Nothing’s More PATHETIC Than A Mother Keeping Her Child Away From The Father

Everyday on this blog, my Twitter and my Facebook Fan Page, I get the opportunity to interact with my readers, debate interesting topics and crack a lot of jokes – and every now and then, sh*t gets VERY real. One of my biggest supporters of all my endeavours has been a man named Richard Barrett who, although we’ve never met, I can say I have nothing but the utmost respect for and would call a friend. When I learned about the issues he’s facing in his personal life, it reminded me of one issue that absolutely drives me INSANE: Women who intentionally cut GOOD [and I must stress GOOD] fathers out of their children’s lives simply out of SPITE.

Here’s more on Richard’s story, straight from the man himself:

Now let’s be clear on ONE important fact: I believe a parent is more than warranted in keeping their child away from the other parent IF that child is in danger of physical, mental, sexual or verbal abuse. I believe that a mother is SMART for keeping her child away from an abusive or negligent father that can potentially endanger that kid in someway. With THAT said, I want to make it PERFECTLY CLEAR that’s NOT the situation here. Richard’s ex-wife has NOT claimed that the child’s safety is in question. In fact, she actually said in her court application that “she doesn’t think he really wants to spend as much time as he indicated” with his son.

Now sometimes, it’s the mother who absorbs so much abuse and distress HERSELF that she feels she must take her child to potentially protect him or her from any future issues. But, once again, let me make it clear that that’s not the case her either. Richard doesn’t smoke, do drugs, gamble, beat women or financially neglect his family. For all intents and purposes, he’s a good man trying HARD to be a good father – but his ex-wife is doing everything she can to cut him out of his child’s life.

Now before you say that I’m being biased and I’m on his side because we all fellow males and associates, I want to make this point crystal clear: I’m NOT posting this blog on HIS behalf – I’m posting it on behalf of his child. And hell, not just HIS child, but every child anywhere in the world who is being neglected the opportunity to build and grow with one of their loving parents, because the other parent is intent on being a selfish DOUCHEBAG. At the end of the day, I don’t care WHAT Richard’s issues are with his ex-wife, because that’s between them – but I DO know that as long as the child’s safety is NOT in question, there’s NO good reason for that child to not have BOTH loving parents in its life.

The one point that Richard makes that I co-sign 100% is how growing up WITHOUT a father can have adverse effects on a child. Not only will this kid be kept from their dad, but they will probably be raised in an environment where the mother constantly badmouths him, therefore creating even MORE issues in that poor child’s mind – but it doesn’t have to be like that.

I have absolutely ZERO respect for a man or woman that would help alienate their child’s other-parent from their life simply out of frustration and anger. At some point YOU need to be mature enough to understand that your child’s life is BIGGER than YOUR desire for vengeance, and do what’s in THEIR best interest. This is NOT about taking the man’s side, or the woman’s side – it’s about understanding that the CHILD’S mental and emotional well-being trumps whatever argument they’re having.

This Is Your Conscience

p.s. If you would like to donate to Richard’s cause, please visit his Indiegogo page HERE and give what you’re comfortable with.

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

18 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    01/07/2013 at 4:06 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, besides fear of abuse, do you think there's other good reasons for a parent to keep a GOOD parent away from their child?

  2. petersburgh

    01/07/2013 at 5:59 AM

    I can't think of any (negative influence might work but that's so opinionated sometimes not sure it can be determined accurately). I've seen this happen before and it sickens me. I had a friend years ago that wanted to do that and I told her if she purposely does this it will be the last day we talked as friends. I also had male friends who I told the same to because they didn't want to support their child to the best of their ability. Children are too innocent to suffer from the idiocy of seemingly "mature adults".

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      01/07/2013 at 12:26 PM

      Real talk.

  3. mena

    01/07/2013 at 9:52 AM

    I would like to know what steps has he taken with the courts. Does he have a blog?

  4. Ann Willis

    01/07/2013 at 11:40 AM

    Am I missing something here? What state is this? Why is he going to trial so soon? You would have to be denied first by the judge in court before you go to trial. You don't just go straight to trial first.

    Does his ex-wife have an attorney? Is this the reason he needs one?

    If he is clean as a whistle and his ex-wife can't provide the judge any evidence that he is a bad father, then the judge would have no choice but to grant him rights. The statement "she doesn't think he really wants to spend as much time as he indicated" is not sufficient enough in court.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      01/07/2013 at 12:25 PM

      Ann, this is not in the U.S. it's here in Canada and it appears that he will be going to trial. Obviously I'm not going to put ALL of the business about the case out there, but the reality is that it does not include violence or anything that could endanger the child.

      What you are missing here is that one parent is attempting to cut out the other parent out of the child's life. Regardless of what any of us think about his chances in the trial, the point remains that no parent should do that to any of their children.

      • Ann Willis

        01/07/2013 at 5:55 PM

        No, Lincoln, I get THAT point. But to sit around and talk about how it's not right or fair is not going to fix anything. He has a very upset ex-wife who is going for blood and this happens too many times. My concern is more for the child to began a stable relationship with his father as soon as possible.

