Looking back on some of my past blogs, I realize that my most “epic” posts are based off of angry-ass rants that I have levied at someone during an intense debate. As a fairly laid back guy, it’s very RARE that I get animated and frustrated during the course of an argument, but when it does happen, it provides me with excellent motivation to write a new piece – and this past weekend, I was DRIVEN to that place by a young lady who tried to convince me that everyone should be like HER: ‘Hopelessly chasing a relationship comprised of UNCONDITIONAL love.’
She clearly did not have a CLUE what the HELL she was talking about.
So Friday night, as I sat by the bar with a friend, this girl approached my boy because they are old friends are go way back. As they greeted each other, he introduced us and we shook hands. She seemed really pleasant, spoke fast as all hell and constantly had a smile glued to her face. As they began catching up with each other [and I experienced that awkward moment when two people start a conversation in front of you that has nothing to do with you, and you don't know whether you should nod and smile or butt out and mind your business], she said something that was really interesting that eventually touched off a somewhat heated and uncomfortable exchange:
My Boy: “So what you been up to girl?”
D-A Girl: “Just working hard, ya’ know?! Still trying to find “the one” but I’m sure my unconditional love is out there!”
D-A Girl: “Hi…um, what was that smirk about?”
Me: “Nah it’s nothing. My bad.”
D-A Girl:” No it’s obviously something. You don’t think everyone has the right to chase unconditional love?!”
Me: “I don’t think ANYONE should chase unconditional love because that shouldn’t exist in a relationship.”
D-A Girl: “Oh jesus christ, you are one of THOSE people?! So because you can’t find happiness I guess no one else can be happy too right?!”
Funny enough, the DJ started to blare the music loudly which made it very difficult for me to effectively communicate my point, and then she eventually bailed on the conversation after a heated, awkward exchange and that was that. Unfortunately I never got to convey my point to her – so allow me to do that right NOW: Unconditional love is for your parents, your siblings, your children, select family members and maybe even a lifelong friend, but if you have ANY common sense you will realize that your ROMANTIC love should come with a LOT of conditions and that’s not any LESS valuable than unconditional love – it’s just as valuable because it encompasses having SELF-RESPECT too.
I love my parents, sister, godchildren, children [when I have them], uncles, aunts and cousins unconditionally, meaning there is NOTHING in the world that they can do for me to STOP loving them. They do NOT have to EARN my love or actively manage their behaviour in order to sustain it. They are ALL loved REGARDLESS of how they act, even when I disagree with them. BUT, I will be DAMNED if I extend that courtesy to any woman I’m in a relationship with, and if she’s smart, she DEFINITELY won’t extend that to me either.
Our love SHOULD be conditional, based on principles like:
- No cheating
– No domestic abuse
– No stealing
– No lying
– No intentional disrespect
I hold the above values very close to me, and any woman who I call girlfriend, fiancé, or wife MUST adhere to those conditions or BOUNCE. Hell, I wouldn’t even want to date a woman who didn’t hold me to that too. The second you start chasing ‘unconditional love’ in the context of a relationship, you open yourself up to great disrespect and abuse all in the name of disjointed reality. Because you THINK someone deserves to be loved unconditionally, you will start to make excuses for them and their terrible behaviour under the guise that you are just trying to “make it work.” The second you realize that true love IS very conditional, you will begin to understand that there’s NOTHING wrong with letting your significant other KNOW that your love can NEVER be taken for granted or abused at will.
This Is Your Conscience