STRONG Women Need STRONG LOVING

If there’s one thing I’ve stated on this blog many times, it’s my personal affinity for STRONG women. I even wrote a post dedicated to the massive sex appeal of business women, but one thing we often don’t talk about enough is what MANY of these women WISH they were getting in a relationship: Strong Loving. Now that term doesn’t refer to trying to beat the nani up like a baseball bat [or whatever synonym for POUND that’s currently hot in the streets] but what it means is having a man love HER with all HIS strength. That’s what MANY strong women deserve – and that’s where, unfortunately, a lot of dudes are falling short.

A few days ago, one of my friends asked me if I would ever date a woman who made more than me, had a great but busy career and had a similar type-A personality to me, to which I replied “hell yeah!” He then went on to ask me questions such as: “Well what would you do if she cussed you for making less money?” and “what would you do if she wanted YOU to sign a prenup?” and it made me realize one lingering problem with us men that we RARELY address: When it comes to dating successful, independent women we often focus too much on what they’re doing, and don’t pay ANY attention to what we’re NOT doing.

As he prattled on about all the potential negative scenarios that could arise out of dating a strong woman, I had to stop him and ask him what would HE do in those same situations. Before he even gave a specific answer, he basically said he would give her ass an ultimatum that she either learns to RESPECT him as a man, or he’s gonna BOUNCE – and that right there is why a LOT of us men are DEAD WRONG on this topic. By focusing all of our attention on her perceived short comings, we ignore that it’s OUR job as MEN to love her with all our STRENGTH, and that’s not just a rosy-analogy, it’s the ACTUAL truth.

That means having the STRENGTH to put up with her when her professional frustrations carry over to home. That means having the STRENGTH to be patient with her building her career while knowing that she see’s you as equally important – just not right now. That means having the STRENGTH to know that the occasional absence of her affection is not a sleight against the entire relationship, but rather a sign of her emotional and mental fatigue. But mostly it requires the STRENGTH to accept being on the OTHER end of the dating dichotomy, because everything I’ve stated above, are things women are CURRENTLY doing for men EVERYDAY.

But a strong woman is NOT just about her occupation in an office with a fancy title, because hell, a housewife can be a STRONG woman. The point is, accepting a loving relationship is NOT about forcing the woman to acquiesce to her standard gender role – it’s about having the STRENGTH to know that regardless of how the household income is split, who works more hours and who spends more time raising the kids – YOU’RE willing to do everything in YOUR power to love her the best you can – because she DESERVES it – and if the situation was reversed, you would want her to act the SAME exact way.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

38 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    09/21/2012 at 6:02 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Feel That Some Men Sometimes Complain Too Much About "Strong Women" Not Accommodating Them?

  2. petersburgh

    09/21/2012 at 6:30 AM

    I think it's a 50-50 thing. Yes sometimes we complain too much about them and don't try to understand or accommodate them but sometimes as your friend said, they don't respect you. My last girlfriend is a strong woman and I loved her for that but she focussed so much on her business that our relationship suffered for it and that's part of the reason we broke up. Also I don't think she respected or saw my blogging as something I love to do and the only real "you write really well" comment came after the relationship ended. So to me it's a two way thing. We fail sometimes at respecting the strong woman but sometimes they fail at respecting us too

    • Paul B.

      09/21/2012 at 10:56 AM

      Indeed. It's never completely one sided. When people use their experience as the sole benchmark when evaluating others and their efforts in life and relationships, there is a disconnection there and it usually gets bigger over time. It's like "if you're not doing what I'm doing like I'm doing it, then you're not doing anything worth respecting." And it's highly improbable that they will respect you and disrespect what you do at the same time. Not happening.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/21/2012 at 1:52 PM

        I feel you on this.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/21/2012 at 1:52 PM

      Oh trust me it definitely is a two-way thing, and I've written about the other side letting strong women know what men think, but I feel like we are all not 100% blame-free in all of these situations too.

