People Are Actually Still CONFUSED About Where Cheating STARTS? WHY?!

Last night me and my long-time friend had a long discussion about our Boy who got cheated on by his girlfriend. As with most women, she decided against just bucking up with a random dude one night and getting her nani Pacquiao’d into submission, and decided to be courted by the young man as if she was truly a single woman. Now my friend, who is back with her, feels she is WRONG for cheating and he maintains that she wouldn’t have been able to actually physically CHEAT on him, if he paid her a little more attention and caught the early signs that she was unhappy and looking for love, appreciation and affection with another man – but he DOESN’T realize that cheating doesn’t start at being PHYSICAL, it starts at being CLANDESTINE.

To act CLANDESTINE is to do something secretively, or hiding something from someone while sharing it with someone else. The SECOND a man or woman acts CLANDESTINELY in a relationship they have officially cheated. Anyone who thinks cheating starts and ends with the physical manifestation of touching, licking, sucking, eating, or boning someone else is an IDIOT, because that’s simply just the FULFILLMENT of cheating. The second that frowsy bastard started doing hidden actions to put the wheels in motion that eventually led to all that touching, licking, sucking, eating and boning he/she was CHEATING.

What most people don’t understand is that being faithful means to honour and live in the SPIRIT of monogamy. Once you STOP acting in that spirit, you have now OFFICIALLY began to CHEAT. If you PLOT to cheat and act on it, hidden in the cloak of darkness, you have CHEATED. If you propositioned another person to get it in, REGARDLESS of if they agree or not, you have CHEATED. To be in a relationship means you respect the SPIRIT of monogamy, and that entails NOT taking hidden steps to pursue musty nani/richard on the side without your significant other knowing.

Now there are some people who call themselves flirts, and even THAT’S OK, because I’ve always felt that people should keep other people of the opposite sex liking them, just to keep you on top of your game and not fall off. But there is NO reason you can’t do that and need to HIDE it from your significant other, because it’s all essentially harmless and pointed fun.

But if you love to “FLIRT” and keep your woman/man completely ignorant about it, you are just being Barry Bonds, The Bonds Theory is this: “If you truly didn’t know your actions were wrong, then why did you hide and do it?” Bonds said he didn’t ‘know’ he was getting steroids pumped into him, yet he made a point of taking them at places no one could find him or trace where he bought them from. It’s the SAME in a relationship, because if you don’t KNOW you are doing something wrong, then why are you doing it in a way that is overt to your partner?

Cheating does NOT start at getting physical, because if it truly did, then how would you explain a man who decides to step out on his woman by calling up an old flame, and on the way to her house after he just bought a brand new box of Magnum’s and vividly described how many multiples he was going to give her on the phone, accidentally swerves out of control and hits a pole. So now he CAN”T make it to his jump-offs house to cut it up, so does that mean he didn’t cheat because he never got to be up inside her, even though he was saying and acting quite reckless?

How can you have a woman who arranges a date with a dude behind her man’s back, dolls herself up and baby powders her softest place on earth and makes sure she is trimmed and lined up for Joe Grind, and then gets to his house and starts to give him the sexiest stripper show ever – until the fire alarm in the Condo gets pulled and everyone has to evacuate, and say to me that THAT’S not cheating. YES IT OBVIOUSLY IS.

Look, we can argue about where cheating starts all day, but the fact is, if reading this makes you think that relationship’s have too many rules, I will say this: If you don’t like it than just be single – or risk this:

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    03/31/2011 at 2:58 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Where Does Cheating START In Your Books?

    • Piscean

      09/07/2012 at 12:17 PM

      Co-sign Lincoln! I agree that the intent to cheat is enough. Sneaky flirty messages to the opposite sex is also inappropriate.

  2. katrina

    03/31/2011 at 11:29 AM

    this is hlarious but very accurate…cheating start with intent…its what your spirit is being led or drawn TOWARD

    • The_Mad_HATER

      03/31/2011 at 2:00 PM

      cheating starts with the first action on that intent! its one thing to want to sex a chick but its another thing to try and get her#!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      03/31/2011 at 5:08 PM


  3. Lori

    03/31/2011 at 11:57 AM

    Hmmmm this is a hard one how can you prove intent to cheat? There's that fine line and I wouldn't draw it in the sand as intent. I will be happy of my husband does not do any intimite acts to another man or women. I just feel that sometimes we do feel attracted to other people and the flirt and attention is nice I wouldnt do the striptese thing or the sneaky thing but I will pick my battles and trying to figure out if someone has intentions to cheat too hard and trust would be thrown out the door.

    • Crystal Promo-Fernandez

      03/31/2011 at 1:58 PM


    • The_Mad_HATER

      03/31/2011 at 2:01 PM

      actions a re self-explanatory!! this aint about just simple intent its about doing shady things when people arent looking!

    • Kizzy

      03/31/2011 at 2:22 PM

      Thats tough though Lori..

      Because you don't want to be a nag but you do have to try and catch the signs before they blow up in your face

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      03/31/2011 at 5:09 PM

      Intent Is Verified Through Clandestine Actions…If He's Sneaking Around, Then The Fact Is It's No Longer Harmless Fun Or Happy Flirting..

