Why I’m Disappointed In Malia Obama

A couple days I got an e-mail from an acquaintance who reads this blog and often suggests topics I should write about. The title of the email was “WILD MALIA OBAMA TWERKS AND SHOWS HER ASS ON CAMERA!” and my immediate reaction was:

I instantly knew that regardless of what was actually on this video, once again, the racist and spiteful conservative right was about to use the president’s daughter as a means of impugning his leadership because, at this point, it’s their only way for them to criticize the man.

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I knew that whatever was on the other side of that link was fuel for xenophobic, sexist, patriarchal, puritanical bullshit – but I had to see for myself. Based on the overtly licentious-ass title, I actually expected to see her doing some shit like THIS:

But, here’s what I actually saw:

Oh, and this too:

It was at this point that I felt a deep disappointment in the oldest Obama daughter. As much as I tried to see things from her side, I just couldn’t understand no matter how hard I tried. I was so dissatisfied at what I just saw, and it hurt my soul.

WHY IN THE WORLD DID HER WHINE LOOK SO RASS STIFF?!

Wait, did you think I was going to say I’m disappointed in her because her “behaviour” is supposed to be more “becoming”? FUCK THAT.

Now, in the interest of being open and honest, as I write this article I’m sitting at a large oak table in St. George, Barbados a day after Crop Over. After engaging in 10 straight days of total shellin’, wukkin’ up and watching women bruk off their back, I guess I just had higher hopes that when Malia Obama touch down – the whole place shell down.

But, I’m not TOO disappointed because I honestly feel like she just needs to download a one-two carnival mixtapes and practice how to ‘squat and guh dung’ in her university dorm room, and she’ll be good to go in no time.

After I emailed the woman back that exact sentiment, her next response clearly indicated to me that she didn’t feel the same way I did. In fact, I would go as far as saying that she was upset that Malia Obama wasn’t acting “proper” enough, and that she felt Malia wasn’t representing her family in a manner befitting of the office her dad holds. She kept using words like “they” and “them”, like ‘what are THEY gonna think’, and ‘she’s proving THEM right.’ Now I know by ‘they’ and ‘them’ she didn’t mean the Grand Kadooment judges evaluating the bands as they cross the stage. What she meant is this:

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In her mind (and, I presume, many other Black folks as well), Malia “let down” herself and her family for momentarily lapsing from some perceived obligation to comforting white masses with her unflinching respectability. Mind you, we’re talking about an 18-year-old woman who is NOT the president, and who does NOT hold an elected office. Well, my response to that is simply this: you can get the entire FUCK out of my face with that respectable-negro-politics BULLSHIT because that is the biggest race-hustle ever created.

The people who propagate the fallacious ideology that Black folks will achieve greater success, admiration and upward mobility by constricting themselves to appeal to white people are dangerously unfamiliar with white supremacy and how it works. White supremacy isn’t predicated on rewarding people of colour willing to make minute professional capitulations – it’s a system established on perpetually subjugating minorities and constantly moving the goal posts whenever those minorities give the impression that they may achieve some semblance of equality.

And there’s NO family on EARTH who knows that better than the Obama’s.

After being introduced to their collective nucleus almost a decade ago, we have seen this family suffer a relentless string of unprecedented indignities. This family, which has done nothing but present themselves in a classy, beautiful, inspirational and REAL manner, has received nothing but overt discrimination from the very same people respectability-politic-pushers tell us we’re supposed to congenially entertain.

Like that time Barack and Michelle gave dap on stage and the mainstream media responded with:

Or, how about that time that Birthers, eventually lead by Donald Trump, got so goddamn set on the idea that President Obama was actually a Kenyan-born Muslim that he had to present the nation with his longform birth certificate (oh, and he also questioned if he really got into Harvard):

Or how about that time a GOP congressman unprecedentedly screamed “YOU LIE” at the Commander-In-Chief while he addressed the nation:

Oh, and THIS little moment here:

Or, how about this sweet moment:

And it’s this same group of judgemental douchebags that have had no problem criminalizing her behaviour, like that time she basically got called a drunk for standing BESIDE red solo cups:

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And these people, the same ones whose opinions we’re collectively supposed to hold sacrosanct, responded to Malia being accepted into Harvard by flooding the Fox News website with SO MUCH RACIST COMMENTS that they had to shut it down.

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Let me tell you negroes something, and I hope you read this as clearly as I’m typing it: Malia Obama is a FREE Black girl. Sasha Obama is a FREE Black girl. Michelle Obama is a FREE Black woman. President Barack Obama, with no more elections to win, has a duty to run the nation and, once he returns to being a private citizen, he is a FREE Black man. If you’re Black and you’re reading this, YOU’RE FREE. Stop subscribing to the artificial boundaries of caucasian approval because it’s a DEAD END. The people who don’t recognize your humanity, won’t see the valour of your concessions.

Malia, I want to take this opportunity to invite you to come play Mas. I don’t give a damn if it’s at Trinidad Carnival, Crop Over here in Barbados, Spice Mas in Grenada or any other island carnival. I want you to come, not just to improve your whining skills, but to get what you truly deserve: a lesson on freeing-up yourself.

See, the true spirit of Mas isn’t just getting on bad, it’s about liberating yourself and enjoying your body, enjoying great music and loosing yourself in a vibe far from slut-shaming, body policing and the critiques of racist and their allies, the so-called “good negroes.” It’s THIS:

And THIS:

And hell, it’s THIS too:

Malia, you are FREE. You are no longer required to deny yourself YOUR joy, YOUR desires and YOUR happiness to appease the crotchety BULLSHIT requirements others want to place on you.

Come join the rest of us who are FREE. Now you got studying to do, and it starts by taking the STIFFNESS out your waist to THIS.

This Is Your Conscience

When Lincoln Anthony Blades is not writing for his controversial and critically acclaimed blog ThisIsYourConscience.com, he can be found contributing articles for Uptown Magazine. Lincoln wrote the hilarious and insightful book "You're Not A Victim, You're A Volunteer: How To Stop Letting Love Kick Your Ass". He is also a public speaker who has sat on panels all over North America and the Caribbean.