Men Don’t Need To Be COERCED Into Falling In Love

Every time I write about BS that women do in relationships, the number one defence I hear in response, is that women essentially do what they feel they NEED to do in order to GET the man to be in a relationship with them. Basically, if she has to lie, cheat and steal to get him to commit, than that is simply what it is, and it’s not HER fault, that’s just how the game is set-up. Well, I call ABSOLUTE BS on that ideology. Women DON’T need to LURE men into relationships with wet nani and good head, nor do they need to TRAP a man into a relationship with bullish*t ultimatums and they definitely DON’T need to use special tactics in order to get him to acquiesce into accepting a monogamous lifestyle. Ladies, as a man I can tell you ONE simple fact about us: YES, we want to fall in love with the woman of our dreams and it won’t take a DAMN THING on her part to make it happen, except for her just being herself.

I don’t understand why this is such a point of contention – I guess women and men really ARE from different planets when it comes to how we view each other from a romantic perspective, because we are WAY out of sync. I’m so sick and tired of having relationship conversations where the prevailing mentality amongst the women in the convo is that MEN need to be PUSHED and FORCED into commitment or else we will be bachelors for life or give you some 8-year engagement, promising you a grand wedding that will NEVER come. I’m assuming this mentality women have is predicated on the ideology that the majority of men out here feel they are George Clooney-esqe and can willingly get a hot piece of ass anytime they want, even after they turn greyer than Anderson Cooper. But ladies, if you hold the thought that men need to be WHIPPED into a relationship, or being monogamous, or committing to you, then you don’t know a DAMN thing about us.

Men fall in love with women EVERY SINGLE DAY and it’s not based on some falsified impetus that the woman used to TRICK him. Men meet women, learn about her mentally, emotionally and physically, and then if she is exactly what we want, we CHOOSE to love her. We choose to love despite her imperfections, or her history or even adverse odds. We love everything about HER and it’s a HELL OF A LOT more than just some sexual infatuation. When a man listens to his heart and LOVES, every single thing about her becomes a quiet testimony to her imperfect-perfection. Every misplaced strand of hair becomes his definition of beauty and every single character quirk she has becomes a loving reminder of her intrinsic uniqueness. Hell, some men fall in love just by seeing a woman be there for him on her OWN volition, during tough times.

But I KNOW already that many women WON’T believe me, so go do some research yourselves and see if I’m lying. Go talk to your close male friends and ask them what HONESTLY made them fall in love with their ex-GF’s – I promise you the TWO things you WON’T hear anywhere CLOSE to the top of their lists will be: 1) Because she CONVINCED me going out with her was the best thing to do, and 2) Because I was scared I might not be able to get p*ssy anywhere else.

Men are NOT unemotional troglodytes who NEED a woman’s mind games in order to commit to her. Hell, if you are STILL thinking mind games are necessary to “lock a man down” that may explain why you’re never in relationships with grown-ass men.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

67 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    09/13/2012 at 5:11 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Agree That Men Don't Need ANY Coercing From A Woman To Enter Into Relationships, Or Have You Found That Men DO Need A Push To Agree To Go Into A Relationship?

    • Vicky

      09/13/2012 at 8:37 AM

      No and no!

      If you have to coerce someone into a relationship, there's the whole theme of it all….how healthy is that? Women, how do you feel after a man misled you, lied, cheated and stole your heart to get what he wants and NOT looked out for YOUR best interest? In essence, same sh*t!

      If a man wants a relationship, he will do whatever it takes to be in one. A woman has no authority to con a man into a relationship, Ladies, we all have been through enough and listen to the voice in the back of your head saying "it's wrong". It will not be a healthy/happy/lasting relationship that you are all looking for!

      Love is a two way street – Find someone who's willing to share the road with you!

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/13/2012 at 2:24 PM

        You need to copyright that last sentence before you find it on Tumblr pasted over a picture of Wiz Khalifa!

