The Ongoing FAIL That Is The “Self-Respecting Relationship”

“Really?! On the first date b*tch?!”

Dear readers, allow me to present a scenario to you that I hear FAR too often, and I want you to HONESTLY tell me if you’ve ever been in a situation like this: Boy meets girl and they fall for each other; Boy and girl go out on a few dates and end up smashing; They go on a few more dates and smash a few more times [without any official commitment]; Boy and girl continue liking each other – until one day girl approaches boy and asks him ‘what are we doing?; Boy gets confused and utters a nonsensical reply to which girl counters with an ultimatum – either we make this thing OFFICIAL or the nani gets CUT OFF; Boy acquiesces to save the availability of the good vagina and girl ends up in a relationship – with someone she KNOWS she shouldn’t be in a relationship with. This is called the SELF-RESPECTING relationship, and it is arguably one of the STUPIDEST ways you can waste your time, energy and overwrought emotions.

If that scenario sounded familiar to you, feel NO way about it because you are in the MAJORITY, since that story plays out in real life FAR TOO OFTEN. There are WAY too many women who are smashing dudes during the dating process [which is PERFECTLY fine] but then decide that they can ONLY continue letting homeboy beat the brakes off her uterus IF he decides to be in a relationship with her, simply because that’s what “self-respecting” women do [which is NOT fine at all]. They have it ALL wrong, because that’s simply just what IDIOTS do.

If you go on a date with someone and you see that you two have a genuine, undeniable chemistry with each other that makes you want to pursue a relationship with them, the common sense school of thought is that you should PROBABLY see how things progress a LITTLE longer BEFORE you decide to get more serious, so you can accurately quantify if that was just momentary potential and intrigue, or if it was the beginning of a deeper, more substantive connection. Why the HELL are you tearing off your panty-draws and giving some dude access to the softest place on Earth, if you KNOW you are unable to have emotionless, nut-busting, squirtastic dating-sex?

“Ok there, I swallowed…so we’re a couple now right?”

See, if you know you are a woman who can only receive ‘in a relationship richard’ then your best bet is to wait until you are actually IN a committed relationship to have sex, because men find it annoying as HELL to be hit with the “Girlfriend/Nani ultimatum” in the middle of the dating process.

But here’s the more important thing: Starting a relationship with a dude solely because you don’t feel “right” getting richard outside of the confines of a relationship is extremely problematic. Your relationship isn’t based on a strong connection – it’s just based on your desperate desire to NOT look like a hoe, which in turn makes you WASTE time getting serious with someone you don’t SERIOUSLY see in your long term future. If you are a grown-ass woman reading this, on behalf of men everywhere, please set YOUR standards and adhere to them as best YOU can, because it’s frustrating as hell to see y’all act brand new out of NOWHERE, simply because some judgemental person [or part of your mind] declared you aren’t “respecting” yourself.

The truth is, REAL self-respect is predicated on being comfortable and confident with the decisions you make as an ADULT – not scrambling to change your perception into something based off a LIE.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.