      • Paul B.

        09/21/2012 at 4:14 PM

        Of course, but I can attest that more often than not, so many men don't know where they fit in because they hear more about what the women don't need than what they do need, and the two aren't the same. For communication to be so important, people surely are terrible at it. If you can only focus on what you don't need, you're part of the problem. If you can tell everybody else what you need except the person you need it from, you're part of the problem. Nobody is obligated to meet a need you don't express that you need met.

  3. GrandCentral

    09/21/2012 at 6:32 AM

    Thank You Jesus someone gets it! Bravo! I'll have to come back later because as usual I'm late for work.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/21/2012 at 1:48 PM

      You need to put punctuality as part of the 52 week challenge lol

      • GrandCentral

        09/21/2012 at 3:19 PM

        LOL! It's a Friday thing, its the hardest day for me to wake up, because I am usually spent from the week. I’m usually only about 10 mins late.

        This was a good post Lincoln. I think I might rank this one as one of my top 3 favorites. Everything I would have said this morning has already been said. I would just add that women have a responsibility in this equation as well. I consider myself a strong woman in the making and have a lot of friends who fall into this description that you've given. Some of them (I battle with them a bit) are in the mind frame that your friend probably envisions a strong women. They are the ones that are concentrating on what he is "not doing" and their attitudes can break some men down. Those are the women whom your friend has to have his guard up for and to protect himself he feels the need to give ultimatums to a woman like that. This is not representative of a true strong woman.

        I think that men want to be wanted just like women, so they like for their partner to have some sort of dependency of them, or at least pretend. I understand that even though I am on my path, a great relationship with a great man can complement and add to my life, and not be some sort of a pissing match.

        $$$$ means nothing and success doesn’t have some standard definition. He can be successful in his own right.

        • Jesssssssss

          09/24/2012 at 4:28 PM

          *2 snaps up in a circle* yes!!!!!!! *fans and faints*

  4. NikiiB

    09/21/2012 at 6:52 AM

    I think just shed a tear! This Scorpio woman approves.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/21/2012 at 1:49 PM

      Thanks for reading NikiiB

  5. mena

    09/21/2012 at 8:04 AM

    I do wonder where this frustration with dating a strong woman came from. The same way I wonder why some people won't date people from single parent homes. I always wonder if that person was in a bad relationship with a strong woman which helped them to form their opinion or were they just believing the stereotypes behind it?

    Thanks for this article. I have been in situations where guys have literally said that I don't need a man in which I replied, if you mean for financial security then you are absolutely correct. Some men tie their self worth around what's between their legs and the paycheck they bring home. I need more than that–much more.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/21/2012 at 1:50 PM

      The frustration comes with the "new-ness" of it all. Many men haven't been prepared to not only date a strong woman, but date a woman who IS the financial head of the household. When we were boys we were only prepared to be the head of the house – also, some dudes are just sexist.

  6. cynicaloptmst81

    09/21/2012 at 10:23 AM

    Lawd, I'm trying to tell ya!

    I am def a strong women…strong in my opinions, stance, preferences, and ways…not easily swayed. I was constantly accused of being too harsh with my words, "you never think you're wrong", being impatient, being thoughtless when I get wrapped up in whatever I'm doing at the moment…you name it. But, I never took on or accepted those opinions of me as who I am but rather its how I'm viewed by people who don't get me.

    Fastforward to my current relationship with a strong man…He admires and respects what others viewed as my flaws. I can be me…and not be villanized.

    • dddd

      09/21/2012 at 1:33 PM

      amen. im in the exact same spot with all of this! congrats to you, and ill just pat myself on the back too Lol.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        09/21/2012 at 1:58 PM

        Congrats!

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/21/2012 at 1:54 PM

      That's another thing too: Strong women need to make sure they get with strong men. It confuses me when strong women try and date dudes who don't have the maturity or ability to handle them, so instead of finding a better man, the woman lessens herself to maintain the "balance" in the relationship.

