Whenever I have some free time to myself at home to watch TV, I either play Madden 13 or watch TV series through my on-demand service like Dexter, Veep, Newsroom, Boardwalk Empire & Curb Your Enthusiasm. I reference this because I’m always the LAST to see Reality TV shows, missing all the drama and subsequent cultural references right as they happen [“What the F*^K is a Stevie J and who put paws on what?”]. So when my homegirl called me to cuss about Keyshia Cole’s husband Daniel “Boobie” Gibson refusing to go to relationship counselling, not only did I not know what the hell she was talking about, I was shocked that she was mad AND surprised that a man did NOT want to go to counselling. How is this even news to women?
Now I don’t know what excuse Boobie gave to Keyshia as to why he can’t go, but men have VERY strong feelings about attending ANY type of counselling, ESPECIALLY when it comes to their relationship. Our problem is that we NEVER fully express our true feelings about counselling in fear of looking like an uncaring-DOUCHEBAG, but I’m going to outline some of the more prevalent reasons men HATE the IDEA of counselling and will REJECT it even before giving it a chance.
1. The Sessions Aren’t Spoken In OUR Language
Ladies, whether you agree or not, men BELIEVE we are highly logical creatures. Even when we allow ourselves to be 100% emotional, it’s done so with a rationalization of logic behind it. Whether we speak English, French, Chinese or Portuguese, men believe OUR universal language is LOGIC – and when we look at women, we believe THEIR universal language is EMOTIONS. Any man who has been in a serious relationship will understand that some women can be so EMOTIONALLY REACTIVE, that they let their FEELINGS override logic. So when we look at counselling, we see an atmosphere inherently designed to acknowledge EMOTIONS, a.k.a. HER HOME FIELD. In fact, one of the important tenets of relationship counselling is:
“Providing a safe atmosphere for both parties to express their feelings”
Already men feel behind the 8-ball, because a lot of OUR TRUEST feelings are propagated as misogyny, while a woman’s feelings can tend to overpower HIS and that’s the LAST environment we feel we could be comfortable in sharing.
2. We Gonna Lose The Blame Game
In a man’s mind, there’s a part of counselling that will inevitably be a FIGHT and the counsellor will be the REF – probably a FEMALE ref, who will beat us with a book of Angela Davis Haiku’s the second we try to go-in on our women for the BS they do. It may be a man’s world – but that DOES NOT extend into ANY room a couple is professionally analyzing their relationship.
3. DEEP-Emotional Discovery Will Be DAMAGING
One thing that scares the sh*t out of men, is the idea that the counsellor is going to assist her in addressing some intense yet rational feelings or thoughts she has DEEP down inside. Feelings about him, the state of their relationship or even one important aspect of it that she was been repressing and ignoring for YEARS, and if that counsellor lets that BEAST out, the relationship will intrinsically change FOR EVER. As backwards as it sounds (and is), some men believe repression can HELP their relationship, but once she taps into it, she’s gonna start remembering the 433 reasons she USE to have about how she was TOO GOOD for his punk ass in the FIRST place.
4. We’re NOT “Real” Men
In our masculine minds, we believe we are ALL inherently problem-solvers and pleasing our woman is something that should come NATURAL. The idea that we need someone to guide us through OUR problems is like saying we need “Testicular Welfare” and that’s NOT hot in the streets to us. We believe we have the ability to FIX things, but the fact that we are acquiescing to counselling means we are TOO WEAK to actually fix it. It’s like driving a car that catches a flat on the side of the street while our ladies inside, and having to ask a stranger to fix it.
5. We Already KNOW What The Problem Is
Most men feel like PAYING someone to tell them what they already know is POINTLESS. As men we feel like we are in complete control of our emotional faculties and we know EXACTLY why our relationship has problems.
But here’s the reality, we really DON’T know our psyches as well as we THINK we do, and some of us DEFINITELY aren’t suited to address all of our problems with our spouse because we are simply TOO CLOSE to the issue. Do I think relationship counselling or even relationship therapy is a GOOD thing? I think it depends on each couple, but I will say THIS: Choosing NOT to go to a counsellor does NOT excuse you from addressing the serious problems in your relationship. So whether you’re on a couch talking to some dude for $75/hour or sitting on your OWN couch in your living room, you BETTER find a way to work things out.
This Is Your Conscience