Women Who Don’t Believe In RECESSION DATING Are NOT WIFE Material

Her: “I’m having such a good time! I think I’m gonna get seconds!”
Him: “Um, ok, see here’s the thing…the way my bank account is set up..”

Sometimes I praise the Lord that I have a background in financial planning because it has given me substantial insight into the realities of our financial situations. One of the greatest MYTHS about personal finance is that the higher your income is, the further away you are from being BROKE – which is absolute BS. Now you may be far from being POOR because, along with your liquid assets, you also have possessions of value like a house or condo for example. But avoiding being BROKE is not about how much money you MAKE – it’s about how much money you SAVE, and if you are looking to build a life with someone in THIS economy, you better find someone who understands that excessive SPENDING over SAVING is the fastest way to end up like Antoine Walker, Lil’ Bow Wow or MC Hammer.

Now, for those of you who DON’T know what recession dating is, it’s BEST clarified in this amazing Web Series episode from my boys over at Brothers With No Game:

Basically recession dating is being cost effective and smart with your money, as opposed to just spending for the sake of spending.NOT to be confused with CHEAP-ASS dating, like:

 

Before I begin my rant, I will have to concede that Junior is BEEYOTCH for letting Remy talk him out of the cheap-ass chicken place for the expensive, high-class restaurant his Black-ass KNEW he couldn’t afford before they even walked inside. Also, pre-rant, I must state that he REALLY should’ve used my PREDATE formula in this circumstance [arrange a meet-up at a local coffee shop in the afternoon and TRY to have a convo to see if there's any chemistry BEFORE agreeing to spend an ENTIRE night together on a REAL date] which would’ve helped him avoid this ENTIRE mess, but that’s neither here nor there. The fact is, Remy perfectly exhibited the qualities of a chick you should STRIKE OFF the wife-material list.

My big problem with this ENTIRE scenario is that he constantly was beaten into a corner for his perceived social shortcomings which are realistically just normal conditions for men and women all over the world fighting recession, inflation and income disparity. Junior ain’t some DOUCHEBAG loser trying to be a rapper or an NBA player, he is a skilled worker who simply lost his job like MILLIONS of people are going through – yet, she entered the date with the judgemental mind-state that if he doesn’t have a checklist of material things, then he ain’t sh*t. Dude doesn’t have a CAR, a JOB or a lot of money in the bank, and is basically dead-ass broke – but aside from being too eager to please OTHER people, he wasn’t a BAD guy. And just because he’s experiencing hardships NOW, it doesn’t mean he’s gonna be down FOREVER.

Also, what bugged me about Remy is that she constantly let her desire for great material things, prevent her from completely enjoying the date. It seems like they actually DO have some chemistry, but she is so focused on what his car is, how much he makes and what his job is, that she never took time to find out about HIM and how he can treat her.

Now I’m not saying that women NEED to LEARN how to date broke ass men, because that’s NOT IT at all. What I’m saying is that a woman who believes a QUALITY date MUST have a substantial price tag attached is NOT the kind of woman a man should want to build a life with. It doesn’t take draining your bi-weekly paycheck to have an “adequately good” time. But if thats the lifestyle she NEEDS to lead let her run off with a baller – and watch how fast HE goes from pulling out his Black card to pushing a Black Ford Tempo because he can’t maintain the lifestyle she’s ACCUSTOM to.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

34 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    10/05/2012 at 5:09 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, Do You Believe In RECESSION DATING??

    • iluvwhoiluv

      10/05/2012 at 11:51 AM

      I believe in Recession Dating and Realistic Dating.

      I could definitely relate to Junior's plight. He was honest with her about the way he got to her destination. She should have picked up on the fact there was something strained as far as his financial situation. Then, when he opted for the chicken place, the following scenarios could have taken place:

      1. She could have ended the date there, being honest that material is more important to her and he wasn't fitting her ideal of what a first date is supposed to be like.

      Or when she pressed to go to the more expensive place he couldn't afford…

      2. Junior should have stuck his ground on the location and left it up to her if she couldn't accept his stance on the issue.

      Both of them ended up looking embarrassed, and in the end, she had to pay for the date.

      I felt like she came in judging him, so she wasn't going to have a good time anyway.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        10/05/2012 at 12:49 PM

        Bravo for your common sense! Please teach some of your fellow women! lol

    • J. A. Johnson

      10/05/2012 at 12:21 PM

      Of course I do. The facts of the matter is this:

      1, If she's materialistic, don't wife her. You can't blame anyone but yourself if you did. Especially if something goes wrong and you lose your job like so many people have been doing.

      2, If she won't just let loose and have a fun time…then don't wife her. If she's too concerned with a list and not enjoying the moment, life, and times…then you'll end up marriage and still trying to explain to her that your allergic to carrots. Something she didn't care to know before hand.