      I HATE seeing that.

      • Jesssssssss

        09/24/2012 at 4:31 PM

        I've guilty of "dumming down" for the sake of compromise and the fear of emasculation. But it causes you to be an enabler of idiotic habits, childhood scars and personal issues that had nothing to do with me.

        #Lesson learned.

        I can't go that route again.

  7. alexxussknight

    09/21/2012 at 10:39 AM

    All I have to say is Bam bam bam bam…….you hit the nail on the head! If you add being cute to that strength then you're really in trouble, they'll approach you cause you're cute but when they realize you're not just a pretty face, they head for the hills, not to mention add some height and it's almost a no win. I've been told I'm intimidating since the age of 14 and I hadn't yet fully grown to my 5'11 stature yet, what's a girl to do? Then you have these loose ball low standard women running around flinging away nani and making it hard out here for a girl with standards, cause all these men get lazy cause it' coming so easy to them. When they run up on a girl who knows whow she is and therefore makes a man work for her, he bottoms out! Sorry for the rant…

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/21/2012 at 1:55 PM

      No problem…but just know the man you just described is NOT a strong man, and therefore should be of NO concern to you what he does.

      • Jesssssssss

        09/24/2012 at 4:32 PM

        *applause* Weaklings run for the hills at the sign of any challenge. And they think all nani is good nani.

        #mark me absent.

  8. Paul B.

    09/21/2012 at 10:50 AM

    Sometimes it comes down to an ability to express your needs. Failure to do so usually explains why those needs go unmet. It's easy to say what you don't need, but it's like pulling teeth for some to admit what they do need though. Sorry, but that contributes to the problem just as much as meeting somebody that's unwilling or unable to meet it. Personally, I'm of the belief if you feel you're too good to say what you want or need, you won't be good enough to ever get it. Strength isn't often the problem; pride is on both sides.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/21/2012 at 2:01 PM

      I think it's a mixture of the two, because strength is required to do something you aren't familiar with doing. To step out on a ledge and overcome your pride is something most of us were not taught to do.

  9. iluvwhoiluv

    09/21/2012 at 11:20 AM

    I love the article. The love definitely has to be strong in order to deal with a strong woman. However, there are things, such as pride which can rear its' head, prohibiting some men to look past the status since their own ego may feel damaged. A woman who truly loves you and wants you as part of her life is not going to place a lot of emphasis on who is bringing in the most money as long as that man rewards her with support and love; however, if all he is doing is demanding she step down so that he can have full control and not being supportive, loving or appreciative of what she does, then that definitely can cause dissent.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/21/2012 at 2:02 PM

      Co-Sign!

      • Keys

        08/11/2014 at 10:26 PM

        Articles like these put the consumer in the driver seat-very imaoptrnt.

  10. BADDEST

    09/21/2012 at 1:12 PM

    part1-theres something not mentioned here….I think its debatable…..what makes a strong woman respond…i think that deep down there is an element within women that wants to be dominated. I think the stronger the woman the more prevelant that feeling….the more repressed as well….so when your friend goes on about how he would aggressively deliver an ultimatum, depending on where the relationship was, i believe there is a possibility that he would get some of the reaction he wanted. She'd be mislead by that subconscious need within her to believe that she found a man who was able to tell her what he wanted and thus fooled biologically to think that he was " good for her"…..would it be a positive thing for her….no….thats not my point….

  11. BADDEST

    09/21/2012 at 1:12 PM

    part 2- i like the way you followed up with a solution to the issue, how the shift of focus would actually bring the man to her level in a tangible way and not leave his masculinity at risk of being harmed…..thus leading to more positive connecting all round……but for men really looking to bring it home with a strogn successful woman, he shoud be aware of the deep down need we have for a lil dominance….but ALWAYS remember he needs to back it up with solid actions, not just " im a big man" talk.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      09/21/2012 at 2:04 PM

      Completely agree.

