When it comes to sex, relationships and dating, WE have taken the most natural, organic part of our intrinsic experience as human beings [creating and sharing love] and changed it into this complex, convoluted and complicated union full of restrictive social constructs and narrow-minded ideologies. This is not some antiquated “Once Upon A Time..” speech, it is just simply stating that we complicate relationships to placate our own ignorance, or the DOUCHEBAGGERY of our significant others, when the reality is relationships are NOT that damn complicated [so NEVER update your Facebook status to that]. There are only 3 types of positive relationships in the world: 1) A committed relationship, 2) A non-committed relationship, & 3) A friendship. And I DARE anyone reading this to prove me wrong.
Yes, YOU reader have officially been challenged to refute my theory. And the reason I want you to challenge it, is because I really want to prove the lengths we go to, just to make something seem more complex than it really is – because coming to grips with what it REALLY is, is sometimes too scary and/or disheartening. Some dudes have women they are friends with and WISH they could be MORE, so the guy will state that things are complicated between them – NAH SON, things are only complicated FOR YOU, because while you pine over her all day, she still thinks you’re FRIENDS – because that’s EXACTLY what you are. Some women are out here sleeping with guys in exclusive-benefits situations [where they aren't "official" but they only sleep with each other - allegedly] and she is feeling confused over where things are going, but the FACT is they are just in a non-committed relationship – and the only CONFUSION is on HER end.
But before I go on, allow me to DEFINE the terms:
1) A Committed Relationship: This is a relationship where exclusivity of the heart was clearly defined in the creation of this union. This is GF/BF relationships, engagements and marriages. Even polygamist fall under this category because even though they have MORE than one wife, they are still required to be faithful and honour a specific code in their relationships. YES, polygamists CAN cheat, and having more than one wife doesn’t give him free reign to stick his penis into anyone – just marry anyone [as ridiculous as that sounds].
The Huxtables = Perfect Wedded Bliss
2) A Non-Committed Relationship: This is any form of dating that occurs without an exclusive commitment. This includes friends with benefits, jump-offs, someone you’ve been on a couple dates with, someone you just broke up with but you’re still having sex with, someone you’re cheating with and someone who is cheating on their partner with you. If you do relationship activities together but no formal exclusivity has been put on the table, you’re simply in a non-committed relationship.
“Is that my Saturday night jumpoff talking to another man…F*^K is wrong with her?? I mean she ain’t my woman, but that ain’t the damn point!”
3) A Friendship: This is just two people kicking it, with either ONE or BOTH parties unaware OR uninterested in developing a romantic relationship with the other person. If a man and a woman don’t like each other LIKE THAT, they are friends. If the man loves the woman, and she doesn’t know NOR wants him back, they are friends. And if she wants to get serious with him, and he doesn’t KNOW nor CARE about her in that same manner, they are FRIENDS.
“C’mon girl, just let me hit it ONCE…this friend zone sh*t is givin’ a brother a hernia! Whatchu’ mean that don’t make sense?!”
The reason I’m writing this post is because I have a lot of friends and family members going through some hardcore relationship issues, and they constantly think their hearts have been broken or believe their minds have been manipulated by a douche they are involved with. And as much as the person MAY be a douche, the ACCURATE type of relationship you’re in speaks VOLUMES about what you should expect and how you should subsequently act. If you are in a non-committed relationship with someone, STOP treating them like you’re in a COMMITTED relationship OR measure your expectations down a notch. If you want to be in a relationship with someone and they are only interested in being FRIENDS, don’t be mad at them for not wanting a relationship with you and just play your friendly-ass part.
If there’s ONE thing we ALL need to start doing right now, it’s taking MUCH more responsibility for the way we LET people treat us.
This Is Your Conscience
40 Comments, Comment or Ping
lincolnanthonyblades
Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Agree That There Are Only 3 Types Of Relationship TYPES, Or Do You Believe There Are Much More? If So, What Are They?
Oct 9th, 2012
mena
#2 seems like an oxymoron. Relationship signifies that there is some type of commitment. Can we label this as "Just Fu$king?"