        • Vicky

          09/13/2012 at 2:31 PM

          LOL! Thanks Lincoln :)

    • ChloeRayne516

      09/13/2012 at 8:48 AM

      I agree MEN DO NOT NEED COERCION if YOU are that woman he wants to be with no matter what kind of flaws, shady past dealings, personality deficiencies she may have… (I.e. kimye, wiz/amber, etc.).

      When a man wants to be with you NOTHING can keep him away. Point.Blank.Period!!!!!

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/13/2012 at 2:38 PM

        Co-sign!

  2. petersburgh

    09/13/2012 at 6:21 AM

    If a man really loves a woman, she needs to do NOTHING but be herself. If you realise that you must push a man to get into a relationship, well there may be some issues. 1) he doesn't love 2) maybe he likes you but is considering if a relationship is worth getting into 3) he just wants sex from you. I'm sure the list goes on but another thing to point out is just because you have to push him doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't a good man either. It just maybe he isn't into you like that ( a lot of women like to change the minds of men and if he told you it's a casual fling in the beginning, BELIEVE HIM)

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/13/2012 at 2:25 PM

      TRUTH! Men a man says he doesn't want to be in a relationship. some women need to listen carefully and avoid his ass if she does want a relationship. Thinking she will be the first woman to change his mind, is ridiculous.

    • nolabels

      09/17/2012 at 1:26 PM

      Definite Co-Sign!

  3. NikiiB

    09/13/2012 at 6:55 AM

    This is, hands down, your best blog post ever. Thanks!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/13/2012 at 2:25 PM

      Thanks for reading NikiiB

  4. KokoChan

    09/13/2012 at 7:29 AM

    I think it depends on the guy and whether or not he is ready to admit it when he's fallen in love (or like, I guess) with you. I've had two serious relationships in life so far, with Guy #1, when he felt it, he told me so, no hesitation. Guy #2 ( who I'm currently with) tells me that he tried to fight the feeling because it was his first time feeling that way about a girl and he was scared. He even admitted to trying to sabotage things between us at some point. Needless to say the development of our actual relationship was a long and laborious process, lol. I didn't really coerce him, but I did gently remind him that at some point us being "friends" wouldn't be enough anymore and that there were other dudes who would be more than happy to take his place. So he made a decision that he would rather have me than not have me…and three years later, here we are.

    • Vicky

      09/13/2012 at 8:45 AM

      KokoChan, you, in no form, coerced him! Sounds like he had an immature moment and you simply reminded him of your presences in life. Nothing wrong with telling him "hey, if you want to leave there is the door, but don't think for a minute that the next man will not take your place".

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/13/2012 at 2:27 PM

        Exactly! That's no coercing him because he was more ignorant about how to handle his feelings, then being completely not attracted to her.

  5. mena

    09/13/2012 at 7:31 AM

    I honestly feel that if more people stepped away from reading about black relationships and how screwed up they are, more people would have a better outlook on relationships and marriage in general.

    These fears and misconceptions that you described above are coming from somewhere and become ingrained somehow. So no matter how much the opposite may be true, everyone's reality is different.

    • Smilez_920

      09/13/2012 at 9:31 AM

      100% percent agree. It's like we rather focus on the negatives black relationships than the successful ones. And even when we look at the successful ones we either over romantize them or try to find as many flaws in them as possible to " bring them back down to the ground" and ultimately make them look not that great.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/13/2012 at 2:33 PM

        We shouldn't focus on either, because we have no accurate perception of how that relationship truly is. We don't know how loving seemingly messed up relationships are, or how messed up seemingly loving relationships are. We need to just focus on our own lanes.

        • mena

          09/13/2012 at 2:37 PM

          Not true. It is ALWAYS good to have a great example in front of you. Hopefully, it is a family member or someone close to you.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            09/13/2012 at 4:07 PM

            Well that is more of a psychological thing, because different images effect people in very different ways. You need to create the context of the relationship you want and go after that. The idea that you should depend on someone else's happiness to help define your own is too fallacious.

