Dating Myth #1: “EVERYONE Has The Ability To Be Monogamous”

Like I stated on this blog last week, I will be speaking on a panel at an event called Battle Of The Sexes on Sunday, November 4th, where the main topic of discussion will be “Is monogamy a MYTH?” While I will wait until the event to answer that SPECIFIC question, there is ONE topic that I was thinking about while driving home from a comedy show on Friday. As I drove and pondered things in my head, I realized the one ideology I’m sick of people propagating as absolute truth is the concept that EVERYONE should be able to be monogamous because monogamy is not merely a choice, decision or reflection of someone’s personal beliefs, it is an inherent TRAIT located within EVERY human being on the face of the planet. While I believe everybody has the ability to enter INTO a monogamous relationship – the SPIRIT of monogamy is simply not in ALL people.

Some people view monogamy as the realization of our ultimate POINT on this planet, which is to couple up and remain faithful to the end to the “love of our life”. These people believe ALL people were created monogamous and those who don’t ACT as such, are just selfish DOUCHEBAGS. Then you have some people who view monogamy as a TYPE – something that is inherent in SOME people, yet NOT inherent in OTHERS. I am DEFINITELY someone who believes in the ‘TYPE’ theory.

The problem with believing EVERYONE can be monogamous, is that it devalues the inherent unique differences within EACH of us as fully functioning human beings. Monogamous people are simply out here doing what inherently feels RIGHT to them, but why can’t we say the same about people who either want to “get around” like Tupac or simply don’t see themselves spending their ENTIRE life with one person.  Many people CHOOSE to be monogamous because that is inline with their deepest values and relationship needs, so why can’t that extend to people who DON’T choose that lifestyle as well?

Why do we have to unilaterally believe that all human beings were created the EXACT same with the EXACT same needs, wants and abilities? Why is it so blasphemous to accept the idea that there ARE people on Earth capable of loving two people at the same time in a polygamous relationship, which is MORE akin to their most NATURAL preference, as opposed to just following some socially-created marriage-loophole that allows a dude to get multiple nani under the banner of marriage?

But most importantly, why is it so hard to accept that some of us as human beings DON’T want to be with ONE person for the rest of our lives, and there’s nothing wrong with that? Why must we FORCE our OWN views of love and relationships on people who have NOTHING to do with us? In pondering whether or not everyone has the ability to be monogamous, I ended up with ONE even simpler question: Should it even really matter in the grand scheme of MY OWN individual pursuit of love and happiness?

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.