Why Wait Until You’re In Love To Reveal Who You Really Are?!

Right now I’m thanking Black baby Jesus for bringing back House of Lies for the next couple months, which should tide me over until Game of Thrones start. Why am I so thankful you ask? Because Brothers With No Game recently had their season two finale – which means I won’t get my regular fix of my UK friends (these ninjas feel like my boys at this point) until the next season begins. Like I’ve said, Brothers With No Game is not only my favourite web series, I think it’s hands-down the best web series on the internet and I DON’T want to preface that with any minimizing title like “Black” or “relationships” or “UK”.  They’re simply the best.

Check out the season 2 finale below:

That episode embodied a theme I’ve been preaching at people for some time now that seems to always receive a lot of backlash. While a lot of people define the success of the early stages of a relationship by how smoothly it goes, I believe that the start of the dating period should be somewhat rocky. That’s not to say that I believe both people should be at each other’s throats and wanting to kill each other, and if you’re happy with the person you’re dating then you’re disillusioned. What I’m saying is that the start of the dating period is the perfect time to reveal who you really are, what issues you’re dealing with and what potential problems you see forming on the horizon between you and that person. I know far too many people who believe that when you begin dating someone, both people should go out of their way to make sure things run as smooth as possible, but what the hell is the point of that?

When Junior started dating Remy, the dumbass mistake he made was believing that Vanessa was so far removed from his life geographically, that he didn’t need to address how close she still was to him emotionally. He LOVED everything about her and stayed crying himself to sleep every night she wasn’t around. Now he didn’t have to reveal his deep personal issues to her on their first-date (at a restaurant FAR outside his pay grade), but once they started dating and both of them realized that they LIKED each other, THAT was the perfect time to start coming clean about shit, before that LIKE turns into LOVE. All Junior had to do was tell Remy that he wants to take things very slow with her, because he’s still getting over a rough break-up. That’s all he would’ve had to say to alert Remy that there are some red flags that she needs to be wary of, and she could prepare herself from getting blindsided.

Personally, I’m a big proponent of keeping it 100 with people when they are essentially strangers or new friends. Yes, I will tell you that I may not be over my ex, and I’m using this date to help a brother move on. Yes, I will tell you that my finances are messed up because I recently lost my job. Yes, I will tell you all of that because I have no emotions invested in you yet, so you walking out the door is fine by me. But once you start trying to reflect the image of the perfect person, you start crafting a picture of yourself that is far from the reality. And it’s a BITCH trying to remember and live your lies on a daily basis. But, even worse than that, eventually the TRUTH is going to come to the surface, and if that happens when you’re now in love with this person, you’re officially screwed.

If Junior was upfront about his lingering feelings for his ex right at the start of dating Remy, chances are a smart woman like her would have been reluctant to date him so fast, so when he relapsed into Vanessa’s nani, it might NOT have been such a big deal because they probably wouldn’t be dating, and his feelings for both women would be open to everyone involved. Instead, he tried to front like his emotions for Vanessa were on some Omarion “an icebox is where my heart use to be” shit, when he actually still had some feelings for her (even if they were all below his belt).

Truth is, it’s better to put all your cards on the table right at the beginning of dating a new person, as opposed to bringing out your representative and giving off a bullshit image of yourself. Because once that character front eventually dissipates and the REAL you comes out while you’re in LOVE with this person, it just makes things a MILLION times messier.

This Is Your Conscience

p.s. Brothers With No Game Seasons 1 & 2 will air on new TV channel London Live this Spring. Congratulations to the entire team!

Lincoln Anthony Blades can be found on Twitter at @LincolnABlades and on Instagram at @ThisIsYourConscience