        • Smilez_920

          09/13/2012 at 3:22 PM

          Linc maybe not on a personal level we shouldn't focus on either. Im talking more in the area of media. I mean even in this blog a lot of your content or rants come from what you have observe from other people and your own relationships. Now I will say the way you try to be as unbias as possible. I just think ppl need to look at others relationship in small doses, it's nothing wrong with lookin at some of the positive of others relationships just like you might look at the negative parts of others relationships , you just cant let that be the determining factor of what route you will take in your own relationship.

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            09/13/2012 at 4:09 PM

            My point is, all insight should be used to help you develop yourself, but far too many people use insight to define what they believe they should want, and that's highly problematic.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/13/2012 at 2:30 PM

      More people need to stop comparing there lives to other peoples for the good and the bad. People will look at good relationships (like the Obama's) and think that's how ALL relationships should go, and then get depressed when they find out differently. They then read and watch BS about how impossible it is to find love, and then they get even more depressed.

      The fact is, no ones relationship triumphs or failures are directly indicative of YOUR ability to find love. Stop caring about what's going on around you and just focus on your OWN happiness.

    • imakesense

      09/17/2012 at 10:09 PM

      Yuuup!

  6. Celina

    09/13/2012 at 7:46 AM

    This man said "unemotional troglodytes" … lol! I love your choice of words sometimes.

    I've seen men fall in love with women because of who they are but more often than not it takes a LONG time for that to happen. Unfortunately, too many females that are manipulative and untrustworthy are the ones becoming mothers and wives and females who are genuinely ready to give themselves with a "take me as I am" approach are overlooked as "not enough of a challenge" if any explanation is even given at all. I think that's why a lot of women feel like they need to play these games in order to get a man.

    Plus, there are men out there who are giving the advice that a woman has to date a bunch of men at the same time and feign disinterest in the person she really wants so that said man will want to chase her and before she knows it he'll be saying to himself "aw heck, how did I end up in this situation?" [i.e. in love]. There's a lot of conflicting information out there and it can be very confusing.

    • Smilez_920

      09/13/2012 at 8:02 AM

      Lol I will agree with you that there's a lot of conflicting information. Especially If you read relationship blogs written by ppl in different stages of their lives, different sexes, socially backgrounds etc..

      I will say that it's not about playing games,( at least with a great guy) its about having standards. A lot of women are stuck " playing games" because they don't hold tight to the standards they would like a man to meet.

      To me most Guys fall in love with a woman because he likes what she brings to the table( personality , looks, emotion etc…).

      • Celina

        09/13/2012 at 12:52 PM

        I've never been one to play games. Either we connect or we don't. I haven't been in a deep, meaningful relationship for a while and when trying to see if there was room for self-improvement some of the bs I came across is what I've outlined in my original post.

        I think men are generally a lot more logical and take more time when it comes to choosing a mate. I'm not sure whether or not it's because they don't face the same social pressures women do to settle down (e.g. biological clock, being labelled as damaged goods or an old spinster, etc.)

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/13/2012 at 2:38 PM

          The biological clock, in combination with social pressures placed on women, has ruined MANY a good relationship.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/13/2012 at 2:36 PM

      I feel some of what you're saying but I can easily counter with the fact that many women are WAY too impatient when it comes to love and relationships. I've been in relationships with women telling me they love me 1, 2 and 3 months in, and I'm like "damn I haven't even gotten to know you yet!"

      Many men can tell you tales of women FORCING relationships because their definition of "long" is actually not even developed. So many women want the love and monogamous, life long commitment damn near the start of talking to a dude, which calls into question what is truly "too long"?

      • Celina

        09/13/2012 at 2:55 PM

        I'm talking about years of talking to someone. Not saying it is a bad thing, my first love/ex fiancé and I knew eachother for four years when all of a sudden I got a proposal out of the blue. Truth is, we never had the "Where is this going? Are we exclusive?" talk because it was evident by our actions where things stood. But I think as women get older that urge to merge becomes exponentially stronger and it puts a strain on the natural progression of things.

