We Need More Males Willing To Teach BOYS How To Be The MEN

I read TWO really interesting articles yesterday on the site Madame Noire. First, I read an article called “Why Men Need To Focus On Loving Women, Not Submission” by Brande Victorian, which was a great piece about the problem with two many men these days feeling ENTITLED to a woman’s submission, when they don’t know the FIRST THING about how to be the head of a household or even properly love and protect a woman. The next article I read was about Denzel Washington’s GQ interview where he talks about being around a lot of father figures who taught him, first hand, the good and bad about being a GROWN-ASS man. And it dawned on me, that we MAY be entering an age where the amount of BOYS out here, drastically outnumber the amount of able-bodied MEN we have to teach them.

Now I don’t want this to sound like an accusatory rant on who is responsible for the increase of broken homes and who is doing there jobs, and who’s not, because that conversation serves only to inflame, and misses the BIG point: Even though there have been fathers abandoning their sons since the beginning of fatherhood in EVERY community, there have always been a lot of REAL-MEN father figures who have been able to pick up the slack. But now it feels like we are entering into a stage where boys, who’ve had NO direction from father figures their entire lives, end up having kids of their own so young, and end up NEVER maturing. When I say there are a LOT of boys who need to be taught HOW to be men, don’t look at that as strictly a comment on young-dudes, because we live in a society with a lot of GROWN-ASS BOYS walking around, THINKING they’re men because they aren’t young anymore.

This is a start – but our BOYS need a LOT more…

But the truth is, we need more MALES willing to teach these BOYS how to be MEN, because there will NEVER be any qualitative hope for the continuation of a successful society without a greater accumulation of strong MEN. As much as I think Rick Santorum is a prejudicial DOUCHE, the one thing we can agree on is that a strong household creates a strong society and a strong society benefits everyone. But that strong household NEEDS a father FIGURE and our society needs to come to grips with the fact that we need MEN to teach BOYS how to be MEN – NOW. Because we are risking embarking on a time period where boys will continue to have more boys and men will become fossils and relics of a time past and forgotten.

Everyone has ideas and concepts on how men can be more involved in young boys lives, and I’m all for hearing them – as long as we don’t continue to propagate the ideology that ALL BOYS don’t need ANY male father-figure because that role can be replaced by their mothers. That’s too dangerous of an ideology to promote, and the fact is, it’s simply NOT working in our society TODAY.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    09/19/2012 at 5:15 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, What Are Some Things We Can Do As A Society, Community And Nation To Help BOYS Get The Father Figures They Need In Their Lives? More Community Outreach, More Family Interventions, etc.?

  2. DarDar

    09/19/2012 at 6:27 AM

    That last point really drove it home. This (flawed) idea that a strong woman can be both parents in a child's life. That's simply not true. The consumer holiday that I hate the most is father's day. There is always some idiot that want's to wish me a happy father's day. For the longest time, I would try to explain to them that 1. its an insult to me as a mother to wish me happy father's day 2. its an insult to good fathers. I am wholly inadequate to be someone's father. I am an excellent mother, however, and that badge I will wear with pride.
    How do we, collectively, get to the point where everyone knows the value of a male role-model? more social awareness, more programs to teach men how to be men. Anyone in Toronto there is this program called UJIMA house. There location is at weston rd and lawrence. They provide a place that potential/young father can go to have time alone with their children, listen to other successful fathers speak and have a community that will listen but more importantly understand the struggles of being a black man.

  3. Smilez_920

    09/19/2012 at 7:06 AM

    Great article. I can attest to the amount of grown behind boys walking around. Like someone said above , we’ve become so accustom to the single parent household that were staring to under value the presence of a strong ( good) man in the household or atleast in the child’s life. A mother can teach her son how to be a good person, but it takes a man to show a boy how to be a man. If no man is around that boy is left to make the journey alone.

