as often as they possibly can. Now I’m MORE than willing to entertain the “Who Killed Chivalry?” debate, because that’s a substantive argument that can be framed in many different ways from BOTH sides, but when it comes to ROMANCE, not only is the “death” highly questionable, but if anything it’s NOT about what men did to women, it’s about what we BOTH did to the entities of LOVE & ROMANCE.

Now let me say that I agreed with these young women on SOME points. I agree that men are probably a lot FROWSIER in the way we approach women than ever before, and many of us don’t see being classically amorous as a necessity to dating like many dudes once did, BUT, let’s not act as if women have ZERO autonomy in the dating world. Dating is NOT an exclusively-male controlled monopoly that precludes women from being able to be willing participants in the process, meaning that women have played a VERY active role in any-perceived degradation of twenty-first century courtship. 

These days are OVER

First, let me unequivocally state this FACT: Love and romance are BOTH still VERY much alive, and there are MANY couples currently experiencing happy and amazing relationships who can willingly attest to that fact. Every single day couples are creating, appreciating, and renewing their love for one another, but it’s easy as HELL to miss that when your eyes are filled with tears of self-pity. Just because YOU can’t find romance does NOT mean that romance no longer exists. Just because romance doesn’t fit your narrow-minded view of what it’s SUPPOSE to look like [typically based on some unrealistic old-school fantasy], it doesn’t mean that romance has evaporated into thin air. In fact, if you haven’t experienced true enchantment, that says a LOT more about YOU than the dating scene on a whole.

The truth is romantic courtships and relationships exist ALL around us, and in MUCH more fashions than just typical, old-school chivalric behaviour. But to the women who will steadfastly attest to the ideology that romance is DEAD, I have one simple comment for you: ‘Be the change that you want to see in the world.’ What have YOU done today to harbour a more romantic society that fosters love and affection instead of mustiness and gonorrhoea? Do you even exude an attitude that is conducive to BEING romanced? If you can not FIRMLY state that you are FLAWLESSLY approaching love and relationships with an open heart, and without any form of bitterness, impatience or conceit, then I suggest you take several seats and let those of us who KNOW romance still exists enjoy our-damn-selves.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

13 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    09/11/2012 at 5:47 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Think Romance Is DEAD Or VERY Much ALIVE?!

    • China

      09/11/2012 at 2:59 PM

      I likes the new word! Did you mean "teG-a-reg"?

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/11/2012 at 10:22 PM

        Yes! Damn mac auto-correct!

  2. petersburgh

    09/11/2012 at 6:21 AM

    Romance isn't dead but if they had said injured I would have agreed. Both sexes are guilty and I don't mean everybody either. Some men are only interested in sex so if they meet someone nice they will forgo the "idea of being stuck in a relationship" just to get it. Sad but true. On the other hand some women are only about financial gain so again the guy who treats her well(provides what she wants) will get that chance to be with her. The harsh reality is that both of these situations hardly play out and eventually it breaks up, someone gets horned etc. We both changed the view of romance in each other's eyes so as Lincoln said, if you want real romance, be the first to give it

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/11/2012 at 10:22 PM

      Co-sign!

  3. Smilez_920

    09/11/2012 at 7:06 AM

    Agreed. Both sexes have played their part in the decline of romance to a certain extent. But for the most part there are still happy couples out there. The thing is in order to get romance , chivalry, respect etc… You have to make it a standard for yourself and the person you choose to deal with. I can only speak from a woman's perspective. But a lot of the women who say romance is dead have probably dealt with a few jack a$$. Instead of realizing that they have made some mistakes in the selection department they just point fingers and blame it on the scale goat " romance is dead".

  4. ShadyGrady

    09/11/2012 at 7:13 AM

    I think that feminism and femininity are waging a quiet war in the minds of women. Feminism shot down men as initiative-taking creatures and the changing job market removed a lot of jobs for men while increasing a lot of jobs for women. Women want to wield the word equality as a weapon while not really wanting to live up to it in day-to-day life. When women complain about romance and chivalry, they are usually saying that they want men they like to pursue, they want to be pedestalized and, in spite of equality, they want to take no risks. So, if they aren’t getting what they want, it is just gone. Women don’t like to say “A lot of women get romance, but none for me” because it sounds like a personal failure. Therefore, women-speak makes it sound like a global phenomenon to protect the ego from being bruised.

    • BADDEST

      09/11/2012 at 8:49 AM

      Amazing response! and I agree its a HUGE theme for the amount of discontent amongst women.
      I think its time for women to see themselves objectively …..to see where we have come from in terms of archetypes and ideals and merge those realities into this disjointed post feminist world ……..its just not solution oriented for women to continue to proceed to feed each other's delusions about what it means to be a woman.

  5. BADDEST

    09/11/2012 at 9:26 AM

    Im gonna say romance is majorly dead in my life…….and I know why….I find most men I go on dates with have a really corny way of approaching it.,… and Ive often pondered who is the real culprit behind that ….is it just that men actually like the corny stuff or is it because thats what most women respond to….either way, it hit a nerve when you said : do you even exude an attitude that is conducive to BEING romanced? ….because truth be told I do not….so considering the angle of this article, here is the only point I will add to my above statments……"Romance" may not be for everyone…..OR…perhaps the better point would be it is unfair for people to whine about not getting romanced when the truth is they have probably yet to find the brand of romance that is well matched to them……in my case i think it should be peppered with cyniscm and a dash of sarcasm…just to keep it interesting..and make it feel legit….lol

  6. Paul B.

    09/11/2012 at 11:20 AM

    Romance isn't dead by any means, but it can't exist in the same space as selfishness and entitlement mentalities, which unfortunately runs rampant in our present society. We think only of what we claim to deserve and can't think of anyone else, and when so many think of like that, they close their hearts off and everybody loses in that department. There's nothing cute or appealing about that, and when people see that you're only focused on yourself, they will respond in kind. You get what you give.

    • NurseJilly

      09/11/2012 at 11:46 AM

      Agree 100% Paul…

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/12/2012 at 3:44 AM

      Co-Sign

  7. Pingback: Please Stop Confusing Dating With Courting « From Ashy to Classy

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