        …It's crazy how talking/writing things out can lead to moments of clarity. lol

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/13/2012 at 4:09 PM

          I agree with that 100%

    • bellatrice1

      09/13/2012 at 7:55 PM

      Love what you had to say.

      Love indeed takes time, and that biological clock is a mofo. I've decided I'm not taking relationship advice from anyone else (i.e. the internet, friends, the Obamas). Each person, situation and relationship is unique.

  7. GrandCentral

    09/13/2012 at 8:52 AM

    Bravo! Standing Ovation for this man!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/13/2012 at 2:38 PM

      Thanks!

  8. cynicaloptmst81

    09/13/2012 at 9:59 AM

    *shaking tambourine* Yessir!

    Now, this isn't to say that a man may not need to work a few things out in his head concerning what it would mean/cost to be in a relationship with you. And depending on the timing, that may take time…maybe even a few discussions, encouragement and reassurance. But, all that extra stuff (trickery, coercion, begging, etc.) will only bring short-term results. You may get him…but you won't keep him.

  9. @futuresatellite

    09/13/2012 at 10:11 AM

    Well….I don't think men are blameless in women believing they have to coerce a man into loving them. Perhaps if men were more open with their feelings there wouldn't be a disconnect there.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/13/2012 at 2:41 PM

      But do ALL women REALLY create an atmosphere conducive to complete honesty when talking with a man about being in a relationship? I've said it once, and I will say it again "What are we doing?" is NOT an invitation to a calm collected conversation – it is an accusation. And that question creates the disconnect that never gets rectified – until they break up.

      • futuresatellite

        09/13/2012 at 10:20 PM

        How else would you present the question? I can't help but be bothered by this because I think that's a cop out.

        Elephant in the room, it's not like a lot of men are walking around with their arms opened wide ready to commit . Yes women aren't seeing clearly when they're putting in work to get some man to love them and commit to them but it's not like every man is eager to offer exclusivity.

        Then again, flipside, I think men coerce too. I think for men it comes in the form of what a man HAS. Rappers and entertainers, anyone?

      • Paul B.

        09/14/2012 at 10:03 AM

        Short answer? Nope. And when dealing with men, women often only get one chance to show they can create such an environment when the situation calls for it. Handle that moment poorly, and you won't get a second shot at it even if you apologize. Whether it's fair or not is debatable, but it is what it is.

  10. NurseJilly

    09/13/2012 at 11:39 AM

    Another fantastic post!!

    Good men don't need coercing at all. When you get the message that you somehow need to trick a man into being with you that should be a sign that its the wrong man..

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/13/2012 at 2:41 PM

      Thanks Jilly!

  11. mena

    09/13/2012 at 11:53 AM

    But my question is, how can you "trick" someone into being with you? That's the only thing I don't understand about this post. No one is tricked or coerced. You allow for yourself to get into a relationship. Anyone who says they were tricked is completely lying to themselves.

    • @futuresatellite

      09/13/2012 at 12:14 PM

      I was a little confused too. I think this post is saying that loving feelings don't appear out of thin air no matter how much work a woman puts into trying to build a deeper connection. Altho, I thought most sensible men and women were aware of this. *shoulder shrug*

      • mena

        09/13/2012 at 12:16 PM

        "Altho, I thought most sensible men and women were aware of this. *shoulder shrug*"

        You and me both. I wanted to put, "Lincoln you are probably preaching to the choir." but i didn't.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/13/2012 at 2:47 PM

      No one is tricked or coerced? Oh, I beg to differ…

      Thankfully having MANY female friends has allowed me insight into some games that SOME women play to coerce a man into a relationship, but they all center around ONE theme: emotional manipulation. See, if you look at this post from the perspective of some guy that just wants ass and thinks the girl is a nobody, then OBVIOUSLY he can't be coerced, but that is NOT the dominant scenario that occurs.

