Some Of The Best Sex You’ll Ever Have: OUR House Sex

This piece is NOT directed to women to people who just live alone by themselves in their bachelor pad deepthroating random richard or beating up faceless-nameless nani every night as they are WELL aware of the advantages and disadvantages of being a bachelor[ette]. This piece is aimed at COUPLES, especially couples in serious relationships, who are realistically contemplating marriage and children in their near future. Before you take that ultra-serious step of having children, make sure to spend at least 365 days smashing each other having OUR House sex until your groins are pulled worse than a bad gymnast.

OUR House Sex, just as the name sounds, is making love to the person you’re in a relationship with in the place both of you call HOME. This is when you can have freaky-ass, loud-ass, experimental-ass, demeaning-ass, hard-to-make-eye-contact-with-your-ass-in-the-morning sex and no one can tell you or your partner a DAMN thing because you pay the rent/mortgage to live there and that’s YOUR house.

Now you may be wondering why OUR House Sex is better than just MY Place Sex, where you get it in with whoever you want in YOUR own place. Well, this sex is a step above MY Place Sex, because there is no awkward after sex moments like:

“uh…are you sleeping? I kinda, uh, have to be up early so, uh, if you could get dressed, I can, uh, call you a cab and you can, uh, sleep in your own damn bed.”

A lot of people underestimate the peace and calm that is derived from the post nut relaxation period, where you just lay in the wet spot, condom still on the dude, cum still on the girl, lying in each other’s arms sweaty and worn out and satisfied and content that there is no other place in the world you would rather be, except right there at that very moment. When it comes to MY Place Sex, the other party has to consider how they are getting home, how much the taxi is, can they stay awake on the long ride home, are the buses still running, etc. You NEVER really get to feel that relaxation that comes along with OUR House Sex where you can pass out in each others arms after you bust, and be happy you’re actually waking up next to that person.

Hopefully anyone reading this would be smart enough to only move out with someone they absolutely LOVED, and it should be clear that sex while you’re in love is probably the most satisfying type of sex most of us will ever experience. Definitely a lot more satisfying than “Shhhh, keep it down, my momma’s upstairs” sex.

The ability to be able to KNOW you’re coming home to the one you love and you can walk through the doors of your home and stroll up to your girl while she is talking on the phone and start sucking on her neck while she struggles to keep it together for the person on the other end, but not resisting your tongue gently lapping her neck and collar bone is a POWERFUL thing. As you lower your tongue to sucking and nibbling her perfectly round breasts while she puts her hand over the receiver so her friend can’t hear her moaning and then firmly pulling her shorts and panties down in one quick pull to reveal she was soaking wet from the second she saw how hard you were through your dress pants when you walked through the door, you will praise the lord that the woman you love, is sharing this space with you as opposed to being some random ass stranger who’s not deserving of the best your body and soul has to give.

When people ask me when do I see myself having kids, I respond to them, at least 365 days AFTER I’ve lived alone with the woman of my dreams, because I’ll be DAMNED if I don’t get to experience the squirtastic joys of OUR House Sex.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

113 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    07/21/2011 at 3:22 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, What Are Your Thoughts On OUR House Sex? Share Your Good Memories You Selfish Bastards?!

  2. MistaHarsh

    07/21/2011 at 7:47 AM

    When people ask me when do I see myself having kids, I respond to them, at least 365 days AFTER I’ve lived alone with the woman of my dreams, because I’ll be DAMNED if I don’t get to experience the squirtastic joys of OUR House Sex.

    ^real talk because when you have kids it turns into "Ok the kids are asleep lets go" sex or "Don't worry he'll go back to sleep" sex.

    The worse part of MY place sex was making sure I don't fall asleep with that bitch still in my house.

  3. krystllyght

    07/21/2011 at 8:44 AM

    Sure we had "our apartment sex" but not for a year, only a few months. I had just turned eighteen the first year we lived together and during that time one of his friends lived with us, the second year, his nephew. The third year, we got married and bought our first house, again only months of "our house sex" before another nephew came and lived with us but it was about ten months so that was better. Then we got pregnant. Now we look back on all of that and realize we did ourselves a disservice by not giving ourselves that year of alone time in the beginning so I agree with Linc. It is necessary to give yourselves that time. As far as memories…. Uh, that was a long time ago. I do remember some marathon sessions, one of them ended us up in the ER for my hubby.

  4. ChloeRayne516

    07/21/2011 at 11:28 AM

    "When people ask me when do I see myself having kids, I respond to them, at least 365 days AFTER I’ve lived alone with the woman of my dreams, because I’ll be DAMNED if I don’t get to experience the squirtastic joys of OUR House Sex"

    Smart man, because the last thing you need is the little one walking in on you two MIDSTROKE asking "daddy why are you hurting mommy?" or while you blessing her lovebox orally below and hearing "Mommy, where's Daddy"? #TrueStory *FacePalm*

    Good Times though.

  5. Nana

    07/21/2011 at 11:38 AM

    Any one up for someone one night stand

  6. imakesense

    07/21/2011 at 12:41 PM

    Yay at the lesbian couples!

    So I'm assuming in order to do this your advocating couples getting homes together prior to marriage? Or do hotel rooms and weekly stayovers count:)

  7. Candice

    07/21/2011 at 9:45 PM

    I LOVE the idea of our house sex. I'm waiting for that day to come :)

  8. Tameka DFL

    07/26/2011 at 2:41 PM

    OUR sex >>>>>>>>

  9. Vicky

    09/14/2012 at 8:35 AM

    Where was I when you first posted this????

    Some of my neighbours cannot make eye contact with us anymore! The men joke around about it – "Hey, I have to go to work in the morning so keep it down tonight" to which I respond "You still don't have ear plugs?" So, a basket of dollar store ear plugs went outside the door (I live in a building).

  10. Lakia Tuft

    07/02/2013 at 12:05 AM

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    With kind thoughts
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