Nobody Is “Too Sexy To Be Single”

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The one thing I will readily admit about my homegirls is that I have some very attractive female friends. Although we are platonic friends and I don’t want anything to do with them from a relationship standpoint, I can definitely see how other men can lose their damn minds in the presence of these women. Whenever we go out to lounges, parties and other public functions, they get the typical attention that attractive women normally do, but things get really weird when we go to more private events. If we’re at a family cook-out, a birthday party or some other small event with family and friends, it’s inevitable that someone will approach one of my homegirls, compliment her and then make an offhand comment about how lucky her (nonexistent) man is. My friend will usually respond by stating she doesn’t have a man, which will be followed by the comment “What?! Girl, you are FAR too pretty to be single!”

Now I’ve heard this comment so many times that I’ve managed to write it off as a new way to compliment someone. I figured that the words were somewhat meaningless and just were uttered in a good-natured and fun way. But something weird happened at the last get together we went to – a woman said that NOT as an empty-compliment, but as a serious point.

After my friend revealed to her that she’s single (as usual), this random lady responded by saying “Dear, you are WAY too pretty to be single. An attractive woman like you should already be married with kids! What’s wrong love?”

My homegirl was FROZE and didn’t know what to do, so she looked over at me like “This is so awkward! Help!” and like a good friend, I looked over to her like “You on your own chick!”, and I bolted into the kitchen leaving her standing in the hallway being interrogated by someone’s nosey-ass auntie. I definitely did not want ANY part of that conversation, but as I stood by the stove, I thought about ALL the times I’ve heard people make that “too pretty to be single” comment and wondered if they actually felt like that insane older woman. I mean, people don’t actually think that one’s physical appearance is a direct correlative factor to their ability to be a good partner - right?

Well, apparently I was wrong because that personal-space-invading woman is not the ONLY person who thinks like that. Far too many people subscribe to the belief that a person’s level of physical attractiveness is indicative of their worth as a partner – and that couldn’t be FURTHER from the truth. This belief is not only prevalent in dating, but modern western civilization as a whole, as we typically expect “more attractive people” to be more successful (especially when it’s reinforced by scholarly essays).

Honestly, when it comes to dating, being attractive is a MAJOR plus, but that does NOT guarantee that one has the necessary skills to be a good partner to someone else. Some people are too selfish, bitter, combative, entitled or downright ignorant to be in a healthy relationship right now, and those skills are completely independent on how sexy they are.

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Interestingly enough, men also hear “you’re too handsome to be single!” which is hilarious because it either presumes his good looks equate to him being a good man, OR that women are so thirsty for a handsome man that it doesn’t matter HOW he actually acts in order for her to want to be with him. That last part I HOPE is not true for the sake of easily-embittered women who will get played by a dude OBVIOUSLY using her, and then turn around and say some sh*t like “ALL MEN AIN’T WORTH A DAMN!”

Also, being attractive AND a good person doesn’t mean that finding someone is SIMPLE. Yes it way be easier, but finding a QUALITY partner will ALWAYS take work and we’ve seen enough GORGEOUS single people go in and out of multiple relationships to know that. Hell, being attractive doesn’t even mean you are SEARCHING for someone, as many folks are out here enjoying the single life.

So if you are reading this, and you’ve ever uttered the phrase “you’re too pretty to be single”, please STOP IT - NOBODY is too pretty to be single. And as the saying goes…

“No matter how good they look, someone, somewhere is tired of their sh*t.”

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.

25 Comments

  1. lincolnanthonyblades

    05/31/2013 at 4:42 AM

    Ladies & Gentlemen, let's have an HONEST conversation right now – have you noticed any difference in behaviour between the more attractive people you've dated and the less attractive? Y'all don't gotta be PC, let's just keep it 100.

    • petersburgh

      05/31/2013 at 6:24 AM

      I didn't know people took that joke/compliment so serious. We say it down here but jokingly or if we want to be honest, get a conversation going out of the person. I don't believe in the statement at all as I said we take it as a joke here but I'm actually a bit taken back that people seriously think this

      The only difference I find in behaviour between the more and less attractive people I've dated/had is that the more do less work. The least attractive tried harder to please you etc but I'm not that the more attractive didn't try at all though

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        05/31/2013 at 2:02 PM

        Ugly people out here busting their ass…damn is that why I work so hard??

        • Adonis

          05/31/2013 at 2:10 PM

        • petersburgh

          05/31/2013 at 2:12 PM

          I'm not too sure about that Lincoln lol but that's how it was in my experienceSent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

          • Dorothy

            05/20/2014 at 5:31 AM

            That’s a posting full of ingiths!

    • Klassik84

      06/03/2013 at 11:41 PM

      You ever here people say cute kids get away with misbehaving more? Well those cute ass kids grow up to be cute ass adults. Some of them grow out of the entitlement phase and others stay in it, "like I'm cute so you should accept all my ish cause it's a shortness of cute out here". Really we as a society perpetuate the very ideas we despise.