I think there are only 2: "exclusive" and "we don't go together." "We don't go together" encompasses everything that isn't involved in "exclusive."
The friendship scale is a whole different beast since I feel like people use the term friend WAY too loosely.
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Nope. Everything from the first date to exclusive commitment falls into category 2 and most people in that category are doing a whole lot more than just smashing.
Friendship needs to be thrown in here because it's also how many people START the dating process.
Oct 9th, 2012
Shaun
In terms of friendship, if it is based on unrequited love, then there is NO friendship. If someone doesn't reciprocate a person's romantic interest and that person is only holding on in hopes that the other person will eventually change his/her mind. That is NOT friendship. And if you like someone and the do not reciprocate, do not honour that person with your friendship! Keep it moving. We need to quit short changing ourselves. As far as everything else Linc is spot on as usual.
Oct 9th, 2012
Piscean
At the end of the day, there are only 3 relationships. People like to believe they are more important than they really are so they say " naw, my relationship is different bc blah blah blah". No, your relationship isn't that different regardless of history or complications. You are either in a committed relationship or not.
Oct 9th, 2012
Smilez_920
I agree but I will say that I think a lot of ppl confusion comes in because in those three categories there are a few sub-categories ( except the friend level). In the non commitment level is where a lot of ppl start with the "it's complicated " because they don't want to truly accept the situation for what it is or they think there is hope to move up the scale to the other sub-categories . ( ie friends with benefits to dating to hopefully the next category.)
I also think that the non official but exclusive label can make a lot of ppl confused if they don't communicate with each other what their expectations and limitations are.
Oct 9th, 2012
mena
I don't think that friendship is on the mind of many people during the dating process. It's usually physical first, then a mental, then the emotional connection.
I will stick with there being two categories for heterosexuals of the opposite sex: exclusive and not exclusive.
Oct 9th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
. "Everything from the first date to exclusive commitment falls into category 2"
I agree!!! Until the "the talk"has been had by both parties ya'll are not exclusive even though you may be spending an exorbitant amount of time together. Honestly this category is where A LOT of people seem to end up and staying in which is why communication and taking care of YOUR heart first is very important, do't expect someone to navigate your feelings for you.
Oct 9th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
"I also think that the non official but exclusive label can make a lot of ppl confused"
I hear what you are saying but my question is WHY OH WHY would anyone want to be exclusive to a person who hasn't deemed them to be official, the only person who is.getting.confused.here is the one who wants the official title more. Both parties are not confused, one if the participants do know what this.situation.really is.
Oct 9th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
*of*
Oct 9th, 2012
Melissa
my own theory was that there are three relationship statuses: Single, Engaged and Married. (Rather rigid I know, I just believe as long as you are not engaged or married, you are still on the market)
But this makes sense too. Friends, committed and not committed. As simple as that.
Oct 9th, 2012
mena
People do this crap. The "i am almost there with my feelings, am only sleeping with you, but not yet ready to make a commitment so I don't want you sleeping or seeing anyone else" bs.
Oct 9th, 2012
NurseJilly
Couldn't agree more Shaun!!
Oct 9th, 2012
Smilez_920
I mean like maybe y'all r working towards being official and the first step is cutting off your side ppl and focusing on building towards the bf / gf stage. . But trust it has a time limit. I junk that's where ppl get caught. And also ppl closing offbtheirnoptions when the other person has clearly not cut off theirs .
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Co-sign!
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
I'm inclined to agree with you, but friendship needs to be thrown into this discussion especially when it's a prevalent part of the confusion.
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Exactly what I'm trying to say!
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
I don't think there are any sub-categories, we just create them to make ourselves feel better about the stankness of our relationships.
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
I think my theory and your own are very closely aligned.
Oct 9th, 2012
Ange
Bravo. I couldn't agree more. We tend to complicate things to indeed validate "the stankness of our relationships." Things are quite simple, no need to try to develop qualifications for the weak points!
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Agreed Ange.
