Earlier tonight, I read a post on Facebook that kinda upset me. Although I get what dude was trying to say, and I believe there is some merit in the overall thought behind his post, the nuances of his thought pattern actually really disturbed me.
Here’s the post:
A cursory reading of his sentiment would lead one to believe that he is simply a grown-ass man who believes other men, who are suffering through what I refer to as a “second-childhood” (i.e. grown ass men still trying to deceive women so they can boost their bedpost notches), need to grow up and embrace maturity and responsibility. Hell, that might simply be the main point behind his rant, but what felt off about his comments was that he believes to embrace the concept of love and family, one must start sacrificing their own goals, dreams and hustle.
Man, FUCK that.
I am a man who is currently focused on my dreams, my visions and my desires. I’m also a 30+ year old man who LOVES hanging with my boys and playing Madden 16 every now and then (although this years version is TRASH) – but I’m also in a loving relationship with a woman I care for deeply. And, the truth is, my affection for her and the life plan we have set up for each other doesn’t require that I sacrifice myself in order to embrace her closer, because our adoration is predicated on the fact that we have helped enhance each other’s personal dreams. As a man who never felt comfortable really letting women into the deepest realms of my personal aspirations, what makes this relationship so damn real to me is the fact that I’ve found a partner to accompany me on the road I’ve been walking alone for so long. What makes it work is the fact that I haven’t been given an ultimatum between being my authentic self and fulfilling some random-ass, arbitrary definition of what “a grown man” is supposed to be.
I HATE when people attempt to impose their definition of what defines an adult on to other people, because it’s typically predicated on some boring, outdated, misandrist/misogynistic fuckery. It’s folks saying BS like, “a grown man is supposed to be home every night at 6 PM and a grown woman is supposed to make sure dinner’s on the table,” and then asserting that everyone who doesn’t like that, or want that, is intellectually and emotionally immature.
Well, the truth is, real love is not about conforming, falling in line and following the beaten path – unless that is naturally the life path you would be on, on your own. If you love to travel, backpack around weird-ass countries and try different strains of kush, real love isn’t about giving that shit up for atypical movie date nights and conversations about 401k’s and the fastest routes to the office – it’s about finding someone who wants to take that path with you. If you want to take over the world, true love isn’t about finding someone who only wants you to take over the block – it’s about finding someone who wants to rule Earth with you.
Once again, I realize I’m parsing his words to the bone, and I do believe that there was truly good intent behind his motives on posting this (because there has been an undeniable influx of fuckboys into our society), but his thinking reveals a critical blind spot that far too many so-called “grown ups” suffer from. Fellas, don’t give up your dreams due to the threat of possible loneliness in the future. That’s a stupid fucking reason to abandon your personal happiness. And, when read in reverse, it does sound like some truly sexist bullshit to tell any straight person.
True love is best achieved on the path towards your dreams. The second you believe being”grown” means sacrificing the goals you’ve shed blood, sweat and tears for, you will find yourself in a shitty relationship where you will not only resent your significant other but, more importantly, you’ll end up resenting yourself. The path towards your dream wasn’t made to be sacrificed for love, it was meant to be shared with the person you love.
This Is Your Conscience