      3, I like my first date to be CHEAP and SIMPLE!! Somewhere where we can get to know one another. Heck I look like spending tons of money on a female I don't really know and don't know if we would have a connection worth spending all that money for. She could end up being crazy…then I'd be tight I spent $500 on her!!

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        10/05/2012 at 12:49 PM

        REAL. DAMN. TALK!

  2. Porsch

    10/05/2012 at 5:50 AM

    I just beleive in being a reasonable person and going into a situation with reasonable expectations. I am young and still in the student/graduate school age so I really do not have much to show for myself and therefore go into situations knowing that the guy may not be doing well too. I have legit gone to a restaurant and got water on a date with no problems at all because I knew that he was doing the best he could. I really do not mind. However as you said his brokeness should really only be a temporary thing and he should at least be showing potential to get out of his situation ie. being in school, doing an internship etc. If he is waiting to be "discovered" or making no effort to get a job I just cannot ramp with that. It actaully shows a general lack of ambition so he and I have no business being together whatsoever.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/05/2012 at 12:51 PM

      Y'all went on a date to a restaurant and only ordered water?! Does he panhandle for a living? lol

      • Porsch

        10/05/2012 at 3:59 PM

        Lol no I live in Paris and a coke costs $7 CAN… yes the sad truth is most people, grown as hell drink water here

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          10/05/2012 at 5:41 PM

          GOOD LORD! $7 FOR COKE??

          • Porsch

            10/07/2012 at 6:17 AM

            Yes $7, wine is only $5 though

  3. Porsch

    10/05/2012 at 5:52 AM

    Also he really has to pull through for certain things like my Birthday, Christmas or other forseeably financially costly events. He can plan ahead. I am not asking for a Tiffany's necklace but something affordable and romantic like a picnic is REALLY doable. He needs to get creative because times are HARD.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/05/2012 at 12:52 PM

      Agreed. But during the dating period no one should be going broke. Actually being in a relationship is a whole different story.

  4. Lady Ngo

    10/05/2012 at 6:25 AM

    Man i got all caught up watchin BWNG lol. Shorty was trippin, Nando's is the ish and considering it didnt even appear to be a real date anyway…she's lucky he didn't take her to McDonalds. Anywho, i'm a cheap date (so long as the date makes sense) and a proponent of living within your means, recession or no recession so i throw no shade at a dude that can't afford to ball outta control especially on a first date.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/05/2012 at 12:53 PM

      Beware the ballers tho! They put up a good front and then keep that Range on E!

  5. petersburgh

    10/05/2012 at 6:58 AM

    In days like these people better understand it. I too have a sound financial background so I have been manoeuvring well financially from my first $125 a week job till now and people just don't understand. There is a thin line between cheap and conservative and also smart and stupid. If she's really for you, she would understand that you probably can't afford certain places and that's it

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/05/2012 at 12:53 PM

      Real talk!

  6. mena

    10/05/2012 at 9:20 AM

    LOL…save me with this post. Homegirl had EVERY RIGHT to be pissed. I would have acted just like her to be quite honest except for ordering the drink at the end and throwing the coins back in his face. To me, she didn't so much as care about the amount of money he made as she cared about if he was gainfully employed. And she only came back at him after he said "little blog" as if it wasn't a big deal. From that point, they actually seemed to enjoy the date and that is why she asked for another drink. Then it all went to hell.

    My rule of thumb is this, if you can't afford to date then don't do so. Don't blame the damn recession. Either go out on dates that are somewhat free like museums, walks in the park, hikes, e.tc. (by the way, women like these things), go to restaurants that you can afford, or don't date at all. To me it wasn't about maintaining some lifestyle. It was about being asked out and then going on a date that the guy couldn't afford in the first place. That just shows financial irresponsibility to me.

    • MistaHarsh

      10/05/2012 at 12:49 PM

      While I agree with you for the most part, I think I speak for a large majority when I say women(who have shown sexual interest) don't like going hiking/museums/walks in the park as a FIRST date. Those things are usually done well in the future.

      • Lia

        10/05/2012 at 2:25 PM

        Yes and no, it really just depends on the level of interest. I personally don't like wasting my time with the fronts, and dinner dates are easy enough that people can still be on their best behavior. In the early stages of knowing someone, you have a better chance of actually seeing who they are (or if they're crazy) when you do something with them. Doing something (museum visit, zoo, whatever) out in public, forces most people to have to multitask and makes it harder for them to keep up appearances. A woman who wants to get to know a man is not going to mind doing things a little differently.

