When it comes to sex, relationships and dating, WE have taken the most natural, organic part of our intrinsic experience as human beings [creating and sharing love] and changed it into this complex, convoluted and complicated union full of restrictive social constructs and narrow-minded ideologies. This is not some antiquated “Once Upon A Time..” speech, it is just simply stating that we complicate relationships to placate our own ignorance, or the DOUCHEBAGGERY of our significant others, when the reality is relationships are NOT that damn complicated [so NEVER update your Facebook status to that]. There are only 3 types of positive relationships in the world: 1) A committed relationship, 2) A non-committed relationship, & 3) A friendship. And I DARE anyone reading this to prove me wrong.
Yes, YOU reader have officially been challenged to refute my theory. And the reason I want you to challenge it, is because I really want to prove the lengths we go to, just to make something seem more complex than it really is – because coming to grips with what it REALLY is, is sometimes too scary and/or disheartening. Some dudes have women they are friends with and WISH they could be MORE, so the guy will state that things are complicated between them – NAH SON, things are only complicated FOR YOU, because while you pine over her all day, she still thinks you’re FRIENDS – because that’s EXACTLY what you are. Some women are out here sleeping with guys in exclusive-benefits situations [where they aren't "official" but they only sleep with each other - allegedly] and she is feeling confused over where things are going, but the FACT is they are just in a non-committed relationship – and the only CONFUSION is on HER end.
But before I go on, allow me to DEFINE the terms:
1) A Committed Relationship: This is a relationship where exclusivity of the heart was clearly defined in the creation of this union. This is GF/BF relationships, engagements and marriages. Even polygamist fall under this category because even though they have MORE than one wife, they are still required to be faithful and honour a specific code in their relationships. YES, polygamists CAN cheat, and having more than one wife doesn’t give him free reign to stick his penis into anyone – just marry anyone [as ridiculous as that sounds].
2) A Non-Committed Relationship: This is any form of dating that occurs without an exclusive commitment. This includes friends with benefits, jump-offs, someone you’ve been on a couple dates with, someone you just broke up with but you’re still having sex with, someone you’re cheating with and someone who is cheating on their partner with you. If you do relationship activities together but no formal exclusivity has been put on the table, you’re simply in a non-committed relationship.
3) A Friendship: This is just two people kicking it, with either ONE or BOTH parties unaware OR uninterested in developing a romantic relationship with the other person. If a man and a woman don’t like each other LIKE THAT, they are friends. If the man loves the woman, and she doesn’t know NOR wants him back, they are friends. And if she wants to get serious with him, and he doesn’t KNOW nor CARE about her in that same manner, they are FRIENDS.
The reason I’m writing this post is because I have a lot of friends and family members going through some hardcore relationship issues, and they constantly think their hearts have been broken or believe their minds have been manipulated by a douche they are involved with. And as much as the person MAY be a douche, the ACCURATE type of relationship you’re in speaks VOLUMES about what you should expect and how you should subsequently act. If you are in a non-committed relationship with someone, STOP treating them like you’re in a COMMITTED relationship OR measure your expectations down a notch. If you want to be in a relationship with someone and they are only interested in being FRIENDS, don’t be mad at them for not wanting a relationship with you and just play your friendly-ass part.
If there’s ONE thing we ALL need to start doing right now, it’s taking MUCH more responsibility for the way we LET people treat us.
This Is Your Conscience