  2. Smilez_920

    05/31/2013 at 9:16 AM

    The " your too pretty to be single" line is usually use as a pick up line or a compliment by some. But lately especially with all the " woman are wrong, you defective if your single" commentary that these blogs and relationship experts are putting out there , I can see how some get offend by the phrase or kind of freeze up.

    While looks are important , they don't make the whole meal. If looks were a food they'd be the appetizer, something to get your appetite going but not enough to full you up.

    Nobody is too pretty or ugly to be in a relationship. If you feel that your looks should give you first choice in being in a relationship then you need to reevaluate . Also I wish ppl would stop trying to make being single seem like some type of disease or disability when a women states her relationship status. Pretty or not being single really just means you haven't found the right person to mesh with yet. That's all. Also lets not forget quality over quantity. A pretty women could have 10 men chasing after her right now. 7 of them probably just want to "fuck". That levels 3. 1 might be semi interested but could care less where it goes. Which now levels 2 who are honestly interested on getting to know her . And even win those odds they still have to actually have chemistry / like each other.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/31/2013 at 2:04 PM

      Just for the record, women are harder on other women for being single. Y'all need to stop that.

      • NurseJilly

        05/31/2013 at 3:07 PM

        Agree 100% My 3 sisters give me the hardest time…

  3. Adonis

    05/31/2013 at 9:21 AM

    I am mad that you left your fine azz homegirl dangling in the wind. That is the crux of this post.

    At least you are consistent when it comes to feminist ideology.

    Takeaways:

    1. Halo Effect we subsconsciously ascribe good qualities to good looking people. Maturity helps you get over that.

    2. Just because you are attractive, you still can't be lazy, and you still cannot be vapid.

    Being attractive can be a handicap, because the world gives you what most people have to work for. The breeding ground for complexes.

    All in all, if you are a marriage-minded unmarried attractive human being, no way you can be single without you engineering it to a large degree.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/31/2013 at 2:00 PM

      "Being attractive can be a handicap, because the world gives you what most people have to work for. The breeding ground for complexes. "

      Agreed.

      But how am I consistent when it comes to feminist ideology?

      • Adonis

        05/31/2013 at 2:16 PM

        I am not answering your question. Because for me, it is insufficient data.

        Because you have in the past talk how treat as accountable, responsible human being who can handle themselves independent of male authority.

        And this scenario, assuming it is true, demonstrates how consistent you are.

        I don't give women that much credit. But, if I run into the occasional Olivia Pope, I would give her all the rope in the world!

        Other women I would let them get water in the lungs a bit before I come to their rescue.

        The gender thing didn't bother me at all. Allowing her to speak for herself is commendable.

        But as a friend, you'd think you would bail a friend out every so often. Well damn.

        Good day.

        • lincolnanthonyblades

          05/31/2013 at 2:39 PM

          Man running up in a convo with an old Black woman was just gonna get my ass in the cross hairs! I'm about preservation!

  4. NurseJilly

    05/31/2013 at 12:26 PM

    Thank you for this post!!

    I hate hearing that from people. I've been single for almost 3 years and I stayed that way not because I couldn't get a man but because I knew I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I envisioned spending the rest of my life with my ex so when things didn't work out it was a huge adjustment and that doesn't happen over night. Now that I finally feel ready to date we'll see what happens….

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/31/2013 at 2:01 PM

      Good luck Jilly…it's a FROWSY jungle out here!

      • NurseJilly

        05/31/2013 at 3:08 PM

        LMAO! Thank you sir :)

  5. Paul B.

    05/31/2013 at 12:33 PM

    I don't say that at all. Truth be told, I don't even ask why they are single anymore, because I know if I listen long enough, they'll tell me even if they don't intend to. A person that is single by choice isn't the same as a person who's single by force, and the way they talk about it is often completely different.

    • lincolnanthonyblades

      05/31/2013 at 2:02 PM

      "I don't say that at all. Truth be told, I don't even ask why they are single anymore, because I know if I listen long enough, they'll tell me even if they don't intend to."

      Yup, and sometimes they'll SHOW you.

  6. lincolnanthonyblades

    05/31/2013 at 2:04 PM

    Interesting how everyone except petersburgh ignored my question!

    • NurseJilly

      05/31/2013 at 3:15 PM

      LOL.. I got all fired up @ the topic and neglected the question.

      I think there can be a difference in attitudes when someone is really attractive although I haven't experienced it in a relationship. One of my sisters is 5'2, thin and blonde and has men falling @ her feet constantly. She would kill me if she knew I was writing this right now but she does have a much different attitude than I do especially when it comes to men.

    • Paul B.

      05/31/2013 at 4:58 PM

      This is going to sound pretentious, but I've never had an unattractive or a lesser attractive girlfriend. (At least while we were together.) I hadn't seen one in a while so I don't know how good time has been to her. But that one was indeed insecure though.

      • lincolnanthonyblades

        06/01/2013 at 4:08 PM

        It's funny how insecure some attractive women are.

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