  4. Alana

    03/31/2011 at 12:00 PM

    Hmmm, this really makes me think! Very nicely done, as always.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      03/31/2011 at 5:09 PM

      Thanks Alana

  5. Crystal Promo-Fernandez

    03/31/2011 at 1:51 PM

    What about temptation though? Is thinking about sleeping with a man cheating since the intent is not in the spirit of monogamy??

    • The_Mad_HATER

      03/31/2011 at 2:02 PM

      who cares about thoughts??? just dont act on them!

      • Danni

        03/31/2011 at 2:34 PM

        Thank u. Cuz' if thoughts are cheating I've cheated on every boyfriend I've ever had.

        • Independent Woman

          03/31/2011 at 3:17 PM

          Um, why?!

          • Jes

            11/02/2011 at 4:21 PM

            Did you really just ask why to that? rofl

        • imakesense

          03/31/2011 at 3:52 PM


        • MistaHarsh

          03/31/2011 at 5:29 PM

          dang let the inner heffer out girl

  6. Crystal Promo-Fernandez

    03/31/2011 at 1:52 PM

    That is a little ridiculous…do you think your man masturbating to past thoughts of sex with an ex, or imagining having sex with a random woman is cheating??

    • MistaHarsh

      03/31/2011 at 4:53 PM

      But there's a difference between palm action and having mind sex and arranging a rendevous an actual person. Fatasy and reality…

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        03/31/2011 at 5:09 PM


  7. Independent Woman

    03/31/2011 at 2:24 PM

    This may be one of the first time we ever agree…

    Frowsy men start planning on being dirtbags a long time before they put their musty little penises into some strange woman. Cut them off the second you catch them in ONE lie about cheating and NEVER look back.

    • bellatrice1

      09/07/2012 at 2:00 PM

      Lol @ musty penises

  8. imakesense

    03/31/2011 at 3:51 PM

    I disagree

    • Adrian

      04/03/2011 at 10:47 PM

      If your man sent a pic of his dong to another girl, you wouldn't concider that cheating?

      • imakesense

        04/04/2011 at 12:11 AM

        I would

  9. imakesense

    03/31/2011 at 3:54 PM

    So is pondering on the idea of cheating on someone but not going through with it due to the realization of the consequences of it destroying your relationship cheating? Is that considered intent to cheat? (Not relevant to me but jus crossed my mind)

    Or how about a situation where your in the bed with the chick about to take her shirt off but then yell out "I can't do this I love my giiiirl!!"

    If you saw "I Think I Love My Wife", Did Chris Rock cheat?

    If you saw "Hall Pass" did the husbands cheat?

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      03/31/2011 at 5:12 PM


      I haven't seen hall pass, but if they were given a "hall pass" to nani then I guess it's technically not cheating.

      Chris Rock Cheated On His Wife In That Movie About 11 Times. Sneaking Around With Her, Doing Things With Her Just Because He Was Lusting After Her And Everything That Happened In The Hotel Room Was CHEATING.

      • MistaHarsh

        04/01/2011 at 10:49 AM

        agreed but this is the ONLY form of cheating I would consider forgiving if it were my WIFE

      • Adrian

        04/03/2011 at 10:49 PM

        CO-SIGN. That 100% is cheating!

  10. lincolnanthonyblades

    03/31/2011 at 5:07 PM

    Naw that's not cheating…but it's definitely a form of lying.

    Why are you NOT telling me frowsy dudes are going driving hard to the hole tryin to slam? Why would you keep that a secret from your MAN?

    • MistaHarsh

      04/01/2011 at 10:53 AM

      they hide it because the bf would see it as being a problem or a form of disrespect if they've meet the dude.

      Flag on the play encroachment 5 yard penalty!

  11. Kushite

    03/31/2011 at 8:49 PM

    That billboard is fantastic.

  12. mskdub

    04/01/2011 at 11:05 AM

    Omg… I’ve tried unsuccessfully to explain this to every (ex) boyfriend I’ve had. I agree 100%!

  13. Bob

    07/12/2011 at 1:21 AM

    Romantic relationships through text, e-mail, phone sex, technology. This is where it starts in our modern world. Word to the wise. Women especially are susceptible because they are accustomed to judging outward and forget themselves. 12 year relationship.

  14. cynicaloptmst81

    09/07/2012 at 11:06 AM

    There's def a fine line between clandestine and private (need-to-know/you didn't ask and I didn't offer). You can't really decipher between the two until some form of action is taken (a wayward text/phone call/email, a secret date, etc.). If no wayward action is taken, there's nothing to trip about. Omission is a form of lying depending on the intent of the omission. Intent is hard to prove without a follow-up action providing evidence.

  15. O. Harmon

    09/07/2012 at 10:00 PM

    Interesting article. I personally believe that cheating is a choice before it's aever a convenience. It almost seems as if (maybe I'm tkaing it the wrong way) that it's his fault that he got cheated on, rather than why the cheating happened in the first place, which was her lack of desire to practice the correct amount of self-control REGARDLESS of the justifications that may be present….

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