Truthfully, What Man Would REALLY Want A DEPENDENT Woman?!

I recently saw this video of Tyrese that actually pissed me off a lot, and even though it’s apparently very old [almost a year] it made me want to hurl a brick through the passenger side window of his new car. For those of you who HAVEN’T seen it, here it is:

Ladies, please know that Tyrese does NOT speak for all men – especially those of us with common sense.

To begin, there are literally two types of women out here in these streets [actually two types of people period, but since we are talking about women let’s stay focused]: There’s INDEPENDENT women and DEPENDENT women. An independent woman, IN MY DEFINITION, is focused on creating her own life, making enough money to support herself and creating the career she wants and/or needs to get by. She works hard to make ends meet and ultimately is reliant on herself to keep a roof over her head, food on her table and clothes on her back. Independent women are also mothers supporting households, taking care of children and assisting their family members sustain a proper livelihood. Independent women handle THEIR business, mostly out of abject necessity, yet are plagued by anti-intellectual men telling them they are emasculating the ENTIRE gender.

On the OTHER hand, there are DEPENDENT women. These are the women who are either unable to support themselves fully, or unwilling to support themselves. To be honest, although many female students would be considered dependents on tax returns or health forms, I would personally consider many of them independent in the sense that they are in school crafting out the career they will eventually pursue. But, IN MY DEFINITION, dependent women are TRULY the ones who want to live OFF a dude, as opposed to living in unison with him personally and professionally. These are the needy women, and the ones who would rather sponge off a dude than go out and create her own.

I would lend credence to Tyrese’s ideologies if they weren’t so laden in out of touch, old-school BULLSH*T ideas, such as the concept that the MAJORITY of “Independent” women roaming these streets are punk-ass girls too SCARED or IGNORANT to want a “real” man, because they are too caught up in their bank statements, career and promotions. Negro, what F*^KING world are YOU living in? Although I KNOW that type of woman definitely DOES exist, the fact that that stereotype has become the MASCOT for the term “Independent woman” is actually very disheartening and full of SH*T. Independent women aren’t all loudmouth jackasses with penis envy, and to propagate that as FACT is flat out WRONG. In fact, the MAJORITY of them are the ANTITHESIS of that.

When I look around myself at the many women I know who ARE independent, their desire for love and finding a man is not relinquished by the career, their money or their success – hell, if anything, it’s enhanced by it. Both sexes NEED love and affection, but because society has changed so drastically, we NEED to carve out our OWN independent successes BEFORE we can entertain being a couple in these dual-income days.

But my point is this: As a man out here trying to forge a great life and legacy for myself, why the HELL would I want a Dependent-ass chick on my arm like I’m cool with being the next Eric Williams on Basketball Wives? Why would I want to be Usher having to evict Tameka out of his house, because after putting her up for years AFTER the divorce, she STILL hasn’t gotten her own place or improved her professional situation?

We never talk about Independent men, because we live in a patriarchal society where that term is simply an implied redundancy, but the same way women want men who can OBVIOUSLY can hold their own, SMART men also want women who can take care of themselves too. Dependence is cool if that’s what you want, but if you’re not BALLING enough to afford a housewife, I suggest you research what independent women are REALLY like, because you WILL need one IF dual cohabitation is a dream of yours. And when you do, don’t be surprised when you find out what many men already know: A woman can be independent and strong – and still love you like no other.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    10/01/2012 at 7:26 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Agree With What Tyrese Wrote? What Is Your Definition Of Independent & Dependent Women?

  2. mena

    10/01/2012 at 9:14 AM

    Tyrese is talking about the stereotype so in that sense, i can't blame him for what he said. Black women seem to have the worst rap when the term "independent" comes up. Being independent isn't a bad thing–it's a freaking necessity. If you can't provide for yourself, then why in the hell would anyone want to be with you to begin with? Independence just means that you take care of yourself and handle your business. Men need to realize that they have to bring more to a relationship than a paycheck and penis and that women are more than willing to submit to a man who is worth her submitting to. If i am putting my life in your hands you better trust and believe that you are going through a full cycle interview process for me to submit.

    On the flip, women need to stop wagging their finger when they talk about how independent they are. It's like when people congratulate black men for being good fathers. That's what you are supposed to do. As an adult, you are supposed to be independent. You don't deserve a damn medal for taking care of yourself.

  3. Adonis

    10/01/2012 at 1:15 PM

    Interdependence is what BW should be striving for. Because independent BW tend to be unbalanced individuals. And they give me horrible customer service.

    Weekly d*ck downs & emotional support does alot for a woman who's got her own.

    Remember this post – (LINK) Why Successful Women Are Damn-Near UNDATEABLE (LINK)

    Another thing. Independent women attract bums. They scream they don't need a man to provide & protect, so they tend to attract men who is only job is to d*ck 'em down. That is highly problematic, especially if they plan to get married & have children.

    Women are not wired to financially carry families like men are.

  4. ChloeRayne516

    10/01/2012 at 2:43 PM

    TYRESE is a CaveMan!!! #NuffSaid

  5. GrandCentral

    10/02/2012 at 8:52 AM

    Good post Lincoln! Tyrese has been on this kick for the last year and even wrote a book about it. However, based on what he's shown me, he doesn't really have a clue. He went down the black women this and that rode and when Independence has no color. His rant was all over the place, but I think that he might have been trying to say that a truly independent women understands that she does need a man to love and love her back. I can safely say that true independent women understand this. You left out a few things that I hold in my definition of an independent woman – the ability to think for herself. This is major to me.

    Tyrese needs to sit down and be quiet. He spends his life dating ratchet chics disguised as independent women and now he thinks he know.

  6. Jack

    10/02/2012 at 2:03 PM


  7. Paul B.

    10/02/2012 at 5:42 PM

    My definition of independence goes beyond having your own money, car, and house and not relying on somebody else to provide financially for you. If we stop there, then sure there are plenty of women who are independent. But as I like to go deeper, I just can't stop there. Independence is taking full responsibility for your life, not blaming others for your current situation, whether you're single, a single parent, bitter, jaded, unwilling to live up to your responsibility in the relationship. Basically, if you're still using the if/then logic when it comes to your life and relationships, you are not independent.

  8. imakesense

    10/02/2012 at 10:43 PM


  9. Patricia

    10/11/2012 at 6:14 PM

    Well Said!

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