The New FUCKBOY National Pastime: Debating Fantasy Cheating Sex Scenarios

First, allow me to premise this article by stating that I have NEVER used the term FUCKBOY in any article I’ve ever written online or in any conversation I’ve had offline, but for this piece the term was apropos. 

Here’s thing ladies, us men, we think about sex so often that it’s simply an automatic natural reflex for many of us. And, sometimes, it goes in and out of our minds so quickly that we don’t even truly register what popped into our heads. We can be sitting on the bus, see a woman with big titties walk on and find ourselves instantaneously imagining her topless, riding us while she moans in our ears – and then snap out of it a moment later to continue thinking about whether or football team had a good draft or not. It also works in reverse sometimes, when an elderly woman with a prosthetic leg and a severe limp strolls by our desk at the office and we wonder what it would be like to have that metallic limb wrapped around our shoulders in the piledriver position – which then sends us into a shame-spiral of self disgust, where we start thinking about anything else to drive that thought out of our minds.

Basically, the point I’m trying to make is that it’s natural for dudes to think about sex and, to be frank, it’s just as natural for women to think about sex because y’all do it just as much as we do (but, that’s another topic for another day.) What ISN’T natural is, what has become, the new FUCKBOY national pastime: debating fantasy cheating sex scenarios.

This is where FUCKBOY A scours the net for some video-vixen/Instagram model chick in a freaky-ass position, hops on his expired trial version of Adobe Photoshop and enters some inane, ridiculous, only-happens in Tyler Perry movies scenario and shares it with FUCKBOYS B through Z to debate how they would handle the situation.

Exhibit A:



Although it was completely ridiculous, it was somewhat funny – at first. It provided a snapshot into men’s minds and how they view the sanctity of their current relationship. Although these scenarios, and the men who answer them, NEVER ponder whether or not the woman would even be receptive to our frowsy asses as if we’re all some panty-moistening amalgamation of Idris Elba, Prince and the dude that plays Thor in the Marvel movies, they were appropriately corny and it was left at that.

But now these piece of shit “meme-questions” are floating all over Instagram and Twitter, and dudes are really out here putting their hearts into these answers like these model chicks are just dying to fuck a nigga stealing wi-fi from next door to post inane bullshit at 3:30 in the afternoon. I mean, dudes are really out here having full on e-beefs on some ‘pull up and meet me in Temecula’ type-shit, over a fucking fantasy sex scenario that won’t happen to their still-paying-for-porn-in-2016 asses.

And now that these dudes are realizing that these stupid-ass debates are filled with more balls than a batting cage, the new trick is to aim the question at women – despite the fact that the memes are getting stupider and stupider everyday.

Take in Exhibit B for example:


In what fucking world with a fit, curvy dimepiece with 2 master’s degrees, a 6 figure job, a house and a car need to be a side piece to ANY idiot reading this bullshit on Facebook, knowing that your ass looks like Robin Harris in Bebe’s Kids?

Debating fantasy cheating sex scenarios has become the official FUCKBOY pastime. It’s so funny how musty dudes are willing to put so much thought, effort and consideration into whether or not they’d fuck their theoretical girlfriends imaginary sister if she was somehow doing hot yoga in the middle of his bachelor apartment, but can’t put any actual mental energy into sustaining a healthy relationship with a blood-and-flesh woman.

Get a life, and detach from the mindless fuckery on the net,  and you’ll find that there are actually REAL women out in the world who are looking to have substantive relationships with men who aren’t trapped in their second childhood.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.