Men Don’t Need To Be COERCED Into Falling In Love

Every time I write about BS that women do in relationships, the number one defence I hear in response, is that women essentially do what they feel they NEED to do in order to GET the man to be in a relationship with them. Basically, if she has to lie, cheat and steal to get him to commit, than that is simply what it is, and it’s not HER fault, that’s just how the game is set-up. Well, I call ABSOLUTE BS on that ideology. Women DON’T need to LURE men into relationships with wet nani and good head, nor do they need to TRAP a man into a relationship with bullish*t ultimatums and they definitely DON’T need to use special tactics in order to get him to acquiesce into accepting a monogamous lifestyle. Ladies, as a man I can tell you ONE simple fact about us: YES, we want to fall in love with the woman of our dreams and it won’t take a DAMN THING on her part to make it happen, except for her just being herself.

I don’t understand why this is such a point of contention – I guess women and men really ARE from different planets when it comes to how we view each other from a romantic perspective, because we are WAY out of sync. I’m so sick and tired of having relationship conversations where the prevailing mentality amongst the women in the convo is that MEN need to be PUSHED and FORCED into commitment or else we will be bachelors for life or give you some 8-year engagement, promising you a grand wedding that will NEVER come. I’m assuming this mentality women have is predicated on the ideology that the majority of men out here feel they are George Clooney-esqe and can willingly get a hot piece of ass anytime they want, even after they turn greyer than Anderson Cooper. But ladies, if you hold the thought that men need to be WHIPPED into a relationship, or being monogamous, or committing to you, then you don’t know a DAMN thing about us.

Men fall in love with women EVERY SINGLE DAY and it’s not based on some falsified impetus that the woman used to TRICK him. Men meet women, learn about her mentally, emotionally and physically, and then if she is exactly what we want, we CHOOSE to love her. We choose to love despite her imperfections, or her history or even adverse odds. We love everything about HER and it’s a HELL OF A LOT more than just some sexual infatuation. When a man listens to his heart and LOVES, every single thing about her becomes a quiet testimony to her imperfect-perfection. Every misplaced strand of hair becomes his definition of beauty and every single character quirk she has becomes a loving reminder of her intrinsic uniqueness. Hell, some men fall in love just by seeing a woman be there for him on her OWN volition, during tough times.

But I KNOW already that many women WON’T believe me, so go do some research yourselves and see if I’m lying. Go talk to your close male friends and ask them what HONESTLY made them fall in love with their ex-GF’s – I promise you the TWO things you WON’T hear anywhere CLOSE to the top of their lists will be: 1) Because she CONVINCED me going out with her was the best thing to do, and 2) Because I was scared I might not be able to get p*ssy anywhere else.

Men are NOT unemotional troglodytes who NEED a woman’s mind games in order to commit to her. Hell, if you are STILL thinking mind games are necessary to “lock a man down” that may explain why you’re never in relationships with grown-ass men.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

67 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    09/13/2012 at 5:11 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Agree That Men Don't Need ANY Coercing From A Woman To Enter Into Relationships, Or Have You Found That Men DO Need A Push To Agree To Go Into A Relationship?

  2. petersburgh

    09/13/2012 at 6:21 AM

    If a man really loves a woman, she needs to do NOTHING but be herself. If you realise that you must push a man to get into a relationship, well there may be some issues. 1) he doesn't love 2) maybe he likes you but is considering if a relationship is worth getting into 3) he just wants sex from you. I'm sure the list goes on but another thing to point out is just because you have to push him doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't a good man either. It just maybe he isn't into you like that ( a lot of women like to change the minds of men and if he told you it's a casual fling in the beginning, BELIEVE HIM)

  3. NikiiB

    09/13/2012 at 6:55 AM

    This is, hands down, your best blog post ever. Thanks!

  4. KokoChan

    09/13/2012 at 7:29 AM

    I think it depends on the guy and whether or not he is ready to admit it when he's fallen in love (or like, I guess) with you. I've had two serious relationships in life so far, with Guy #1, when he felt it, he told me so, no hesitation. Guy #2 ( who I'm currently with) tells me that he tried to fight the feeling because it was his first time feeling that way about a girl and he was scared. He even admitted to trying to sabotage things between us at some point. Needless to say the development of our actual relationship was a long and laborious process, lol. I didn't really coerce him, but I did gently remind him that at some point us being "friends" wouldn't be enough anymore and that there were other dudes who would be more than happy to take his place. So he made a decision that he would rather have me than not have me…and three years later, here we are.

