Interracial Couples Are CUTE – Well, Unless It’s A BLACK Man

When I found out that George Lucas proposed to his longtime girlfriend, Mellody Hobson, a myriad of different thoughts ran through my head. First, I wondered what would make a 68-year old billionaire decide to get married in the first place? Then I wondered when George and Mellody’s 25 year difference in age would become a problematic factor, if ever? I even wondered if fine-ass Mellody ever cringed at the reality of having to juggle his geriatric balls in her mouth or if she just used copious amounts of rum to get through those moments? Of all the thoughts that ran through my head, the one concept I didn’t give one, single solitary F*^K about was the fact that they are an interracial couple. It just doesn’t matter to me at all, and I’m sure they don’t give a damn either – but it’s funny to see the hypocrisy of the people who DO.

On many different sites I’ve heard people praise this couple as being so beautifully matched, and thanking the lord for bringing them together. People rave about his financial and business success, while also propagating Mellody as a strong, beautiful woman who deserved nothing less than being labelled a wife. For a moment we all took a second to analyze their intrinsic characters and judge their union based on their compatibility and personal positive attributes. As I wrote about weeks ago, we KNOW Black love is NOT in dire straits as some people would have you believe, plus I’m an advocate of dating who you love in your heart, not just who shares the same racial background as you. So I have no problem celebrating their love, but reading the massive amount of positive comments actually made me feel a little weird – and here’s why:

Because this outpouring of love is indicative of the large amount of love and support Black woman/White man couples receive from OUR community, which is directly contrasted by the abject HATE and DISGUST Black man/White woman couples get.

The reason I realized this so starkly, is because earlier this week two events happened that drew the ire of OUR community in our full anti-intellectual anti-interracial rage. Just a few days earlier those same sites featured a lot of interracial bashing comments started by the SAME people supporting Lucas, in reference to Kimye, Cuba Gooding & Taye Diggs (who both recently celebrated birthdays), and Vanessa Bryant’s comments about “shooting in the gym.” The commenters RIPPED into interracial dating, not just these individual men’s choices, but the concept of it as a WHOLE. So explain to me how IR dating is COOL when it’s a Black woman, but when a Black man does it he’s a sell-out and a “corny brother”? Well, to be honest, I don’t expect anyone to adequately defend hypocrisy so I won’t hold my breath.

Now I’ll be the first to say that SOMETIMES I notice white dudes tend to exercise better taste and judgement in Black women, than Black men do in white women, but for the most part it’s pretty even – it just doesn’t seem that way because we never take time to adequately parse many of these white women’s characters. We just start calling them offensive sh*t like Becky and assume there is a nefarious undertone to their coupling. But when Black women date White men, we are MORE than willing to entertain the thought of them being perfectly aligned as a couple without prejudice.

The truth is, our collective positive societal reaction to George and Mellody’s engagement should be a more regular reaction. We should see a couple, gauge if they have an honest and real love for each other, and then develop an unbiased opinion about them. But then again, I have an even BETTER idea: Until we learn how NOT to be judgemental and prejudice DOUCHEBAGS, we probably should refrain from trying to judge other people’s relationships as if we actually know them.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.


  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    01/04/2013 at 5:42 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, do you think our community judges Black woman/White man relationships a lot fairer than we do Black man/white woman couplings?

  2. LoveBlackMen

    01/04/2013 at 5:57 AM

    I think that Black men get slack because many of them consider white as beautiful and black as ugly. As an educated black woman, many black men have told me "you're pretty for a black girl!" What the heck is that supposed to mean? And many of those men will be caught with any other race beside a black woman.

    Don't get me wrong, I love Black men, but due to the images that they see in the media, I am no longer their first choice especially since white women are surgically adding curves they never had before. I am dating interracially at the moment after 5 years of trying to lock down a black man. We come across angry black men on a consistent basis. I always wonder would they even date me, cause I was never first choice as a beautiful black woman. You don't want me but you don't want him to want me either? Seems like a double standard.

  3. GrandCentral

    01/04/2013 at 6:21 AM

    Yeah, I don't care. I believe in love. Melody is a bad chick. She is major in the finance community. I've followed her for a while.

