I have a homegirl who constantly finds really cool dudes to date (smart, handsome, funny, etc.) – except they are usually saddled with one annoying downfall: Some serious part of their life is in shambles. Now, a person with sense would approach someone with a complicated and rocky life VERY CAUTIOUSLY and may even back off until that person can get their life in order – but NOT my homegirl. When she initially starts dating a dude and falls for his good attributes, the second she starts learning about his turbulent-ass life, she comes to a reckless and completely self-sabotaging conclusion: MY love can help him overcome these issues and we can do it TOGETHER as a TEAM. People, this is NOT the way to approach this scenario.
And the worst part is it’s NOT just her, because I have other homegirls and even some dudes who are guilty of doing this mess too. Because I care about them so much, I usually try to do whatever I can to prevent them from making a STUPID ASS relationship decision like dating someone they think they can HELP just off the strength of their love and affection. And the reason I want them to avoid making that mistake, is because I WISH someone told ME to avoid making that mistake MANY years ago.
Many, MANY years ago, I fell for a beautiful, fit and hilarious Guyanese girl and instantly knew I wanted to explore a serious relationship with her. About a month later, we had a long talk and she revealed all her personal, family problems to me, MOST of which had an adverse affect on her ability to be in a healthy relationship with me. I thought my heart and richard would be enough to help her through her rough patch, but she didn’t need a man – she needed a therapist – and by me trying to be a boyfriend/therapist all I did was take on the stress of her own issues. Every time she had a fight with her family I tried to put on my cape and rescue her ass. If she was upset about her personal life, I grabbed my Thor hammer and tried to put out any fires she was having. I figured, this is what you’re SUPPOSE to do for someone you care about. I was out here acting my richard was a life-stabilizing syringe.
What I didn’t realize is that sometimes the best thing you can do for someone you care about is let them walk away from the relationship so they can go get the help they need or take time to let things settle.
By no means is this rant meant to discourage people from falling in love with men and women going through tough times (I mean, who isn’t going through some rough sh*t in their lives?) but it’s just meant to add a different perspective to all of our intrinsic thought-processes. When you begin dating someone who is dealing with some serious issues, you need to understand that your LOVE is not going to be enough to FIX that person AND their problems. Either accept them and their flawed situation AS IS and be cautiously optimistic, or find yourself bearing the brunt of their mental and emotional problems, because at the end of the day, guess who ALL that drama and BS is getting dumped on?
This Is Your Conscience