  4. Paul B.

    09/19/2012 at 8:41 AM

    True. I understand that sometimes stuff happens and the wrong men are chosen to have kids by and the women have to take care of the kids by themselves from day (ne or have to leave and take care of them for the majority of the kids' formative years. Yes, it's better than having a terrible man around, but it's not the same as having a great man around either. No, a woman can't make a man do something he doesn't want to do, but she is responsible for what and who she chooses to do. We have men who get with women they wouldn't commit to laying down with them and making babies with them, and we have women doing the same with men they know they have no business with, and who suffers the most? The children do. Smh

  5. Celina

    09/19/2012 at 10:00 AM

    Lincoln, I need you to get out of my head…
    I was just saying last night that I'm an independent woman not because I want to exert power over any man that comes into my life, but because I have no choice (only child, lost both parents by age 25, greedy/unsupportive Caribbean aunts and uncles, etc.).

    I would LOVE to submit to a man but the fact is that more often than not dudes come along not knowing their heads from their asses wanting to either run things because they think it gives them power over me or expecting me to take care of them because I have my shit together. I keep saying that more women would act like ladies if more men would act like gentlemen. I think a lot of this can be taken back to the feminist movement taken out of context (but maybe that's an entirely new discussion). The fact is that if somebody came along with the ability to take care of my house better than I could and would actually make a commitment instead of trying to stick his pickle in everything I would GLADLY follow his lead. But you can probably deduce what the current situation is… lol

  6. mena

    09/19/2012 at 10:27 AM

    I recently went on a trip with one of my close guy friends (black male) and I asked him if he felt like he owed anything to the next generation. He said yes. I asked him did he plan on becoming a mentor. He said yes but that he was afraid to do so since kids nowadays aren't the way we were growing up. I took what he was saying to heart. He is a guy that has his life together, just turned 30, is well known in his community, still hasn't reached his full potential and is afraid to give back to the youth b/c in a way, he is apprehensive about the way kids are today.

    More men need to step up (women do as well when it comes to young girls) but I also agree with my friend. It's hard to know what to do and how to do it without it getting in the way of your own life and responsibilities. But then again, maybe that's the problem. We are too concerned with thinking about ourselves.


    09/19/2012 at 11:05 AM

    It's just basic psychology right?
    Our fathers represent what becomes our outer selves in the world.
    Our mothers represent how we process our inner feelings about our lives.
    The general and accepted absence of fathers has contributed to strange manifesations of identity in society…….women then react to the phenomenon, rather than make weighted decisions…. and the cycle ensues……its gotta be a collaborative effort of both sexes if we ever have a chance at correcting it.

  8. MistaHarsh

    09/19/2012 at 3:27 PM

    I don't know what the answer is and I know there's not book on parenting that applies to ALL children. But with the willingness to try, the consistent challenging to be better(from yourself and offspring) and the patience required for growth can only create a foundation for good morals and sense to flourish.

  9. Lia

    09/19/2012 at 4:07 PM

    Being raised by a single mother taught me that a woman can successfully raise a child on her own, but she shouldn't have to and it certainly isn't ideal for anyone involved. I also had other female influences: coaches, friend's parents, aunts and grandma. My own mother admitted that things would have been more difficult if I had been born a boy. More mothers (and women period) need to acknowledge and come to terms with their own limitations when it comes to raising boys, and seek outside help to fill in that gap. No woman can show a boy how to be a man. She can show him how to be a good human being. But even the mother with the best of intentions will fall short of the completing the task of raising him into a man. Boys need a man who can show them the way. Just as there are certain things that a girl can only learn from a woman, the same can be said about boys in relation to men. I have a few teenage boys in my family and it's sad to say, but I can already see where they are headed if something is not done to help them. Boys need someone that they can relate to and look up to, and women can only take that so far on our own.

    I think part of the problem is that there is a lack of sense of community these days. I'm only in my 20s, but I remember my neighborhood feeling so different when I was a kid. Because all the kids would play together, all of the parents knew one another, and all of the kids knew everybody's parents. We could sit and chat with each other's parents and learn something new that we might not otherwise get at home. Now, I barely see kids playing outside and I'm lucky if I can get a neighbor to make eye contact with me let alone actually speak. When we get back to being an actual community then men will share in the effort of raising up young men into grown men…

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