      One thing I didn't have enough time and space to touch on is the fact that a man needs to be confident about who HE is and never compromise his self-esteem for any woman. Once he gets there, loving a strong woman is easier, because he will NEVER compromise himself.

      • Paul B.

        09/21/2012 at 4:19 PM

        Ah, this is definitely another blog topic to be written. The conflicting descriptions/definitions of manhood/strong manhood. There is a series of different definitions of manhood at various stages in life. Lincoln, we'll have to collaborate on that one.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          09/21/2012 at 4:58 PM

          Agreed!

  12. Porsch

    09/22/2012 at 8:10 PM

    After I read the title of this post I really felt like you were reading my mind but then you went rogue. A strong woman needs a strong man; yes this is true. However the strong woman you described in this post does not sound like she is in a place where she has strong love to give and really doesn’t deserve a strong man at the moment. Let me give you an example; I am a strong woman but I am not in a place to love strongly right now. I am in my early 20s, a recent university graduate, am selfish as shit chasing my ambitions, and am at a flight risk to any man. I finished university in Toronto, worked with the Peace corps in Central America, and now I am living in Paris working full time at a university, and fine tuning my French in my spare time. I am currently too into myself and too busy loving me to give a man what he needs without feeling like I am compromising me time. Ironically on the course to building myself as a strong woman I am unable to match the love of a strong man. Perhaps other SW are better multi-taskers then me, but judging from your article I do not think these are the women you are referring to. I honestly have no business being in a serious relationship and I really don't think anyone should have to wait on me. And in all honesty do not think the strong man I am looking for should be willing to. If I am not matching his work then I think he should keep it moving. Obviously life does get in the way of this sometimes and you meet someone you really could be with on the long term but I am trying to keep the inevitable heart break to a minimum at this selfish moment in time (refer to your break up post “Walk Away from Love” song for more insight into this story lol).

    A serious relationship requires work and if you get into one you should be cognisant of the fact that you will have to give up some of your career-time/study time/ me-time. If you do not want to give up some of it, simply don't get into a relationship. Obviously there is a threshold and exceptions but if you are genuinely too busy to make time for the other person and disappointment and subsequent alienation becomes a regular thing for your partner, please just call it. The road to hell was paved with good intentions and you may love them but you just cannot give them what they deserve at the moment.

    Stay in your selfish place alone, or perhaps a light relationship is better suited for you right now. Or for a lot of men, multiple light relations (I think this is why a lot of successful men are whores and really as long as they are not hurting anyone and being real with the girls, I see no problem with it). People really need to just be real with themselves about what they have to give. If you honestly can't give your relationship time because you are caught up in you … maybe you should consider not having one until you are at a place where you have time to give.

    Such is life and sacrifices must be made.

    "Lost Ones – Jay-Z "

    • Jesssssssss

      09/24/2012 at 4:40 PM

      *standing ovation* I need to learn to be more ambitious. The only problem is that my life is currently tangled in so many things that involve other people and their dreams. I respect that you were transparent in your thoughts and feelings.

      Bravo!

      • Porsch

        09/25/2012 at 5:19 PM

        Thank you. I would not exactly say I am clear because I do have my doubts but I try to figure out what I can give before I get into something. I hope that you are able to do what is best for you in your situation and free up your mind. Good luck girl.

  13. Jesssssssss

    09/24/2012 at 4:40 PM

    Great post Linc,

    Many discussions will be had on this one.

  14. RheaStoddart

    10/14/2013 at 11:09 PM

    Amen to this.

  15. Strong Women

    07/04/2014 at 12:45 AM

    Wow, just ran across your post. Love it. We all need to rise up and be stronger in our relationships and act from a place of courage, not insecurity. Competition has no place in your relationship. Instead, stand together and build something really solid.

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