Oct 9th, 2012
bellatrice1
One of these days, I won't agree with you!! Oh what a day that will be! lol
Once again, I concur 100%
Oct 9th, 2012
alexxussknight
Okay Lincoln here is one for you. If two people are in the non-committed phase of the relationship both parties care but one wants to take it to the next level and the other is still deciding, is it realistic to expect that the person behaves like they want to be in the relationship with that person?
Oct 9th, 2012
Lia
At first I was going to disagree with you, but when I think about it I'm inclined to agree. We can get ourselves in a lot of trouble when we don't know how to play our position. Hell, some people don't even know what there's is or how to ask for a promotion.
I will say that I think some people may never fall into any of these categories. Just because you date someone does not mean that you are friends. Sometimes, the best they can ever be is an acquaintance. Anybody that you date who isn't up to par or doesn't treat you respectfully was never really your friend in the first place and, by default, will never be able to move up in the ranks.
Oct 9th, 2012
Lia
Agree!
Oct 9th, 2012
ChloeRayne516
Okay all well and good — ("i am almost there with my feelings, am only sleeping with you, but not yet ready to make a commitment so I don't want you sleeping or seeing anyone else") but why would you let them have that kind of control over the entire situation if they aren't trying to make it officical if exclusive is what you want. Yes I undertand people will try to pull this BS but it's up to that individual to be like "Whoa, nah pahtna that ain't happening"
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
LOL that will be an interesting day for real!
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
The only thing that is realistic to expect is that the person acts exactly like what the relationship really is. If I'm in a non-committed relationships and I'm CONSIDERING being exclusive with someone it won't change the fact that we are NOT currently committed, which means I'm free to act however I want.
Plus, if I was serious about you, I wouldn't need too much time to determine that I want to be with you exclusively.
Oct 9th, 2012
mena
I wholeheartedly agree. I am just saying that this does happen.
Oct 9th, 2012
Ises
I heard a saying once. If your not married your single. That means a baby, a car loan, a credit card, a mortgage etc. that is shared does not make you committed. Someone of the pair is susceptible to being effed over at any point.!
Oct 9th, 2012
lola289
LOL cosign!
#theydonthearU
Oct 9th, 2012
lola289
You are totally correct…friendship should come first!
Sex really can confuse the situation & people.
p.s. Lincoln, If thats ur REAL name then "Awesomeness!"
Oct 9th, 2012
lola289
Oh that first pic IS everything!
*fans myself*
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
Agreed!
Oct 9th, 2012
lincolnanthonyblades
That's definitely my real name, so thanks!
Oct 9th, 2012
Kelly Manchester
I agree for the most part, but like others are saying, there are other levels within each of those categories. The term 'boyfriend/"girlfriend" which falls under committed or non-committed can range from a couple that goes out from time to time to a couple living together with a baby. But I guess if we're looking at relationships in the broadest sense your 3 categories work.
Oct 10th, 2012
rizan
Larzze Expert Technologies
Oct 10th, 2012
@Funms
I totally agree with this post. I used to deceive myself and say there were 'situationships'. I am wiser now and I guess being in a committed relationship makes one realise that it's either you are in or out. Nothing like it's a complicated situationships. We need to stop deceiving ourselves and making excuses for douchebags
Oct 10th, 2012
the girl
You can be married and still get effed over. Only difference is married people get effed over in court.
Oct 11th, 2012
BklynTrini327
I agree with you on this. There's a lot of people walking around just dating/getting to know someone yet acting like they're boo'd up and catching attitude when the other person is out with or kicking it with someone else. I also definitely agree about the Friendship types. I was friends with a guy for yrs and I always said 'Oh we're just friends' to people that thought there was more going on between us. Physically, there wasn't however, I DID feel more of an attraction to him (I thought he felt the same thing) so I started acting like yes we're friends but we're more than that or oh it's complicated. We're doing our own thing but one day we'll 'get it right'. Truth be told, he obviously saw me as just a friend because he never try to make me more than that. He still dated, ended up in a true committed relationship and is now engaged. BTW, that so-called friend started distancing himself from me, didn't tell me (his so-called friend) about the engagement, I found out thru social media, and gave me a half-assed thank you when I congratulated him. Luckily I woke up in time before too much damage was done.
Mar 23rd, 2013
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