This time, last week, The Game was on Instagram praising women who “respected” themselves enough to not hop on Instagram twerking, showing off their asses and attention whoring. Yes, the same Game who posts ballsack bulges on the very same app he is now criticizing women for using.
Besides his obtuse hypocrisy and the fact that he somehow believes an IG model can’t also be a hard-working, educated, professional woman (them lame-ass binaries, doe), what’s truly troubling about The Game’s post is how he identified good-girl behaviour as the lone gateway to finding a man – which, apparently, is supposed to be women’s REAL goal in life. But The Game’s mentality is neither unique nor new, and as a man who used to believe in that bullshit like it was the gospel, I’m here to shed some light on why that shit may sound good, but is truly predicated in problematic, douchebag ideology.
Ladies, the truth of the matter is this: the men most likely to pop off about a woman’s morality don’t give a shit about your civility and gallantness, they only care about your ability to bend and twist yourself into something amenable to them.
When I was younger, the number one phrase my boys and I constantly used in reference to marriage/getting in a serious relationship was, “when I’m ready to settle down, I’mma find me a good girl.” While, on the surface, that statement appears seemingly innocuous, my boys and I were doing a lot of bullshit with women who didn’t fit our narrowly confined views of what a “good girl” was. We hung with, praised, dated, smashed, and even impregnated, the same women we chided for being “loose”, all while imagining that once we got this shit “out of our system” we will make sure to settle down with the good, smart, intelligent, self-respecting girl who wasn’t dancing on the bar at the club or getting ran through by random dudes. But, amidst revelling in these musty activities with women we intrinsically considered “less than” wifey status, a frightening thought enters the minds of most men:
“What if, after I’m done banging these hoes, I start looking for a good girl – but there are none left?”
It’s a sobering-ass question to many immature men, which is instantly followed by the most hilarious mentality ever: false morality. Dudes, who have made frowsy behaviour a regular part of their lives are, all of a sudden, incredibly passionate about the state of respectable women. Men who haven’t contributed a damn thing to the propagation of proper society, are now ranting and raving about the reduction of available good girls which is interesting, because if we were so damn inclined to be with them, why push it to some arbitrary future date, instead of being good men to them now?
The answer to that question is simple as hell – we just don’t want to. What we WANT to do is run the streets penetrating anything that moves, behaving however we want, and having fun in whatever manner we see fit. But we fear that if women are allowed to do the same, they will become, well, us. And, in the mind of these men, when a woman behaves equally to a man, she becomes less than him. To most men, his equal isn’t the woman who acts like him, it’s the woman who is intrinsically purer than him. And it’s easy to maintain that mindset when you see a woman not as a person, but more as a possession. We begin to think, ‘how can we make sure that some women remain virtuous so we can date them AFTER we’re finished fucking random pussy?’
The answer to that: HOPE & SHAME.
Since society has been stigmatizing women for being loose since before we were born, we go out of our way to employ that strategy to a select number of women so they can stay chaste – you know, until we’re ready to fuck the shit out of them. This method includes finding and creating all sorts of terms to denigrate sexually active, experimental and curious women such as ho, whore, slut, boomie, skettel and thot in order to scare women into walking a straight and narrow path. (of course not ALL women, because then who would we fuck in the meantime?)
And after scaring the SHIT out of women by making them believe that their “bad” behaviour can result in them acquiring the irreparably damaging title of “hoe”, we insert some HOPE to keep them happy about walking the “right” path. And that’s where you get Game’s Instagram post. It’s not predicated on a man’s desire to see women be Godly and proper (shit, many men spend most of their teenage years trying to talk women OUT of being that so we can smash), it’s about our desire to create a good girl in a glass case – a case we can break in an emergency (i.e. when we tire of smashing “unworthy” women).
The good girl in the glass case is someone men respect not for her chastity, but rather for her obedience. Once again, since she’s essentially an ideal and a possession, we desire her in the way that we desire a used car: low-mileage and easy to maintain. We want her to be our unstained, flawless pile of clay that we can mould into whatever image we like. Basically, we want a woman we can control the way Kilgrave controls Jessica Jones.
If that sounds hypocritical, disgusting and fucked up to you, good, because it’s just as bad as it sounds.
Look, I’m not saying that there are not good dudes out there who genuinely want to see women AND men do better for themselves and avoid the pitfalls of overindulging in fuckery. I’m sure those men exist, but they are not the men who are out here explicitly and happily participating in the same behaviour they so easily shame women for. The men who do that bullshit aren’t looking to upgrade the respectability of women – they are looking for women able to maintain a state of willing servitude until they’re called upon. But, hey if you want to keep believing The Game (and dudes like him) are here to make you better women, keep playing good girl for them – and I’m sure they’ll get around to you when they’re finished.
This Is Your Conscience