  5. mena

    09/13/2012 at 7:31 AM

    I honestly feel that if more people stepped away from reading about black relationships and how screwed up they are, more people would have a better outlook on relationships and marriage in general.

    These fears and misconceptions that you described above are coming from somewhere and become ingrained somehow. So no matter how much the opposite may be true, everyone's reality is different.

  6. Celina

    09/13/2012 at 7:46 AM

    This man said "unemotional troglodytes" … lol! I love your choice of words sometimes.

    I've seen men fall in love with women because of who they are but more often than not it takes a LONG time for that to happen. Unfortunately, too many females that are manipulative and untrustworthy are the ones becoming mothers and wives and females who are genuinely ready to give themselves with a "take me as I am" approach are overlooked as "not enough of a challenge" if any explanation is even given at all. I think that's why a lot of women feel like they need to play these games in order to get a man.

    Plus, there are men out there who are giving the advice that a woman has to date a bunch of men at the same time and feign disinterest in the person she really wants so that said man will want to chase her and before she knows it he'll be saying to himself "aw heck, how did I end up in this situation?" [i.e. in love]. There's a lot of conflicting information out there and it can be very confusing.

  7. GrandCentral

    09/13/2012 at 8:52 AM

    Bravo! Standing Ovation for this man!

  8. cynicaloptmst81

    09/13/2012 at 9:59 AM

    *shaking tambourine* Yessir!

    Now, this isn't to say that a man may not need to work a few things out in his head concerning what it would mean/cost to be in a relationship with you. And depending on the timing, that may take time…maybe even a few discussions, encouragement and reassurance. But, all that extra stuff (trickery, coercion, begging, etc.) will only bring short-term results. You may get him…but you won't keep him.

  9. @futuresatellite

    09/13/2012 at 10:11 AM

    Well….I don't think men are blameless in women believing they have to coerce a man into loving them. Perhaps if men were more open with their feelings there wouldn't be a disconnect there.

  10. NurseJilly

    09/13/2012 at 11:39 AM

    Another fantastic post!!

    Good men don't need coercing at all. When you get the message that you somehow need to trick a man into being with you that should be a sign that its the wrong man..

  11. mena

    09/13/2012 at 11:53 AM

    But my question is, how can you "trick" someone into being with you? That's the only thing I don't understand about this post. No one is tricked or coerced. You allow for yourself to get into a relationship. Anyone who says they were tricked is completely lying to themselves.

  12. 2cool4school

    09/13/2012 at 3:23 PM

    I officially ban you from using "troglodyte(s)" in any post henceforth! No really, I really love this blog but with the podcast I can actually imagine you saying this and i cnt spill any more coffee on this macbook.

  13. @futuresatellite

    09/13/2012 at 5:03 PM

    Honestly, I'm perplexed. A lot of this seems to come down to communication and being honest with potential long term partners while dating –not after a relationship (sexual or emotional) has been established. I really think timing depends on the person as well, for some there are no time restraints on commitment and love. Depending on how you spent your time getting to know someone I'd say there's definitely no time restraints if you both find yourselves enjoying each other.

  14. bellatrice1

    09/13/2012 at 7:58 PM

    A lot women are SUCCESSFULLY using trickery to get men to marry them, but the women who are genuine and probably better for them in the long run are often overlooked.

    The sad part is a lot of men don't know it's trickery! They think they are falling of their own volition and when they find out they got duped stop trusting themselves and their feelings, leaving them emotionally retarded and causing them to hold back in the future. "Coerced" is a strong word, but I do think some men #1 need time to understand what they are feeling and #2 need to feel safe before they dive all the way in, head first.

    For some, it isn't as simple as finding an awesome girl, professing your love and marrying her. It can be a grueling process ridding themselves of past fears and hurts.

  15. Darkliter

    09/14/2012 at 10:43 AM

    I disagree with the writer. I was tricked into a relationship with a women 21 years older than me together 8 yrs. B4 we got married but Im not happy at ALL!! I even left her once but she begged me to come back crying. She was my first (relationship) but I was 25 at the time and just took whoever came to me first sick of being lonely wasnt love at first sight. Now I fell in love with a woman I work with but made the mistake of telling her I was married tryin to be honest but if She gave me a chance I would get Divorced in a heartbeat!!

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