Sex Doesn’t Create An OFFICIAL Relationship

Foreplay means they’re unattached – but once he penetrates her…well, they are still unattached.

Last week I was at my boy’s house recording a video that should hopefully be up on Youtube in the next week or two, where we sit and discuss issues we men deal with in dating and relationships. After the taping was over, one of the young women who was sitting there asked me ‘how good are you at giving relationship insight?’ to which I replied, ‘I think I’m aiight.’ This prompted her to want to test me and she asked me “how can some men hang out with a woman [not officially dating], have sex with her and then just leave her and move on to the next woman?” Now, as much as I hate answering a question with a question, this time I felt it was right to ask her “how exactly does a man break up with a woman he was never officially dating?”

Her question was NOT a new one in any sense, but it brought up a conversation that I have FAR too often: There are FAR too many people out there who believe the act of sex is a legally binding, and all-inclusive verbal, oral, and vaginal agreement to being a committed, monogamous relationship – and that is UTTER BS. Just because you have sex with someone, that does NOT immediately make that person YOURS, if you have NOT come to a prior agreement to be a couple.

Basically, you [women AND men] are THIS girl:

This poor girl sexted topless pics of her roommate [whom she recently SMASHED] and then he came home with another girl, and she had to hear him tearing some next chick’s nani up all night which PISSED her off. But here’s the thing: What can she TRULY say to dude in the AM, except “can you tell your heffa to keep it down!” or “damn son, you tore that ass out the frame!” But regardless of what SHE says, the one thing she can’t DO is get mad at him for stepping out with another woman because they didn’t have any formal agreement of exclusivity beforehand.

There’s two ways you can enter into a sexual relationship with someone: You can smang BEFORE a stated commitment or AFTER. If you do it BEFORE, you are inherently accepting ANY potential risk of that person treating you like a jumpoff, and moving on to someone they deem better with no warning or foreshadowing [and, yes, this DOES happen to dudes too]. So if you aren’t ready, willing and able to throw your nani or richard onto the craps table of dating life and HOPE things turn out in your favour, then you need to either NOT have sex BEFORE commitment or learn how to control your possessiveness.

I hate to say it, but in these days, giving your body away to someone else is NOT a definitive sign of anything other than that person’s physical attraction to you. Stop thinking you are OWED a relationship just because someone granted you access to their naked body – that’s just not how it works.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.