        • mena

          10/05/2012 at 2:37 PM

          Exactly. Not all dating has to be about spending money. In fact, besides a coffee date, i would do a museum date next to see if you should even sit down in an intimate setting such as dinner.

          Thinking outside of the box goes a long way.

      • mena

        10/05/2012 at 2:38 PM

        Then you are chilling with the wrong women. Most of my female friends actually like doing things besides eating on the first date. If you live in a big city, i would suggest a lunch date that involves a museum or something along those lines.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/05/2012 at 12:57 PM

      Well I guess you need context from the previous episode but HE never asked HER out on a date at all – it was a raffle where they BOTH ended up winning a date with EACH OTHER. It was revealed in this episode that the girl who organized it (who was doing her friends nails) rigged the raffle so they would end up on a date together and the only reason he went, is because she's his friend.

      With that being said, he didn't owe homegirl a DAMN THING. He could afford NANDO'S so it was a NANDO'S date, but Remy wanted to BALL OUT on a first date – THAT'S financial irresponsibility.

  7. 2cool4school

    10/05/2012 at 11:00 AM

    The reality is many men lead with their money. They pick you up luxury cars and take you out to real expensive trendy spots where the food doesn't even taste good. Peruvian-Hawaiian fusion concept – Say what??? Aren't these the same pork rinds from the store but because they are covered in soy sauce these chicharrones are $27. In my experience: most men pick first date spot and pay for dates. We can argue but men (broke or rich) are after the same women (8,9,10s) and many know that they can't compete if they are not spending $ or coming up with creative date plans. Then they wonder why their future kids hitting them up like a ATM; its the materialism they learned from their parents. As men like a woman to maintain their looks women like to maintain their financial status quo. When I don't have money (yay! grad school) I stay my ass at home or do free sh*t. If that means its a dry season thats cool. Men if you're really going through it take time out the game and settle yourself. You will be less stressed and will not impregnate women and void bringing children into this world you cannot care for. I get my BC 6 months at a time so I'm never without. Delayed gratification is sexy to grown a$$ people.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/05/2012 at 12:59 PM

      Yup, and like I said at the start, Junior is a BEEYOTCH for not telling her to go F HERSELF after she turned up her nose at Nando's. Too many men are out here trying to be something their pockets simply are not and those dudes get none of my pity for the situations they find themselves in.

  8. mena

    10/05/2012 at 11:15 AM

    "When I don't have money (yay! grad school) I stay my ass at home or do free sh*t. If that means its a dry season thats cool. Men if you're really going through it take time out the game and settle yourself." Thank. You.

    • MistaHarsh

      10/05/2012 at 12:52 PM

      it shouldn't cost money to socialize. All it takes are 4 ears, 2 mouths and preferrably 1 richard and 1 nani.

      • mena

        10/05/2012 at 2:41 PM

        If you don't have the funds either chill on dating till you get to that point OR do something fun that doesn't cost a lot of money or is free.

  9. futures

    10/05/2012 at 12:54 PM

    I've never had a problem with going out on cheap dates or even things that are free.

    I'm 25 so most my age are still settling into careers or going to grad school and professional school or right out of college and looking for any kind of job. I'm not gonna trip over how much the date cost.

    Now this is a whole other subject altogether but it bothers me more when I have to come up with somewhere to go on the date and you're the one who asked me out. No input, no ideas on where to go at all.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/05/2012 at 1:56 PM

      Co-sign on the last paragraph.

  10. MistaHarsh

    10/05/2012 at 12:58 PM

    "Now you may be far from being POOR because, along with your liquid assets, you also have possessions of value like a house or condo for example"

    Side note:
    The Real estate market in TO is deflating. What good are those assets when they're illquid. Anyone frontin like they're rich because they BOUGHT a 300k condo simply ask them how much is the mortgage, how much could you sell it for and subtract the extra fees and thats your true "wealth".

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      10/05/2012 at 1:57 PM

      True, but home ownership still separates poor from broke.

  11. Pingback: Realistic Dating is Oh, So Sexy! | No Labels…Unleashed

  12. Lia

    10/05/2012 at 2:07 PM

    Women who don't believe in recession dating are definitely not wife material, but men who don't know how to put it into practice are not good husband material either. I think women need to be reasonable in what we expect a man to spend on a date but if he already knows he doesn't have much money to spend then he needs to know how to spend within his means. If she's unhappy with that, that's really too bad. There are plenty of other women out there who can date without making a brotha deplete his savings account. I'm not about to go broke for nobody and I wouldn't expect any man to feel like he has to do that for me. It's not that serious.

    • mena

      10/05/2012 at 2:39 PM

      This. Spend within your means. If you take me to a ridiculous restaurant and cant afford what I order, then why did you decide to take me there to begin with?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>