      The dominant scenario is this: Boy and girl REALLY like each other A LOT, but boy wants to MAKE 1000% sure he truly loves her BEFORE he fully commits to her, but then girl proposes an ultimatum that he either hurries up and commits or she will bounce. This is not just some regular chick he doesn't give a damn about – it's a woman he damn near LOVES and doesn't want to see her go, but instead of letting him decide the right time organically, she decides that she needs to use his feelings for her, against him.

      That's the DEFINITION of coercion.

      • mena

        09/13/2012 at 2:56 PM

        I'm not understanding you on this one so please explain further.

        In order for you to truly commit to a woman, like be in a relationship with her, you need to be in love with her?

        If the woman is ready to be in a relationship, and you are not, and she says that she wants to be with someone who is ready then what is the problem? She stated exactly how she felt and you either take it or leave it. No?

        How long do you want to date someone before the title is given? How long do you expect for a woman to be in limbo (or anyone for that matter) before you are ready to make her yours?

        This sounds to me like you want her to wait for you. Which if she is fine with that then so be it but I don't have a problem with stating what I want and if we aren't on the same page, leaving. This is what an adult does. NOW, i understand why the question "where is this going" comes up.

        I'm not understanding this but i am trying to.

        And again, no one can make you do anything. If you aren't ready and she is and you state that you aren't ready and she bounces then take the L and move on.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/13/2012 at 4:13 PM

          Basically, some women give men ultimatums such as: either commit to me forever TODAY or we're through. And because he is already emotionally invested into her, yet still at the stage where he's determining the best course of action, she has now held his heart hostage with a ransom note. That is coercion.

          • @iCh3ryl

            09/14/2012 at 9:00 PM

            Basically I agree, but I think what you're talking about is emotional blackmail. Notably, blackmail is an ultimatum but an ultimatum is not necessarily blackmail — as ultimatums can be used positively or negatively. In all fairness, any self-respecting person has the right to pose an ultimatum on behalf of their dignity. This is positive. Case in point, no one wants to be in a compromising position and/or taken lightly. As the ole saying goes, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Some cows make an executive decision and move onto greener pastures. It's called a reality check. Occasionally, folks need those in order to fully comprehend the scope and long term affects of their actions or lack thereof.

      • Smilez_920

        09/13/2012 at 3:07 PM

        Yes and no Linc. Listen if you love me and want to spend time with me, what is stopping you from making the full commitment and giving it a chnace. The thing is woman get caught in the waiting game all the time. Yes some women rush ( 1 to 2 months ) but if we've been dating each other for 6 months and have been exclusive ( not yet official for 4 of those months) then what is stopping you from making it official . I mean you have to give a woman more than just a " I have to make sure" especially when all of your actions are showing that this is where you want to be.

        A lot of women end up in the situation you mentioned in this post because of this " I have to be 1000% percent sure ". If your at 998% why can't you just go for it. Some women are out here doing what you said in the post ( not saying their actions are correct) because a man has them on the brink like this. To her she thinks finding ways to make him love her more will give her the extra 2% needed to be his woman.

        I don't blame a woman for giving a man an ultimatium after 6 to 7 months. She has a life to live and if you can't get your feelings in order why should she wait around. She doesn't have to leave you completely but like @Kokochan said " being friends is not enough at this point, if you can't go 100 % that's cool, but there are plenty of men wiling to do it".

        • mena

          09/13/2012 at 3:15 PM

          100% with you on this one.

          1-2 mths. Understood to chill. Once we start hitting 3 mths and you STILL are on the fence, you will start receiving less and less of my time. It's not that I am playing games with you but that's just ridiculous to me.

          In fact, after 2 mths, i am cutting my loses. From the scenario he described, I can understand why ANYONE would ask the "where is this going question" or just up and disappear never to be heard of from again.