    On the double standard….here is goes, and please don't come after me because I don't believe this bullshit at all, but this is what I've heard. The reason a black woman is praised is because all of these black men out here are turning their backs on black women, so it's wonderful to see that she still had a chance at love, because she was a fearless strong black women who didn't let eve be a factor.

    I cringe when I hear stuff like this. Black men dating outside of their race doesn't bother me, only when he does so and is so insecure with his choice that he feels the need to justify it, and decides to bash black women. That's when I have a problem. (ie. Brian White)

    If he says something like I don't date black women because…. Then I have a problem. I know black men (plenty of them in my family) who dated a plethora of girls across the rainbow and decided on marrying outside of their race or even a black woman. That I can rock with. People also forget about geography and other circumstances that aide in love, but that's a different story for another day.

    It's 2013. Come on people.

  4. Celina

    01/04/2013 at 6:38 AM

    I think it's been and continues to be quite the opposite. I totally agree with LoveBlackMen when she says that a lot of the black men who date white women tend to put white women on a pedestal over black women. I use the term white women loosely to encompass any race that is of the fairer skin variety since I'm fully aware that this isn't limited to women of european descent. I can't count the amount of times I've heard some random black man go off about how black women don't know how to act, black women don't work out/they're fat and out of shape, black women have multiple baby daddies, black women don't wear their own hair, black women aren't submissive, they lack ambition but expect to be spoiled financially, etc. all while saying that white women have all of these qualities and more. Plus, I can't count how many times I've seen black men throw their long term black girlfriends to the wayside to date a white woman once they've hit success. It doesn't help that some white women buy into this mindset and start echoing these same sentiments that were started by black men, claiming that they can't help the fact that they're "better" and the "preferred choice" and that maybe black women need to "step their game up" so they can stop losing their men. Comments like those have created unnecessary animosity and It only takes a few ignorant people to leave a sour taste in people's mouths. While I'm fully aware that people who have that mindset are not the majority, we live in a society that is inclined to give attention to negative behaviour over positive.

    I think black women are only recently beginning to feel more comfortable dating outside of their race and they definitely get a lot of heat mainly from black men and older white people. I've been out with my white ex boyfriend and received looks from black men who would never even look in my direction on any other day. I've had an old white couple make comments towards us for standing close to each other on public transportation. I've been surprised to be on the receiving end of a few dirty looks from a group of white women sitting across from us at a bar, which is contrary to the stereotype that black women hate white women for "taking their men". I personally don't mind if white women date black men, but don't try to put me or any other black woman down in the process!

  5. Smilez_920

    01/04/2013 at 7:43 AM

    @ Mena hit it right on the head in the comment above. Not that there are no blk women with " pretty baby syndrome ". But it's like black men talk about dating outside of their race, they see it as an upgrade like , black women are good until they can get better. It could be anythin from a black woman's look's or attitude or whatever some black men really do put other races of women on a pedestal, even when they have a black woman on their arm.

  6. Keisha

    01/04/2013 at 8:23 AM

    I never take anything anyone is saying in the comments section seriously, I only go there for jokes. In any case, I don't thing you have a case here, Lincoln, especially with references to only to George Lucas and Mellody, and Eddie Murphy and- sorry, I don't know her name. With the former couple, you have a well accomplished man with a good track record marrying a woman who has also achieved a lot on her own. And let's no forget that successful black women are protrayed to have the most difficulty finding love and getting married so I believe this all factors into congratulatory statements outweighing negative ones. Mind you, black or white women rarely aren't subjected to an onslaught of negative remarks from the 'black community' (I don't believe anything online is reflective of said community) when entering a relationship with someone famous without their own success. To Be Cont…

  7. Keisha

    01/04/2013 at 8:24 AM

    Shade was thrown at Lala and Lebron's girl, but I don't recall anyone having an issue with Seal and Heidi- in happier times. Oh, let me not forget my Eddie Murphy point. Public opinion of Murphy has loooonnnnng plummeted with his refusal to claim his child with crazy spice (I'm horrible with names). Everyone was just waiting for some crap to talk about and even before this new chick people were talking shit about that other chick from 106 park who hooked up with him. This is what people online do. It's not nice but when it's witty stuff, it's worth a good chuckle on boring cold winter nights.

