*This week, as I return to regularly blogging about Relationships, I’ve decided to create a 5 part/step series called “Don’t Let Social Media FUCK Over Your Love Life” where I will be examining, in succession, the important things folks need to know in order to avoid letting their social media tendencies and hangups negatively transition over into their own relationships (or attempts to get into one). Here’s step #2.
Let me type this as clearly and as forcefully as I possible can, because I’ve been screaming this sentiment from the rooftops for YEARS and there’s still a large contigent of people who read my site, who still don’t get this:
THERE’S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A PRIVATE RELATIONSHIP AND A SECRET RELATIONSHIP.
In fact, this was one of the first topics I EVER spoke about on my R&B: Relationships & Bullsh*t Podcast:
*Although the advice in the clip was directed primarily at women, I’m well aware that there are many women who also prefer lowkey relationships
The one thing I’ve learned about being on social media in the last 3 years, is that oversharing is a large part of growing your public profile and posting entertaining your followers. For some people, this means posting pics/videos of every inch of their naked ass. For some people, this means posting a million selfies, or videos of them lip synching every, annoying-ass song on the radio (let me see another “Hotline Bling” lip-sync video again and I’m emailing your smartphone an incurable virus). For some people that means constantly keeping Facebook updated with every mundane thought that runs through their head. And, for some people, oversharing means providing their random-ass followers with countless details about their love life – and THAT’S precisely where shit goes left. Step #2 to NOT letting social media FUCK over your love life is coming to the understanding that the intimate and emotional details you go through as a couple do NOT need to be shared to your followers timelines. It’s OK to keep your deepest and most intense feelings private.
In fact, I ENCOURAGE you to do that.
Look, if you want to post cute pics of you together online, that’s cool IF your significant other agrees that it’s fine. If you want to share important life events (i.e. pregnancy, engagement, etc.) on social media, once again, that’s cool IF your significant other has no problem with it. But, the second you start posting transcripts of your arguments on Facebook, ot start recording your disagreements and posting them on Instagram, YOU FUCKED UP. No matter how open you are, or are meticulous you are with keeping your account locked and only available to friends and family, by sharing your private business out in the open, you now give every Tom, Dick and Raheem the ability to opine on your love life – and they will do just that.
And your ass is the one that will look crazy as hell when you start cussing folks out online for asking if you and your significant other made up after he smashed his side chick, when it’s YOU who provided them with that information in the first damn place.
The truth is, relationships are roller coasters with constant ups and downs. One minute things are great, and the next minute you want to choke each other out – until you make up hours later. But what you post on social media lives forever, long after the momentary emotions you felt when you posted that status dissipate. That private picture you posted lives online forever, even after you both decide that that was a moment that should’ve been kept between you two. Just because you exercise discernment over what you choose to keep private, it doesn’t mean you need to feel ashamed as if you’re keeping them secret. It just means you’re a logical adult who realizes that your relationship doesn’t need a bag of Steve Harvey’s peeping on you every second of the day.
The less people that know your business, the better.
This Is Your Conscience