        My point was I didn't understand why he was going to trial so soon. But in Canada, I guess that's how it works. Here in the US, you can file for visitation or/and joint custody and go before a judge within a month or so. If a judge denies visitation or custody, which means there was some type of evidence to condemn him an unfit parent. He could then ask for an appeal and ask for a trial.

        I feel for him. I truly do. We can sit here and call the ex-wife bitter and mean all day. I don't understand while they were getting a divorce, why he didn't make sure he had joint-custody or visitation for his child at that time. That would have easily been granted to him at that time.

        • Ann Willis

          01/07/2013 at 6:00 PM

          I'm sorry he is Canada, because it just wouldn't be the same situation here in the states with our court system, surprisingly. This entire situation is terrible and I wish him the best and pray everything works out for him and his son.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          01/07/2013 at 7:53 PM

          To be honest, I'm not trying to focus on his ex-wife's actions, I just hope he can get a little support towards remaining in his child's life.

  5. MistaHarsh

    01/07/2013 at 3:12 PM

    Its sad that he now has to spend so much money to fight this. Some fathers/mothers don't have the resources and instead opted out reluctantly of their child's life.

    I have a friend who is going through a divorce and a "claim" was made about substance abuse and now he has to give hair follicle samples to prove he's clean of all drugs(alcohol). The claim is inacurrate but how can he prove he doesn't abuse alcohol unless he can prove that he does not consume ANY alcohol. I'm not sure what this guy's wife has said but its probably something that he told to his wife in confidence(they were married happily at one point) and now she is using that information to jam him up.

    The only people winning here are the Judges and lawyers who get paid off of people's spitefulness.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      01/07/2013 at 7:54 PM

      Co-sign that last sentence 100%. Some lawyers are out here talking people out of reconciling just for the business.

  6. RBarrett

    01/07/2013 at 4:10 PM

    My comments.

    Keep in mind that there are legal limitations to what I will say. My ex and I initially tried mediation – which is cheaper than a lawyer. We did this because the actual legal issues behind our separation and divorce are straightforward and not that hard to resolve. Unfortunately my ex decided to break off mediation talks. I believe it was because I wouldn't just cave in to all of her demands.

    After that I had to engage a lawyer. Almost immediately my lawyer drafted a separation agreement that outlined custody (she wants sole, I want joint/shared) and division of property. There have been various incidents, some ratchet, that have delayed and prolonged the legal process. I personally think she has wanted to bleed money from me. For example she has frequently put forth letters from her lawyer outlining what I've felt were outlandish claims and accusations. Because all of these claims become part of the legal record I have no choice but to respond to them through my lawyer. My lawyer's bill is $360+/hr. That adds up.

    @Ann Willis in Ontario, Canada the order for resolution goes like this:
    1. Out of court solution.
    2. Mediated solution. usually with lawyers to draft the separation agreement.
    3. Lawyer mediated solution.
    4. Court mediated solution with lawyers present.
    5. Court date set, if no separation agreement is ready by court date, then a trial date is set.

    We are at #5. My ex has done whatever she could to NOT sign anything. No signed interim agreements, nothing. This has allowed her to cherry pick whatever documents my lawyer has sent her way and only abide by whatever she chooses.

    I want an ironclad agreement that doesn't allow for silly wiggle room. I'm far from perfect but as far as what's required by law I am never going to be excluded from my child's life.

    I can't begin to tell you how depressing this is. Clinically depressing. My kid has been my only hope on some days, the only one pulling me through. I just want to move beyond this. This public plea has been hard from someone who guards his privacy religiously.

    • MistaHarsh

      01/07/2013 at 6:29 PM

      " For example she has frequently put forth letters from her lawyer outlining what I've felt were outlandish claims and accusations. Because all of these claims become part of the legal record I have no choice but to respond to them through my lawyer."

      Pretty much…I feel for you and wish you luck. I hope that you're able to see you child in the meantime if not at least make phone calls.

    • Ann Willis

      01/07/2013 at 7:34 PM

      I do wish you luck and I will spread the word for your cause. I apologize, I didn't know how the court system worked in Canada. It's not as difficult for men here in the states to be granted visitation unless it's proof they are unfit. The craziest cases I've seen was Dwayne Wade and Usher drama with their ex-wives and they both ended up with full custody of their kids. Will definitely pray for you.

      • RBarrett

        01/07/2013 at 7:58 PM

        I DO see my son now on a regular schedule. But my ex is looking to claw that time back while I want more time. Equal time.

        It's bizarre especially considering how many single woman always complain about the fathers not being around.

        Here I am. Let me be around.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      01/07/2013 at 7:56 PM

      If there's anything more I can do please let me know bruh.

  7. Mr Dad

    02/18/2013 at 9:38 PM

    So you are will to spend over 30K on court fees, instead of saving that money for your Child's education? I understand you deserve equal rights, but how society set up – if your child is not dying due to lack of food or proper healthcare for a life threatening disease, no donations for you. Save your pride, be strong for that child and you will be respected – even if you cannot get 50/50 custody. You can still be a good father.

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