Staying With A Musty Man Because You “Don’t Want To Start From Scratch With Someone New” Is STUPID

I don’t follow pop culture as much as I did almost 8 months ago when I started this blog. Back then, I was in the loop with everything and knew damn near everyone, but as I get older and these ninjas all start looking the same, I’ve lost interest in keeping track. But I did hear a piece of pop culture news that made me laugh my ass off the other day. Apparently Cardi B got into a fight with her man Offset months ago, resulting in them both blasting it all over social media (because that’s what’s hot in the streets in 2018 – revealing your most intimate personal strife with strangers whom mostly don’t give a shit about you). Shortly thereafter they decided to make up (publicly of course), and eventually Offset proposed to Cardi on-stage at their concert (which, over-sharing aside, was honestly a sweet moment just because it’s all kinds of awesome to see Cardi win in these streets professionally and personally).

But here’s the kicker: this nigga Offset been travelling around the globe laying more pipe than King Koopa’s architects. This nigga is really out here shooting up the club at his shows, and then shooting up the club in the hotel room. This nigga is really out here giving more unfettered access to his dick than free Starbucks WiFi. And day after day, and show after show, and hoe after hoe, he keeps getting caught, put on blast, and then having his frowsy-ass behaviour pushed into his fiancee’s face.

Her response:

And THAT is what makes me laugh my ass off. The idea that leaving someone who treats you like shit would require you to “start all over again” as if starting over with someone who respected you is a BAD thing. Truth be told, despite the fact that I’m using Cardi as an example, we can stop talking about her specifically right now because I truly don’t give a shit about her personal life, other than I hope she’s happy (especially knowing that she’s currently having a difficult time dealing with all the pressures and responsibilities that come with fame and money). The reason I’m addressing this topic is because well before I ever knew who Cardi B is or what a Bodak Yellow does, I heard that sentiment uttered by countless homegirls (and random women who email me about their relationship dilemmas). For some ungodly reason, many grown ass adult women have adopted the “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” ideology when it comes to choosing men – and those women are fucking IDIOTS.

Now, of course context is required here, and it goes without saying that those with much to lose must make inherently more careful decisions. Some women are married with kids and don’t want to break up the family, while some women (i.e. wives of new immigrants) are trapped in new countries with men who are the sole breadwinners who treat them like shit, meaning leaving is incredibly complicated for them, personally and legally. But these aren’t the women we’re talking about today. We’re talking about my homegirls to the women out here in positions like Cardi B. Women who have LITERALLY no good reason to stay with a cheating-ass, lying-ass, piece of shit dude, other than to cowardly deflect the possibility of being single and experiencing a day of loneliness in acquiescence of their lowered expectations.

But here’s the real culprit: often times when women find a good man, the thought of losing him and re-entering the dating scene is fraught with the scary idea of not just having to wade through a see of whutlessness just to find a half-desirable sane man, but also having to engage with the frightening concept of “serious dating” (a term I absolutely HATE). For many women, serious dating can be defined as the “playing-no-games” approach to finding a significant other who not only checks off the important boxes in terms of fulfilling your standard requirements, but is also physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially fit to engage in a serious, committed relationship. This search is an absolute drag for most women (from what they tell me.) It’s full of anxiousness, constant relationship identification (“sooo what are we?…OK…and what are we now?!”), and a huge psychological and emotional commitment that comes along with vetting the man you will be spending the rest of your life with.

For the record, this is a TERRIBLE approach to dating.

Truth be told, serious dating is a scam. The number one reason why I’ve never had such a tortuous relationship with diving into the dating scene (outside of my many privileges as a man) is because I’ve always accepted the stark reality that I could, quite possibly, end up alone – which I embraced. Happiness isn’t dependent on your relationship status, and the quality of your life isn’t reliant on having a significant other. Dating isn’t about conducting an endless stream of infuriating interviews, it’s about getting to meet new people, learning new things, creating new memories, and ultimately enjoying yourself and your freedom. The people who view dating with a massive amount of stress are the saps who’ve conditioned themselves to believe that every dinner should be a monumental interaction of life-and-death importance.

Y’all need to get a fucking grip – and if you did, you’d realize that not only is dating fun, but the best, long-term connections are typically fostered when both parties simply have their guard down. When y’all approach dating like you’re filling out a long-ass government job application, then of course it’s gonna seem terrifying and make your presently shitty relationship look a lot better. You’d realize that going into dates without high-hanging expectations (NOTE: we’re talking EXPECTATIONS here, NOT standards) positions you better to actually connect with someone.

Look, all I’m saying is DON’T be Cardi here. Don’t think that your little frumpy relationship with whatever looseball/teg-a-reg you’re dealing with is too sacrosanct to find someone better. It’s not.

Now grow the fuck up and start acting like an adult for once.

This Is Your Conscience

Lincoln Anthony Blades can be found on Twitter at @LincolnABlades and on Instagram at @ThisIsYourConscience