  8. Vicky

    01/04/2013 at 2:02 PM

    The ignorant comments that come from black men about black women has caused black women off of interracial dating or cringe when they see a black man with another race. Ignorant white women follow what they say because they are stupid, and naive.

    However, there are black men who have NO preference in the race of their women, like plenty of women who have no race of their men. I don't have a problem with it, unless you are a part of the ignorant group as explained above. There is good, bad and ugly in EVERY race. It's an individual thing, not a race one!

  9. mena

    01/04/2013 at 4:33 PM

    So this post was more about the oppression Olympics and i shouldn't have taken part in it. I thought you wanted an answer to your question which most people answered without saying yes or no and giving reasons why some black women feel the way they do about dating white guys and our perspectives on that.

    Both sides catch it. Again, as Keisha pointed out, you can expect for social media to be a depiction of the whole. Most people that comment on black social media sites are women so of course your perspective may be scewed. I have received looks, stares, words for hanging out/dating white guys. I have been judged. Black men who date white women have been judged as well. It is my assumption that black dudes probably don't care who other black men date and black women don't care who other black women date. In all honesty, both sides are probably giving their own a head nod or words of encouragement if the person of the other race is bad enough.

    Let's not sit here and talk about who has it worse. Both women and men get judged for their dating choices and we have ALL done it…even if just for a second especially if the person is hot and has their shit together.

  10. bellatrice1

    01/04/2013 at 7:01 PM

    To tell you the truth, when I saw the woman Eddie was dating, I figured he's dating her bc she's young a beautiful, and he's geriatric. Plus, Eddie dates ALL races. I didn't care that she was White. He' doesn't discriminate, and if I'm correct, if Blk women do throw shade on a BM-WW interracial rel, its only bc that guy is notorious for dating outside his race, excluding only his own or he puts Blk women down to justify dating outside his race.

    At the end of the day, all we have to go off of is the physical when wondering why one person dates or finds another person attractive. Linc, when you're out and about and you see an attractive lady, you don't think about how wonderful her personality might be or whether she's got a lot going for herself. Most ppl don't.

  11. Maris

    01/05/2013 at 6:11 PM

    I’m going to keep it 100. The reason Lucas, Ebert, DeNiro and other WM of their social standing get props from the community is because their status gives them options. Period. They could have had any numbers of “American standard” beauties and they chose women that, though gorgeous, likely aren’t topping “sexiest wag” lists-and we know it is because they are black. Those men chose their women and, MADE THEM WIVES. It gives me a bit of a boost that “my” beauty and qualities are praised by a person that could’ve had any mainstream beauty he wanted.

    SOME Black men have achieved higher social standing. They chose the most “mainstream” beauty they could find. Then they get their Wesley Snipes/DL Hughley on and tell the media “why”. Sorry if I don’t get the same warm feelings.

  12. Adonis

    01/17/2013 at 4:14 AM

    Lincoln was spittin' the truth.

    The reality is that there is a socially unacceptable for black men to be successful and date whomever.

    Black women have always been able to date who they want & be free without being undermined like BM.

  13. Renee

    10/27/2013 at 9:50 AM

    Socially, there is a hierarchy whether you want to speak it or not. White men reign supreme to black men any day. The 1st IR relationship that allowed IR marriage (in US) was a WM who married a BW. If the reverse had been true the law being changed wouldn't have happened when it did. Professional/successful WM are openly accepted with making their personal choices in most circles. For all we know he justified how similar she is to being white.

    Lincoln, I grew up in the 70's around black men (uncles & cousins) who belittled black women to justify their new found white love. This type of sentiment continued in my young adult years (by black male peers), and to this day I still hear it. From a youth I was continuously told by black male family members of how I needed to find and marry a decent black man. I had a crush on a Hispanic boy and I was dogged for it….we weren't even dating.

    I think the BS being spewed face to face is pretty damn even. Black folks always buy into the hype of degredation and perpetuating it. Why would you want to weigh who has it worse? It's an issue that needs to be a non-issue.

  14. Truth Sayer

    12/25/2013 at 1:49 PM






















  15. Ruqaya

    11/20/2015 at 2:17 AM

    charlene conwaylI would to be a part of this mstiinry, I would like to meet a God fearing man who loves God, and keeps his laws and commandments, no time to play around very serious, be blessed.

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