          When someone does the entire "i need to know that I love you to commit to you" i would give them the side-eye and say "where do they do this at?" For me, personally, i need to be in a relationship with you in order to fall in love with you. Who are these people who are falling in love with people outside of relationships?

          • lincolnanthonyblades

            09/13/2012 at 4:15 PM

            Those timeframes are completely arbitrary and you just made them up on the spot without any substantive research therefore invalidating them as being cross-the-board relative ideologies.

            But this is what men and women both do too much. We rush things based on social concepts and not love.

          • mena

            09/13/2012 at 4:25 PM

            Those timeframes are completely arbitrary and you just made them up on the spot without any substantive research therefore invalidating them as being cross-the-board relative ideologies.

            I didn't realize we were doing a study so what are you even talking about? Research? :-) Read what I wrote instead of what you want to see. :-) Those timeframes are what I consider for myself. That's why I said "personally." I never even implied this should be for everyone.

            After 2 or 3 mths, I will probably be done with the casual dating phase. I am looking for a relationship. Not a dating partner.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/13/2012 at 4:17 PM

          I think that is one of the greatest myths propagated to single women worldwide: The idea that men don't want or love commitment and that SO many women are being left in relationship purgatory. That is a complete over-exaggeration that too many women use to propagate the ideology that HER schedule is the ONLY schedule of importance and true love.

          • mena

            09/13/2012 at 4:33 PM

            Just like you want a woman to be considerate of your time, please give her the same due respect.

            What you described above, to me, is leaving someone in limbo until you get your feelings straight which is fine–for you. But you cannot expect for every woman you date to get on board with this and then get upset when she is ready to bounce if she feels that she has given you enough time.

            You're making it seem like your way is right and completely infallible.

            The problem i see with relationships is that people are unwilling to compromise b/c they consider their way and ONLY their way to be correct.

            No one is talking about her schedule being the only one. By even bringing in that "point" is a copout to what Smilez and I wrote which was a fair assessment (with no judgement mind you) on how we saw your situation.

    • Paul B.

      09/14/2012 at 10:08 AM

      When you pretend to be someone you think he wants to you to be when you genuinely aren't, that's tricking somebody. When you pretend to accept somebody as they are instead of trying to change them when you're really see them as a project, that's tricking them. Need I continue?

      • mena

        09/14/2012 at 10:13 AM

        Yes please. Continue. B/c what you are describing is someone not being perceptive. Again, you are a willing participant. And again, you can't trick someone into being with you. I will never agree with this point. It makes no sense to me whatsoever.

        However, I do find it funny that people aren't willing to admit their own willingness to ignorance.

        • Paul B.

          09/15/2012 at 4:08 PM

          Interesting, considering how it is well publicized how so many women are experts at hiding things and being better cheaters because they know how keep things on the low without men being able to catch them or know that they're creeping. So with that being said, it's easy to be sneaky in one area and not be sneaky in another? Highly improbable.

          Using deception happens all the time. It happens when some women pretend to have a high sex drive in the relationship then the transmission goes out after the "I do" even though the same situations in life like job stresses, kids, and familial/friend problems were in place more often than not before marriage, and it's made to seem like they can have all this when they get married. They get married, and it's nothing like they made it out to be. There's a reason why quite a few guys don't commit; it's basically the old bait and switch. To what degree is it true? I don't know, but it happens enough to take notice as a possible rule.

          That's fine that you don't agree with the point for now, but there will come a time when this point gets revisited only from a female perspective, and we shall see if you hold this same viewpoint about not being deceived, but rather not being perceptive. Sometimes it really is a matter of gender perception.

      • Sandra

        05/20/2014 at 6:33 AM

        That’s way the besestt answer so far!

  12. 2cool4school

    09/13/2012 at 3:23 PM

    I officially ban you from using "troglodyte(s)" in any post henceforth! No really, I really love this blog but with the podcast I can actually imagine you saying this and i cnt spill any more coffee on this macbook.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/13/2012 at 4:18 PM

      HA! I can't make any promises!

  13. @futuresatellite

    09/13/2012 at 5:03 PM

    Honestly, I'm perplexed. A lot of this seems to come down to communication and being honest with potential long term partners while dating –not after a relationship (sexual or emotional) has been established. I really think timing depends on the person as well, for some there are no time restraints on commitment and love. Depending on how you spent your time getting to know someone I'd say there's definitely no time restraints if you both find yourselves enjoying each other.

    • mena

      09/13/2012 at 5:36 PM

      I agree with you. Communication and honesty.

      If during the dating phase a person feels that they are ready and you aren't don't get upset b/c someone doesn't want to wait for you to come into your feelings and when they speak on it, feel like they are forcing you into doing something you don't want to do. What should the person do, not say anything to make you feel comfortable while they feel like you both aren't on the same page? And on the flip side, if a person isn't ready and throws up the deuces, you can't get mad at them either.

      No one can coerce, force, manipulate, or threaten you into committing into a relationship since we determine what we want for ourselves. Now a person can try but only you can make that person successful.

      Some people don't mind chilling in dating and relationship mode. Others want marriage. I don't see a problem with either side stating what they want and acting accordingly. I do see a problem with either side getting offended b/c that person didn't see eye to eye with them and decided to move on.

      • Smilez_920

        09/13/2012 at 6:05 PM

        Mena me and you are >< here . Listen I know some women jump the gun. But trust there are ones who get stuck in waiting mode trying to accommodate their potential partners needs , and end up striking.

        Communication on both ends are key. For example the " where is this going" question is to veage. It should be " I like you , you like me I want to know if you can see us working towards the path of taking our relationship to the next level". That's more direct.

        Now the mans " I new to make sure I'm a 1000% sure" a 1000% sure of what. You need to communicate to me what is missing or what we need to work on to take the next step. You can't just shut me up with a " I need to be sure" an expect me not to come back with a " well if your not sure , I think we shouldn't be so serious until you figure it out".

        Just like the man is watching out for his heart, emotions, and time, the woman is doing the same thing.

        • mena

          09/13/2012 at 7:58 PM

          Yes. This seriously isn't rocket science. Speak on your feelings and either accept what the other person has to say or move on.

          No one can force an adult to get into a relationship/marriage and I don't consider it manipulation if someone states what they want simply bc you don't agree with it.

          If you feel like you are being forced, grow a damn backbone, say no, and keep stepping. Either the person will walk with you or away from you.

  14. bellatrice1

    09/13/2012 at 7:58 PM

    A lot women are SUCCESSFULLY using trickery to get men to marry them, but the women who are genuine and probably better for them in the long run are often overlooked.

    The sad part is a lot of men don't know it's trickery! They think they are falling of their own volition and when they find out they got duped stop trusting themselves and their feelings, leaving them emotionally retarded and causing them to hold back in the future. "Coerced" is a strong word, but I do think some men #1 need time to understand what they are feeling and #2 need to feel safe before they dive all the way in, head first.

    For some, it isn't as simple as finding an awesome girl, professing your love and marrying her. It can be a grueling process ridding themselves of past fears and hurts.

  15. Darkliter

    09/14/2012 at 10:43 AM

    I disagree with the writer. I was tricked into a relationship with a women 21 years older than me together 8 yrs. B4 we got married but Im not happy at ALL!! I even left her once but she begged me to come back crying. She was my first (relationship) but I was 25 at the time and just took whoever came to me first sick of being lonely wasnt love at first sight. Now I fell in love with a woman I work with but made the mistake of telling her I was married tryin to be honest but if She gave me a chance I would get Divorced in a heartbeat!!

    • mena

      09/14/2012 at 12:13 PM

      May I ask how she tricked you? Also, who proposed? If you were with her for 8 yrs before you married her (i couldn't understand from your post), were things wonderful and then she just changed?

  16. Pingback: It Was All A Dream…Our Views on Relationships « From Ashy to Classy

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