Being “Great On Paper” Doesn’t Mean A DAMN THING In Building A Successful Relationship

On Friday I was having a discussion with my homegirl Goddess Intellect and she said something that gave me a momentary pause: “The men in this city [Toronto] are SO lucky!” The reason I paused is because I’m incredibly TORN on the truthfulness of that sentiment. On one hand, she’s right because the city IS full of beautiful, successful and intelligent women – but on the other hand, those are just “on paper” qualities which say absolutely NOTHING about those women’s ability to maintain a successful relationship. It’s funny how easily we can judge men and women by their superficial characteristics and attributes as being GREAT partners, yet have absolutely NO clue about how FROWSY their TRULY are in the context of dating and courting.

After Goddess said that, I quickly gathered my thoughts and replied: “In this city, the reality is it’s easy to find a woman to want to be in a relationship with, but it’s extremely hard to find a woman to build a relationship with.” What I meant is, women here are very good on paper because they have the qualities most men would deem necessary for their future wife to have which makes them great candidates to court. In fact, it’s easier for men to find women who match those positive ON PAPER attributes than it is for a woman to find a man who looks equally as good ON PAPER. BUT, it’s also those same women in this same city who present A LOT of difficulties in MAINTAINING a successful relationship, because no matter how high your salary is, how good your grades are and how robust your cleavage is, those things say NOTHING about how crazy, ignorant and dating-inept some of these women REALLY are.

All that ON-PAPER GOODNESS says NOTHING about her intense jealousy, incredible narcissism, unfaithfulness or just plain ol’ CRAZY.

But this isn’t solely about women, because there’s A LOT of men who look GREAT on paper (handsome, tall, smart, educated, accomplished and ambitious) yet are lacking A LOT of the skills needed to build a successful relationship with a woman.


There’s A LOT of dudes who appear to be amazing just when you hear their personal descriptions detailing all of their various accomplishments and physical attributes – but get his musty ass on a date, and it’s a whole new ballgame. There’s a lot of dudes walking around who are possessive as hell, self-centered like a mutha____, cheat all the damn time and just straight-up INSANE.

Wherever in the world you are reading this, I want you to get away from the mindset of believing that men or women in YOUR city have it particularly easy because of the proclivity of good partners available to them. The truth is, besides their ON-PAPER attributes, you don’t have any DAMN clue about the level of FROWSINESS that these supposed “great catches” really have. If you want to state judging someone’s date-ability, you have to use a LOT MORE than surface-level achievements and traits.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    01/07/2013 at 4:47 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, In YOUR City do you believe that men or women are LUCKY because of the "high-quality" of people available to date? Or do you think it's impossible to judge just from a surface level?

  2. Jordana Spice

    01/07/2013 at 5:20 AM

    I actually touch a bit of this topic on my blog post this week about online dating. But according to some of the American men I've corresponded with, yes, I do believe that the men in Toronto are l

  3. alexxussknight

    01/07/2013 at 11:28 AM

    When prey changes their behaviour so will the predator. Toronto men are spoiled because there are so many women in this city who forget their roles and begin doing the things that back in the day would require work to attain. A guy no longer needs to bust his ass to get the goods.He doesn't need to go on dates, open doors or pay for meals. Chicks out here are willing to just ride around, go no where, chill inside the crib and dudes still get the draws. It requires nothing to be with a girl in Toronto now a days. Which in the end makes it hard for a good girl with standards and a strong sense of self. Why would a dude work so hard when there are at least 4 other girls in his phone willing to come break him off for only Mcdonalds and a smile. Here's the other thing that's not the dude you want anyway, if we can read the signs early as in how he approaches you and what he suggest for a first date you can avoid all of the chit chatter and move on without breaking too much of a sweat, but that is the real problem in Toronto, the prey!

  4. Akil

    01/07/2013 at 12:23 PM

    I'll take Toronto's ON-PAPER attribubes over my frowsy city's lack thereof. Better to have half an option than none at all. I'm even willing to take a woman's on-paper attributes as an incentive to 'train' (for lack of a better word) her into having proper relationship and social behavior. You see, the on-paper stuff is an indication of all the beauty, sanity and competence required to date. If she's lacking anywhere, we already know that she has the potential to learn, even if she needs to be taken on as a charity case for a little while. Maybe that makes me superficial, but with all the looks, grades and career highlights she probably needs a man to teach and complete her on the romance front. Nobody's perfect.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *