Attention Single People, Bitterness Makes You UNATTRACTIVE As HELL

Dating today is tough as hell. Not only is it hard as hell to meet someone, develop a long-lasting and successful relationship, get married, stay married and enjoy a relatively-stress free life with your soulmate, it’s HARD as hell to remain positive about your chances of FINDING all of that when you’re single. While some people can live the single life happy-as-hell and be glad to be free, there are many people who are TIRED of the inherent FROWSINESS of the single dating scene and want something much more substantive and special in their lives. So we all date, optimistically hoping that one day we will encounter the true love of our life and settle down, yet realistically finding ourselves continually giving our all into relationships that eventually break down and leave us heartbroken, emotionally drained and pessimistic. The problem is, if you don’t learn how to identify and overcome your pessimism, it might become the REAL reason you NEVER find someone good.

Look, we all know dudes out there on that “F*^K a relationship!” vibe which we can easily see stems from deep-seeded resent and bitterness that they haven’t let go. There are also A LOT of dudes who have a defeatist attitude towards dating and love, and those are the ones who say sh*t like “these women out here don’t want a good man, they just want a thug.” And even WORSE are the passive-aggressive bitter dudes who have a negative and sarcastic tone towards ANYTHING love related like “that girl doesn’t really like me. She just wants me for my money. So what if I’m a cashier at Dunkin Donuts, I smell gold digger from here!” These men blame the entire female gender for their shortcomings in relationships and perpetual singleness, yet they fail to realize THEY are THEIR OWN worst enemy.

I can’t even count on the two hands and two feet of ALL my 8 godchildren, how many women I know who have musty and stank-ass perspectives on the potential of finding a good man to love her and treat her right. There’s the ‘Fake-Ass Realist’ who tries to convince everyone that she’s NOT negative, just a woman with enough common sense to realize she “can’t win at the game of love”. Then there’s the ‘Statistician’ who tries to use all types of weird figures based on polls no one has heard about except her, to validate why HER INDIVIDUAL dating life is all the way F*^KED-UP. See, it’s not HER fault, because the stats are simply NOT in her favour. The truth is her and her figures are FULL OF SH*T, and the reason she’s single truly IS her fault.

Ladies and gentlemen, let me explain one simple truism about attraction and dating: Single people who want to find love are attracted by one’s LIGHT – not their DARKNESS. If there’s one thing that MANY of us single people do, is envision what we want our soulmate to be like, and when we are in that moment, we conjure up images of beauty, happiness and love – NOT bitterness, pessimism and defeatism. We ALL have real life issues and problems that we are dealing with, but the fact that you can’t muster up the personal strength to approach dating with the same positivity as the REST of us, is simply NOT attractive.

Now I’m not saying that smart single people are out here looking for an unrealistic caricature of some perpetually smiling person, because that’s not the truth. Smart daters KNOW that human beings are complex and have a wealth of unique emotions, but at the same time, it’s HARD to develop an INITIAL attraction to someone who is emotionally FROWSY all the DAMN time. The reason so many people are single is NOT because of stats, or their looks, or because love is pass√©, it’s because their aura is full of BITTERNESS and that’s the ONE thing NO man or woman wants to gravitate to.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    10/16/2012 at 3:14 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Believe That Bitterness Is A Huge Hindrance For Single People Trying To Find Love? How Can Someone OVERCOME Being Bitter?

  2. petersburgh

    10/16/2012 at 6:44 AM

    Co-Sign and it's even worse when they don't know or refuse to accept that they are

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/16/2012 at 11:24 AM

      Exactly! And I feel like most of them DON'T know.

  3. Paul B.

    10/16/2012 at 7:18 AM

    Of course, and they usually surround themselves with people of similar ilk who enables and insulates them to be such. Birds of a feather….

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/16/2012 at 11:24 AM


    • NurseJilly

      10/16/2012 at 2:22 PM

      So true! Misery loves company:)

  4. iluvwhoiluv

    10/16/2012 at 10:23 AM

    Yes, bitterness is a huge deterrent. However, if that person isn't willing to take responsibility for the role the bitterness plays, then he/she doesn't even need to be in the dating game. That person needs time to themselves to get the mentality right. Don't poison someone's optimism with that type of bitterness.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/16/2012 at 11:23 AM

      The problem is, many people who are bitter, don't know they are bitter. They actually think their pessimism is just keeping it real.

      • NurseJilly

        10/16/2012 at 2:23 PM

        Cosign!! "Keeping it real" is a total cop out for bitter people

      • paulb31

        10/17/2012 at 12:26 PM

        Or at best, they'll admit to being just a little bitter. Nah, if a little bitterness makes them speak and act like that, I shudder at the thought of them being really bitter.

  5. mena

    10/16/2012 at 11:36 AM

    This definitely goes past dating as well and can be made as an argument in every avenue of someone's life. No one wants to be around someone who is angry/bitter all the time–it eventually will start rubbing off on the people around them.

    • NurseJilly

      10/16/2012 at 2:25 PM

      Couldn't agree more!

      Happiness will never come to those who don't appreciate what they already have. That applies to all areas of life and love. Always gotta see the silver lining:)

  6. Celina

    10/16/2012 at 7:44 PM

    "Single people who want to find love are attracted by one’s LIGHT – not their DARKNESS"
    Realest quote ever!

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