“Playing House” Doesn’t Make You Or Your Relationship Serious – It Makes You Immature

Be honest with yourself right now: How many of you believe that moving in or “shacking up” with your significant other is the natural progression of being in a serious relationship BEFORE marriage/engagement? No matter how many of you want to admit it, that is a very common thought process amongst many young people – and that line of logic is completely STUPID.

Let’s be clear about SERIOUS dating and what it entails right now: Dating is the process of getting to know someone in order to qualify their potential as a long term mate. And it seems nowadays it’s broken down into very distinct stages with SHACKING UP being the final one before the lifelong commitment to be married has been agreed upon – unless both parties are against the idea of marriage – that is an incredibly ignorant thing to do.

The stages of serious dating nowadays are as follows:
1) Meet & Court Stage
2) Sex & Intimacy Stage
3) Comfort Stage
4) Move-In Stage
5) Start Talking About Marriage & Engagement Stage

Many people use moving out as an expression of how serious the relationship is becoming, when it should be a sign of how serious the relationship already is and how committed both parties already are to each other. But nowadays people want props because they decided to take their frowsy significant other “seriously” and move out with them with not so much as ONE single discussion on spending their lives together.

The problem with that thinking is as obvious as Foxy Brown’s lack of Mathematical prowess on “Affirmative Action”: Moving in together is the ultimate way of turning you and me into USbut if we haven’t even discussed where the relationship is seriously going – then are we not just setting ourselves up for failure? If your punk-a*s doesn’t know if you want to commit to that person, moving out should be the LAST thing on your mind no matter HOW grown you want to appear, because you aren’t ready to take on the responsibility of having another persons love, sanity and hell, even CREDIT all tied in your hands – but that’s what comes with LIVING together.

No SUCCESSFUL relationship can thrive with two people living under the same roof approaching life like “I’mma do me, and he/she can do them” so why are you playing house? Do you really want me to look at you like a serious grown-a*s couple just because you share the same p.o. box? Get the HELL outta here.

Now I am NOT stating that you need to be married before you move out, but what I am saying is that moving out is NOT something a couple should do because they have a warped opinion of what “serious” couples do. Hell, if you both live at your parents until you’re 30 and ready to commit 100% mentally, physically and emotionally thats better than moving out after 5 months of dating because you just hit stage 3 and it’s tome to “get serious.”

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

55 Comments

  1. Queen Erudite

    11/08/2010 at 2:38 PM

    People should not even consider shacking up until they are married. No ring, No key.

  2. ATLienSince82

    11/08/2010 at 2:58 PM

    Y'all are crazy! I ain't moving out at all with no crazy chick…that is a recipe for disaster

  3. Streetz

    11/08/2010 at 3:06 PM

    Good shyt and I agree.

    PT of info: U reference moving out a lot. did u mean moving in? Not tryna be a dyck, just want to make sure im not wilin out!

  4. seven

    11/08/2010 at 3:52 PM

    Move out? Do so many adults actually still live with their mommy and daddy? Maybe before you think about getting married and depending on yet another person, you should learn how to live. Cut the cord.

  5. Starita34

    11/08/2010 at 5:58 PM

    It's just yet another symptom of our instant gratification society. We want all of the benefits with as little of the responsibility and/or commitment as possible. "Playing House" is the perfect description to me. Half the bills, in house chex, home cooked meals, shared laundry…show me why a person wouldn't want that? Why a person would ever disturb that great situation by adding a ring? Most times they wouldn't. Which is why many people cohabitate for years and never end up marrying. And many that marry, divorce quickly. Marriage takes a certain amount of commitment and trust. If you gotta "try it out" first. It's not looking good for you.

    In our society, we're sexin by week 3 – why wouldn't we move in? I mean if things go south, just move out. *dripping with sarcasm*

    It's interesting to see men agree with this. I would've bet money that most men were on the "shack up" side of the fence. Humph.

  6. lincolnanthonyblades

    11/09/2010 at 2:00 AM

    Common Law! The Most Misunderstood Concept In This Whole Shacking Up Thing…Many People Don't Even Understand That Common Law Is Defined Differently All Over

  7. Pretty Manny

    11/10/2010 at 11:06 AM

    Cosign Starita34 people nowadays will have u believe its a crime 2 speak ur mind u do u n god will do the rest

  8. cynicaloptmst81

    10/11/2012 at 10:02 AM

    *sigh*

    This is one of only a few "big deals" that my bf and I disagree on. I'm not for living with a man I'm not at least engaged to…and he's not for proposing to a woman he hasn't vetted via cohabitating. And since I have children, I can't budge on it. I'm very particular about the messages my actions/choices relay to my children. If I didn't have kids, there'd be temptation to compromise…but I do so won't. We've discussed it at lengh and still disagree.

    I just don't understand that line of thinking. After all the time we've spent together…and transparent discussions about finances…what in the WORLD do you think I'm gonna do that you haven't already seen, for real? You really think I'm hiding some habit or something? I don't get it…and I really don't know how to bridge the gap. The good thing is that neither of us are ready to take either step at this point…so disagreeing is not an issue right now.

    …oh, and I didn't touch on the whole "we haven't even discussed long-term commitment but lets move in together" thing cause its dumb…and should be common sense, lol.

  9. Vicky

    10/11/2012 at 7:29 PM

    If you find someone that you want to marry, I think you should live together prior to walking down the isle. You do not know a person fully until you live with them!

  10. Kelly Manchester

    10/12/2012 at 6:31 PM

    One of my coworkers asked me, "So when are you going to find someone to shack up with?" I was like "Uh….Never!" I just don't see a point in getting married at all if you can share the same house, bills and bed without doing so. It's pointless to me.

    And I realize the post isn't about living together vs. not.

  11. Porsch

    10/29/2012 at 3:18 PM

    I completely agree with this article!

    But Linc, another thing you forgot to mention is the fact that moving in together too soon can also make you feel strong attachment to that person which can often be confused with love. I think love takes time and while you may be open to loving somebody by stage 3, living together can make you feel like you are madly IN love with them, when really you have just become really attached and dependent. Naturally living with someone would do this.

    Premature cohabitation can do this much in the same way that having sex with a guy on the 1st date can sometimes make a girl think she is in love with him. But really she is just attached.

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